The Devil of TypoC
- Aug 29, 2008
- MBTI Type
- Instinctual Variant
Wow, you're inquisitive! Is it because of your ex? Either way, you write excellent (though difficult) questions, and it's fun (and brain-teasing) to answer them.Sorry, there's more!
There are two general reasons why I might fear the worst. One, which happens unconsciously, is fear of the unknown. I get scared for the worst, so I (for whatever reason) spend more time worrying about the bad option than being positive about the good option. The second reason, which happens consciously, is that I just assume that the worst will happen, to keep me safe emotionally.Why do ESTJs seem to fear the worst? Is it their way of being ever prepared for any situation?...Is it truly reassuring to worry over hypothetical situations that may never come to be so that you are prepared, or is it more of a neurotic response to not knowing what will happen?
I have a pretty hard time wrapping my head around the idea of acting put upon for something you needed to do anyways. The only instance where that would make sense to me would be if they were planning on doing it at a different time, and you were messing with their schedule. Otherwise, I have no idea. With regard to keeping them from complaining... in my case, when I'm put upon and people apologize to me over and over, it actually irritates me more the more they say sorry. I'd recommend complimenting their work once they're finished - or, if they're still pissed off, just leave them alone for a bitAlso, I have noticed some ESTJs act very put upon about doing things even if they had always planned to and did not find them any particular problem. Is this a way of asking for thanks? I really took it personally at first and tried not to inconvenience them or to alter the situation to be less of a problem and they still kept complaining. I expressed thanks frequently and in a heart felt way. What should I have done?
The bolded part really strikes me. This has definitely happened to me in the past. For example, when I was in elementary school, instead of saying emotional goodbyes to my friends on the last day of school, I would sneak out so no one saw me and I wouldn't have to deal with it. His reaction was probably a variation on what I used to do (if you know what I mean). I think, in his mind, you were making huge events out of things when you did that, in an emotional way - like you were opening your heart to him, and expressing your feelings to the fullest extent. And as you probably know, an ESTJ reaction to "expressing your feelings" is going to be pretty awkward. I guess I would recommend showing your affection/love in a more casual/indirect way that doesn't turn it into a mini ceremony - e.g. taking him out to a nice dinner, complimenting him, giving smooches/hugsI tend to try to make people I care about feel appreciated through cards, their favourite treat/meal from the grocery store, and little presents. My ESTJ would rarely acknowledge or comment that he had even received them. I finally became frustrated and stopped giving him written thank yous etc because it felt like a personal rejection of me and anything I could offer. When it came up one time, he said that it "made him feel awkward and he wasn't sure what to say". He also was very reluctant to accept help as well as expertise in any area from me, although he was happy to give it without any sense of obligation. Does this have more to do with type or with the individual. How would you best make an ESTJ feel appreciated and loved?