ABluePlanetian
New member
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2017
- Messages
- 31
Hello, I just entered to this forum and another type-confused person for you to figure out (not sure it's a good thing but well, I'm here anyway).
I only know I am an introverted individual who prefer to use imagination as my forte and thus, see the negative comments from other people complaining me as a absent-minded or cloudcuckoolandish human being, as compliments. I love when some people realise some shiny spots in me and called me an interesting and quirky girl, but most of the time I would receive many backstabbing rumours and my small community even secretly listed me as a patient with prolonged mental health issues who never wants to cure her own problems. But I was never saddened by this somehow. The problem actually comes from other children around me who take advantages of my reputation of being a complete alien and use that as an excuse to abuse me. During middle school, I did cry a lot due to physical abuse (classmates) and emotional neglect (school and sometimes even parents said it was my fault for being a standoffish).
So I have grown, with this whole whirlwind of thoughts going on in my head and I truly enjoy it. I have tons of childish yet heartwarming memories about how imagination has saved me from suicidal decision, because it said to me, in summary, "You will change this world into a better place, so you cannot die easily!" When I was baby, my mother said that I wasn't scared of being alone. I only slept quitely, drank milk, played all day with my toys and looked at the world around me with curiosity and would rather not disturb anyone around. I had a mountain of questions to ask, but if nobody knew how to answer, I would go outside and look it for myself. Occasionally my mother would told me an amusing story from my forgotten shore of childhood fragments that when I was two?, I even left my cradle once or twice something and crawled to the fresh outside world, without knowing that several adults at home, after finding the little troublemaker have made an amazing disappearance, were terrified and went to every corner of the small town to look for me. I would say my parents almost cried, or at least I would if my child disappeared like that.
I entered the college and have lived alone now. I used to be with several schoolmates of the same nationality living in an accomodation, but then different lifestyles and relationships cause major problems. But I cannot live with so many people who are quiet talented at gossiping and throwing parties every weekend like them. I was staying in my own room while they were having fun out there, and the girls would bring "my issues" out to the discussing table, I guessed it was due to my absence at parties that they are easily to take "a third person" to gossip about, and conclude that I was a incurable lonely freak. I was extremely upset from then on, seeing people alienated me and at the end, I choose to move out and live in my own accomodation. The experience of being in depression since middle school actually did help me a lot, as I have gone through it and known how to cope with these emotional breakdown.
I see my imagination as the incomparable gift and prefer to have it than to have any trendy cellphone, iPad or even laptop in the world. Bookstores and libraries to me are the best places in the world. They said high-advanced technology is the magic in our time, but I would keep my opinion that it is imagination the timeless magic of humanity. I live in my imagination, even more so when I was a child. As I've grown up and begin to learn about self-development, I became a little bit more down to earth to deal with surrounding people, but those dreams are not vivid images, with fresh greens and sunlights dancing in front of my eyes anymore, they become the nature of my creative soul and I feel so fortunate to have it with me. I want to become a novelist, after my childhood desire of growing up being a painter had been shattered by my ambitious mother and also "the fault in my talent". I figured out that it's easier to express myself with words, so at the end, I choose language as my main focus.
I know a bit of astrology and charts, and have this ultimate love to nature scenery, nightsky and stars of the universe. I'm not fond of being flattered and don't have a huge ego, but I would voice my opinion and what I know if someone sincerely asks. Or not, I'll pretend that I am a clown in front of people, so they won't pay attention to "a lower being" and hence I can keep on musing my own thoughts. I'm not really afraid by people saying, "You don't know anything/You're an idiot/stupid!" I only got angry, more than getting offended. I don't think anyone who is so insensitive, unreasonable, lacks of emotional intelligence and thinks so high of him/herself can judge me badly about my knowledge of life. Usually I would keep silent and stay away from these arrogant creatures, but a lot of negativity would spark around me after that and scare others away. My upmost anger is measured to be zero degree Celcius or even lower, not in the pathetic one-hundred degree so people who offended me so much could keep dreaming that I would forgive them without a sincere apology.
A friend-on-social-media once asked me: "Why you're so cold?" which might be true since I have received some remarks about my awkward behaviours. I literally don't know how to act or wear a mask when associating with another human, so at the end they just assumed me as an iceberg and stick the comment on me, "Don't come close to this girl". Although I don't quiet understand since I do have intense feeling and beautiful emotion. I cried when I read a novel with a bittersweet ending, so that's mean I'm not an iceberg like they said. The worry of being accepted or not bothers me so much that I feel I would live better without it, and I do.
I would say I like to have my freedom, my own set of rules and discipline and independence. I also have an objective view about the world. The objectivity even comes to my feelings, I think about my feelings rather than actually feel it. "Why are my feelings not objective?! Oh wait, it's about the heart, right? So they were supposed to be subjective?" I analyze them, see them as phenomena and want to capture the root of them. My mood, which is the state of my feelings?, seems to be on constant roller-coaster rides whenever I interacted with society. Sometimes people are so genuinely nice and cheerful, but I never know what they're up to. They could be unintentionally cruel too, by touching their words upon others' conscience, manipulating each other and agreeing to "beware" the third person who supposed to be harmless and innocent. That's what they call "socialization" and to be honest, I sort of despise it.
I only know I am an introverted individual who prefer to use imagination as my forte and thus, see the negative comments from other people complaining me as a absent-minded or cloudcuckoolandish human being, as compliments. I love when some people realise some shiny spots in me and called me an interesting and quirky girl, but most of the time I would receive many backstabbing rumours and my small community even secretly listed me as a patient with prolonged mental health issues who never wants to cure her own problems. But I was never saddened by this somehow. The problem actually comes from other children around me who take advantages of my reputation of being a complete alien and use that as an excuse to abuse me. During middle school, I did cry a lot due to physical abuse (classmates) and emotional neglect (school and sometimes even parents said it was my fault for being a standoffish).
So I have grown, with this whole whirlwind of thoughts going on in my head and I truly enjoy it. I have tons of childish yet heartwarming memories about how imagination has saved me from suicidal decision, because it said to me, in summary, "You will change this world into a better place, so you cannot die easily!" When I was baby, my mother said that I wasn't scared of being alone. I only slept quitely, drank milk, played all day with my toys and looked at the world around me with curiosity and would rather not disturb anyone around. I had a mountain of questions to ask, but if nobody knew how to answer, I would go outside and look it for myself. Occasionally my mother would told me an amusing story from my forgotten shore of childhood fragments that when I was two?, I even left my cradle once or twice something and crawled to the fresh outside world, without knowing that several adults at home, after finding the little troublemaker have made an amazing disappearance, were terrified and went to every corner of the small town to look for me. I would say my parents almost cried, or at least I would if my child disappeared like that.
I entered the college and have lived alone now. I used to be with several schoolmates of the same nationality living in an accomodation, but then different lifestyles and relationships cause major problems. But I cannot live with so many people who are quiet talented at gossiping and throwing parties every weekend like them. I was staying in my own room while they were having fun out there, and the girls would bring "my issues" out to the discussing table, I guessed it was due to my absence at parties that they are easily to take "a third person" to gossip about, and conclude that I was a incurable lonely freak. I was extremely upset from then on, seeing people alienated me and at the end, I choose to move out and live in my own accomodation. The experience of being in depression since middle school actually did help me a lot, as I have gone through it and known how to cope with these emotional breakdown.
I see my imagination as the incomparable gift and prefer to have it than to have any trendy cellphone, iPad or even laptop in the world. Bookstores and libraries to me are the best places in the world. They said high-advanced technology is the magic in our time, but I would keep my opinion that it is imagination the timeless magic of humanity. I live in my imagination, even more so when I was a child. As I've grown up and begin to learn about self-development, I became a little bit more down to earth to deal with surrounding people, but those dreams are not vivid images, with fresh greens and sunlights dancing in front of my eyes anymore, they become the nature of my creative soul and I feel so fortunate to have it with me. I want to become a novelist, after my childhood desire of growing up being a painter had been shattered by my ambitious mother and also "the fault in my talent". I figured out that it's easier to express myself with words, so at the end, I choose language as my main focus.
I know a bit of astrology and charts, and have this ultimate love to nature scenery, nightsky and stars of the universe. I'm not fond of being flattered and don't have a huge ego, but I would voice my opinion and what I know if someone sincerely asks. Or not, I'll pretend that I am a clown in front of people, so they won't pay attention to "a lower being" and hence I can keep on musing my own thoughts. I'm not really afraid by people saying, "You don't know anything/You're an idiot/stupid!" I only got angry, more than getting offended. I don't think anyone who is so insensitive, unreasonable, lacks of emotional intelligence and thinks so high of him/herself can judge me badly about my knowledge of life. Usually I would keep silent and stay away from these arrogant creatures, but a lot of negativity would spark around me after that and scare others away. My upmost anger is measured to be zero degree Celcius or even lower, not in the pathetic one-hundred degree so people who offended me so much could keep dreaming that I would forgive them without a sincere apology.
A friend-on-social-media once asked me: "Why you're so cold?" which might be true since I have received some remarks about my awkward behaviours. I literally don't know how to act or wear a mask when associating with another human, so at the end they just assumed me as an iceberg and stick the comment on me, "Don't come close to this girl". Although I don't quiet understand since I do have intense feeling and beautiful emotion. I cried when I read a novel with a bittersweet ending, so that's mean I'm not an iceberg like they said. The worry of being accepted or not bothers me so much that I feel I would live better without it, and I do.
I would say I like to have my freedom, my own set of rules and discipline and independence. I also have an objective view about the world. The objectivity even comes to my feelings, I think about my feelings rather than actually feel it. "Why are my feelings not objective?! Oh wait, it's about the heart, right? So they were supposed to be subjective?" I analyze them, see them as phenomena and want to capture the root of them. My mood, which is the state of my feelings?, seems to be on constant roller-coaster rides whenever I interacted with society. Sometimes people are so genuinely nice and cheerful, but I never know what they're up to. They could be unintentionally cruel too, by touching their words upon others' conscience, manipulating each other and agreeing to "beware" the third person who supposed to be harmless and innocent. That's what they call "socialization" and to be honest, I sort of despise it.
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