[INFP] Do people like you?

[mgbradsh]

I have never been the popular one, but I think it has to do a lot with the fact, that I never approach anyone and I rarely openly care about other people. I am trying to change and become less selfish, care about other people more, but it's going to be a hard work for me. Besides being introverted and self indulgent, I'm actually very different from majority of people. I don't wanna sound like a special snowflake, but the truth is that I don't care about mainstream culture at all and most things that people my age like, I find absolutely awful, so it doesn't happen often that I actually meet someone who likes the same things. I am also very individualistic and often subconsciously do or say the right opposite of everything that everyone else says or does , that's an issue as well.

I do have my group of friends that I really like and they like the same things as do, at least some of them. I also have this me vs them mentality, that makes me feel like I have to stick together with my people and rebel against anyone who doesn't seem to be a part of the my group, so... I am happy when I can be with people I do consider mine.

I used to have a pretty impressive foreign film collection (I still have it but it’s no longer impressive) and I definitely would have balked at the idea of friendship with someone that wasn’t willing to read subtitles. It’s snobby and selfish, but it was one of those weird identifiers for me.

That’s a really interesting idea, introversion as selfishness. It’s so much more than that, but it might be a component we overlook.

 

[mgbradsh]

I would like to think that people do like me but it never seems to last all that long. I blame myself mostly, I just let everyone in and allow them to walk on me until they have no further use for me. I don't think about all this until after the fact and I think I allow it unintentionally in the hopes that a true bond can be attained with one or two while the others run chaotically through my life. This theory rarely holds true but I think this is just a never ending cycle my mind goes through

I think you’re way too hard on yourself. Sometimes we take on roles in groups and people can definitely take advantage of that. I think that’s on them, not you. That said, it sounds like there is some genuine interest in youZ

Heh, this reminds me a time when I was in high school. I had mostly withdrew from other people beginning when I was around 12ish, so I was also rather quiet extending into high school. But there was a time in high school when this one girl in my class always wanted me to come sit by her or for her to come sit by me. It mostly just confused me at the time...I think we must've had assigned seats or something.

I only realized much later on that she was doing that because she liked me and wanted to be friends with me. That sort of concept never even crossed my mind at the time! I swear I don't have Asperger's! Lol.

I have a few missed opportunities like that. It still hurts

I think it was more like, “I can’t fathom why someone would be showing any interest in me.” I shrug it off to being a late bloomer.

depends who you ask

Touchy subject right now.

FWIW you seem like you have quite a few friends here, people that really like you, why do you think that is?

I'll answer this honestly and see what happens...


Yes. Too much and I don't appreciate it. It has actually made me reclusive. And there's no explanation for it. I do not consider myself physically attractive. I'm not gifted in anyway. I can be quite offensive. Still...my whole life it ihas been like this. I think people just think I'm funny...I think that's what it is.

Thanks for being honest. Based on what you said I don’t get it either.

It’s got to be the funny. Maybe also that you are a bit of a dork.

I'm typeless?

It’s the best way to be.

 

[/DG/]

I have a few missed opportunities like that. It still hurts

I think it was more like, “I can’t fathom why someone would be showing any interest in me.” I shrug it off to being a late bloomer.

Ha! You pretty much hit the nail on the head there. Often, people's attempt at friendliness toward me is just met by either confusion or suspicion on my part.

It's further compounded by me being afraid of appearing clingy or desperate, so I end up giving people a huge amount of space to the point of avoidance. It also means that initiating is absolutely out of the question on my part.

Really, my lack of ability to reciprocate makes me pretty shitty friend material irl.

 

[misfortuneteller]

What kind of profession are you planning to work in?

None of your business.

 

[mgbradsh]

It’s the worst when it’s two days later and you’re like, “FFS, they were trying to be nice to me and I was kind of an a-hole.”

Being introverted is SO GREAT sometimes.

I found alcohol removed some of those barriers for me at times, but it wasn’t always so good.

Ha! You pretty much hit the nail on the head there. Often, people's attempt at friendliness toward me is just met by either confusion or suspicion on my part.

It's further compounded by me not wanting to appear clingy or desperate, so I end up giving people a huge amount of space to the point of avoidance. It also means that initiating is absolutely out of the question on my part.

Really, my lack of ability to reciprocate makes me pretty shitty friend material irl.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Also, I wanted to add earlier that I actually tend to assume that most people don't like me. Almost like maybe they reject me because I don't send "I like you" vibes to everyone.

I don't really play that game.

 

[misfortuneteller]

Also, I wanted to add earlier that I actually tend to assume that most people don't like me. Almost like maybe they reject me because I don't send "I like you" vibes to everyone.

I don't really play that game.

Same but it's coming from a heavy-ish 8 wing perspective not a 4 one.

 

[rav3n]

While it's nice when people like me, it's not my primary goal in life. I have a tight group of friends from assorted school and college years that have held together so that's likely why social interactions aren't that big of a deal to me. But generally, IRL, people like me.

 

[mgbradsh]

Also, I wanted to add earlier that I actually tend to assume that most people don't like me. Almost like maybe they reject me because I don't send "I like you" vibes to everyone.

I don't really play that game.

I wonder if they really do?

I once evicted a guy from a house. His entire family was calling me, they were threatening me with lawyers, it was crazy. A few years later a friend of mine ran into that guy and he was asking about me and told them he really liked me. WTF?

I wonder if I/we sometimes project our opinions of people onto what they might think of us.

No and I don't care. Life is much easier when you don't put your trust into others.

I have to ask about this.

Is it easier? I hate relying on other people. It’s the worst because I know inevitably I’ll be let down. Sometimes though I really need the help. Sometimes I get the help even though I didn’t want it or feel like I needed it, and I am so glad I got the help because I really did need it (I can’t even tell you how mad that makes me - Doubly Wrong!).

Someone, probably correctly, pointed out that I was probably hurt at some point and it’s affected my interactions with people. Was it something like that for you?

 

[misfortuneteller]

I have to ask about this.

Is it easier? I hate relying on other people. It’s the worst because I know inevitably I’ll be let down. Sometimes though I really need the help. Sometimes I get the help even though I didn’t want it or feel like I needed it, and I am so glad I got the help because I really did need it (I can’t even tell you how mad that makes me - Doubly Wrong!).

Someone, probably correctly, pointed out that I was probably hurt at some point and it’s affected my interactions with people. Was it something like that for you?

I'd rather not post anything personal here anymore. Apologies.

 

[/DG/]

I have to ask about this.

Is it easier? I hate relying on other people. It’s the worst because I know inevitably I’ll be let down. Sometimes though I really need the help. Sometimes I get the help even though I didn’t want it or feel like I needed it, and I am so glad I got the help because I really did need it (I can’t even tell you how mad that makes me - Doubly Wrong!).

Someone, probably correctly, pointed out that I was probably hurt at some point and it’s affected my interactions with people. Was it something like that for you?

I know you didn't ask me this, but anyway...

People are fickle. It isn't necessarily everyone's fault. It's human nature. So there are many times that we may be let down, like you stated.

So if you're alone all the time, it's not even necessarily that it's easier. But it's predictable and "safe."

 

[LucieCat]

I suppose I'm likeable enough. I am good at cheering people up at least, and I can find common ground with nearly anyone and it doesn't take much effort to find at least one good quality in most people.

Others have regarded me as eccentric. And when I was younger, I unintentionally intimidated my peers or some of them did not like me because I was really loud (from what I can tell, that seems petty though, but whatever).

I'm often not sure what others think of me. And sometimes I would rather just assume they have a neutral viewpoint until proven otherwise.

I do have trouble responding to genuine displays of emotion at times. I'm not sure how to explain it, but i understand the emotion and I appreciate it, but my brain is not sure how to react. And I have trouble communicating because I can be very inconsistent with it.

I do not have very goid social skills in all honestly. I'm better than quite a few people. And I'm not shy persay. I can actually be very outgoing, but there is a marked withdrawn aspect to my personality.

 

[Red Memories]

I think you’re way too hard on yourself. Sometimes we take on roles in groups and people can definitely take advantage of that. I think that’s on them, not you. That said, it sounds like there is some genuine interest in youZ



I have a few missed opportunities like that. It still hurts

I think it was more like, “I can’t fathom why someone would be showing any interest in me.” I shrug it off to being a late bloomer.



Touchy subject right now.

FWIW you seem like you have quite a few friends here, people that really like you, why do you think that is?




Thanks for being honest. Based on what you said I don’t get it either.

It’s got to be the funny. Maybe also that you are a bit of a dork.



It’s the best way to be.

Honestly I don't know. When I ask people why they like me they usually say I am open minded and easy to talk to. that's my best answer.

 

[hurl3y4456]

Generally, people like me because I am Actively Engaged most of the time and am relatively calm/easy going. I do, however, shut the door when certain conversations creep up (small talk, exc). I frequently associate with only a few people due to a lack of common ground. I'm very open minded and will quickly admit defeat if someone contradicts me, which permits a smoother flow to the conversation. I am always doubting my own abilities, yet I can see the strengths in others very well.

Everyone needs human interaction to maintain sanity....There is a high correlation with depression and reclusiveness. Introvert's need people to relate to their inner network of ideas/theories/pondering, exc and gain positive feedback to spark the fire. Extroverts need people to saturate their outer drive to explore. In the end, people will remember you for your character.

There's always time to remold certain negative traits through adaptation. I can be quite socially awkward, however, my ability to socialize is proportional to my area of observation. If I confine myself continually (minimize my area of observation), then social ability will inevitably be repressed. We all exert a proportion of our energy towards interests/events....the key is to balance the energy....Otherwise, there will exist some imbalance which can throw off certain areas of your life.

 

[Metis]

I'm often not sure what others think of me. And sometimes I would rather just assume they have a neutral viewpoint until proven otherwise.

That's probably the case with most people. You're probably right to assume that.

 

[notmyapples]

I am an easy person to get along with and generally don't offer much of my negatives up in early interactions, so yes, but I am a 9 so that does play into it. Enneagram is going to affect this and an INFP 4 will relate to ruffling feathers much more often than an INFP 9 will. Sometimes people don't like me because of personal issues that are out of my control, but if you leave me alone with someone who hates me I can usually get them to like me after a long enough time so it's never really a worry. My more hard-to-swallow traits only bleed out once I've known someone for quite awhile and I am comfortable. I don't much care about being likable, but life is a lot easier to get through when people like you so you mine as well be good at it.

 

[Starry]

Thanks for being honest. Based on what you said I don’t get it either.

It’s got to be the funny. Maybe also that you are a bit of a dork.

While I’m not a mind reader (yet)...I really am almost INFP. Almost INFP enough to feel confident assuming the dork comment was meant to insult. Which is cool as it’s what I expected. You don’t say what I did and not expect to take a hit. Still, it’s difficult to feel slighted as there’s an element of truth in it. I don’t think anyone in my irl would describe me as a dork but I think Ne dominance and my inability to navigate the physical space gives me more of a childlike or innocent appearance or something...like I’m lost and need help...people are always asking if I need help. I don’t threaten anyone and I swear people want to be around people they feel superior to.

 

[mgbradsh]

While I’m not a mind reader (yet)...I really am almost INFP. Almost INFP enough to feel confident assuming the dork comment was meant to insult. Which is cool as it’s what I expected. You don’t say what I did and not expect to take a hit. Still, it’s difficult to feel slighted as there’s an element of truth in it. I don’t think anyone in my irl would describe me as a dork but I think Ne dominance and my inability to navigate the physical space gives me more of a childlike or innocent appearance or something...like I’m lost and need help...people are always asking if I need help. I don’t threaten anyone and I swear people want to be around people they feel superior to.

I meant it totally affectionately. I was definitely nudging you over your answer. I toyed with being clearer about that, but I’ll make sure I do in the future.

I would never use dork as an actual insult, it would totally ruin the sanctity of the word for me.

I was glad you posted (I’m glad when anyone gives an on topic answer) and it definitely gave me some insight. I’m funny too (barely) and can be prickly, so when people like me I definitely think it can often be because of my sense of humour (which barely exists).

 

[HoneyBlossom]

Well to be honest my answer is few people like me and alot of people don't like me because i'm hardly get to know or i'm misunderstood. Its hard for me struggle having friends easily because most of people doesn't seems to be interested with me or they think i don't like them because they see me quiet, uninterested and shy. Is hard for me is being outcast/outsider but i have to get through this and keep it up. i'm sure soon i will find good friends who understand me or care about me.

 

[Hellena Handbasket]

I am also quite adept at unconsciously mirroring facial expressions, inflection and even subtle mannerisms. I think this helps to put people at ease and make them feel more open to me.
Unfortunately, it can also come across as unintentionally flirty. Not as bad now as when I was younger, but every so often......