Why is this? I agree with you, but I don't know why. Except for posts emphasizing that she needs to be seen for who she is, that seems distinctly more NF to me. So I initially thought ENFJ too.
Fwiw, CP, at this point I could just as easily see ISFJ. (I hope this whole topic hasn't become horribly grating to you. I don't think anyone would blame you if you asked people to cool it for a while.
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I don't see Si in her ego.
Her language is kinda gisty/not concrete. I don't have a great reason as of now because I'd need to back it up with some reference and I am too lazy (and not invested enough) to do so right now. Whatever I reference below may show why I think she is NFJ.
I get that [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] because even I see how I am more ENFJ here
On the forum or you also see it in your answer on childhood?
The answer re: childhood is a bit complicated because 1) I was who my parents wanted me to be (I came after a child who died) and 2) I was the victim of a very serious crime. Those factors aside, I was very into day-dreaming and fantasizing, had a natural happy nature, was not easily understood by other's in how I spoke but was well-liked, was creative and adventurous, hated routine or schedules and rebelled against them, was stubborn but often would cry alone or express myself to trees... I think I am my more true self since I have done work and not allowed the external circumstances I mentioned to affect me as much.
I cannot comment on the effects of tragedy, but I guess the rest of this strikes me as an NFJ child still.
Even well-behaved IxFP children tend to resist being who someone else wants/needs them to be unless it aligns with their own reasoning. More on that below....
I score very high on Fe. It's clear I use it to me also. But, I always score a bit more highly on Fi and it's what I connect with in day-to-day life. I could be wrong. Just explaining what I feel in tune with more.
I don't believe in "using" functions. I think type is ego. It is an identity, a whole mentality, etc. Test scores mean little for people who have been into typology for awhile, and they are more often inaccurate than not.
I think the official MBTI notes people often score up to two letters wrong. This is why I think noting ego type is best for people who are very unsure and have been around personality typology awhile.
As for why someone may keep testing as INFP even though others see a different mentality...
Interestingly, Lenore Thompson makes this comment (from Personality Type - An Owner's Manual):
"The insistent theme that runs through these FP [mythological stories] is the hopeful idea that if everyone developed Introverted Feeling, external boundaries wouldn't matter anymore. We'd realize that all people are unique, have their own gifts, and are valuable as fellow humans. And it may be noted, in this respect, that people whose subjective experience has led them to champion this kind of vision almost always get high INFP scores on type tests."
Notice she doesn't say these people actually are INFP....
What I notice with such people is while they identify with INFP and Fi at its best, they don't identify much with the negatives. I dont care how "healthy" or "mature" someone is or what they've been through, they are inevitably flawed. So when someone doesn't identify with any negatives of a type, it can suggest to me they are avoiding identifying their own ego in order to avoid identifying those blind spots.
I see strenghths of Fi and INFPs in you, but the weaknesses, the blind spots, etc, are something else.
My Mother is ENFJ and though I admire her and we are similar in some ways, we think and process things VERY differently. I don't really care a lot about external influences or opinions and those guide my Mom. It has been a source of conflict between us how little I am tethered to social expectations or the views of others. This probably sounds extremely selfish but although I have a hugely genuine interest in people, my largest interest is myself. My thoughts and my own company. The rest of the world is secondary to that.
I feel like it isn't selfish though because having that priority allows me to best serve others, when it is called for.
1. How do you know she is ENFJ?
2. Does your husband being INFJ rule out INFJ?
3. You must see it is poor reasoning to say you cannot be a type because you dont get along with or relate to an individual of that type....
I mean, I dont relate to you or your general style (although I find you likable); does that mean only one of us could be INFP?
My best friend is INFP too. When I first met her, because she is incredibly nice and very much an enneatype 9, I typed her as ISFJ. Over time, it became really apparent that she had FiNe mentality. In fact, we have strikingly similar thought processes, but our outer demeanor can be really different. She definitely embodies more of the humanistic side of Fi, and I kind of have an exaggerated individualistic Fi ego, although both attitudes exist in each of us (our outer character is just defined a bit more by one). In comparison to her, I may almost seem like an INTP; in comparison to me, she seems more like a classic, "soft" Feeling type. So our personalities are not the same, but the mentality behind them then is quite similar.
The point here is...with people we are really close to, we can see so many nuances that can make us feel different from them so that if we type ourselves
in relation to them, then we may end up exaggerating those differences and feeling we must be a different type.
On the other hand, of course we can adopt similar traits to family and friends, which may make us seem very similar despite being different types. But I find that mentality still comes through the shared behaviors, habits, quirks, etc...
4. You don't feel tethered to the views of others....anymore. But you did as a child.
This to me suggests Pi development in a Je-dom. Je types are too influenced when young by the external criterias, and they have to learn to develop an inner guide that sets healthy boundaries between them and others. Once become aware of how much it is needed, they can get very protective of those boundaries and the sense of individuality that has come to be precious to them.
Ji types develop in an almost opposite manner. We are stubbornly resistant to outside influence as children, too much so, but as we get older and develop Pe, we chill out a bit. We get more open to others, our walls come down, we are less emotionally stingy, etc. Our individuality becomes less an issue and we begin to enjoy relating and connecting to others more. The big resistance is less a fear of undue influence than it is fear of judgement (projection of inferior Je), which is why IxxPs can be like lone wolfs secretly wishing to belong to some pack, whereas ExxJs may set firm boundaries but seem deceptively very open to people. IxxPs, when young, can see real criticism and blow it up and imagine the whole world is hostile to their philosophies (and yes, Jung describes this for the Ti type also). They can be too uncompromising, yet feel hopeless to ever find understanding in others. Getting over that means letting the drawbridge down, putting out the welcome mat - NOT setting firmer boundaries.
This happens with all E or I types respectively, but this is especially how it can play out for Je and Ji types. If neither of these concepts really resonates, then maybe that suggest being P-dominant.
Since I made the effort to pull the book out...
Lenore Thompson's comments on Ni might apply:
INJs tend to use their thinking or feeling....to resist "infection" by a custom, method, ideaology, theory or set of expectations that feels alien to them and capable of malignment attachment. They throw light on such creatures, revealing them as arbitrary constructs, depriving them of power to influence.
This is a different kind of resistance from Ji. Instead of judgement, there is a concern of "infiltration". I notice Pi types may feel like once you experience something, you cant take it back, like it "stains" you and is a part if you. This can make them very cautious about what they are exposed to, so that it cannot have too much influence.
An ExxJ may begin to show the same caution with age.
ENFJ's are great, I just don't feel any kinship with the descriptions.
Which ones are you referring to?
How about Lenore Thompson's book?
That's the thing. I think I could have explained it better. I don't care. I meant that because when people get to know me better, they usually find me a lot more 'internal' and 'removed' than they first thought. Often, people who expected me to fit into their life in a larger way are actually disappointed by finding out how much time away from people is my reality.
Actually, thinking about it now I think my forum self is close to my "social" self IRL, but I can only maintain it for so long. I love people, am interested in them...but the level of interaction I prefer to operate at only allows me to do so in limited amounts and then I feel depleted and need to centre with myself.
I was raised in a VERY high-level social environment and think I am still figuring out that I don't have to be "on" all the time. That people won't be disappointed if I am not my most entertaining self. Ugh. I thought I was further along then this. Smile
But this is exactly how INFJs are described...
From Lenore Thompson again, this time on INFJs:
Because INFJs use extroverted feeling to relate to the outer world, they may seem more outgoing than they really are. Their personal approach and ability to find common ground with others combines with their intuitive need for innovation and alternate views, and frequently they find themselves in positions of authority.
...
Thus, it should be recognized that INFJs are more like INTJs than they initially appear. Their primary relationship is to their inner world, and they are receptive to others only up to a point. Indeed, these types often find that their sympathy and perceptive listening have been mistaken for an overture of friendship, which they didn't intend.
The truth is that Introverted Intuition inclines them to keep a part of themselves in reserve - to locate their true identity outside the expectations and definitions of others.
I personally do see this in ENFJs too, particularly when older, but to a lesser degree.
Not everyone integrates their auxiliary and lower functions that much with age...
Honestly, I care the most about what I think. So, I am totally open to opinions but won't agree if it doesn't resonate with how I know myself to be. How I think and act.
Of course...
No problem! I am fascinated by how different people see me. I am in awe of the knowledge people here have (I am still an infant in that regard with typology). I like lateral approaches to things
I took this to mean it is ok if I respond as I have just done.