[INTJ] ENFPS and INTJs

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I don't know how to start a thread, but I'd like to discuss the basis of effect that experiencing emotions has on memory retention. I've been reading quite a bit on it lately, finding it quite fascinating. It would be interesting to discuss how the feelers remember things vs. the thinkers, and the sensors vs. the intuitives. If there is any correlation to the emotional experiences, MBTI types, and the types of memories each has it may be worth a look. For instance, Gabor Mate discusses that early memory formation during infancy may actually indicate more in the way of personality development and how that person, as an adult, views the world; fair to say, it may actually influence the MBTI result. What do you guys think?

Are you suggesting that having a good memory might affect someone's personality, for good and for ill? Do you think this is a trait unique to ENFPs?

 

[Hapyniss]

Are you suggesting that having a good memory might affect someone's personality, for good and for ill? Do you think this is a trait unique to ENFPs?

I'm not sure. I am inferring that research suggests that an increased emotional experienced correlates with an increase in memory of an event or experience. There fore I am postulating that those who feel may have better memory retention. Studies also suggest that it may not be as accurate with each subsequent recall. Speaking for myself, I love people and interacting with them. I remember their names, birthdays, fights they had with boyfriends, children, etc. I am highly emotional about my connections with said things. But my INTJ friend doesn't remember any of those things. He does however have a high affinity for scientific information and is excited about it and driven to learn it. He remembers all types of factoids and sucks in information like a vortex. As an INTP, what types of things do you feel strongly about? and do you think it effects your ability to remember the details?

 

[Qlip]

I'm not sure. I am inferring that research suggests that an increased emotional experienced correlates with an increase in memory of an event or experience. There fore I am postulating that those who feel may have better memory retention. Studies also suggest that it may not be as accurate with each subsequent recall. Speaking for myself, I love people and interacting with them. I remember their names, birthdays, fights they had with boyfriends, children, etc. I am highly emotional about my connections with said things. But my INTJ friend doesn't remember any of those things. He does however have a high affinity for scientific information and is excited about it and driven to learn it. He remembers all types of factoids and sucks in information like a vortex. As an INTP, what types of things do you feel strongly about? and do you think it effects your ability to remember the details?

This is actually probably the most common mistake with MBTI'ers. Thinkers feel less and Feelers feel more. But Thinking and Feeling aren't directly about emotions they're about rational decision processes. As much as they say, I've never witnessed a lack of initial emotional experience in Thinkers.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I'm not sure. I am inferring that research suggests that an increased emotional experienced correlates with an increase in memory of an event or experience. There fore I am postulating that those who feel may have better memory retention. Studies also suggest that it may not be as accurate with each subsequent recall. Speaking for myself, I love people and interacting with them. I remember their names, birthdays, fights they had with boyfriends, children, etc. I am highly emotional about my connections with said things. But my INTJ friend doesn't remember any of those things. He does however have a high affinity for scientific information and is excited about it and driven to learn it. He remembers all types of factoids and sucks in information like a vortex. As an INTP, what types of things do you feel strongly about? and do you think it effects your ability to remember the details?

I think things I feel strongly about are unfairness. If I notice inconsistency where a rule is being applies, and I notice, for instance, people being punished for minor crimes, and people getting away with major crimes, it affects me. This need for fairness also reflects an antipathy towards prejudices like racism and sexism.

I know that they say life isn't fair, but who says that it can't be?

 

[Hapyniss]

I think things I feel strongly about are unfairness. If I notice inconsistency where a rule is being applies, and I notice, for instance, people being punished for minor crimes, and people getting away with major crimes, it affects me. This need for fairness also reflects an antipathy towards prejudices like racism and sexism.

I know that they say life isn't fair, but who says that it can't be?

That speaks to an ideal, which for some, like myself, is hardly tangible. I typically have a problem with the initial "they" in question. It's largely conceptual and alleviates responsibility and accountability for the actions of the transgressors. It's far too vague to make a "fair" assessment. That's the problem. The only experiences that I've had in my life when I have started to shed my social programming is when I dropped the vague terms and started using "I". I owned my actions that are steeped in subconscious bias, prejudice, gender specifics, etc. Only then could I exact any effective change. It is entirely a Ghandi moment. Be the change.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

That speaks to an ideal, which for some, like myself, is hardly tangible. I typically have a problem with the initial "they" in question. It's largely conceptual and alleviates responsibility and accountability for the actions of the transgressors. It's far too vague to make a "fair" assessment. That's the problem. The only experiences that I've had in my life when I have started to shed my social programming is when I dropped the vague terms and started using "I". I owned my actions that are steeped in subconscious bias, prejudice, gender specifics, etc. Only then could I exact any effective change. It is entirely a Ghandi moment. Be the change.

Yeah, the important thing is to own your actions, and take responsibility for them, and do what you can to affect change.

 

[Coriolis]

I'm not sure. I am inferring that research suggests that an increased emotional experienced correlates with an increase in memory of an event or experience. There fore I am postulating that those who feel may have better memory retention. Studies also suggest that it may not be as accurate with each subsequent recall. Speaking for myself, I love people and interacting with them. I remember their names, birthdays, fights they had with boyfriends, children, etc. I am highly emotional about my connections with said things. But my INTJ friend doesn't remember any of those things. He does however have a high affinity for scientific information and is excited about it and driven to learn it. He remembers all types of factoids and sucks in information like a vortex. As an INTP, what types of things do you feel strongly about? and do you think it effects your ability to remember the details?

I have heard that, when remembering specific events, especially significant events like a hospital stay or your HS graduation, you will remember more how you felt than what actually happened. Not so for me. Not that I'm great at remembering the details, but my emotional recall is much worse. I mostly surmise how I probably felt based on how I would feel today in the same situation.

 

[Hapyniss]

I have heard that, when remembering specific events, especially significant events like a hospital stay or your HS graduation, you will remember more how you felt than what actually happened. Not so for me. Not that I'm great at remembering the details, but my emotional recall is much worse. I mostly surmise how I probably felt based on how I would feel today in the same situation.

Memory is so tricky. It's hard to speculate what I would've felt or thought 25 years ago because I have changed so much since. I have actually learned to just abandon any emotional attachment to past memories without feeling current disappointment because I'm unsure of what else to do. I don't want to feel bad because I cannot accurately remember and I don't want to recall inaccurately what I thought happened because it was so long ago. How relevant are memories to ones current life anyway? I've only seen them cause most people significant pain in their present. Even the good memories cause a longing that cannot be fulfilled in the present. It's like a never-ending unhappiness.

 

[violet_crown]

I'm not sure. I am inferring that research suggests that an increased emotional experienced correlates with an increase in memory of an event or experience. There fore I am postulating that those who feel may have better memory retention. Studies also suggest that it may not be as accurate with each subsequent recall. Speaking for myself, I love people and interacting with them. I remember their names, birthdays, fights they had with boyfriends, children, etc. I am highly emotional about my connections with said things. But my INTJ friend doesn't remember any of those things. He does however have a high affinity for scientific information and is excited about it and driven to learn it. He remembers all types of factoids and sucks in information like a vortex. As an INTP, what types of things do you feel strongly about? and do you think it effects your ability to remember the details?

This is actually probably the most common mistake with MBTI'ers. Thinkers feel less and Feelers feel more. But Thinking and Feeling aren't directly about emotions they're about rational decision processes. As much as they say, I've never witnessed a lack of initial emotional experience in Thinkers.

Perhaps a more fair and accurate way to restate her premise is that "people tend to have better recall when it comes to things they actually care about". Thinkers and Feelers prioritize things differently, and so the things that they tend to remember well tends to be different as well.

That said, I disagree with the premise. I think that for Ts, especially NTJs, sharing emotional impressions or what few things we valued enough to hold onto in memory, is a very intimate and vulnerable thing for us. Both emotions and memory can be challenging to externalize, so it's not something we tend to put out there unless there's a fair amount of trust established.

[MENTION=26190]Hapyniss[/MENTION], I'm sure that your INTJ will be more willing to open up about those kinds of things as you two get to know each other better and become closer, and you'll realize that there's not so much of a difference in the things you two ultimately value.

 

[Dreamer]

I don't know how to start a thread, but I'd like to discuss the basis of effect that experiencing emotions has on memory retention. I've been reading quite a bit on it lately, finding it quite fascinating. It would be interesting to discuss how the feelers remember things vs. the thinkers, and the sensors vs. the intuitives. If there is any correlation to the emotional experiences, MBTI types, and the types of memories each has it may be worth a look. For instance, Gabor Mate discusses that early memory formation during infancy may actually indicate more in the way of personality development and how that person, as an adult, views the world; fair to say, it may actually influence the MBTI result. What do you guys think?

I've read that what causes something to stick more readily in memory is the more associations you create with that instance, fact, whatever. Remembering people's names at a large party, the more personal connections made to remembering that person and their name, the more readily available that name will be in your short term memory. So definitely, I agree that attaching emotion to events and places makes it easier, particularly for Feelers, to remember a scene much easier. I tend to associate environmental issues naturally, so I remember the sounds, smells, thoughts at the time, weather, etc., but I couldn't tell you many of the details of it. For Thinkers, I wouldn't say they have a lesser ability at recalling information, but they may perceive their surroundings and interactions in a very different way and process information differently, therefore, trying to remember a scene based on emotions or other environmental factors as I described above, may be of little use to them.

One example, my brother is an ENTJ, and he is extremely sensitive to picking up minute details of a scene and being able to quickly recognize a stranger's mannerisms, body posture and movement, and deduce some conclusion on those factors as to what they're all about. If anything, he may even have a better memory than me (though admittedly my ADHD brain is highly selective so I'm probably not the best case for a Feeler). He's an engineer, so he is very methodical and linear in his thought process, so I wouldn't imagine more sensory abstractions from a scene would aid him.

To get back to the topic of this thread, I know what actually attracts me to my brother and perhaps similarly to INTJs is that Thinkers perspective, and how drastically different they can view the world. I also admire my brother's ability to be able to approach things completely objectively since he doesn't tie emotions to events in the way Feelers would. Even if I am being objective on a topic, there is always at least some bias in the back of my mind because of how something makes me feel. I've always been fascinated with the brain and how people think, learn, and process information differently, so typically, people with more opposing ways of approaching things, are more interesting to me, and that's probably why I'd gravitate towards those people. Introverted NTs are on another level of interest for me, because bringing them out of their shell sort of turns into a "game" for me, and the novelty of that challenge is probably what keeps some ENFPs entertained and stick around.

Though, one last comment, I'd probably be equally interested in picking the minds of SJs and SPs too, again, because of their difference.

 

[Hapyniss]

Perhaps a more fair and accurate way to restate her premise is that "people tend to have better recall when it comes to things they actually care about". Thinkers and Feelers prioritize things differently, and so the things that they tend to remember well tends to be different as well.

That said, I disagree with the premise. I think that for Ts, especially NTJs, sharing emotional impressions or what few things we valued enough to hold onto in memory, is a very intimate and vulnerable thing for us. Both emotions and memory can be challenging to externalize, so it's not something we tend to put out there unless there's a fair amount of trust established.

[MENTION=26190]Hapyniss[/MENTION], I'm sure that your INTJ will be more willing to open up about those kinds of things as you two get to know each other better and become closer, and you'll realize that there's not so much of a difference in the things you two ultimately value.

Actually, it was a rather vague way to state that (although we all feel) some of us feel deeply about things that others find trivial. As mentioned, thinkers do feel; I realize this. I actually believe there may be less control over the feelings or their intesity themselves, but the control has more to play with the expression. (Maybe why forgiveness can be such a challenge for NTJ's in general) And, I've also learned that thinkers don't even know they have a feeling attached to something/someone until much time has passed. I've often heard NTJ's lay claim to discovering feelings too late. More so, it's retention that the study suggests is improved but subsequent recall changes the memory. As a result, over time the memory becomes less reliable and authentic. By the end of this article I became skeptical if any past memories can be trusted to reflect the event accurately or the resurgence of the attached emotions a means to extrapolate precise data useful for long-term decision making. It just all seems to become deliciously convoluted with each subsequent recall to such an extent that the imagination of an inaccurate experience arouses the current interpretation initiating a present emotional experience. (Like said: You try to think of how it would make you feel now.) What a vicious cycle.

 

[violet_crown]

Actually, it was a rather vague way to state that (although we all feel) some of us feel deeply about things that others find trivial. As mentioned, thinkers do feel; I realize this. I actually believe there may be less control over the feelings or their intesity themselves, but the control has more to play with the expression. (Maybe why forgiveness can be such a challenge for NTJ's in general) And, I've also learned that thinkers don't even know they have a feeling attached to something/someone until much time has passed. I've often heard NTJ's lay claim to discovering feelings too late. More so, it's retention that the study suggests is improved but subsequent recall changes the memory. As a result, over time the memory becomes less reliable and authentic. By the end of this article I became skeptical if any past memories can be trusted to reflect the event accurately or the resurgence of the attached emotions a means to extrapolate precise data useful for long-term decision making. It just all seems to become deliciously convoluted with each subsequent recall to such an extent that the imagination of an inaccurate experience arouses the current interpretation initiating a present emotional experience. (Like said: You try to think of how it would make you feel now.) What a vicious cycle.

I feel like there were a lot of assertions made here. I don't relate to virtually anything you've said. Memories don't mean much to me one way or the other as I prefer Se. I don't use the past as much of a reference for what is nor for what could be.

I also find your discussion of thinkers having "less control over the feelings or their intesity themselves" to be similarly inaccurate. If a type is best known for long-term planning (as NTJs are), we're probably capable of a fair degree of emotional self-regulation. It would be just like assuming because an NFP prefers to consider their subjective impressions of a situation, they're "less capable" when it comes to analytical thought.

 

[Coriolis]

I also find your discussion of thinkers having "less control over the feelings or their intesity themselves" to be similarly inaccurate. If a type is best known for long-term planning (as NTJs are), we're probably capable of a fair degree of emotional self-regulation. It would be just like assuming because an NFP prefers to consider their subjective impressions of a situation, they're "less capable" when it comes to analytical thought.

This idea is not uncommon - that thinkers have just as many feelings, but are less proficient in dealing with them - and I see some merit in it. Sure, we do well at controlling the expression of our feelings, and minimizing emotion in decision making, but that is not so much working with the emotion as shutting/cutting it off. We keep our tiger in a sturdy cage, perhaps because we haven't had too much luck training him, so we are reluctant to let him out. (Of course he may not respond well to training while confined to a cage . . . )

 

[chubber]

This idea is not uncommon - that thinkers have just as many feelings, but are less proficient in dealing with them - and I see some merit in it. Sure, we do well at controlling the expression of our feelings, and minimizing emotion in decision making, but that is not so much working with the emotion as shutting/cutting it off. We keep our tiger in a sturdy cage, perhaps because we haven't had too much luck training him, so we are reluctant to let him out. (Of course he may not respond well to training while confined to a cage . . . )

My tiger got out and I don't care any more.

 

[Hapyniss]

I feel like there were a lot of assertions made here. I don't relate to virtually anything you've said. Memories don't mean much to me one way or the other as I prefer Se. I don't use the past as much of a reference for what is nor for what could be.

I also find your discussion of thinkers having "less control over the feelings or their intesity themselves" to be similarly inaccurate. If a type is best known for long-term planning (as NTJs are), we're probably capable of a fair degree of emotional self-regulation. It would be just like assuming because an NFP prefers to consider their subjective impressions of a situation, they're "less capable" when it comes to analytical thought.

There could hardly be assertion associated with a clearly announced "vague statement". And more so, you not relating does not negate accuracy.

Interesting though. I know you'd like to think you're not agreeing, but you just exhibited the point. "Memories don't mean much to me....". Exactly. Thinker. No? Memories, and the emotion/sentiment associated with them have great meaning to me. Feeler. Yes? (i.e. The original statement - I feel deeply about what you find trivial.) If I'm off base, please do expound.

"If a type is best known for long-term planning (as NTJs are), we're probably capable of a fair degree of emotional self-regulation." Until something you didn't plan for happens (entrevues associated unexpected emotion ______here; typically anxiety) So, I fail to make the association between excellent long-term planning and a knack for emotional self-regulation. Do you mean emote regulation? Did you plan the emotions you were going to feel before you felt them because you knew exactly how you, and all those in that scenario, would feel and react before it happened? Therefore, you will have processed through said emotions, if felt in the first place, and then processed through every possible sentiment others could have, and the effect it has on you, and the effect it has on the environment, and this one time, at band camp.... This is a scientific impossibility. Read up on chaos and predictability theories.

I've personally witnessed an NTJ's "this is not how I planned it in my head" melt down. Because no where in his mind did he expect me to swing him around and kiss him on the lips. No one could ever plan for every single life event therefore regulating on set emotion. Isn't this why most NTJs "retreat" to process and begin the endless "why?" examination?

Statistically significant studies have found that the single greatest emotion associated with futuristic thinking and long-term planners is anxiety. (Have you ever experienced intense anxiety? But that must have been expected? But, at least self regulated.) This is typically coupled by rebound depression because not everything goes according to this well thought out adhered plan.(Weltschmerz) Have you ever felt depressed? Also, become increasingly reclusive because time flies when you're having fun running endless scenarios through your mind processing every bit of collected data, increasing the likelihood of predictability, but not interacting with reality much at all, if at all. Additionally, an environment that only contains you, is by default, more easily controlled/contained and that vicious cycle continues.

Summary: I'll just stay in my head because I like it better here than the real world. (Said no NTJ...ever.) *Holds up sarcasm sign just in case*

 

[Hapyniss]

This idea is not uncommon - that thinkers have just as many feelings, but are less proficient in dealing with them - and I see some merit in it. Sure, we do well at controlling the expression of our feelings, and minimizing emotion in decision making, but that is not so much working with the emotion as shutting/cutting it off. We keep our tiger in a sturdy cage, perhaps because we haven't had too much luck training him, so we are reluctant to let him out. (Of course he may not respond well to training while confined to a cage . . . )

I've also noticed by reading some other threads on the subject that NTJ's, probably experienced mature examples, use their emotions more as a tool to determine the underlying theme of what's really going on. Have you found this to be personally true?

 

[violet_crown]

This idea is not uncommon - that thinkers have just as many feelings, but are less proficient in dealing with them - and I see some merit in it. Sure, we do well at controlling the expression of our feelings, and minimizing emotion in decision making, but that is not so much working with the emotion as shutting/cutting it off. We keep our tiger in a sturdy cage, perhaps because we haven't had too much luck training him, so we are reluctant to let him out. (Of course he may not respond well to training while confined to a cage . . . )

My point was that we are not incapable of training the tiger. Learning emotional self-care has been the difference been many NTJs I've known who become successful personally and professionally, and those who don't. Is it as innate to those types who are Fi-dom or aux? Maybe. Maybe not.

Conversely, there are FPs who are virtual emotional Dr. Doolittles out there who wreak havoc because of a basic worldview that "Whatever tiger wants, tiger gets." Being able to fluently access and identify the content's of one's given emotional state is a necessary, but not sufficient component of emotional self-regulation. The other half of that equation is being able to contextualize one's emotions, and possess the maturity to have some objectivity around one's own subjectivity. To be able to not only know you're angry or heartbroken, but know how to maintain until you're in an appropriate space to release those feelings.

NTJs, especially INTJs, are pretty damn good about knowing that there's a time and place for things, and the world does not just stop spinning because you have a bad case of feels.

I think a successful, healthy adult relationship (regardless of the types involved) requires two people who respectively have some degree of proficiency in both aspect of emotional self-regulation, or what you're going to have instead is a hot, codependent mess. Both partners should be whole in their own right or emotional outsourcing will ensue.

Sort of apropos to this: I was just reading an article from my new muse entitled "Why Everyone You Date is A Psycho", and couldn't help but think of past member threads from INTs about some of their romantic histories:

When you suppress your emotions and shun intimacy, the only people whose emotions are intense enough to break through are those who are emotionally unstable. By suppressing yourself, you unknowingly self-select for others who overexpress themselves. These men tend to get particularly hooked on these over-emotional women because it allows them to experience their own emotions vicariously through the drama of the woman they’re with.

Interesting though. I know you'd like to think you're not agreeing, but you just exhibited the point. "Memories don't mean much to me....". Exactly. Thinker. No? Memories, and the emotion/sentiment associated with them have great meaning to me. Feeler. Yes? (i.e. The original statement - I feel deeply about what you find trivial.) If I'm off base, please do expound.

The distinction is not around judging functions as NFPs and NTJs are both Te/Fi, but instead one in perceiving functions. Preferring Ni/Se means I'm more oriented towards the present and future than an Ne/Si user like yourself whose intuition is based off Si data, which tends to be rooted in the past. There are TJs out there who theoretically very much value their memories--they just happen to be STJs.

"If a type is best known for long-term planning (as NTJs are), we're probably capable of a fair degree of emotional self-regulation." Until something you didn't plan for happens (entrevues associated unexpected emotion ______here; typically anxiety) So, I fail to make the association between excellent long-term planning and a knack for emotional self-regulation. Do you mean emote regulation?

No, I did meant "emotional self-regulation". Mostly because emotional self-regulation is a pretty well established concept in psychology. And "emote regulation" is something google corrects to "remote regulation".

Did you plan the emotions you were going to feel before you felt them because you knew exactly how you, and all those in that scenario, would feel and react before it happened? Therefore, you will have processed through said emotions, if felt in the first place, and then processed through every possible sentiment others could have, and the effect it has on you, and the effect it has on the environment, and this one time, at band camp.... This is a scientific impossibility.

I wrote at length above in response to Coriolis regarding my views on emotional self-regulation. You're welcome to read what's there for the gist of it. I will add to that that part of emotional maturity is the ability to deal effectively with uncertainty. I may not know everything that will come to pass, nor do I have control over everything in my environment.

What I can control, however, is how I respond to things. It is up to me how I choose to respond to adversity, and how I will derive meaning from it. You're correct in saying that it is unreasonable for anyone to either know or control every single one of the things that you mentioned, but an emotionally mature person with reasonably defined boundaries wouldn't set themselves up for failure by expecting it of themselves. I confident in myself that whatever loops life throws at me, I'll handle it when I get there, and I'll be ok.

I've personally witnessed an NTJ's "this is not how I planned it in my head" melt down. Because no where in his mind did he expect me to swing him around and kiss him on the lips.

That bad, huh? Lol.

No one could ever plan for every single life event therefore regulating on set emotion. Isn't this why most NTJs "retreat" to process and begin the endless "why?" examination?

No, we introvert to process things because our dominant perceiving function is...introverted. Honestly, I'd be happy to set you up with some primers on functions if it would help.

Summary: I'll just stay in my head because I like it better here than the real world. (Said no NTJ...ever.) *Holds up sarcasm sign just in case*

I've heard a lot of NTJs say that...again our dominant perceiving function is Ni. It's especially true of INTJs. Your writing is not making it clear whether that was the joke or not.

 

[TSDesigner]

This thread has been therapeutic to read. It's nice to see people appreciate us. I met a sexy ENFP several days ago. She seems to be interested in me, or at least I suspect she is. I've seen multiple things that seem like signs of attraction. I'll ask her out next time I see her. If things work out I will write more.

 

[pinkdevil]

an ENFP and an INTJ? bad combo for what? I'm not getting anything. There are good combinations with friendships that can't be good for romantic relationships.

 

[Coriolis]

"If a type is best known for long-term planning (as NTJs are), we're probably capable of a fair degree of emotional self-regulation." Until something you didn't plan for happens (entrevues associated unexpected emotion ______here; typically anxiety) So, I fail to make the association between excellent long-term planning and a knack for emotional self-regulation.

To me, this means we have long term goals and remain focused on them, undeterred by emotions of the moment. We regulate the emotions to the degree that we don't let them interfere with working toward our goals. One part of this is being very willing to delay gratification. Not sure if this is what Rex meant, but is how I would interpret it.

Statistically significant studies have found that the single greatest emotion associated with futuristic thinking and long-term planners is anxiety. (Have you ever experienced intense anxiety? But that must have been expected? But, at least self regulated.) This is typically coupled by rebound depression because not everything goes according to this well thought out adhered plan.(Weltschmerz) Have you ever felt depressed? Also, become increasingly reclusive because time flies when you're having fun running endless scenarios through your mind processing every bit of collected data, increasing the likelihood of predictability, but not interacting with reality much at all, if at all. Additionally, an environment that only contains you, is by default, more easily controlled/contained and that vicious cycle continues.

You are right about anxiety, less so about depression. When something doesn't go according to plan in a negative way, it usually generates something more akin to the "fight" part of fight/flight response, or even excitement. It's time to regroup and try a different contingency plan, or adjust the plan altogether. Perhaps I am lucky, but I have never had anything fail so irrecoverably as to produce depression for more than a fleeting moment. But managing that anxiety can take some work - when everything has been set in motion, and all I can do is wait.

I've also noticed by reading some other threads on the subject that NTJ's, probably experienced mature examples, use their emotions more as a tool to determine the underlying theme of what's really going on. Have you found this to be personally true?

Yes. In fact, I have said almost exactly this many times.

My point was that we are not incapable of training the tiger. Learning emotional self-care has been the difference been many NTJs I've known who become successful personally and professionally, and those who don't. Is it as innate to those types who are Fi-dom or aux? Maybe. Maybe not.

We are not incapable of it, but how many of us learn how to do it or even bother to try? I admit it has not been a high priority in my own life. I find it easier and generally productive simply to note emotions and set them aside, rather than to explore them or try to use them as anything beyond early warning signals.