brainheart
New member
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2014
- Messages
- 77
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
[MENTION=27809]Lotus[/MENTION], you say a few things that seem kind of like a tip-off to me that you're not sx dominant.
1. Yearning for a romantic relationship vs going for it. If I'm interested in someone, I pursue them. If anything, I have to rein myself in. It can require a lot of energy to restrain myself in these situations. When I was younger (and single) and I liked someone, I would write self-revealing letters to them. I was very straight forward. I thought that this was what people did when they liked someone, and after repeated embarrassments and denials I learned that being a Romantic poet is not a cool thing to do in this day and age, probably especially if you're female. I've been perceived as stalkerish and too much. My husband was the first guy to actually appreciate this quality in me. I was no longer too much but instead just right.
2. The idea that flashy dressing and sx go hand in hand. The sp/sx fours I've known (two) get way more into expressing themselves through clothing than I ever have. I think sexual fours, especially if they have a five wing, can have more of a 'this is who I am, and either you are going to love me for who I am or you're not going to love me' quality. Sometimes I care about my clothes, but for the most part I am a black t-shirt and jeans/practical/comfortable dresser sort of person. Really, I think sx in the second position is much more concerned about presenting themselves in a certain way. I've read somewhere the second instinct is more how you express yourself to everyone (because the first is what you hold close to your chest, it's your chief vulnerability) and I think there's some truth to that.
3. Romanticizing the sexual instinct. I don't think you romanticize your dominant instinct (or stack) if you're a four. You want what others have, not what you are. I have tended to idealize fours who have stronger self pres and social instincts than I have, because they have these capacities that I do not, or have accomplished things I have not. With other sx/sps it's more of this 'Ah, I get you and I understand how much it sucks.' (What you say about being worthy to wear the sx crown is exactly how I feel about sp/sx. I thought maybe that was my type for awhile, but it was always this aspirational deal vs reality.)
P.S. What's your relationship with the social instinct? Maybe inconsistency goes along with any 4x9 tritype. My theories are fallible, you know. I'm just cobbling things together like everyone else...
(Also I think you need to watch the whole movie of Jeff, Who Lives at Home to get what I'm talking about. Maybe I shouldn't have used it as an example for that very reason. It really is a big picture sort of deal.)
1. Yearning for a romantic relationship vs going for it. If I'm interested in someone, I pursue them. If anything, I have to rein myself in. It can require a lot of energy to restrain myself in these situations. When I was younger (and single) and I liked someone, I would write self-revealing letters to them. I was very straight forward. I thought that this was what people did when they liked someone, and after repeated embarrassments and denials I learned that being a Romantic poet is not a cool thing to do in this day and age, probably especially if you're female. I've been perceived as stalkerish and too much. My husband was the first guy to actually appreciate this quality in me. I was no longer too much but instead just right.
2. The idea that flashy dressing and sx go hand in hand. The sp/sx fours I've known (two) get way more into expressing themselves through clothing than I ever have. I think sexual fours, especially if they have a five wing, can have more of a 'this is who I am, and either you are going to love me for who I am or you're not going to love me' quality. Sometimes I care about my clothes, but for the most part I am a black t-shirt and jeans/practical/comfortable dresser sort of person. Really, I think sx in the second position is much more concerned about presenting themselves in a certain way. I've read somewhere the second instinct is more how you express yourself to everyone (because the first is what you hold close to your chest, it's your chief vulnerability) and I think there's some truth to that.
3. Romanticizing the sexual instinct. I don't think you romanticize your dominant instinct (or stack) if you're a four. You want what others have, not what you are. I have tended to idealize fours who have stronger self pres and social instincts than I have, because they have these capacities that I do not, or have accomplished things I have not. With other sx/sps it's more of this 'Ah, I get you and I understand how much it sucks.' (What you say about being worthy to wear the sx crown is exactly how I feel about sp/sx. I thought maybe that was my type for awhile, but it was always this aspirational deal vs reality.)
P.S. What's your relationship with the social instinct? Maybe inconsistency goes along with any 4x9 tritype. My theories are fallible, you know. I'm just cobbling things together like everyone else...
(Also I think you need to watch the whole movie of Jeff, Who Lives at Home to get what I'm talking about. Maybe I shouldn't have used it as an example for that very reason. It really is a big picture sort of deal.)