[INFP] Do people like you?

[ThoughtBubbles]

I wish I knew honestly. There have been many times throughout my life where people hated me with a seething passion. Sometimes I never had a conversation with these people or had limited contact. The other times I only had positive or neutral contact (on my end). I never got it because I've always tried to be kind to everyone. I think at some times it was because I was in a place with a bad bunch of insecure girls. Other times it was because I stood out in some way. When I got older, I started caring less about this and focusing more on my needs than pondering what others think. But still. It's always baffled me.

I was bullied a lot as a kid. Earlier in my adult life it seemed like people were neutral or positive towards me for many years. Read: 6 years spent in my university's town.

Then I went to grad school and the culture of the town plus the people in my cohort didn't suit me. One queen bee bullied me passive aggressively for a semester in a group project and no one for the life of us could guess why she had it out for me. I didn't click with anyone really deeply in that town.

Now I'm in my new town and I have to beat friends off with a stick.

In grad school, my advisor told me in the last time I saw her that I have very big energy, so wherever I go, I'm seen. I'm expressive and I catch eyes whether I want to or not. That it's both a weakness and a strength. I don't even say that with pride - yes I'm a four but I'd love to just blend in and not cause trouble and have people be neutral towards me except for friends.

I have wondered if this "big energy" makes me divisive. I am generally a very kind person but if I stand out, that could be why people dislike me. There are people who need to be in control, who need things their way, to be in the spotlight etc etc etc. If I subvert that without even trying to or even really talking to them just because I walk around being me, what does that say?

Still, I walk around wrestling with insecurities at times that I'm generally unliked due to the fact that i was bullied as a kid. People have come out years later and surprised me with their opinion of me. I've gotten better about not giving a fuck due to therapy. Not giving a fuck about what other people think makes all the difference in life. I mean it. It's the key to happiness. Still, I really have no idea!

 

[mgbradsh]

Also, I wanted to add earlier that I actually tend to assume that most people don't like me. Almost like maybe they reject me because I don't send "I like you" vibes to everyone.

I don't really play that game.

After further consideration I have to add to my answer.

EVERYONE LIKES YOU PETER DEADPAN.

You’re witty, charming, and hilarious, all great qualities. I’m sorry I had to do that but it needed to be said.

I wish I knew honestly. There have been many times throughout my life where people hated me with a seething passion. Sometimes I never had a conversation with these people or had limited contact. The other times I only had positive or neutral contact (on my end). I never got it because I've always tried to be kind to everyone. I think at some times it was because I was in a place with a bad bunch of insecure girls. Other times it was because I stood out in some way. When I got older, I started caring less about this and focusing more on my needs than pondering what others think. But still. It's always baffled me.

I was bullied a lot as a kid. Earlier in my adult life it seemed like people were neutral or positive towards me for many years. Read: 6 years spent in my university's town.

Then I went to grad school and the culture of the town plus the people in my cohort didn't suit me. One queen bee bullied me passive aggressively for a semester in a group project and no one for the life of us could guess why she had it out for me. I didn't click with anyone really deeply in that town.

Now I'm in my new town and I have to beat friends off with a stick.

In grad school, my advisor told me in the last time I saw her that I have very big energy, so wherever I go, I'm seen. I'm expressive and I catch eyes whether I want to or not. That it's both a weakness and a strength. I don't even say that with pride - yes I'm a four but I'd love to just blend in and not cause trouble and have people be neutral towards me except for friends.

I have wondered if this "big energy" makes me divisive. I am generally a very kind person but if I stand out, that could be why people dislike me. There are people who need to be in control, who need things their way, to be in the spotlight etc etc etc. If I subvert that without even trying to or even really talking to them just because I walk around being me, what does that say?

Still, I walk around wrestling with insecurities at times that I'm generally unliked due to the fact that i was bullied as a kid. People have come out years later and surprised me with their opinion of me. I've gotten better about not giving a fuck due to therapy. Not giving a fuck about what other people think makes all the difference in life. I mean it. It's the key to happiness. Still, I really have no idea!

I know what you mean about big energy. Totally an ENFP thing. You walk into a room and everyone can feel it.

Mine is a little different. I think I have a lot of energy too, but it’s different. I am usually very quiet, but when I speak I get listened to. I can often control the mood in a room, sometimes with a glance, or a short little joke or comment, or if it needs to be more serious, just changing the tone of my voice. It’s kind of weird because I have it in my head that I can blend in socially, or that I’m a chameleon (whatever analogy works), but a lot of times I have to accept a role where I’m not. That really does draw people that are insecure out of the woodwork.

It makes me wonder, is people hating you a reflection of you or them?

I probably should have wondered that earlier (or I did and I forgot, it’s a good thing to wonder though).

 

[mgbradsh]

Well to be honest my answer is few people like me and alot of people don't like me because i'm hardly get to know or i'm misunderstood. Its hard for me struggle having friends easily because most of people doesn't seems to be interested with me or they think i don't like them because they see me quiet, uninterested and shy. Is hard for me is being outcast/outsider but i have to get through this and keep it up. i'm sure soon i will find good friends who understand me or care about me.

How do you feel like an outsider?

 

[mgbradsh]

I am also quite adept at unconsciously mirroring facial expressions, inflection and even subtle mannerisms. I think this helps to put people at ease and make them feel more open to me.
Unfortunately, it can also come across as unintentionally flirty. Not as bad now as when I was younger, but every so often......

I think that goes really well with [MENTION=38252]ThoughtBubbles[/MENTION] thread on being a good conversationalist. You seem more like the person you’re speaking to and sets them at ease and gets them to open up.

 

[Forever]

I don’t even know anymore

 

[Cellmold]

The people on here who know me fairly well, like me I think.

But generally people don't. I have a series of characteristics that annoy people apparently, and most of it is due to my inability to balance out my nature to a socially acceptable level.

For example I've been told I am someone who is annoying in these various ways:

Too intense.
Talk too much.
Talk too little.
Talk too quickly.
Talk too slowly.
Clear my throat annoyingly.
Am too arrogant.
Am too meek.
Too loud.
Too quiet.
Not assertive enough.
Too assertive.
Too stupid and slow at learning.
Too anticipatory at learning.
Too tense and speedy in my actions and tasks.
Not speedy or productive enough in my tasks.
Too cold and heartless.
Too emotional and soft.
Too quiet when I walk.
Too loud and heavy when I walk.
Breathing too loudly.
Being messy.
Being obsessive.
Not being focused.
Being too focused (linked with intensity).
Being scruffy.
Not quick enough at maths.
Too tall.

There's probably a lot more, but you get the picture. Unfortunately the majority of these are either things I can't do much about, or are contradictory.

It means people are just generally tetchy about every little thing and I'm clearly one of the most annoying people on the planet.

I'm not sure I have the time to correct all these issues, so I just have to knuckle down and continue.

 

[Maou]

In real life yes, people like me and I have no idea why as we hardly know each other. Well, at least as an adult. I was more an asshole when I was a teenager/young adult.

Online, no one can sense my tone it seems, and takes everything I say as some attack.

So ive no idea.

 

[Coriolis]

I don't usually know, or care. I assume my close friends like me. I'm treated with reasonable courtesy by people I don't know, and with collegial respect by those I work with in various capacities. I tend to think of people rather neutrally, neither liking nor disliking until I get to know them well enough to form a more definite impression. When I eventually do, it is usually positive. Here online is the only place where I am occasionally told explicitly that someone likes me. It always takes me aback as I am not aware of having done anything to merit it.

 

[Maou]

I don't usually know, or care. I assume my close friends like me. I'm treated with reasonable courtesy by people I don't know, and with collegial respect by those I work with in various capacities. I tend to think of people rather neutrally, neither liking nor disliking until I get to know them well enough to form a more definite impression. When I eventually do, it is usually positive. Here online is the only place where I am occasionally told explicitly that someone likes me. It always takes me aback as I am not aware of having done anything to merit it.

I like you!

Notice me senpai.

 

[ceecee]

I find it quite easy to make acquaintances but very hard to make actual friends. I know how to be a social chameleon enough and read people enough to be likable on a superficial level, yet forging actual friendships where others are actually emotionally invested seems quite difficult. Not helping is that I'm highly introverted and often enjoy chillin' in my brain versus trying to shuffle through awkward conversational situations.

Mostly this. But yeah it's hard to be emotionally invested with many people - I'm certain it's what limits me in some social situations. That and I'm an introvert and just don't care about having many close relationships, deep down.

 

[Earl Grey]

The short answer is yes.
But I do wonder if people confuse liking with favouring.

For example, you may find favourable the presence of a social butterfly who brightens the room, or a smart reliable guy who always gets things done, or an artistic individual bursting with unique creativity, but you may not necessarily like them.
Generally I see people that way, whether they actually do the same or if they somehow genuinely like me, I do not know.

 

[mgbradsh]

In real life yes, people like me and I have no idea why as we hardly know each other. Well, at least as an adult. I was more an asshole when I was a teenager/young adult.

Online, no one can sense my tone it seems, and takes everything I say as some attack.

So ive no idea.

I don't usually know, or care. I assume my close friends like me. I'm treated with reasonable courtesy by people I don't know, and with collegial respect by those I work with in various capacities. I tend to think of people rather neutrally, neither liking nor disliking until I get to know them well enough to form a more definite impression. When I eventually do, it is usually positive. Here online is the only place where I am occasionally told explicitly that someone likes me. It always takes me aback as I am not aware of having done anything to merit it.

Mostly this. But yeah it's hard to be emotionally invested with many people - I'm certain it's what limits me in some social situations. That and I'm an introvert and just don't care about having many close relationships, deep down.

Oh INTJs, you guys are the cutest.

I’ve had mixed relationships with INTJs. Lately, which I think is a more accurate reflection, my relationships with INTJs have been really good, almost excellent. Once in a while they do something or say something that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up as something or someone has touched a nerve, but overall I really enjoy them.

I would say the INTJs I know are some of the smartest, funny, and most trustworthy people in my life. I can’t say that of all INTJs, but I imagine I might end up feeling the same of the posters above given time and contact. I know that two of you are mods so it can be tough to see the real people behind some of the posts, but I think it still stands.

 

[HoneyBlossom]

How do you feel like an outsider?

Well being around with people and for me being outsider I’m feel like loneliness, sometime depression, invinsible and I’m feel like I’m not exist because people doesn’t seems interested with me but when I’m in my bedroom spending time alone sometime I’m feel calm, relaxed, happy when I’m recharge but sometime I’m feel depressed and loneliness. If I’m still struggle being outsider/outcast then I have to get through this and keep on.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I don't think so.

 

[Metis]

I don't think so.

How much do you care?

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

How much do you care?

probably not as much as I used to care. fuck them

 

[Population: 1]

I only truly concern myself with the ones that do. The ones that except me in all my frustrating and often contradictory complexity.

 

[Metis]

probably not as much as I used to care. fuck them

You have some good qualities.

 

[1487610420]

only the top 1%

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I don't think so.

Yes they do.