[MENTION=16405]Entropic[/MENTION]
Oops. I didn't read the first paragraph. My apologies. I tend to scan through text a few times; I can be quite careless in this regard.
My patience is... dependent on context. For the things I really care about, only Buddha can compete with me. For everything else, my patience runs thin.
I was just playing Heroes of the Storm and I kept getting latency issues because my brother and mother are watching videos. I had a nerd rage moment and started slamming my mouse on my desk and yelled 'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!' I raged quit then. I should also note that I am unable to sleep well for the past week and I did not sleep the night before. I am immune to my sleeping pills.
But for things like travel, I realize that it's something that needs time to come into fruition. Knowing this, I try my damnest to save up. I still save money, however I tend to run over budget. Little annoyances like groceries and the odd dinner or my brother needing transport money. And then there's me, every now and then, making impulse buys on food. It is my weakness.
I find that I seem to be racing against the clock all the time, and that was the major source of my depression, anger and frustration. Ideally I would like to take my degree now so that I can get a well paying job that lets me move out of this miserable oven, but because of the military, I had to put it on hold. There was literally nothing I could do about it and everything I tried ended up in vain. This blockage literally caused me panic attacks and major depression. Once I accepted that I couldn't control time and the things around me, I am in much better spirits.
Though things like latency can be dealt with. I could have gotten the kill if it weren't for the lag.
As for impulsivity, I am pretty calculated. I am quite vengeful when I am at my worst. I would plot the destruction of that other human in great detail, yet, my conscience pulls me back. It's not so much about caring for the other person, but it's more that I don't want bad karma.
I do tend to make impulsive purchases because I grew up poor and my mother would take away all my money. So I learned to spend it all before she could take it so that I can have what I want. Now that I have control over my money, I still have a hard time sticking to budgets. I have spreadsheets and calculations for my expenses, yet they always seem to overflow. It stresses me that I lack the control, and because of it I spend even more. It is a vicious cycle.
But I don't spend every penny. I still save up, just not as much as I would like to. So it ends up taking more time than I would have liked, causing me to be stressed because I am racing against the clock. Time is running out, and when it does, I can't get what I want.
