[ESFJ] Male ESFJs...

[Saslou]

Well, as I have reached my mid-twenties and am still not married, I try to avoid casually dating anymore and try to only date girls that I could see myself marrying. That kind of requires having some common beliefs on spiritual matters before jumping into a relationship. I think with that mentality I respect women a lot more and therefore no longer think constantly about my lustful desires but rather strive for sexual purity in relationships, and pursue God together. I realize that I have come to these conclusions because of my past experiences and relationships and not everyone else has come to the same conclusions I have. To me, being the spiritual leader in a relationship means taking the initiative in keeping the relationship pure, sometimes taking the initiative in avoiding situations that could lead to impurity. It means taking the initiative in praying together, and in bible study. I'm sorry to get all spiritual on here, I didn't mean for that to happen! I hope I don't sound too naive...

Hmmm, interesting. Again i am not a hard core ESFJ, i am more ESfj so i am reading what you are saying above with a kind of look on my face .. Each to their own so i am not slamming you here.

If you only date girls you can see yourself marrying, then are you not limiting possibilities with the other sex? It seems like narrow thinking to me.

Anyway, good luck with that.

I am a leader also ..

 

[wrldisquiethere]

Hmmm, interesting. Again i am not a hard core ESFJ, i am more ESfj so i am reading what you are saying above with a kind of look on my face .. Each to their own so i am not slamming you here.

If you only date girls you can see yourself marrying, then are you not limiting possibilities with the other sex? It seems like narrow thinking to me.

Anyway, good luck with that.

I am a leader also ..

Perhaps he just sees it as pointless. He can speak for himself but I will say that's the main reason I've been in hardly any relationships, even though I've had opportunity. Some people may enjoy recreational dating (which is fine) but it never appealed to me.

 

[SubjectA]

Well, as I have reached my mid-twenties and am still not married, I try to avoid casually dating anymore and try to only date girls that I could see myself marrying. That kind of requires having some common beliefs on spiritual matters before jumping into a relationship. I think with that mentality I respect women a lot more and therefore no longer think constantly about my lustful desires but rather strive for sexual purity in relationships, and pursue God together. I realize that I have come to these conclusions because of my past experiences and relationships and not everyone else has come to the same conclusions I have. To me, being the spiritual leader in a relationship means taking the initiative in keeping the relationship pure, sometimes taking the initiative in avoiding situations that could lead to impurity. It means taking the initiative in praying together, and in bible study. I'm sorry to get all spiritual on here, I didn't mean for that to happen! I hope I don't sound too naive...

Is the ENTJ you have a crush on spiritual/religious? Because NT's have a tendency towards atheism.


Don't get me wrong though. There are still quite a few religious NT's out there.

 

[southern_lawyer]

I have a lot of the same views myself so I understand what you're saying. Is the girl you are pursuing on the same page as you are with Christianity? If so, she is likely to appreciate these things.

Yes, we are on the same page when it comes to Christianity.

 

[southern_lawyer]

Is the ENTJ you have a crush on spiritual/religious? Because NT's have a tendency towards atheism.


Don't get me wrong though. There are still quite a few religious NT's out there.

I have heard that about NT's. However she doesn't seem to have that tendency.

 

[wrldisquiethere]

Is the ENTJ you have a crush on spiritual/religious? Because NT's have a tendency towards atheism.


Don't get me wrong though. There are still quite a few religious NT's out there.

My ENTJ also follows the Christian faith. In fact, I know quite a few NTs who do. However they do tend to view their faith from a more logical viewpoint that others I know do, including myself. My ENTJ can debate Christianity from different viewpoints, including as an atheist, agnostic, and Christian and see logical viewpoints to all sides but in the end he accepts Christianity by faith.

 

[pplskillz]

I'm an esfj

I am the male esfj. I am definitely generous and giving, I dont expect much back though which is odd. I'm am definitely feminine but just metro. very manipulative, very social and easily liked

 

[Srho]

I know one, he's not exactly mean but kind of outgoingly cliqueish, i.e. nice and warm to his many acquaintances and... hot to everyone else. I don't know how else to explain it. I don't hate him, but I don't like him either. I much prefer ISTPs of either gender, at any rate.

 

[Emectar]

I Know quite a few and they are all very similar. They are nice, but very guarded and hard to read. Very very normal, (they fit and try to fit societies expectations for them, including gender roles), and so are thus pretty masculine and often become uncomfortable doing anything that comes off as too feminine.

 

[Trentham]

I used to work with a male ESFJ. Super nice, strait laced, deeply religious, family oriented guy. He acted as if he was the only man in the history of the world who had ever fathered a child and wanted EVERYONE to know everything about what was going on with his family at all times. He kind of gravitated to me around the office, even though we had very little in common. I think he saw me as a project he could work on, i.e. that he could bring me out of my shell and help me find religion (although I had no desire to and made that clear to him on more than one occasion). I think he had good intentions, but his methodology could get very annoying. He suggested we hang out outside work on a number of occasions but I never agreed to that. He was fine in small doses, but extended contact would have had me climbing the walls trying to get away.

Oh, and he wasn't effeminate. Just very, very bubbly and enthusiastic. Seemingly happy and carefree all the time.

 

[Nameless Hero]

My friend Manny is a ESFJ - and hyper-masculine one moment, then weeping with almost womanly compassion the next. He is completely immersed in the UFC (ultimate fighting championship), has lots of tattoos, always at the gym, but is the most devoted family man I have ever met. He always gets these man-crushes on any men around him that are more macho that he is. We used to think this was something homosexual, but instead it appears to be the way he bonds.

 

[Adasta]

The ISFJ I know is more concerned with doing/experiencing stuff than worrying explicitly about his own machismo. He's always up for anything, loves going out, and is very affable; indeed, it's difficult not to like him. I suppose he does fit into the male gender-role, but I think his softness at heart ensures that he can never sustain overt "manliness" for too long.

However, his fun-loving exterior is somewhat overshadowed (not in a pejorative way) but his deep dedication to a few causes. I would say his two greatest loves are music (he's a guitarist) and cycling (at which he used to compete semi-professionally). He seems to embody "practice makes perfect", and would have no problem cycling 100km (80~ miles) in the wintery cold in order to train or practicing guitar all day to prepare for a gig. He can be quite garrulous at times and sometimes overwhelms me with his questions or his constant mood-checking (is that okay? are you alright? does that bother you?). He's cool though and we get on really well.

Also,

I'm reeeeealy cheap when it comes to my own needs, especially if I can do it myself. I also hate adding to the list of appointments I already have and yes that's my P talking and I really don't care what anyone thinks about that.

Come on, mate! Don't let the INFP side down! Go and get a nice haircut and then go out and put the cat amongst the pigeons!

 

[Giggly]

I find straight male SFJs to be quite fascinating. Because they have this sense of masculinity and sense of duty, plus all their emotions due to being a Feeler. It's intriguing watching them balance it.

 

[mrcockburn]

I do. A male ESFJ friend of mine is very domestic and effeminate, but he has such an aggressive and hostile outer shell that it's pretty clear that he's overcompensating.

 

[Redbone]

My ex is an ESFJ. He's a pretty emotional guy, loves to be needed, loves to take care of the people he cares about. Loves small talk, has a million people in his cell phone address book, and can immediately connect with people. He has to beat people off of him pretty much and everyone thinks he is such a great guy.

Hard shell but he's pretty fragile on the inside. Hates conflict, debates, and takes things personally.

We were watching Star Trek TOS and I was reminded that McCoy's character is an ESFJ...he acts exactly like that.

 

[southern_lawyer]

I find straight male SFJs to be quite fascinating. Because they have this sense of masculinity and sense of duty, plus all their emotions due to being a Feeler. It's intriguing watching them balance it.

Are the ones you know criers, that you know of? One thing about me is that while I am pretty emotional, I never cry. It's probably been 10 years since the last time I cried. In movies, funerals, church services, and the like, I am often very very moved and touched, but I never cry. I have an ESFJ uncle who really fits your description; masculine, and also a strict disciplinarian, had and still has very high expectations of his grown children and that they fit a certain mold, rules oriented, HUGE into sports (he was a college quarterback and also a high school golf coach for 35 years), but he can cry at the drop of a pin! And I mean weep. He wept all the way down the aisle at his daughters wedding which is not that unheard of, but in so many other situations he will cry, and that combined with how "masculine" he is has always intrigued me, much like you, I suppose. I suppose people view me the same way. I'm pretty small and the way I dress doesn't scream masculinity. I love sports though, just not the rough ones, I just follow football as a fan. If I had the size I would have loved to have played football. I love following it and analyzing offensive and defensive schemes and formations. He and I are a lot alike seeing that we're both ESFJ's, but we had very different upbringings and are from different generations which helps explain our differences. We are definitely alike in that we find the best in people and consider just about everyone our friend. Long before Travis Tritt made the popular song, my Uncle would say almost daily, "it's a great day to be alive!"