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[SP] Dating and having intimate relationships as an attractive ISTP (or ESTP) woman?

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,607
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7W8
I think I will do it. We use Survey Monkey for the site satisfaction survey and it wouldn't be hard to pull this together and send out an email to the forum membership.

oh this is exciting!!!
 

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,607
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7W8
Some of them stalk men too much.
I am not sure about the women but I can say the men can become obsessive, possessive and don't handle the termination of a relationship in a healthy way.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
15,876
I'm an 8w9, husband is a 9w8, we're been married for almost 15 years. This states that Female 8s preferred male 9s so it's not an oddity although there are difference, I wouldn't go as far as saying we are real opposites.



Well, "the opposites" are just classy term. Or you can simply answer the paradigm question "Do opposites attract?" with "It is more complicated with that".
However I find that graph to be fairly realistic and just in my family I have quite a few supposedly good matches (female 8w9, male 9w8 included). Plus I am kinda close on e5 and e1 for myself on many ways but male e1 good matches look so much more on the money for me (I mean what would I "need" in a relationship). Therefore that graph is one of the things that got me thinking about many thing.



Btw it seems that I once again kidnapped the thread. So maybe we should split this. There is plenty of talk about on this subject.
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
25,194
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INTJ
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6w5
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sx/sp
I do think very attractive people have challenges that other people don't and I'm not sure that has been fully addressed here.

I think we’re still missing this point that is part of the equation. This isn’t an exact analogy, but there was a time where I had a vintage Jaguar convertible. It wasn’t fast nor was it a particularly expensive car because it was used and Jaguar’s don’t retain their value. However, it was gold with spoked wheels and was a drop dead gorgeous car. It was a little bit like the Aston Martin in the old James Bond movies but much prettier. It’s hard to imagine if you haven’t experienced such a thing but when the top was down, everywhere I would drive it, people would literally stop whatever they were doing and stare with their heads following the car as I passed by. Then of course I would get to wherever I was going, people would stop staring at me, and things would go back to normal. It was like this for the entire seven years I owned the car.I could imagine a situation where it wasn’t the car but it was you that had that effect on people. What would it be like to be objectified every day of your existence and how would it impact your life and how you interact with others. Maybe [MENTION=25377]SearchingforPeace[/MENTION] would have some ideas because I think he described having dealt with this over the years.

There was a girl in my high school that was like this and she did become a model and ended up as a cheerleader for the local football team that won the SuperBowl. I can see even now that her looks when she was younger are a huge part of her identity.
 

SearchingforPeace

breaking out of my cocoon
Joined
Jun 9, 2015
Messages
5,461
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ENFJ
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sx/so
I think we’re still missing this point that is part of the equation. This isn’t an exact analogy, but there was a time where I had a vintage Jaguar convertible. It wasn’t fast nor was it a particularly expensive car because it was used and Jaguar’s don’t retain their value. However, it was gold with spoked wheels and was a drop dead gorgeous car. It was a little bit like the Aston Martin in the old James Bond movies but much prettier. It’s hard to imagine if you haven’t experienced such a thing but when the top was down, everywhere I would drive it, people would literally stop whatever they were doing and stare with their heads following the car as I passed by. Then of course I would get to wherever I was going, people would stop staring at me, and things would go back to normal. It was like this for the entire seven years I owned the car.I could imagine a situation where it wasn’t the car but it was you that had that effect on people. What would it be like to be objectified every day of your existence and how would it impact your life and how you interact with others. Maybe [MENTION=25377]SearchingforPeace[/MENTION] would have some ideas because I think he described having dealt with this over the years.

There was a girl in my high school that was like this and she did become a model and ended up as a cheerleader for the local football team that won the SuperBowl. I can see even now that her looks when she was younger are a huge part of her identity.

I don't know how much I can help but I will try.

I can relate somewhat. It isn't really about looks. It is about presence, as with that car. There are things and people that have inexplicable pull on others. I can't explain why people are drawn to me, but I have attempted to understand why I am drawn to others.

As I have gotten older, I have started to pay close attention to when I feel the pull of attraction and when I don't. A few years ago, I felt pulled to a person that was a stranger to me. She was attractive, but not drop dead gorgeous. I wasn't going to hit on her or try to cheat on my wife, as I have never done that and never plan to do so. So, I attempted to analyze the attraction in "observer" state, as much as I could.

I noticed the pull instantly when we first in the same room. She was not even close to being the most beautiful woman there, but there was an invisible pull.

I later found out she was my best friend's sister. After interacting with her, it was clear she was a ISFP like my wife. I could also tell easily that she was very much drawn to me and that in another life, we would have been inseparable.

I have never viewed myself as especially handsome, just reasonably so. I don't believe it is an objective attractiveness issue, but something intangible. People are just pulled to others in ways they don't understand.

And some people really put off "stay away from me" vibes. In college, in my complex, there were two sisters. One was rather unattractive but extremely outgoing. She always had boyfriends, no matter she was the least attractive girl in our student apartment complex.

Her sister was ultra beautiful. I happened to encounter her one day and she complained she never got dates and never had boyfriends. Looking back, she was likely trying to get me to ask her out. Instead, in my youthful foolishness, I gave advice. I suggested that she spend time by the pool or by the other open spaces in the complex. I suggested she place herself somewhere where more guys would interact with her. She did and started dating almost immediately.

In other words, her beauty made her unapproachable until she made herself slightly more available.

Tl;dr version: attraction isn't logical or tangible or objective, and "beautiful" people often struggle because they make themselves unavailable.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,468
I'm a Ti-dom but a dude, but when I was younger I did let societal expectation have too much a say in my romantic prospects than I should have allowed. Early on, you can tend to reject Fe and become oppositional to its demands, which is letting it have a bit too much power over you in a different sort of way. You start meeting the right people when you are living more fully as your true self, and not someone that's trying to compensate or correct or "present" as a certain thing.

It's too high energy a life anyways, and doomed to failure.

So my advice is; do your own thing, ignore everyone else, don't play a role or think you have to occupy any sort of archetype based on how others perceive you, and things should work out.
 
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