How do you determine your fears and motivations, especially if you're neurodivergent?

[AdamK]

Hi. How do you determine your core fear/motivation/childhood message? Being on the Autistic spectrum makes it hard to determine mine. I would say my childhood message was "It's not ok to be different to others", but that doesn't seem to correspond to any of the 9 enneagram types. I know what my issues from childhood, that have determined my adult behaviour, are. I don't like conflict because I assume I must be a bad friend if I create conflict, so I ignore it when someone says something or does something hurtful. I don't ask for help often enough because I didn't believe, as a child, that I would get help if I asked for it. I assume that, if something bad happens, it must be my fault. I'm working on getting better at seeing things how they really are, and ignoring these incorrect beliefs about myself and others. However, they don't seem to correspond to one specific enneagram type. For example, let's say I'm a type 9 because of my dislike of conflict and my inner critic. I know my opinions, and I often state them. I know what my desires are, and I sometimes achieve them. This has been true since childhood. I haven't fallen asleep to my desires. The same goes for the other types. I have some similarities with them, but not enough to determine my type. There must be core motivations and secondary motivations for our actions. So, how do I determine my core fear, desire etc...? What if it they neatly fit into just one of the nine types? Does the enneagram not work for me, or am I just going about this the wrong way?

 

[ygolo]

I wouldn't take the types too seriously. Your fears and motivations are yours. They don't have to match anything in the Enneagram(or Myers-Briggs or Socionics).

If you need the comfort of a theory about fears or motivations, there are so many theories to choose from.

Self-reflection and journaling helps me.

Trial and error could find something that works for you.

I found a lot of the self-help that's targeted at people on the spectrum seems to be written for children.

I like some youtube channels for adults.

I also have a therapist who's on the spectrum and treats people on the spectrum.

 

[AdamK]

I'm going to say this for myself. Ignore it if you wish. Enneagram is pointless for me because my Autistic traits mean I don't fit into any Enneagram type, so there's no point. I needed to say that to stop feeling frustrated about it. Thanks for your advice ygolo.

 

[Tomb1]

Hi. How do you determine your core fear/motivation/childhood message? Being on the Autistic spectrum makes it hard to determine mine. I would say my childhood message was "It's not ok to be different to others", but that doesn't seem to correspond to any of the 9 enneagram types. I know what my issues from childhood, that have determined my adult behaviour, are. I don't like conflict because I assume I must be a bad friend if I create conflict, so I ignore it when someone says something or does something hurtful. I don't ask for help often enough because I didn't believe, as a child, that I would get help if I asked for it. I assume that, if something bad happens, it must be my fault. I'm working on getting better at seeing things how they really are, and ignoring these incorrect beliefs about myself and others. However, they don't seem to correspond to one specific enneagram type. For example, let's say I'm a type 9 because of my dislike of conflict and my inner critic. I know my opinions, and I often state them. I know what my desires are, and I sometimes achieve them. This has been true since childhood. I haven't fallen asleep to my desires. The same goes for the other types. I have some similarities with them, but not enough to determine my type. There must be core motivations and secondary motivations for our actions. So, how do I determine my core fear, desire etc...? What if it they neatly fit into just one of the nine types? Does the enneagram not work for me, or am I just going about this the wrong way?

Types are the result of core distortions The distortions are the core of ego while the instinctual variants are biological drives existing inside of the primitive brain that operate entirely independent of ego. Each type's core distortion is expressed through a stable of fixed traits. Types are not a reactive formation to a core fear. That would make every type a fear type.