[INFJ] Are INFJs jealous of INFPs?

[Virgo1987]

Probably bad experiences with being bullied of being ~that weird kid~ and now cannot let go of that insecurity issue.

Is that common for INFJs?

I only ask because being bullied means different things to different people and some people overcome this, but I know others don't.

 

[Norrsken]

Is that common for INFJs?

I only ask because being bullied means different things to different people and some people overcome this, but I know others don't.

I think for INxx types in general, are the most likely target for getting bullied or being ostracized. And then they worry themselves to death into their adulthood that they aren't acting correctly or are being socially awkward even if their social skills are getting better. For INFJ people, they wonder constantly if they aren't really there in the here and now, and can come across as bizarre or other worldly at a young age. It definitely gets better with age, though.

 

[Virgo1987]

I think for INxx types in general, are the most likely target for getting bullied or being ostracized. And then they worry themselves to death into their adulthood that they aren't acting correctly or are being socially awkward even if their social skills are getting better. For INFJ people, they wonder constantly if they aren't really there in the here and now, and can come across as bizarre or other worldly at a young age. It definitely gets better with age, though.

Sounds about right. I can understand that.

With that said would an INFJ find a greater difficulty in changing this mind-set or getting over these things than an INFP, generally speaking. Or maybe you have experienced yourself and how you deal with this.

 

[Norrsken]

Sounds about right. I can understand that.

With that said would an INFJ find a greater difficulty in changing this mind-set or getting over these things than an INFP, generally speaking. Or maybe you have experienced yourself and how you deal with this.

I'm still trying to get over this and I'm in my mid-twenties. I still have this fear of other people's motives and if they are against me. 8 out of 10 times, I am usually right, and then there are moments where I am abnormally paranoid of others and what they think of me. I will become bull headed and stubborn even if the evidence suggests that I am wrong about that other person, and I will retreat and stay far away from that other person as self preservation as well as punishing the other person.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy works for this sort of thing. Maybe it'll help your friend too.

 

[Jeremy8419]

Usually too concerned with stuff to give any thoughts to being jealous of anyone. Actually, can't really recall ever feeling jealousy outside of things like being in the front of a line, having a shaded spot on a hot day, and things such as that. Don't recall ever thinking I wanted "who I am" to be someone else. Come to think of it, the entire concept has always struck me as extremely odd.

 

[Virgo1987]

I'm still trying to get over this and I'm in my mid-twenties. I still have this fear of other people's motives and if they are against me. 8 out of 10 times, I am usually right, and then there are moments where I am abnormally paranoid of others and what they think of me. I will become bull headed and stubborn even if the evidence suggests that I am wrong about that other person, and I will retreat and stay far away from that other person as self preservation as well as punishing the other person.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy works for this sort of thing. Maybe it'll help your friend too.

This rings very true to some of the thoughts I've had about my friend. Would this carry on in every aspect of life meaning not just friends or family, but co-workers as well? And would a job experience gone wrong (to the point of incredible stress, emotions and general unfairness) make it worse?

Also back on the topic of jealousy, how does jealousy work within an infj? I know it is human to all personsonalities, but generally speaking in the sense of an infj, what does it take and what does it stem from?

As an infp i find jealousy in artistic types. I'm a graphic designer and a fangirl in a lot of senses, so when I see others get praise, I feel wounded a bit and jealousy -- but I take it out on myself and blame myself for it meaning there was something about my art that wasn't good enough.

In the sense of my infj friend it seems to stem from others who write and are recognized for it because she takes her writing seriously as I've read a lot of infj's do. The only thing I can't understand fully is she does not put her work out there to be judged so in a way it seems like she can be a critic and be jealous, but she doesn't allow others to feel that way about her because she keeps her work private. I know some of her work, but I am also the one who kept pushing her to share her work and that must have only bothered her even more.

Other things too... jealousy over other people in her life, almost always women. They always look better, act better, etc... except for me. So far I'm the only real person she knows who has something wrong with her or could be a better version of myself.

I will look into that therapy. I am not familiar with much therapy, but I don't think I'll be the one to mention it to my friend. She's already not speaking to me. If she sees me trying to offer her a push towards any kind of therapy, she'll take that in completely the wrong way. I think.

 

[Forever]

That's something to look into, I guess. I tested as an INFP and another time so I took the test between the two and ended up as an INFP. I met someone else that's an INFP and she accepts me as one so I guess that helps, too?

My infj friend said she has always tested as an infj... so I don't know her story to be honest.

INFJ is a very common result oddly enough, doesn't mean she is one. Mbti tests are in my opinion, only something to find your range of types.

Did she test borderline on j/p or t/f or e/i? It's a very contradictory type.

People think that the higher their percentage, the clearer they are of that piece of the type. Not true. It's a preference, not a sentence.

I test INFP mostly, but I'm very borderline on either.

 

[Virgo1987]

Okay. I don't want you to become inhibited in making new threads and posts. It's just that it's easy for me to look at the OP and perceive some sort of superiority on the part of INFPs based on how the question is framed. I didn't want any part of that.

But I do have some ideas after reading your third post and rethinking this topic. I'll get back to this tomorrow after I've mulled it over.

You wouldn't inhibit me from making new threads or posts. I don't plan on being at these forums for very much longer, but that was something I thought about the day I signed up.

I could have asked in the other way, but I'm not an INFJ so I didn't want to ask if INFPs were jealous of INFJs.

No worries though. Nothing was meant to hurt anyone.

 

[Virgo1987]

INFJ is a very common result oddly enough, doesn't mean she is one. Mbti tests are in my opinion, only something to find your range of types.

Did she test borderline on j/p or t/f or e/i? It's a very contradictory type.

People think that the higher their percentage, the clearer they are of that piece of the type. Not true. It's a preference, not a sentence.

I test INFP mostly, but I'm very borderline on either.

I didn't even know that they were a common result because I read that INFJs are the rarest type.

She told me that she studied INFJ for a few years or so and everything about them points to her as well as her testing as an INFJ.

 

[Norrsken]

This rings very true to some of the thoughts I've had about my friend. Would this carry on in every aspect of life meaning not just friends or family, but co-workers as well? And would a job experience gone wrong (to the point of incredible stress, emotions and general unfairness) make it worse?

Can you clarify these questions to me? Did you mean how will your own jealousy affect your own life? Or are you talking about the INFJ friend?

Also back on the topic of jealousy, how does jealousy work within an infj? I know it is human to all personsonalities, but generally speaking in the sense of an infj, what does it take and what does it stem from?

As an infp i find jealousy in artistic types. I'm a graphic designer and a fangirl in a lot of senses, so when I see others get praise, I feel wounded a bit and jealousy -- but I take it out on myself and blame myself for it meaning there was something about my art that wasn't good enough.

In the sense of my infj friend it seems to stem from others who write and are recognized for it because she takes her writing seriously as I've read a lot of infj's do. The only thing I can't understand fully is she does not put her work out there to be judged so in a way it seems like she can be a critic and be jealous, but she doesn't allow others to feel that way about her because she keeps her work private. I know some of her work, but I am also the one who kept pushing her to share her work and that must have only bothered her even more.

I've dabbled in creative pursuits, and in the end, writing stuck to me. It defines me as who I am in the larger picture, and within my families and social circles, I am the author of the group. I love to write, writing has always been my endeavor and my escape. I don't think I've ever felt jealous of other writers, but I feel mostly inspired and in awe of their skills, and try to hone my own so that I can better myself.

I get jealous when it comes to the matters of the heart. I've definitely gotten better the more older I get, but I still get the green eyes whenever my husband looks at another woman. I will start to wonder what she's got that I don't have, and if I should emulate her so that my husband will become more satisfied with what he has at home. And then I kinda have to think, well, nothing is going to stop a man from looking, so might as well just be the best version I can be of myself, and that always works out. ;p I take love very seriously. Maybe I'm a love addict.

For you and your friend.. just do the best you can. You two have unique abilities that should be focused on bettering rather than comparing to other artists, because really, every body has something uniquely good about them and their creations, and that's a beautiful thing. They say that the best place an artist can be themselves, is in nature. Why don't you take a nice trip in the woods and maybe rent a cottage for a week or two? Just to get a real feeling of true solitude and let your thoughts cave in on you and you can let your own ideas flourish from the beauty that is seen and felt in nature.

Other things too... jealousy over other people in her life, almost always women. They always look better, act better, etc... except for me. So far I'm the only real person she knows who has something wrong with her or could be a better version of myself.

Being a woman can be hard sometimes. Really. (;
Sometimes, a nice day at the spa, coupled with somebody doing my hair and making me look pretty, can take my self esteem up several notches. Remember what I said above: Every body has something uniquely wonderful about themselves. Once you enhance that, you'll feel a lot better. Trust me.

I will look into that therapy. I am not familiar with much therapy, but I don't think I'll be the one to mention it to my friend. She's already not speaking to me. If she sees me trying to offer her a push towards any kind of therapy, she'll take that in completely the wrong way. I think.

You should check out my private blog, titled "Journey to Self Love", I wrote about the therapy in a form of a workbook. I highly recommend it.
Best of luck!

 

[Forever]

I didn't even know that they were a common result because I read that INFJs are the rarest type.

She told me that she studied INFJ for a few years or so and everything about them points to her as well as her testing as an INFJ.

Funny right? I believe they are the rarest type still but there's a lot of bias towards intuition and what they imply and everything.

Some people think they meet them all the time, while I'm skeptical of that, hey if she thinks she is the INFJ. I can't stop her. Just everything you say sounds very INFP.

 

[OrangeAppled]

This question will never be answered directly. Already, the OP has their motives questioned. Already, people are noting how INFPs are really "worse" in XYZ ways.

The need of INFJs online (which does not include every individual who identifies as INFJ) to place themselves as superior to INFPs is telling. INFPs as a whole seem way less concerned with distinguishing themselves as different from INFJs and asserting some special rarity. Again, very telling.

 

[Virgo1987]

Can you clarify these questions to me? Did you mean how will your own jealousy affect your own life? Or are you talking about the INFJ friend?



I've dabbled in creative pursuits, and in the end, writing stuck to me. It defines me as who I am in the larger picture, and within my families and social circles, I am the author of the group. I love to write, writing has always been my endeavor and my escape. I don't think I've ever felt jealous of other writers, but I feel mostly inspired and in awe of their skills, and try to hone my own so that I can better myself.

I get jealous when it comes to the matters of the heart. I've definitely gotten better the more older I get, but I still get the green eyes whenever my husband looks at another woman. I will start to wonder what she's got that I don't have, and if I should emulate her so that my husband will become more satisfied with what he has at home. And then I kinda have to think, well, nothing is going to stop a man from looking, so might as well just be the best version I can be of myself, and that always works out. ;p I take love very seriously. Maybe I'm a love addict.

For you and your friend.. just do the best you can. You two have unique abilities that should be focused on bettering rather than comparing to other artists, because really, every body has something uniquely good about them and their creations, and that's a beautiful thing. They say that the best place an artist can be themselves, is in nature. Why don't you take a nice trip in the woods and maybe rent a cottage for a week or two? Just to get a real feeling of true solitude and let your thoughts cave in on you and you can let your own ideas flourish from the beauty that is seen and felt in nature.



Being a woman can be hard sometimes. Really. (;
Sometimes, a nice day at the spa, coupled with somebody doing my hair and making me look pretty, can take my self esteem up several notches. Remember what I said above: Every body has something uniquely wonderful about themselves. Once you enhance that, you'll feel a lot better. Trust me.



You should check out my private blog, titled "Journey to Self Love", I wrote about the therapy in a form of a workbook. I highly recommend it.
Best of luck!

I meant the friend. She was up for a job promotion she was completely qualified for and it was given to someone else. That made her think that something was completely wrong with her when I tried to explain over and over again that work isn't really about what you know, but who you know. It's nothing personal even though it feels that way, there's nothing she can do about it. That's life.

I don't think anything is going to stop any human being from looking. That's what we have eyes for regardless, but I understand where you're coming from. I think it's only natural that people react in ways like that though.

I've tried to get her to focus on her writing more, but everything has to be "perfect" and it turns her into a procrastinator.

I'm not a nature person -- god forbid I don't have internet connection (I'm a tech nerd), but I'm able to create my art and designs through whatever. I think hard times in my friend's life prevent her from her art while hard times in my life drives me towards my art.

That's what the thread basically was about... if INFJs are jealous of INFPs just in if when hard times arise, INFJs shut down while INFPs don't (or at least I don't and maybe some others don't).

I tried to tell my friend that. I'm a woman as well, but I don't let things like that get to me within every minute of the day. If I spent that much energy about what other people have (men or women) in regards to where they live, how they look, what they do for a living... i wouldn't have time for anything else and there's plenty more to do in life.

I don't mean any of this to sound harsh either.

As for you being a love addict, I read that INFJs are romantics. Maybe that's why a good majority of her chapters were all about romance and love while mine weren't. I asked her about it because it annoyed me to have the same theme going on and that's one of the things that sent her defenses up. I guess I'm the loveless asshole.

I'll see about checking out your private blog. I'm just at that place (and I change my mind about it everyday) that my INFJ friend just flat-out hates me so I don't think I'll ever be able to send her something I've learned about her type (if she's even that type). I will take a look though. Thank you.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I second [MENTION=19719]Forever[/MENTION] on this. If anything, I'd say INFPs need to bounce ideas off more than INFJs. Te needs to vocalize their thoughts and thinking as well from what I understand, and even though it's your last function, it is still there.

All the functions are "there".
In terms of ego, Te mentality is experienced as not being the "self" and is conciously rejected.

But I digress...

INFPs are first an foremost Introverted Feeling types and Introverted Rationals, aka IxxPs. These are arguably the most independent/autonomous types.

Personally, I consult people too little. I am known to make big decisions, sometimes impulsively, without checking in with anyone else. If it meets my needs/values, doesnt seem to directly affect anyone else (which I can be very wrong about), and I see some potential emerging for it to work out (which I can be very wrong about; too idealistic - Te fail), then I will jump on it. It has been a learning process (more like Te integration than anything natural or definitive of type) to consider outside criteria, what can really be accomplished and what is really necessary to go from A to C, how things appear to others, etc.

Te sometimes means consulting "experts" impersonally (ie research, not so much interaction) for insight on "how things are done" (Si attitude), and then sometimes totally disregarding that and purposely choosing a "new way".

 

[Virgo1987]

Funny right? I believe they are the rarest type still but there's a lot of bias towards intuition and what they imply and everything.

My friend feels the same way. She has a friend from college who thinks she's an INFJ and my friend is completely against her being one.

I don't think my friend is an INFP. If she were then she'd be like me and she's completely not like me at all. And everything I've read about infjs makes me remember a moment in our friendship where she acted the exact same way.

Then again, maybe I'm not an INFP, but I've met another INFP and we have a lot in common so who knows.

 

[Jeremy8419]

This question will never be answered directly. Already, the OP has their motives questioned. Already, people are noting how INFPs are really "worse" in XYZ ways.

The need of INFJs online (which does not include every individual who identifies as INFJ) to place themselves as superior to INFPs is telling. INFPs as a whole seem way less concerned with distinguishing themselves as different from INFJs and asserting some special rarity. Again, very telling.

Jealousy and focus on distinguishment are marks of very insecure and immature people, not an MBTI type.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Jealousy and focus on distinguishment are marks of very insecure and immature people, not an MBTI type.

The point is how much online INFJs direct this at INFPs.

Oversimplifying it with "anyone can be that way" doesn't really explain this observation.

 

[Virgo1987]

All the functions are "there".
In terms of ego, Te mentality is experienced as not being the "self" and is conciously rejected.

But I digress...

INFPs are first an foremost Introverted Feeling types and Introverted Rationals, aka IxxPs. These are arguably the most independent/autonomous types.

Personally, I consult people too little. I am known to make big decisions, sometimes impulsively, without checking in with anyone else. If it meets my needs/values, doesnt seem to directly affect anyone else (which I can be very wrong about), and I see some potential emerging for it to work out (which I can be very wrong about; too idealistic - Te fail), then I will jump on it. It has been a learning process (more like Te integration than anything natural or definitive of type) to consider outside criteria, what can really be accomplished and what is really necessary to go from A to C, how things appear to others, etc.

Te sometimes means consulting "experts" impersonally (ie research, not so much interaction) for insight on "how things are done" (Si attitude), and then sometimes totally disregarding that and purposely choosing a "new way".

This sounds all too familiar with my infj friend. I've done things or I've said things and then when we are in the middle of an argument she will say that I'm "mean" and ask "do you even think before you speak or decide about something?" to which I'm not even sure how to answer it. I do answer within that moment, but then later on (like even now) I think well... what kind of a question is that?

I think my biggest goal while spending time with my infj friend was to keep my half of the writing a secret the most that I could so it could be surprising, but she wanted to know everything. She wanted to know all of my plans for my end of the project and I would try to be non-telling, but she would press so I then would give in. Maybe her wanting to know was so she could prepare herself dare I present something to her that would affect her? I don't know.

 

[Virgo1987]

Jealousy and focus on distinguishment are marks of very insecure and immature people, not an MBTI type.

I'm sorry, but jealousy and focus on distinguishment are marks of insecure and immature people? It's human nature to be insecure and immature. Of course not to an extent that it controls a person or makes everyone in their lives point it out at the same time for the same reasons. Let's not unrealistic here.

 

[iwakar]

This question will never be answered directly. Already, the OP has their motives questioned. Already, people are noting how INFPs are really "worse" in XYZ ways.

The need of INFJs online (which does not include every individual who identifies as INFJ) to place themselves as superior to INFPs is telling. INFPs as a whole seem way less concerned with distinguishing themselves as different from INFJs and asserting some special rarity. Again, very telling.

Then your consistent turn-up in these threads over the years with delicately veiled animosity is positively screaming.