[INFJ] Are INFJs jealous of INFPs?

[Virgo1987]

I hear what you're saying, for sure, and I have an infj friend who I feel expects interactions/events to play out a certain way, else she won't be very happy - so I feel in a sense she is setting the mood/bar and I need to comply. That said --- I have another infj friend who isn't this way at all. Not all infj's are the same.

Re 'tracking' -- I honestly think it's not entirely conscious. I think it's partly conscious, but I think it's more just an automatic thing they do; it just happens. They mentally note something. They can't un-note it once they note it, I don't think. I think it's about seeking consistency in people --- and if they realize there's a pattern of the other person always being 10-30 minutes late, they'll come to expect that and that's set for them, now -- they've defined the person in that way. Then they decide if they're ok with that or not. And so on. I think.

How would they feel if other people did that to them? Maybe the thought doesn't automatically cross their mind, but sometimes I find myself thinking that INFPs and INFJs are one in the same.

I guess at a human angle it's like sure, you know what to expect from each of your friends (and family members). -- but I don't let that cloud my opinion of them. It's not like their bad or dramatic side ways out their good side.

But if it's true that INFJs want perfection, then one bad or dramatic thing could axe a hole in the wall and then what I'm seeing is that there's no attempt to repair that hole. It's just left open and that person is inside of the hole trying to patch things up and the INFJ is like no, this can't be fixed.

I guess I'm in the realm of positivity overcoming negativity. Maybe that's why I adore the heroes in everything and my friend seems to side with the under-dogs? Who knows.

 

[cascadeco]

How would they feel if other people did that to them? Maybe the thought doesn't automatically cross their mind, but sometimes I find myself thinking that INFPs and INFJs are one in the same.

I guess at a human angle it's like sure, you know what to expect from each of your friends (and family members). -- but I don't let that cloud my opinion of them. It's not like their bad or dramatic side ways out their good side.

But if it's true that INFJs want perfection, then one bad or dramatic thing could axe a hole in the wall and then what I'm seeing is that there's no attempt to repair that hole. It's just left open and that person is inside of the hole trying to patch things up and the INFJ is like no, this can't be fixed.

I guess I'm in the realm of positivity overcoming negativity. Maybe that's why I adore the heroes in everything and my friend seems to side with the under-dogs? Who knows.

I don't think they do expect perfection? If anything, the two I know have committed to imo fairly unhealthy individuals in the past -- they do look for and hope for growth in the other person, they want to help the other person, they give people a lot of time and chances, I think - my two friends gave their exes TONS of chances - it wasn't one slip-up and you're gone. They can have big hearts and capacity to love, and they can flex a lot - probably too much. That's where issues begin to arise. I think their 'weakness' is simply not knowing earlier on what they feel or think about something --- they figure that out a lot farther into the relationship. That's where many of their difficulties lie. But imo I don't think they seek perfection? I think both of my infj friends are very good people. NiFeTi is just a very different way to look at the world, with its own set of challenges, vs FP's.

Edit: Doesn't mean they aren't responsible for their own 50% of any relationships' demise, I'm just saying, I don't think they're actually seeking people to be perfect.

 

[Virgo1987]

I don't think they do expect perfection? If anything, the two I know have committed to imo fairly unhealthy individuals in the past -- they do look for and hope for growth in the other person, they want to help the other person, they give people a lot of time and chances, I think - my two friends gave their exes TONS of chances - it wasn't one slip-up and you're gone. They can have big hearts and capacity to love, and they can flex a lot - probably too much. That's where issues begin to arise. I think their 'weakness' is simply not knowing earlier on what they feel or think about something --- they figure that out a lot farther into the relationship. That's where many of their difficulties lie. But imo I don't think they seek perfection? I think both of my infj friends are very good people. NiFeTi is just a very different way to look at the world, with its own set of challenges, vs FP's.

Edit: Doesn't mean they aren't responsible for their own 50% of any relationships' demise, I'm just saying, I don't think they're actually seeking people to be perfect.

Any idea why I, as an INFP, would think that's what they want in all of their relationships -- perfection?

It's not something I thought always, but after hearing some words from my friend I kind of didn't have anywhere else to go. I got all of my flaws thrust in my face out of left field and then there were talks of what each of us deserve in friendship and I was kind of like... okay. I mean making a mistake in a friendship happens everyday -- and it happens repeatedly sometimes (in the sense that the person upsetting the other person is unaware). Nothing incredibly savage though, of course, but it happens. For an INFJ, what IS friendship? If they have this ideal look on life and the people in their lives -- when people don't match up to that and life doesn't go as they always planned (or dreamed), then what becomes of not just the people in their lives, but to them? Maybe it's not "perfection" in a textbook sort of way, but their own kind of perfection. I guess I just don't fully understand that part of it.

In the case of what you said then regardless of 50/50, I must be the unhealthy individual.

Are INFPs not able to have big hearts and capacity to love? I feel like INFPs get pegged as flighty people - like we're airheads or something. Maybe that's the wrong term, but I can't think of anything better at the moment.

 

[cascadeco]

Any idea why I, as an INFP, would think that's what they want in all of their relationships -- perfection?

It's not something I thought always, but after hearing some words from my friend I kind of didn't have anywhere else to go. I got all of my flaws thrust in my face out of left field and then there were talks of what each of us deserve in friendship and I was kind of like... okay. I mean making a mistake in a friendship happens everyday -- and it happens repeatedly. Nothing incredibly savage though, of course, but it happens. For an INFJ, what IS friendship? If they have this ideal look on life and the people in their lives -- when people don't match up to that and life doesn't go as they always planned (or dreamed), then what becomes of not just the people in their lives, but to them? Maybe it's not "perfection" in a textbook sort of way, but their own kind of perfection. I guess I just don't fully understand that part of it.

In the case of what you said then regardless of 50/50, I must be the unhealthy individual.

Are INFPs not able to have big hearts and capacity to love? I feel like INFPs get pegged as flighty people - like we're airheads or something. Maybe that's the wrong term, but I can't think of anything better at the moment.

hmm, what I said about infj's in a positive sense doesn't mean I don't think that of you or INFP's. Nor that you are unhealthy. I was just talking about infj's not requiring people to be perfect - at least the ones I know - by illustrating them having less than perfect people in their lives.



However. This doesn't mean they aren't wanting relationships/friendships that they think are mutually positive. Believe me, I know it's incredibly painful to be friends with someone who at some point decides they no longer want to be friends -- it hurts. I guess though I've just learned over the years to keep moving forward and seek people who DO want me in their life -- and not harbor those who don't want me in their life in the same way as I used to be, much negativity. I guess even on my end, I've noticed people might change life direction at some point in their lives, and relationships change. It just happens. I've seen and experienced it a lot over the years, though, so maybe I'm accustomed to it; I don't know your age. Also, sometimes relationships just naturally end -- one person changes, or the other ----- bottom line, though, is it's never going to be easy for the person who still yearns for the relationship, or old times; it takes time to heal from that pain.

I hope you know I wasn't saying anything negative about you/infp's when I was saying positive things about my infj friends. I was just trying to be a little more balanced about all of them.

Re INFJ's, though - the ones I know know a lot of people. And different people - there's a wide variety. Where they put you on their 'friendship'/time/connection scale may differ from what you ultimately desire - that's something to keep in mind too. This could apply to anyone, though, of any type - sometimes one person sees things and desires different things than the other. And if there's incompatibility on that front -- well, maybe it's not in the end something you want to be a part of either.

 

[1487610420]

Any idea why I, as an INFP, would think that's what they want in all of their relationships -- perfection?

It's not something I thought always, but after hearing some words from my friend I kind of didn't have anywhere else to go. I got all of my flaws thrust in my face out of left field and then there were talks of what each of us deserve in friendship and I was kind of like... okay. I mean making a mistake in a friendship happens everyday -- and it happens repeatedly sometimes (in the sense that the person upsetting the other person is unaware). Nothing incredibly savage though, of course, but it happens. For an INFJ, what IS friendship? If they have this ideal look on life and the people in their lives -- when people don't match up to that and life doesn't go as they always planned (or dreamed), then what becomes of not just the people in their lives, but to them? Maybe it's not "perfection" in a textbook sort of way, but their own kind of perfection. I guess I just don't fully understand that part of it.

In the case of what you said then regardless of 50/50, I must be the unhealthy individual.

Are INFPs not able to have big hearts and capacity to love? I feel like INFPs get pegged as flighty people - like we're airheads or something. Maybe that's the wrong term, but I can't think of anything better at the moment.

lizen up bro, the basis of this rational is flawed af; if you had that exchange/a relationship with another HUMAN BEING, with a different story & baggage, regardless of wtf label wtf reason ended up on their forehead, chances of it playing out even remotely similar, are at best 50%, that being YOUR 50% of the contribution. Good luck trying to pigeonhole people/self responsibility into a label. Oh yeah, welcome to this hellhole of a breeding ground for exactly that.

 

[Fidelia]

Wow, that's the most I've ever seen [MENTION=6723]phobik[/MENTION] say at once!

 

[Blackout]

This thread isn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings, just a question. I know it's human nature to be jealous in small ways, but could the way an infp reacts to life make an infj jealous -- and if so, what would the reactions be from the infj. I don't think theyd ever come right out snd say that they were jealous, so what would they do or how would they act instead?

Well it's usually just the Fi-Fe clash I think.

That's why they don't always get along. I almost think people are over complicating it, lol. The rest of the conflicts or disagreeances probably more on a personal level (but the functions are always a foundation)

 

[iwakar]

Wow, that's the most I've ever seen [MENTION=6723]phobik[/MENTION] say at once!

I'm sure I repped him hard enough he won't make that mistake twice.

 

[Fidelia]

Lol. Poor guy.

 

[1487610420]

I'm sure I repped him hard enough he won't make that mistake twice.

 

[cascadeco]

This is the cutest emoticon ever.

 

[Jeremy8419]

lizen up bro, the basis of this rational is flawed af; if you had that exchange/a relationship with another HUMAN BEING, with a different story & baggage, regardless of wtf label wtf reason ended up on their forehead, chances of it playing out even remotely similar, are at best 50%, that being YOUR 50% of the contribution. Good luck trying to pigeonhole people/self responsibility into a label. Oh yeah, welcome to this hellhole of a breeding ground for exactly that.

Well, to be fair, words are labels for ideas. I personally use this stuff as exercise to help formulate loose, abstract feelings into words. It's like expanding and arranging an odd vocabulary, more or less.

To be equally fair, though, this thread reminds me an attention-seeking female looking to hookup going into a gym and throwing several thousands of gallons of massage oil all over everything then watching all the dudes have accidents, blame each other, then having some strange oiled-up royal rumble to see who wins and still has enough energy to take her home. Btw, has she PM'd you yet? Lol

 

[PeaceBaby]

lizen up bro, the basis of this rational is flawed af; if you had that exchange/a relationship with another HUMAN BEING, with a different story & baggage, regardless of wtf label wtf reason ended up on their forehead, chances of it playing out even remotely similar, are at best 50%, that being YOUR 50% of the contribution. Good luck trying to pigeonhole people/self responsibility into a label. Oh yeah, welcome to this hellhole of a breeding ground for exactly that.

A statement of the obvious that individuals are individual. That said, there are patterns within that kind of chaos. There are visible thinking and emotional patterns that happen time and time again and play out in threads like this repeatedly. Just like you are a pattern, showing up very predictably as well.

 

[iwakar]

Lol. Poor guy.

This is the cutest emoticon ever.

omg, he's tricking you all!

 

[1487610420]

A statement of the obvious that individuals are individual. That said, there are patterns within that kind of chaos. There are visible thinking and emotional patterns that happen time and time again and play out in threads like this repeatedly. Just like you are a pattern, showing up very predictably as well.

If you mean creating opportunity to exercise things that may have been repressed, that one isn't necessarily skilled at or trained in, perhaps out of an inner frustration stemming from resented life choices, at the expense of those who naively seek some conforting/confirmation of their own, then I have no idea what you're talking about.

 

[1487610420]

omg, he's tricking you all!

 

[iwakar]

I've always imagined writing Satan as an ENTP. It seems like a natural fit.

 

[cascadeco]

omg, he's tricking you all!

It's still an adorable emoticon. Now phobik, otoh....

 

[Poki]

I've always imagined writing Satan as an ENTP. It seems like a natural fit.

Yeah, we would already all be dead and in hell if he was an EJ, satan is just playing with us.

 

[iwakar]

Yeah, we would already all be dead and in hell if he was an EJ, satan is just playing with us.

Truth. The most prolific false assumption is that Satan has an agenda. Talk about no long game.

But don't get lippy! xSTP is a damn close second.