Poking the poodle
- Apr 6, 2015
- Instinctual Variant
Thank you. And i completely agree. I'm not that fatalistic, i don't think that it's truly impossible for me to ever date because of my type or anything like that. But i can get really hopeless sometimes.
I understand that half of the relationship comes from me. I am however sick of people (incl. potential partners) projecting their ideas of who i might be as a person (that 99.9% of the time couldn't be more far from who i actually am) solely based on my physical appearance because my actions/behavior/intentions are being misinterpreted all the time which makes it hard to connect with anyone, really. Not just romantically, platonically too. I get that we're all subconsciously biased to an extent and have animalistic instincts that dictate a lot of the human nature but at the end of the day what separates us from animals is our prefrontal cortex. So we might as well use it and consciously make sure to be open-minded and try to not put people into boxes. It's what i personally do and expect other people to do the same thing but i nearly always end up being disappointed.
You are right though that i sometimes tend to be put up roadblocks which i can use as an excuse for not dating/socializing. I guess it's from one point of view understandable given how much negative experiences i've had with connecting to people and society as a whole but it's still not a mature thing to do.
Not to attack you because its the last thing I would want to do to a new member- but I see this a lot from new members. (And Im not sure you are doing this- I just want to throw it out there)
They come on here feeling misunderstood for some reason or another. Rejected by society and disconnected. They find typology- which reads as an answer to why they have been feeling the way they are feeling. They take that type and wrap it up so snugly around themselves as to never have to be personally accountable for their deficits. They now KNOW the reason for all the problems in their life- their TYPE is the reason they are misunderstood. Its the reason why they are special and no one can truly GET them.
I just want to warn you about this- take it as you will. Because while on some level its probably healthy- for it can be something you take and run with to understand â€œwhyâ€™s and it can be something that people use to develop their strenghts further, and recognize and work on their â€œprescribed weaknesses. Sometimes people base their entire egos on it, subconsciously, and then get stuck for a long time in a place where they are never challenged.
Its fine to be intellectual and want to have challenging conversations. It is fine to want to be seen like that- because its what you feel comes naturally to you. But if you come on too strongly, and if it seems like it is too forced, you might put people off. Maybe thats also unfair- considering your primary function is Ti. You are looking for systems, according to typology, and depth.
But sometimes you have to start by trying to get people to WANT to talk to you. You say people dismiss you as a bimbo, well thats also really unfair and I am sorry about that. Do you get harassed often by men? Because if you do- thats completely not your fault and its gross. But you also talk about platonic relationships. Non sexual ones. And that makes me wonder if there is some other reason why you arent getting the level of connection that you want- besides your appearance. To some extent I think we cant really help how we intially come across to others- I naturally come across as pretty quiet and serious when... there is more to me than that. But that is what I have to work with- so Im going to do my best with it by looking at what, like I said, I CAN change.
Im kinda getting a little off track and repetitive here. But I guess I want to tell you that I hear what you are saying. A lot of people feel similarly- like they arent getting what they want in life for some reason or another- and the best â€œadviceâ€ I can give you is to not define yourself by your limitations. If you come across as a bimbo- what can you do to work on that (even if again- its someone elses perception and it seems unfair that they would have it) to get what you want.
Maybe its a small thing, I cant tell you exactly what because I dont know you IRL, but maybe there is one small thing you can do to bridge the gap you want to bridge. And this doesnt mean sacrificing who you are, not at all, but seeing what you CAN be. You can still be the interesting person who happens to type as ISTP that you want to be- just, like you dont put others in boxes, try not to put yourself in one.
You seem bright and I hope that you stay on the site.
Sorry for the repetitive wall of text by the way. Feel free to respond or not respond. And if I come across as patronizing or superior in any way- Im sorry. Im not all knowing. Im just making best guesses from experiences Ive both had and connections that Ive made.