[ESTJ] Ask an ESTJ!

[WickedQueen]

Welcome, WickedQueen! Yay for more ESTJs!!! Hugs!
And I have a question for you, WQ: Do you agree with most of my answers? Are there any really important ones that you strongly disagree with?

Thank you, EJCC!
I'm glad that I'm not the only freak in this world, haha...

I agree with most of your answers, yes. You're doing a great job!


.

 

[WickedQueen]

Quote:
How would an ESTJ crush manifest itself? What kind of flirting would they do?

I'll let Wicked Queen answer this one - I dunno if my experience is common.

Well... *cough*
To be honest, I... umm... *cough* well, as a muslim woman and as an ESTJ, I don't flirt much coz it seems every time I did that, I somehow end up attract guys that I'm not really attracted to, haha...

So I only flirt friends and colleagues.. ya know... people who knew me well enough to realize that I'm just tease them for fun and jokes.

As you know, ESTJs are very serious people and we take relationship very seriously. Relationship for fun is never cross in my head and never become my interest.

So when I really attracted to someone, I would first check out was he taken yet, what type of person he is, and do I have a chance to take him as a boyfriend. I'll take a good preparation before I start to flirt. I wanna make sure that he's really worth my flirt.

I use my sense of humor, smartness, high confidence and my sex appeal to flirt. I'll do my best to make sure that he notice me as a smart, sexy, funny, and unique woman.

 

[Fidelia]

Hello WQ - don't worry about your English! It's very easy to understand.

You said you could relate to the exaggerating thing. I notice that a lot with one ESTJ in particular. It's like everything is a little larger than life. Sometimes his opinion or how he feels about something changes depending on who he talks to. I used to get really mad at him because it seemed like he was not being honest with himself or other people. It seems to be more though enjoying the attention and being in the spotlight (maybe enjoying being considered an expert?) It bothered me because other people who didn't know him didn't realize that what he talked about was just exaggerated and was said more to get a reaction/admiration/agreement/disagreement from them than because he felt it strongly.

I also wondered, what is your novel about? I know some other ESTJs who are interested in writing, but I'm curious what kinds of subjects would appeal to them.

 

[Fidelia]

Any and all of you:

What do you think about when you are just walking or driving along?

Do you ever wonder much about how other people's minds work? If so, is it solely in relation to you dealing with them, or out of general curiosity? Do you look for patterns in people, or take things as they come?

How do you decide whether you would be interested in becoming friends with someone? Would non-conventional people annoy you or make you think twice about it? If you did decide you wanted to be friends, would you initiate or respond or would it just happen however it happens?

What are you most afraid of?

Did you ever have imaginary friends when you were kids? Do SJs?

What would be your favourite activity to do with a friend if you both had a day that was free?

If you eat at a restaurant, would you go for variety or for what you know you'll like?

Would another person's hatred or indifference bother you more, or would either if they weren't important to you?

EJCC - I just read your introductory post. What do you play?

 

[EJCC]

Any and all of you:

I'll answer some, and leave the rest. I don't want to hog them all

What do you think about when you are just walking or driving along?

Usually I just zone out, or don't think about anything.

How do you decide whether you would be interested in becoming friends with someone? Would non-conventional people annoy you or make you think twice about it? If you did decide you wanted to be friends, would you initiate or respond or would it just happen however it happens?

I do not put that much thought into it. If I like them and they like me, and if they get my sense of humor and I get theirs, we can be friends (of course, "friends" by my previous definition). Non-conventional people are fine. As long as their unusual lifestyle works for them (and isn't offensive or anything). I would probably initiate, and if they didn't respond with equal enthusiasm, I'd quit.

Did you ever have imaginary friends when you were kids? Do SJs?

I tried to, because I saw that sort of thing in the media all the time, but it wasn't fun at all for me. I MUCH preferred playing with real friends. I feel like S types in general might not do that, but I dunno.

If you eat at a restaurant, would you go for variety or for what you know you'll like?

Depends on my mood. There can be days when I feel like there's more riding on how good my food is - you know, if I had a bad day, and I need a pick-me-up - so on those days I'll ALWAYS pick food that I've had before, or that I can guarantee that I'll like. But when I'm in a better mood, I'm more likely to try something new and/or unusual.

Would another person's hatred or indifference bother you more, or would either if they weren't important to you?

Hatred would REALLY bug me. Indifference doesn't matter much. You don't get bad vibes from indifference. You can work effectively with people who are indifferent to you; there wouldn't be any emotional tension.

EJCC - I just read your introductory post. What do you play?

Play? You mean, video games? (If that is what you mean,) I don't really have time to play video games anymore, but I like RPGs and strategy games (I HATE first-person games because I want to be able to see the entire area). Favorite games (all for Sony systems): the Final Fantasy series, the Katamari Damacy series, Ico, Okami, and Kingdom Hearts. Back in the day, I LOVED Crash Bandicoot: Warped, but it hasn't aged well.
I'm also very, VERY good at Dance Dance Revolution. (Too bad they closed the arcade in my hometown... )

 

[Fidelia]

Indifference would be a way bigger problem to me. With hatred, at least someone has strong enough emotion associated to actually bother hating you. Often that can be flipped around and they can be won over. Indifference means you weren't even worth investing any thought or feeling into. I suppose though in practical terms, hatred could be more inconvenient in the run of a day...interesting.

 

[simulatedworld]

I move that we rename this thread, "Ask an ESTJ and get corrected before you finish the question."

 

[Fidelia]

Why do you say that? EJCC and WQ have been both accommodating and helpful. Who else bothers to answer an endless barrage of questions from the same person thoroughly and regularly?

Do you like stirring the pot to see what people will say, or do you just not get on well with ESTJs? Do you interact with strangers that way IRL (or do you interact with people at all IRL?)

 

[EJCC]

Probably just trying to be funny. Also, it's a more similar title to the others - e.g. Ask an xxxx and get a rude answer; Ask an xxxx and get scolded. That sort of thing.

You said you could relate to the exaggerating thing. I notice that a lot with one ESTJ in particular. It's like everything is a little larger than life. Sometimes his opinion or how he feels about something changes depending on who he talks to. I used to get really mad at him because it seemed like he was not being honest with himself or other people. It seems to be more though enjoying the attention and being in the spotlight (maybe enjoying being considered an expert?) It bothered me because other people who didn't know him didn't realize that what he talked about was just exaggerated and was said more to get a reaction/admiration/agreement/disagreement from them than because he felt it strongly.

OH... whoops. I definitely do that. Sorry I didn't mention that earlier. It's just that my exaggerations never manifest themselves as complaining. (I was thinking in a box...)
I tend to rant, though, about things that annoyed me during the day and such. I only exaggerate to make the story funnier and/or more entertaining for the listener. But I don't really consider it to go so far as "lying", necessarily. I'm just amplifying my emotions when I do that. However, sometimes people who don't know me think that my exaggerated annoyance (when telling stories) is actually what I look like when I'm mad. And trust me, it's not

Also, an edit to the "What do you think about when walking around" question (since I forgot to elaborate in the original post): Sometimes I think about what I need to do when I get to where I need to go. Sometimes my mind wanders to hypothetical situations. Sometimes I see something that makes me wonder about people/things, which makes me reminisce about them. Usually, though, I zone out and/or focus on the road ahead.
But this is only when I'm walking alone.

 

[Fidelia]

Oh, well, if that's all....I didn't see the other threads. Thanks for the explanation. The thundershower is over now.

 

[Fidelia]

If someone in your inner circle were to surprise you by doing something nice for you, what would it be?

Are you the only SJ in your family? Was it difficult having two N parents?

How do you celebrate birthdays? Do you like to have traditions that carry on?

If you were mad at someone, would they know it?

What kinds of things disappoint you?

If you were picking out a new car, what features would take priority? Style? Brand? Public perception? Economy?...

Do you tend to keep in touch with people who do not live in the same place as you?

How do you feel about talking on the telephone?

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

How can you tell when you are held in high esteem by an ESTJ? The ESTJ I know is few and far between with compliments and since your feeling function in introverted I'm wondering how this "emotion" gets shown? What should I be looking for to feel appreciated or that my company is wanted?

 

[NewEra]

So here I am. Questions, anyone?

One big question I have is: What's the major difference between how to tell an ESTJ apart from an ENTJ? (besides the sensor/intuitiveness)

 

[mortabunt]

OP, what do you think of INTP's? Are you a martinet?

 

[EJCC]

Again, I'm leaving a few of fidelia's for WQ.

Are you the only SJ in your family? Was it difficult having two N parents?

My cousin is ISTJ. Her mother (my dad's sister) is either an SP or an SJ (probably SJ). I'm not very good at typing people without them taking the test, so I dunno.
Having two N parents has its ups and downs. On the one hand, they balance me out, so they (almost) always give me good advice. I share J with my mom and T with my dad, so we share that. But sometimes they'll be trying to explain something to me, and I'll have no idea what they're talking about, or vice versa.

If you were mad at someone, would they know it?

Hell yes they would. If I'm annoyed, I can hide it, but I'm very bad at hiding anger. People have told me that I'm scary when I'm mad, even(/especially) when I'm not verbalizing it.

Do you tend to keep in touch with people who do not live in the same place as you?

Not really. I feel guilty about that, but I have a really difficult time sustaining long-distance relationships/friendships. It's too hard for me.

How do you feel about talking on the telephone?

I don't like it. I used to hate it (with a passion!), but I've been forced to adapt. I tend to interrupt people on the phone without meaning to, which is frustrating. I suppose there are visual cues and things that I miss, more so than most people would.

How can you tell when you are held in high esteem by an ESTJ? The ESTJ I know is few and far between with compliments and since your feeling function in introverted I'm wondering how this "emotion" gets shown? What should I be looking for to feel appreciated or that my company is wanted?

Hm... I suppose it would have to be inferred. And it would depend on the situation, and what aspect of you they hold in high esteem. I suppose if they became more respectful of you, that would be one way to tell. Also (and this is a big one), if they defer to you in certain situations. If they stop trying to be your boss, and start letting you be the boss (happily), that would DEFINITELY mean they respect you.

One big question I have is: What's the major difference between how to tell an ESTJ apart from an ENTJ? (besides the sensor/intuitiveness)

Three big differences I can think of at the moment:
1. ENTJs have more of a need to be the boss, whereas ESTJs can easily function as both boss and employee.
2. ENTJs are more prone to rant at you about nerdy things, whether you're interested or not. (Ever watch "The West Wing"? President Bartlet is an ENTJ, and his ramblings about, e.g, different varieties of kitchen knives, are typical of his type.)
3. ESTJs are more prone to side with tradition and hierarchy.
Besides that, it's pretty much the difference between SJs and NTs.

OP, what do you think of INTP's?

I like 'em. Of course, my dad is one, so I'm biased.
It bugs me when they take issue with tiny little details that don't matter, and (I dunno if this is typical of all INTPs, but it is with my dad) how when they're irritated with you, they get very arrogant and disrespectful, to the point that nothing gets resolved.

Are you a martinet?

This question sent me to a dictionary Great word! I think I am one, yeah, though not extremely.

 

[mortabunt]

INTP's use tiny details when they want something that is going to apparently be denied. They aren't open usually. Often, because we don't know how to ask.

 

[EJCC]

Interesting. In context with the examples I was thinking of when I wrote that, I don't know if that makes sense.

I was thinking of times when, with my dad, I would have something almost completely finished, and he would criticize something miniscule to the point that I would have to redo the entire thing. But I haven't had much experience with INTPs bossing me around, so I don't know how common that is.

And I'm sorry I didn't counterbalance that comment with a compliment. I made it seem like a huge issue, and it isn't. After all, it's a rare occurance. 90% of the time, I love INTPs. I relate to them well, I think, most of the time, and sometimes they like me, which is even better.

 

[EJCC]

...Are there any more questions?

 

[mortabunt]

Would you marry an INTP?

 

[WickedQueen]

Would you marry an INTP?

Sure.