What is he (ESTJ) thinking when he says I'm not a challenge to him?
ASKING FOR ADVICE!
I'm a female ISFJ dating an ESTJ in a long distance relationship for about six months now and two years relationship as a whole. We had a serious convo when we both were in a bad mood (losing an online game) and he said to me he is uncertain about our relationship. We recently made plans that I will move down from my hometown to where he is. I think it's getting to the both of us with our lives and other stressors (e.g. work) and the moving down as a whole. He said he feels that he doesn't feel the spark like when we first got together and that I am not 'challenging him' where he feels he is better at me in a lot of things (e.g. knowledge, gaming - we met through gaming). He said he is having a hard time 'letting go of things from the past' - aka arguments and like it comes to his mind when we have arguments now. Thus, his patience for me is very thin nowadays. The core is that he isn't sure whether these bad feelings are because we are in long distance, that we haven't seen each other for three months OR that we actually aren't compatiable. Thus we are thinking of rather than a 'permanent move', I should move down temporarily for 2-3 months to see how things are.
My problem is: what is going on in his mind. Like for me a distinct characteristic of an ESTJ is that they 'know what they want' and 'makes decisions'. Right now he is uncertain and all over the place. He can't seem to set in stone that we WILL make this work. His mindset is "i want to try to make this work but I just don't know and I feel bad making you sacrifice your life for me, but at the same time I think the LDR is making our relationship worse."
He also said like he's unhappy with other stuff - e.g. work he's not enjoying it (he moved from our hometown there - had to start a new life etc.) and he's been lazy and not doing stuff. So I don't know if it's these things that is making him internally unsatisfied with life so he is looking at me to 'motivate and challenge him'. For me, I have no problem with 'motivation, challenges or being satified with my life' because I don't look at him to seek those validation. This is not the first time him bringing up the fact that he feels like he can 'teach' me stuff but I'm not teaching him and he is not learning anything from me. Yet I've explained time and time again, my strength is the emotional areas (empathy, emotional thinking and deciphering feelings) and at one point previously he said he understood that I don't have to be able to 'teach him' but now it's coming back up again. He doesn't feel the spark, he is unsure about me moving down and can't find a job affecting my career. Like all these things don't come into our conversation unless something happens and I'm angry at him or he is angry before it comes out. I don't know if it's something coming up because we were both in a bad mood, or the LDR or just that he and I aren't really into the relationship/not compatiable.
What is he thinking? IF we want to make this work, what should I/We do? Is this normal for a ESTJ to be so flickle? Are we doomed? Is it actually worth moving down to 'test' whether we actually work - at this point I'm just so torn to try it because my personality is that I don't want to leave any question or regrets, but it's kind of like these issues, it's something internal for him and I have no idea what I can do or say to stablise this relationship.