[INFJ] Are INFJs jealous of INFPs?

[Jeremy8419]

The point is how much online INFJs direct this at INFPs.

Oversimplifying it with "anyone can be that way" doesn't really explain this observation.

That's even more simple though. People with low self-esteem and immaturity are prone to looking for self-identity online, as well as choosing options for themselves that give them a unique identity. Personally, the observation exists for both types online, but for none that I encounter offline.

 

[Norrsken]

I meant the friend. She was up for a job promotion she was completely qualified for and it was given to someone else. That made her think that something was completely wrong with her when I tried to explain over and over again that work isn't really about what you know, but who you know. It's nothing personal even though it feels that way, there's nothing she can do about it. That's life.

Aw. Things like that can get under any person's skin. I would have felt pretty hurt if that happened to me, personally, but its like you said, that's life!

I don't think anything is going to stop any human being from looking. That's what we have eyes for regardless, but I understand where you're coming from. I think it's only natural that people react in ways like that though.

Its definitely my issue, and not my husband's fault. I also enjoy looking at attractive men from time to time, I mean, look at my avatar for goodness sake.

I've tried to get her to focus on her writing more, but everything has to be "perfect" and it turns her into a procrastinator.

I'm guilty of this too. *hides face*

I'm not a nature person -- god forbid I don't have internet connection (I'm a tech nerd), but I'm able to create my art and designs through whatever. I think hard times in my friend's life prevent her from her art while hard times in my life drives me towards my art.

It is good that you take life's adversity and turn it into a work of art. I love it when people do that, actually, it makes the art more realistic.

That's what the thread basically was about... if INFJs are jealous of INFPs just in if when hard times arise, INFJs shut down while INFPs don't (or at least I don't and maybe some others don't).

This is why I enjoy reading about the inferior functions so much, and how drastic people's personalities changes when they are under a pressing situation. INFP have inferior Te, which makes them surprisingly cold and overly logical against others, and have lower tolerance for incompetence in other people.

I tried to tell my friend that. I'm a woman as well, but I don't let things like that get to me within every minute of the day. If I spent that much energy about what other people have (men or women) in regards to where they live, how they look, what they do for a living... i wouldn't have time for anything else and there's plenty more to do in life.

It sounds like your friend is just having a very hard time accepting herself as she is and that is definitely not type related, as any and all type can succumb to that kind of mindset. I hope she feels better!

I don't mean any of this to sound harsh either.

As for you being a love addict, I read that INFJs are romantics. Maybe that's why a good majority of her chapters were all about romance and love while mine weren't. I asked her about it because it annoyed me to have the same theme going on and that's one of the things that sent her defenses up. I guess I'm the loveless asshole.

This is probably why I keep seeing and hearing INFJs coo about that Titanic movie. Its the perfect romantic story for them: Idealism, getting saved, soul mates, eternity themes, life after death, karma, etc. I'd say pretty much nearly all my stories are romance related. I can't help it, its fun to write that.

I'll see about checking out your private blog. I'm just at that place (and I change my mind about it everyday) that my INFJ friend just flat-out hates me so I don't think I'll ever be able to send her something I've learned about her type (if she's even that type). I will take a look though. Thank you.

She doesn't hate you. I think she's just extremely angry at herself and is just lashing out. I know this because I do that and then I get embarrassed of myself and react in hostility to somehow gain control of the situation and not rub too much salt in our wound. She'll probably come back soon, although maybe it doesn't hurt to send her a casual and friendly line after a few weeks of space.

 

[Jeremy8419]

I'm sorry, but jealousy and focus on distinguishment are marks of insecure and immature people? It's human nature to be insecure and immature. Of course not to an extent that it controls a person or makes everyone in their lives point it out at the same time for the same reasons. Let's not unrealistic here.

No, they really aren't. Your topic speaks more of yourself than anyone else in this thread. Most probably see this thread and roll their eyes at "youth."

 

[OrangeAppled]

Then your consistent turn-up in these threads over the years with delicately veiled animosity is positively screaming.

Nothing veiled. I am openly annoyed and readily admit my motive, which is to get INFJs to actually address stuff and not deflect, as well as turn over the bias against INFPs in the stupid INFJ vs INFP discussions/articles (which starts with questioning why these exist to begin with).

Questioning motive is always the go-to move for deflection....

 

[Forever]

[MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION]
I hope you don't see what I say is an attack against INFP's and making INFJ's look better.

 

[1487610420]

Nothing veiled. I am openly annoyed and readily admit my motive, which is to get INFJs to actually address stuff and not deflect, as well as turn over the bias against INFPs in the stupid INFJ vs INFP discussions/articles (which starts with questioning why these exist to begin with).

Questioning motive is always the go-to move for deflection....

How's that working out? Worth it?

 

[OrangeAppled]

[MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION]
I hope you don't see what I say is an attack against INFP's and making INFJ's look better.

No, it was a comment on the overall development of the thread.

How's that working out? Worth it?

Yes. Progress has definitely been made. There is nothing for me to lose anyway.

 

[Norrsken]

Nothing veiled. I am openly annoyed and readily admit my motive, which is to get INFJs to actually address stuff and not deflect, as well as turn over the bias against INFPs in the stupid INFJ vs INFP discussions/articles (which starts with questioning why these exist to begin with).

Questioning motive is always the go-to move for deflection....

I think that anybody who enjoys one-upping against INFPs or any other type are just projecting from their own insecurities. I mean, why should those two specific types be pitted against each other? Doesn't make any sense, and I personally love INFPs.

 

[Virgo1987]

No, they really aren't. Your topic speaks more of yourself than anyone else in this thread. Most probably see this thread and roll their eyes at "youth."

Is that why you came here? To speak for most people and to roll your eyes as "youth" -- to better inform me of myself?

I thought this thread would be tame enough so I can better figure out things about different personality types; most importantly the INFJs since at the moment there's only one person like that in my life that I'm experiencing conflict with.

A person can act insecure and immature and not be that of the actual definition. It's a human reaction to a wide range of issues. Maybe you're golden, but everyone I've passed through life with so far has insecurities and behaves immaturely at times -- of all ages.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I think that anybody who enjoys one-upping against INFPs or any other type are just projecting from their own insecurities. I mean, why should those two specific types be pitted against each other? Doesn't make any sense, and I personally love INFPs.

No, they "shouldn't" be, but it IS a trend, and I am interested in "why". It may not be jealousy, maybe just simple disdain, but it is there. And the disclaimer has already been given that not all INFJs display this attitude at all. The idea that INFPs are pretty much defective INFJs exists in MBTI communities in general.

So the question becomes: how and why are INFPs specifically rubbing against INFJ insecurities?

Of course I have my speculations, but I am more curious about what others have to say, given denial of the existence of this can be gotten past.

 

[Jeremy8419]

Is that why you came here? To speak for most people and to roll your eyes as "youth" -- to better inform me of myself?

I thought this thread would be tame enough so I can better figure out things about different personality types; most importantly the INFJs since at the moment there's only one person like that in my life that I'm experiencing conflict with.

A person can act insecure and immature and not be that of the actual definition. It's a human reaction to a wide range of issues. Maybe you're golden, but everyone I've passed through life with so far has insecurities and behaves immaturely at times -- of all ages.

If that's the way they behave, then you should probably look to your own self to see what is clouding your vision from seeing what everyone else sees.

 

[Virgo1987]

Aw. Things like that can get under any person's skin. I would have felt pretty hurt if that happened to me, personally, but its like you said, that's life!



Its definitely my issue, and not my husband's fault. I also enjoy looking at attractive men from time to time, I mean, look at my avatar for goodness sake.



I'm guilty of this too. *hides face*



It is good that you take life's adversity and turn it into a work of art. I love it when people do that, actually, it makes the art more realistic.



This is why I enjoy reading about the inferior functions so much, and how drastic people's personalities changes when they are under a pressing situation. INFP have inferior Te, which makes them surprisingly cold and overly logical against others, and have lower tolerance for incompetence in other people.



It sounds like your friend is just having a very hard time accepting herself as she is and that is definitely not type related, as any and all type can succumb to that kind of mindset. I hope she feels better!



This is probably why I keep seeing and hearing INFJs coo about that Titanic movie. Its the perfect romantic story for them: Idealism, getting saved, soul mates, eternity themes, life after death, karma, etc. I'd say pretty much nearly all my stories are romance related. I can't help it, its fun to write that.



She doesn't hate you. I think she's just extremely angry at herself and is just lashing out. I know this because I do that and then I get embarrassed of myself and react in hostility to somehow gain control of the situation and not rub too much salt in our wound. She'll probably come back soon, although maybe it doesn't hurt to send her a casual and friendly line after a few weeks of space.

I should better check myself in the future. I don't intend on sounding cold, but I suppose I do have a lower tolerance for other people. I never set out that way, but maybe that's why all the pushing I did when my friend was down was the wrong thing to do. Maybe I should have just asked her how she felt about the issue. It's just hard for me, and I've been told it's because of being an INFP, to help others without going back to an experience I've had in life. It's not my way of saying I'm better than you -- look at how much I've been through and I'm still here fighting, but just a way to relate to them (or their emotions).

I never feel logical around my friend though. I tend to get irrational about little things, but other things (real life things), she seems to become irrational or that she knows how to be rational, but she's afraid to be. At least that's me just thinking from my point of view. Besides, she's told me that I'm irrational and I'm not thinking logically about something.

My friend hates Titanic! But it was a film I thought she would love (even before I knew she was an INFJ). Right -- and I'm the opposite. Romance is good, but nothing like soul mates and idealism and karma. Romance to me is quirky and being cute.

Maybe. Maybe indeed. I really wish my friend well. I think about how she could be doing everyday because out of all my friends I know none of them are having a hard time. I guess sometimes I just get into my realm of how I feel and I demand answers, but then I eventually let it go and tell myself I'm wrong for thinking that way. That what's important is that she's doing okay.

I tried for casual conversation a month ago and she told me that she was so angry at me that she didn't want to have a casual conversation through an email. She pretty much shut down every area of communication I could think of.

 

[Norrsken]

No, they "shouldn't" be, but it IS a trend, and I am interested in "why". It may not be jealousy, maybe just simple disdain, but it is there. And the disclaimer has already been given that not all INFJs display this attitude at all. The idea that INFPs are pretty much defective INFJs exists in MBTI communities in general.

So the question becomes: how and why are INFPs specifically rubbing against INFJ insecurities?

Of course I have my speculations, but I am more curious about what others have to say, given denial of the existence of this can be gotten past.

To be honest, I think its a common theme in online communities that there is a surplus of immature and/or unhealthy INFJs who enjoy hurting others for some strange reason.
And that's not your fault, or any INFP's fault.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Most claiming to be INFPs and INFJs are mistyped.

As such, these pissing matches are really mostly between folks who are not even really clear as to their own natures and are in denial, trapped in an ego construct.

But hey, have at it..... I have

 

[OrangeAppled]

To be honest, I think its a common theme in online communities that there is a surplus of immature and/or unhealthy INFJs who enjoy hurting others for some strange reason.
And that's not your fault, or any INFP's fault.

Certainly not anyone's fault. The question is WHY these people's insecurities take THIS particular form.

Just so there is total transparency, yes, I have dealt with an envious INFJ in person, although it was long ago and I have nothing to "repair" there.

Most claiming to be INFPs and INFJs are mistyped.

As such, these pissing matches are really mostly between folks who are not even really clear as to their own natures and are in denial, trapped in an ego construct.

But hey, have at it..... I have

While I agree many are mistyped, I don't know about "most", and I think there is a danger in "othering" anyone who displays undesirable qualities. This danger is really high when you (in general, not YOU) possess that quality too (even if to a lesser degree), but don't want to see it.

To start off, I think most of these INFJs are probably enneagram 4s....although I have seen 9s or other enneatypes exhibit this, and interestingly they tend to type most INFJ 4s as INFPs....

 

[Norrsken]

Certainly not anyone's fault. The question is WHY these people's insecurities take THIS particular form.

Just so there is total transparency, yes, I have dealt with an envious INFJ in person, although it was long ago and I have nothing to "repair" there.

Mix insecurities with magical unicorn + special snowflake syndrome, and you'll have a "my toy truck is bigger than your toy truck" contest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Virgo1987]

If that's the way they behave, then you should probably look to your own self to see what is clouding your vision from seeing what everyone else sees.

...what?

 

[Jeremy8419]

...what?

Your perception isn't normal. No one else thinks those people are being that way. You do, because of personal issues.

 

[1487610420]

...what?

Your perception isn't normal. No one else thinks those people are being that way. You do, because of personal issues.

are you two the same person trolling the forum?

 

[Fidelia]

Several possibilities why insecurities take that form:

- infjs are very good at observing and analyzing but when it is something first hand, and the more their emotions are stirred up, the more myopic they are about their own behaviour. I think that's when there's the biggest tendency to lash out, particularly when someone stirs the water and keep the infj experiencing their emotions firsthand. They need distance for objectivity.

- insecurity brings out the worst in anyone. In infjs, they usually are overly self indulgent under stress, have a tendency to blame others and are more sensitive than usual.

- infjs often are not aware how big their own emotional bucket is till it spills over, which is embarrassing and surprising even to them. Little irritations get expressed that they thought they could accommodate before and which they didn't bother to express along the way.

- infps and infjs have different functions which can hit each other's insecurities without even knowing they are doing something hurtful because the same behaviour wouldn't be hurtful to them. However because infjs need more external feedback to process, they often get frustrated when there is too much emotional noise and will insist that the other person back off. Infps are more self contained in their processing and so don't push people away in the same manner.

- infjs often fill in blanks incorrectly about others' reasoning or motives in the absence of information or when emotionally stressed. They also are extremely result oriented so are more easily bothered when an interaction turns out in a way they dislike.

These of course are generalizations, but they happen enough to be trends. I think the behaviour is more a temporary reaction than a thought out final cutoff. However depending on communication skills and stress and maturity, infjs are bad at knowing and communicating their needs before they are very very frustrated and they can be quite hurtful as a result.