I Think I'm Gonna Puke

[Cloudpatrol]

Incredibly nervous. I am a somewhat private person & this feels like opening myself up MUCH more than feels comfortable.

M A K I N G myself do it (wry grin).

I came here new - 4 months ago as an INFP - and have tested as one for many years.


Yet, almost daily I am asked: if I am not in fact an INFJ?. Sometimes I get this query a FEW times a day. It leads me to wonder what are other's seeing that I am not?


I have had many posts or messages saying that my words or style brings to mind: Amargith (Only HOPE to be as cool as she is 'when I grow up' ). Or, I have been asked a couple times if I AM Amargith using a newer account (laughs). She of course is an INFJ.

Many other INFJ's keep asking me if I am perhaps wrong about: INFP-dom?


There is something you need to know before answering: I was happily married to an INFJ who died (not a bid for sympathy, I am at peace with it now). BUT, I think I have taken on a lot of his qualities because:
1) I want to honor him; his mental/social brilliance and pragmatism
2) It's a way of keeping his essence as a part of me, going forward.
I think (?) this may account somewhat for the dynamics people are observing.


Open for feedback. No sentimental investment in being an 'INFP'. Simply want: the"most accurate understanding" of self.

Thank you in advance

>^.,.^<

 

[meowington]

Hi, I would take (another?) closer look at the INFP functions and see for yourself if they resonate.
To me you come across as an INFP but I could be wrong.
INFPs dominant functions are Fi & Ne, which are pretty different from those of an INFJ (Ni & Fe).

It's curious how this makes you a bit uncomfortable. I'm very different in that respect : I share waaaaay too much with other people. Doesn't bother me one bit Close ones have to tone me down every now and then.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Hi, I would take (another?) closer look at the INFP functions and see for yourself if they resonate.
To me you come across as an INFP but I could be wrong.
INFPs dominant functions are Fi & Ne, which are pretty different from those of an INFJ (Ni & Fe).

It's curious how this makes you a bit uncomfortable. I'm very different in that respect : I share waaaaay too much with other people. Doesn't bother me one bit Close ones have to tone me down every now and then.

(Throws arms around neck to hug you) Thank you for weighing in Meow. Well, this is where some of the confusion comes in. I feel like INFP descriptors ARE 'home' to me. Always have.

Yet, in socionics I strongly relate to the NI. It too seems as strongly like 'home' to me. I don't know enough to know if this is a contradiction that doesn't make sense or if the two can co-exist seamlessly.

And, I am befuddled by how often I am asked if I would not be better typed as INFJ

Ha! I appear very outgoing and free with sharing social info but in reality there are parts of me that I only share with intimates. And, even my family and friends can find me an enigma in some senses. I am trying to practice freely giving 'offerings' more (i.e. this thread). I believe in being honest & transparent! Just can be slow to unfurl...

I get a kick out of you being so exuberantly forthcoming (grin).

 

[meowington]

I get a kick out of you being so exuberantly forthcoming (grin).

Hehe, glad it serves for something then
I think this might be a bit atypical, for INFJs, or even human beings in general I was even thinking of starting a thread on the theme "oversharing". I'm almost never embarassed about anything personal because I always reason that in a world of 7 billion+ people there will always be of have been someone with exactly the same problem or thought and to me that is a very soothing idea. I also don't have bad experiences with sharing personal stuff. Usually I actually gain and learn from feedback people give me.

Back on topic : I know nothing about socionics. It's on my evergrowing todo list. Hopefully some others can shed more light on this for you.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Hehe, glad it serves for something then
I think this might be a bit atypical, for INFJs, or even human beings in general I was even thinking of starting a thread on the theme "oversharing". I'm almost never embarassed about anything personal because I always reason that in a world of 7 billion+ people there will always be of have been someone with exactly the same problem or thought and to me that is a very soothing idea. I also don't have bad experiences with sharing personal stuff. Usually I actually gain and learn from feedback people give me.

Back on topic : I know nothing about socionics. It's on my evergrowing todo list. Hopefully some others can shed more light on this for you.

I like this approach and candidly: hope I can emulate it more. It makes sense to me. You can only benefit from interchange I seemingly 'hoard certain self-information jealously' and am reluctant to part with it unless I feel the other party is deserving. I see now that this is somewhat arrogant (gasp of realization dawning) AND, does not reflect much trust in myself or the other person. Thanks for holding up a mirror to my behaviour

See! Perfectly illustrates the positive aspect to your sharing - right there!

 

[Norrsken]

Hi dear!

It may only be but a small component to your quest of your true MBTI type, but here is my question:
What seems to be the biggest issue about yourself in this lifetime?

A.) Connecting your mind and body together.
B.) Connecting your emotional self and logical self together.

You can ask me if you need clarification.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

[MENTION=27162]Cloudpatrol[/MENTION]

I have had many posts or messages saying that my words or style brings to mind: Amargith (Only HOPE to be as cool as she is 'when I grow up' ). Or, I have been asked a couple times if I AM Amargith using a newer account (laughs). She of course is an INFJ.

I thought Amar was an ENFP?

Yet, in socionics I strongly relate to the NI. It too seems as strongly like 'home' to me. I don't know enough to know if this is a contradiction that doesn't make sense or if the two can co-exist seamlessly.

Well I pulled up the socionics Ni description. I don't see the dominant Ni function role relating to you much. I think Ni relates to you in the suggestive role most according to the descriptions on the link.

Myers-Briggs wise I think INFP seems like the closest fit. Your Fi is ridiculously strong as demonstrated by your authentic sympathy to a lot of things.

 

[Grand Admiral Crunch]

Your posts remind me of Ene, also an INFJ.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Amargith is an ENFP, hands down. Practically textbook sx dom ENFP.

Ni in socionics IS Ne in MBTI.

You have a need to be accepted and are aware of social protocols and this is the foundation of the confusion.

You are not an INFJ. Puking not necessary.

 

[Poki]

Your Ne, no doubts.. infp sounds right to me.

I do see alot of similarities to amar, down to times your awake. She is tert Te easily, you dont seem like that.

You are very caring. That is not Fe. Fe can have that aspect, but it has different feel to it then Fi caring. I can pull Fi out of just about anyone. I know the different feels of Fi from each type.

I would pin you more like @saturned then amar

 

[PeaceBaby]

I would pin you more like @saturned then amar

Yes, this is a good energetic comparison. They do feel similar.

 

[Poki]

Yes, this is a good energetic comparison. They do feel similar.

I use a "mental" feel if that makes sense. I am much better at judging someone via interaction then i am with straight facts.

 

[Totenkindly]

To be honest, I don't know you that well, but...

... I had just assumed you were an INFJ. It's simply kind of the way you carry and present yourself, there's a "polish" to it that I've typically associated with IFJs and especially IFJ females. And I feel like you're very protective of yourself, so you wear an amicable fashioned outer mask, to keep the protective buffer up -- again, something I have typically run across with IFJ females.

I haven't really read lots of your posts, but Saturned is actually one of the people I know here better than other members (we're still FB friends), and I DON'T feel the same vibe from you, she's far more loose and open with her approach like P's typically are (she and I both intersect on the INP scale... and it's like having a sister when we talk, we both kind of get crazy). Maybe if I read more of your posts, I'd change my mind -- as I said, I haven't really read followed your posts with an eye towards type manifestation -- I'm just stating initial impressions. Nor does it matter to me what type you are, honestly. But your presentation feels more sculpted and proactive than loose / reactive.

... and sure, when we love someone deeply and have to shape ourselves to fit them (like in a marriage), we do change our presentation somewhat. I was married to an ISFJ a long time and acquired some things from that (or at least it accentuated already existing traits in me that weren't prioritized, strengthening them somewhat). We're complex, not simple, beings. We have natural instincts, we have learned behaviors, and we have events in our lives that we adapt to.

 

[Poki]

Accurate assesment. You are a dom Fi, your supporting functions are Ne and Si pretty balanced. In my opinon...i dont think this is MBTI or any other theory except my own. An inferior function when tert and aux is balanced lends itself to come across as its E/I opposite due to the fact that it feeds into an introverted function. Its so background it becomes data and not a way to the outside world. Since it feeds into Fi it really puts a damper on wht its purpose is.


Your question/answer/question/answer is very much a dom Fi trait, not due to dom Fi, but due to your supporting Ne/Si pulling in perceptions to judge internally. Where as a dom Je would pull it in more to act, then to internally judge.

Ne comes across as shallow patterned bouncy. It has many uses, dom Ne is much more controlled by this. So they tend to be all over the place, they are not known very much as solid, but tend to be flowing to bouncy. Fi is the key to creating standing water. Te is the key to flow. To quick a check with Fi or Te creates bouncy. Dom functio. Can be likened to the leader. A leader who doent check in very often with its support often goes astray and support gets twisted, turned, and end up causing lots of issues. A leader who constantly checks in with support has the best chance of making the right choices as long as supporting function is good. Thats the job of the leader, to guide the support. These are some of the things i use to determine type. Whats leading, how is the leadership style. I dont generally spell it out like i did here, but the idea of this is what i use. I pick this stuff up better talking with people. Its easier to see the internal/external hand offs and understand how the entire team works together.

 

[PeaceBaby]

But your presentation feels more sculpted and proactive than loose / reactive.

... and sure, when we love someone deeply and have to shape ourselves to fit them (like in a marriage), we do change our presentation somewhat. I was married to an ISFJ a long time and acquired some things from that (or at least it accentuated already existing traits in me that weren't prioritized, strengthening them somewhat). We're complex, not simple, beings. We have natural instincts, we have learned behaviors, and we have events in our lives that we adapt to.

I agree with what you are saying re presentation, although I feel CP is very controlled rather than sculpted. There's little "pre-planning" evident to me in her posts, it's more stream of consciousness out loud rather than the way INFJs are often sure of what they want to say before it's said and how they can manage replies to get back exactly what they want to hear (confirmation bias). If CP was an INFJ, that initial post would have provided us with lots of evidence to potentially agree with this new question, especially if it was a desired upgrade. I just don't see the kind of cherry-picking here that is a challenge for INFJs (and INTJs) to resist at times. Pursuing acceptance is the motivation for the control.

I feel a core of playfulness and woundedness that makes CP and Saturned seem similar to me. The outer manifestation, however, is unique to each.

 

[Poki]

I agree with what you are saying re presentation, although I feel CP is very controlled rather than sculpted. There's little "pre-planning" evident to me in her posts, it's more stream of consciousness out loud rather than the way INFJs are often sure of what they want to say before it's said and how they can manage replies to get back exactly what they want to hear (confirmation bias). If CP was an INFJ, that initial post would have provided us with lots of evidence to potentially agree with this new question, especially if it was a desired upgrade. I just don't see the kind of cherry-picking here that is a challenge for INFJs (and INTJs) to resist at times.

I feel a core of playfulness and woundedness that makes CP and Saturned seem similar to me. The outer manifestation, however, is unique to each.

That playfulness is what i see as well, but its more of an inquisitive Ne style playfulness, then saturns more bouncy style Ne. Though i do see that bounce as well, its just more mellowed out.

I see much more perception openness then i do with a J type.

Miss saturned, hvnt talked to her in forever. She was suppose to hve mah babees...lol

 

[PeaceBaby]

That playfulness is what i see as well, but its more of an inquisitive Ne style playfulness, then saturns more bouncy style Ne. Though i do see that bounce as well, its just more mellowed out.

I see much more perception openness then i do with a J type.

*nods* I think too CP comes across as older. Ergo more mellowness.

 

[Totenkindly]

I agree with what you are saying re presentation, although I feel CP is very controlled rather than sculpted. There's little "pre-planning" evident to me in her posts, it's more stream of consciousness out loud rather than the way INFJs are often sure of what they want to say before it's said and how they can manage replies to get back exactly what they want to hear (confirmation bias). If CP was an INFJ, that initial post would have provided us with lots of evidence to potentially agree with this new question, especially if it was a desired upgrade. I just don't see the kind of cherry-picking here that is a challenge for INFJs (and INTJs) to resist at times. Pursuing acceptance is the motivation for the control.

I feel a core of playfulness and woundedness that makes CP and Saturned seem similar to me. The outer manifestation, however, is unique to each.

Like I said, I don't spend much time here nowadays and have had little interaction with CP, except to say what I've already stated. So I wouldn't know beyond that. There's also a spectrum of behavior within each type, so two members of the same type don't necessarily scan exactly like each other. Dump my contribution into the full bin of information and triangulate with it, I suppose. I just thought it ironic (and maybe gave it more weight) that someone I had just assumed was INFJ comes on and says, "Why is everyone calling me INFJ when I thought I was INFP?"

 

[ZNP-TBA]

I think CP is guided by her own personal ethical/moral compass and I'm inclined to think that's the lead actress in the movie of her life. So a couple things I noticed in my interactions with her is that she's more laid back than INFJs I've known. Of course this is just anecdotal and subjective (but what in MBTI isn't?). She's not particularly focused on a single thing or a couple things and seems very receptive to new perspectives weaving them in with other perspectives with relative ease.

Unlike an INFP she seems more prospecting and receptive to information itself rather than feeling the drive to categorize and 'judge' that information outright according to some overriding system. This is similar to myself. I don't hunker down on viewpoints because I think it's entrapping and commits me to a way of thinking about things at the sacrifice of intellectual freedom to explore other perspectives with genuine curiosity. This seems Ne driven to me so I could say she might be an INFP with equally developed Ne as an Ne-dom. Either that or she hides her entrenched convictions very well.

There is definitely Si-Te in her stack
When we discuss something controversial in private she'll be prone to 'data bomb' me with just cold research and facts.
I love the data too but I'm more interested in the connections the data infers rather than the naked data itself. Sometimes I think she tries to overcompensate when talking to a 'thinker' as to be on a 'level playing field' because I guess it's negatively perceived that thinkers will throw out feeling rationalizations from the getgo.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

You are not an INFJ. Puking not necessary.

Saying that I felt like puking was a literary device. Hyperbole to describe nervousness. Thank you for the permission not to vomit.

I am going to address your recent communications in this one post [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]:

I feel a core of playfulness and woundedness that makes CP and Saturned seem similar to me. The outer manifestation, however, is unique to each.

I would agree that I am probably more playful BECAUSE of having been wounded. It corresponds with the 7 in my tritype.

You have a need to be accepted and are aware of social protocols and this is the foundation of the confusion.

Yes, I would agree that I would like to be accepted AND have a natural desire to please. At the expense of being genuine or mindful? No. Though that WAS the case when I was younger and may still be at times of stress, tiredness…

Cloudpatrol: If not, I am fine with the meandering melodies. It all holds value.

Peacebaby: Maybe it doesn't. bless

Let’s agree to disagree. It will not be the first time this opportunity arises.

Your desire to keep all things at a certain emotional depth is part of the issue. I only tell you what I sense and feel as undertow from your posts. Whether you are able to recognize that...is an entirely different matter.

And that's cool, nothing wrong there. But where do they strike your heart? That's what you are wired to pay attention to. It's not your HEAD where discernment most readily takes place. Those powerful emotions are the core.

But you're suppressing, not processing. There is a big difference.

Are you ready to be drawn out? Ready to explore? I'm not convinced of this. You don't know what you're going to find in there, and I sense you're not sure you even want to know.

Because I am not adverse to questioning I decided to phone my grief counsellor and read them your post. Asking for honest feedback.

I was assigned a grief counsellor two years ago as standard protocol when one performs CPR and it has an unsuccessful outcome. Do you think that perhaps such a circumstance would provoke strong emotions? You would be correct.

To explain fully requires me supplying information that quite frankly is personal. I don’t feel the need to unleash my emotions across a social site. That does not mean that I don’t have any or am adverse to sharing when I feel comfortable.

Back to the paid, professional who interfaces with me on a personal level: They assured me I am highly proficient in processing emotion and that I am diligent in avoiding repression or suppression. They WERE concerned that someone on a social forum would be offering me ‘arm-chair’ psychological input - based on my limited conduct - in such a setting.

I was not able to tell them of your qualifications, as I am not aware of what they are?

You have not spoken to me in person. Other members here, that I HAVE spoken with, have provided me with helpful insight that's allowed me to grow. You continually address me in a manner that “assumes you know with certainty” where I am coming from. You say that you sense this:

I don't know what's in your mind, but I do sense the emotional state and what's paining your heart, the things you are hiding from yourself. Been wired that way as far back as I can remember.

I am also highly perceptive, but I would not make the assumptions you do in this setting. Making pronouncements supposing that someone is not aware and perhaps does not even desire awareness? No. I MIGHT venture to run it by someone but with the understanding that my exposure to them here is limited.

{I was going to explain current life circumstances that you may be perceiving emotion from, but decided I am not obligated to share these things. I have been open about the fact that my Dad is dying, and there are other things on my plate as well. We all are facing things in our own lives. Yes, facing. Not hiding from. That I don't choose to explore these things HERE, does not mean I am not "feeling them" and sorting them out personally}.


Do I have more to learn? Certainly.

It’s why I continue to interact with a professional. It’s why I enjoy spending time here, listening to the insights of other’s. I could explain further but again I don’t feel an obligation to.

When I navigated the unexpected end of my husband’s life I realized that I would never fear things in life again the way I had before. I find it off-putting that you would presume to know how I have felt or reacted unless you have personally been through a similar situation or walked this path with me as my friends have.

You have entirely no idea of the personal hell that I have encountered and the dignity I have been determined to maintain, while taking care to NOT ‘shove things under a rug’. The month that I joined here I took a trip to place my husband’s ashes in places significant to us. Was this harrowing? Yes. Restorative? Yes. HIGHLY emotional? Yes. Did I feel the need to share it here? No.

I prefer my time here to be productive and upbuilding. When I require help with serious emotions this is not my first stop (is this surprising?)

I look to professionally trained assistance or the help of those who know me well and intimately. I am not holding back in my posts or keeping them to a superficial level. I have actually been trying to grow and offer more (as I stated in the OP). I feel I have developed true, productive friendships here. I have not received feedback from other’s that I am disingenuous or withholding. I hope that they would share such thoughts if they had them.

You discount the value in my thinking/rational side saying that:

“it’s not in the head where discernment takes place”.

Again, a presumptive statement. I started to explain professional feedback I have received, but again decided that it simply ‘isn’t your business’.

If you truly cared for my well-being, why would you not private message me as I requested on another thread and as many other member’s have done when they wanted to point out possible faults I could address?

I cannot control if you conclude that my explanation here is “dodging emotional truth”. If you feel you know better - than people who have worked with me and have years of experience recommending them in their field - there is nothing more I can say