[ESTJ] Ask an ESTJ!

[Fidelia]

I still never got that figured out...

 

[hanadul83]

For me......I like women who have a strong sense of emotional awarness. Mostly because I don't. I just find them intriguing. I guess it is the opposites attrach thing. I also like women who don't play games. The more straight forward the better.

Right now I am dating an INFJ. I like the similarities in values and the differences in life perspectives.

Really? Wow...I think it's the same for my boyfriend's attraction to me. He likes that I like people, haha. Do you and your INFJ girlfriend have any difficulties communicating or seeing eye-to-eye (if it's even possible on some topics )?

Any tips for an ENFJ girl dating a ESTJ guy?

 

[Tamske]

Hi, I'm new here But if I ask him how he's feeling and it's anything other than angry, frustrated, or upset, it's like we hit a wall.

Never, never ask a man about his feelings! It causes a lot of stress. He goes like: "what am I supposed to say NOW? What does she want to hear??? Do I really have to invent some problem because she 'feels' I am out of sorts?"
Really, if you ask a man about feelings, he wants to get out of the situation without offending you.
If you add "ESTJ" to this, you can imagine how bad this becomes...

(Confirmed by my ESTJ husband)

 

[EJCC]

if an ESTJ is used to something, it's easy as pie for him/her?

Generally, yeah. No problem whatsoever

Hi, I'm new here Signed up on this site to get help and advice about my ESTJ boyfriend. Um, I'm an exfj (but these days more of an eNfj) and I'm struggling with the intimacy (emotional connection) part of my relationship with my ESTJ. I appreciate that he's so rationale, logical, and emotionally stable, but sometimes I wish he'd be more emotionally in tune with himself and even verbalize/express that to me. He says he has the emotional capacity of a rhino I actually consider him to be very sensitive (maybe just mentally and socially) and quick, albeit thick-skinned and very masculine; he always knows when something's not right w/me. But if I ask him how he's feeling and it's anything other than angry, frustrated, or upset, it's like we hit a wall. Can you tell me how can we become more emotionally connected? Also, any advice for communicating these things to him w/o making him feel inadequate or unaccepted for who he is?

This is one of those situations where you can only do so much. It's his problem. You're in a much better situation than a lot of people who've talked to me about ESTJ partners, though - with them, the ESTJ would get angry whenever their feelings were brought up. The only thing I can think of that you could do, that would help, is to just tell him, whenever he seems like he's feeling down, that if he wants to talk about it, that you're there for him. That helps for me, anyways - when people make offers to me, it's a nice reminder, and a good opportunity to latch onto.

 

[Tamske]

You're in a much better situation than a lot of people who've talked to me about ESTJ partners, though - with them, the ESTJ would get angry whenever their feelings were brought up.

:hi: Exception here!
Maybe because I'm oblivious myself to those feelings most of the time... But sometimes we do talk about them. The rule is somewhat like this: you only bring up your own feelings if you want to talk about them. Like:
"I had a bad day today... everything went wrong. Just leave me alone for a while, okay?"
"Okay, I'm going to cook. Steak with tomatoes today."
A few hours later:
"This happened at work. I've said that and now I'm afraid Boss thinks this..."

We are really good at communicating . Feelings get analyzed like everything else! The great thing about Ts is that they say what they mean. He won't give me the silent treatment when he's annoyed with me. He will say he's annoyed and give the reason. I do the same. Much simpler!

 

[EJCC]

:hi: Exception here!

Good! I wish there were more exceptions around.

We are really good at communicating . Feelings get analyzed like everything else! The great thing about Ts is that they say what they mean. He won't give me the silent treatment when he's annoyed with me. He will say he's annoyed and give the reason. I do the same. Much simpler!

YES! I hate it when people do that whole roundabout thing where they make you guess why they're mad at you, and play these little vindictive games instead of being honest. Fs: We Ts can handle your honesty (generally)! It's okay, we still love you

 

[Tamske]

YES! I hate it when people do that whole roundabout thing where they make you guess why they're mad at you, and play these little vindictive games instead of being honest.

That's one of the reasons I'm an ESTJ fan

Two questions!

1) Are ESTJs ever subtle? Do they put on an facade?
The ESTJs I know hold on an image of reliable, down-to-earth, realistic, get-the-job-done, normal people - in short, an image of 'even more ESTJ' than they actually are.
Do you ever hold up an image that's not of the 'even more ESTJ' kind?

2) Do ESTJs ever start crazy, big, useless, creative projects of the kind we NPs are known for?

 

[EJCC]

1) Are ESTJs ever subtle? Do they put on an facade?
The ESTJs I know hold on an image of reliable, down-to-earth, realistic, get-the-job-done, normal people - in short, an image of 'even more ESTJ' than they actually are.
Do you ever hold up an image that's not of the 'even more ESTJ' kind?

If I do ever put on a facade, it's temporary and for a specific purpose (e.g. pretending that I like someone that I hate, to avoid an awkward situation). Overall, though (and this might have a lot to do with enneagram, so my case probably isn't universal), I'd like to think that I'm a very genuine person. I just act how I act, and don't pretend to be something that I'm not.... but I'll update if I can think of an exception to this personal rule.

2) Do ESTJs ever start crazy, big, useless, creative projects of the kind we NPs are known for?

I definitely start big crazy projects, but they're never "useless". For example, I decided once (inspired by a pattern online) that I would knit a purse out of plastic bags. But there was a purpose there - to use those plastic bags in a fun, "green" way. I like to do huge projects that solve problems, e.g. fixing something, or cleaning, or painting a room, or something like that. Sometimes, I even have creative inventor-ly moments like you guys do, like when I decided to make some coasters out of unused chinese-take-out chopsticks that I had lying around. But usually those creative moments are inspired by a need (e.g. "What can I use those chopsticks for..?").

 

[Vanitas]

I've been wondering, would an ESTJ (especially male) consider a relationship with an (say, female) ENTJ? Would they even find the traits of ENTJ-tribe attractive?

Or is it a bad idea from the get go? Clash of the Titans?

 

[Tamske]

Are ESTJs ever ready with their work?
Yesterday and today I tried to do the work first like a good girl, expecting to have a load of free time to write.
But instead of getting free time, I just worked longer on the same task and got it done at the same time! The quality of my work was much better, though... Probably unnecessarily perfect.
How do you determine the work is ready enough and play time can begin?

Also, whenever I try to do 'work first' I see a lot of work lying around. I'm ready with my exams, the dishes need to be done. If the dishes are ready, the house needs to be cleaned. When everything is ready, things will be changed and there will be new work for me. I see a future of only work... Eeek!

You've got to secure your play time somehow!! How do you do that, other than the P solution of 'play first'?

 

[incubustribute]

What kind of music do yall listen to generally speaking?

 

[NewEra]

Do you enjoy bossing people around? Just sayin.

 

[EJCC]

I've been wondering, would an ESTJ (especially male) consider a relationship with an (say, female) ENTJ? Would they even find the traits of ENTJ-tribe attractive?

Or is it a bad idea from the get go? Clash of the Titans?

I like male ENTJs. So I'm sure that, in some cases, it could be the same way with female ENTJs and male ESTJs. But it really depends.

Are ESTJs ever ready with their work?
Yesterday and today I tried to do the work first like a good girl, expecting to have a load of free time to write.
But instead of getting free time, I just worked longer on the same task and got it done at the same time! The quality of my work was much better, though... Probably unnecessarily perfect.
How do you determine the work is ready enough and play time can begin?

Also, whenever I try to do 'work first' I see a lot of work lying around. I'm ready with my exams, the dishes need to be done. If the dishes are ready, the house needs to be cleaned. When everything is ready, things will be changed and there will be new work for me. I see a future of only work... Eeek!

You've got to secure your play time somehow!! How do you do that, other than the P solution of 'play first'?

Many ESTJs would debate the sentence that I bolded, and say that you shouldn't secure your play time - work comes first, after all. Sometimes I agree with them. However, if I have a huge job to do that might take up the rest of the day and give me no time to chill out afterwards, I make sure to give myself short breaks in the middle of the job. Boosts morale, helps to ward off burnout, AND makes me more efficient!

What kind of music do yall listen to generally speaking?

What friends/family listen to, probably. I don't know about other ESTJs, but even if I'm resistant to certain genres at first, I get used to them if I listen to them a lot, and start to like them. Therefore, I can listen to pretty much anything (I only truly hate a few musicians). I'm tempted to say that no ESTJs would like free jazz, but there are no guarantees, you know?

Do you enjoy bossing people around? Just sayin.

 

[Max]

What kind of music do yall listen to generally speaking?

Techno, and lots of it! But I'm open to other things, and like EJCC said, I can warm up to certain music over time, and there are those groups that I just can't stand; I believe one of them is called "The Lost Prophets," which is this band that my roommate loves. Generally, music of that genre, whatever you would call it, is of no appeal to me, as well as anything that is just very strange or not very memorable.

Do you enjoy bossing people around? Just sayin.

I don't boss people around... do I? Hm...

 

[Tamske]

Many ESTJs would debate the sentence that I bolded, and say that you shouldn't secure your play time - work comes first, after all.

HA! I knew it!
All that "procrastination means double the work later" talk is just a ploy aimed to keep us working forever...
I've got to warn the other Perceivers!

Seriously, though... I know at least one ESTJ who has got free time, so it is possible somehow

On Monday I've corrected all the exams and I've got this feeling I didn't do anything worthwile! I didn't write, didn't make a single drawing and even didn't imagine anything for the novel. I've done only the things that needed to be done - and they don't count towards "doing anything". Of course, hubby was all praise because the work was done... but I felt as if I lost all that time to nothing. Of course, now I have real free time without stress And no ideas, as I need stress for that!

Trouble is, when my husband is doing boring work I get the feeling I have to do boring work too. But he defines 'boring' as totally different from me! He does the bookkeeping in unnecessary detail and actually enjoys to do that. I feel guilty of enjoying writing at the same time... because "bookkeeping" seems so much more necessary and useful than "writing fantasy stories". Because I hate bookkeeping, I feel I can't enjoy myself while hubby is doing that (and enjoying himself with it... which I just can't understand).

Is this the same for you guys/girls? Are your interests somehow always relevant and your hobbies somehow useful?

 

[EJCC]

HA! I knew it!
All that "procrastination means double the work later" talk is just a ploy aimed to keep us working forever...

We don't MEAN it that way!! Come back!

Is this the same for you guys/girls? Are your interests somehow always relevant and your hobbies somehow useful?

For me, I guess my hobbies usually are useful. Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty when I spend a lot of time doing something that is shallow and only benefits me, e.g. playing video games alone. But if I'm, say, watching a movie with friends, that's different, because it isn't purely self-serving, and I guess I view it as "getting something done", but that "something" is friend time. It serves a purpose, in that without friend time, I'd be lonely and left solely to my thoughts... which would really, really suck. But don't get me wrong - I still like to do stuff like writing and playing video games (I'm currently addicted to playing Osmos on my laptop - that game is insane!) - but I get the most satisfaction from the things on my to-do list. In fact, even if those things are pointless, I get more satisfaction from them if I had put them (literally) on a to-do list earlier that day. I wonder if it's the same for other ESTJs??

 

[bcvcdc]

Here's one. I can't read the way many people read. So I really don't understand a lot of what is going on. But I have a feeling something's up. To put it in a nutshell, certain coincidences and patterns keep showing up and I'm guessing here, but I sort of think a few different people just might be using their highly creative heads to create unnecessary trouble. And a little magic too.

And on this note... I have a black friend (ha) who practices white magic. I knowthis guy can access information necessary to induce chaos. He can also turn it around and bring said chaos to quite a peaceful atmosphere. And I know this is what he has done to different people. So I asked him about it. And of course, being of superior mind, he danced around the question. In other words, he lied.

Ok, so, here I am feeling quite upset about the whole ordeal. The profound chaos is ruining the quality of my small but precious life and since I cannot seem to find any sort of quality help concerning this little problem, I'm thinking maybe I should just go to the shrink and get me some anti-psychotics.

What do you think, ESTJ?

 

[EJCC]

^ Based on this information (and this information alone), I'd recommend that you try out a little magic of your own, and see if you can't fix the chaos yourself. If that's not possible, try being a little more... forceful devil... with your black friend.

 

[BMEF]

My dear ESTJ friends, how can I make my favorite teacher (an ESTJ) feel like he is the best teacher in the world?

 

[INTPness]

Haven't read the first 60-some pages of this thread, but........

What if you NEVER got to be in charge of anything ever again? What if you woke up one morning and found yourself in a world where you were dominated in your marriage, at work, and all the other hours of the day? You weren't able to dictate ANYTHING.

Would it be like...hell on earth?