Identity Relationships (ever been in one? what was it like?)

[Dyslexxie]

It seems whenever I'm fairly confident of my type and have finally settled on it, I meet someone who's quite the perfect example of that type and I realize there's no way in hell I could be like that person or that I could ever get along with them. That for me is definitely a matter of terrible self awareness I think. There was only one instance that I can recall when I met someone who I really liked and then he somehow mentioned that he was an ENTP, which made go "well duh!", but that didn't necessarily affect my feelings as much, and I'm probably not an ENTP either.

I've definitely met people that are "like" me, and although that may not always be the exact same personality type, I generally don't like people that are overly similar to me as it becomes kind of dull? There are traits I respect and seek out in others that I don't have myself, and I find that's what I like most.

That being said the actual opposite of me sucks and I'm sure they think the same of me as well. The opposites attract theory makes zero sense to me and I could never do that personality.

I think in a perfect relationship you need some shared core values and common end goals, but you don't necessarily have to be alike to have that.

Ok, back to topic. I never dated an NTp but the curiosity is killing me.

*summons [MENTION=26046]Dyslexxie[/MENTION]*

Wanna give it a shot ?

Does this involve food? I'm interested if there is food.

 

[Kheledon]

Why is it contradictory?

Good question, but in my mind "Platonic" implies a cordial, non-romantic, emotionally-distant, but caring relationship, whereas the word intense implies much more than that.

 

[Kheledon]

Right, it's certainly compelling and I like how there's at least some hard data for this. What are you theories on why duality relationships tend to work out so well? I have some guesses but I'd like to hear your take.

First, what I am about to describe is in no way "my" theory. A. Augusta deserves all the credit for this one, but, as I understand it, any couple of Ps can make their relationship work, and any couple of Js can make their relationship work because they share the same attitudes and strategies for dealing with conflict (and conflict is inevitable in all relationships). That said, as a couple, being opposites on the E/I axis, S/N axis, and F/T axis allows each partner to cover and compensate for the weaknesses of their mates. This is the basis of Model A theory.

Described here: Socionics - the16types.info - Model A: Blocks of the Socionic Model of the Psyche

 

[Tilt]

Good question, but in my mind "Platonic" implies a cordial, non-romantic, emotionally-distant, but caring relationship, whereas the word intense implies much more than that.

The "emotionally distant" would put you in my "acquaintance" category. When I am talking about intensity, I am talking about the depth of content and the closeness/comfort level of the relationship. There's a feeling that I can talk about pretty much anything with little to no judgement. I guess "deep" would have been more apt.

 

[Kheledon]

I get along great with all NFJs. There seems to be great commonality. But I tend to get along with most types.

I never had a romantic relationship with a ENFJ. I do know a female ENFJ currently giving up on any other relationship partners except ENFJs..... having failed with so many other types.......

I can't find the specific link, but I recall reading that ENFj is so bizarre, so emotionally intense, so emotionally unstable, and so emotionally needy that none other than our identical, another ENFj, can actually understand us and/or comfortably tolerate us. LOL. If that's true, an identity relationship is about the best an ENFj can realistically hope to achieve. Your friend may be very wise.

Thanks for the response. Glad you joined the discussion.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

Does this involve food? I'm interested if there is food.

Naturally and you're even buying dinner.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I can't find the specific link, but I recall reading that ENFj is so bizarre, so emotionally intense, so emotionally unstable, and so emotionally needy that none other than our identical, another ENFj, can actually understand us and/or comfortably tolerate us. LOL. If that's true, an identity relationship is about the best an ENFj can realistically hope to achieve. Your friend may be very wise.

Thanks for the response. Glad you joined the discussion.

I have felt very understood by many NFs, a bunch of very insightful people. Some way to insightful, at times, but I can obscure enough to keep others in the dark most of the time.

I don't really feel comfortable with socionics relationship theory. It seems that some only seem to be valid if one partner is the correct gender. They just seem off and not according to my experience. But I don't really do socionics anyway......

 

[Poki]

I have felt very understood by many NFs, a bunch of very insightful people. Some way to insightful, at times, but I can obscure enough to keep others in the dark most of the time.

I don't really feel comfortable with socionics relationship theory. It seems that some only seem to be valid if one partner is the correct gender. They just seem off and not according to my experience. But I don't really do socionics anyway......

Attraction outside of socionics personality theory changes things alot along with exeprience, etc.

Its a decent baseline, i have no doubts i CAN get along better with a conflict then a dual based on interests alone. While i get along personality wise with a dual i may never get that common ground interest setup as that is easier with a conflict. At the end of the day, personality wise i can have a more peaceful relationship with a dual. But the peaceful may or may not bore the hell out of me based on closeness

 

[Dyslexxie]

Naturally and you're even buying dinner.

I only socialize if there's free food or drinks or if I'm getting paid to, so I don't know how this is going to work.

 

[Tilt]

I have felt very understood by many NFs, a bunch of very insightful people. Some way to insightful, at times, but I can obscure enough to keep others in the dark most of the time.

I don't really feel comfortable with socionics relationship theory. It seems that some only seem to be valid if one partner is the correct gender. They just seem off and not according to my experience. But I don't really do socionics anyway......

yeah. I don't really relate to the socionics system. I don't relate to the emotional instability and neediness piece (other than at the lowest points of my life) of the EIE descriptions. Most of the time, people tell me I am level-headed, logical, and calculated.

 

[Kheledon]

The "emotionally distant" would put you in my "acquaintance" category. When I am talking about intensity, I am talking about the depth of content and the closeness/comfort level of the relationship. There's a feeling that I can talk about pretty much anything with little to no judgement. I guess "deep" would have been more apt.

Cool. In my mind, that means you would make awesome life partners, unless there's no chemistry, in which case it isn't worth pursuing.

 

[Tilt]

Cool. In my mind, that means you would make awesome life partners, unless there's no chemistry, in which case it isn't worth pursuing.

Ironically, in all honesty, I have a much deeper platonic relationship with an ENFJ... more in line with the original intent of this thread. In another lifetime, I could see the potential, but our relationship is perfect just the way it is. I am his "second brain" and the mental/emotion connection we share is one of the strongest I have ever experienced with another person. We've put each other through crap but we're still there for each other.

I just wouldn't want to deal with that stuff in a highly intimate way such as a romantic relationship...EVER.

 

[Chrysanthe]

Hm.... Te > Fi is certainly what I could use to be successful in the long run.... but an ESTj? I think I'd much rather be with an ISTp tbh.

Other Fi types (including my Identity) have usually been the only people I've hooked up with, because they're the only ones who notice and relate to me (online flings are another thing, where it's easier to communicate with other types). We get along very well yes and usually I feel a very strong attraction to Fi egos at first... I just feel it'd get very boring if all we did was talk about our feelings all the time or consistently agree on topics which take our values into consideration or get pissed that the other person disapproves of something I value (i'm always on the receiving end of this since I cannot disapprove of anything it seems ;w; ) (okay I guess this would be just as bad with Fi hidden agenda/suggestive too).... What IS attractive at first is their Pe, because then it feels like they're just chill fun people who hold no judgement, but that usually ends soon as you're together.

I'd love someone more grounded and able to deal with everything I suck at. Which is everything. Te can do everything right?

I DONT KNOW WHAT IM ATTRACTED TO >~<

 

[Kheledon]

yeah. I don't really relate to the socionics system. I don't relate to the emotional instability and neediness piece (other than at the lowest points of my life) of the EIE descriptions. Most of the time, people tell me I am level-headed, logical, and calculated.

We're excellent actors--natural performers. The Socionics theorists use the archtype "Hamlet" to describe us.

While we can and do appear to others exactly as you describe, underneath something else entirely is going on.

That's just my experience, however. I typed myself for years as an INTj. LOL. I can look like that when I want to, and that's what most people see, but that IS NOT who I really am. For years I had to hide what I really was in order to be socially acceptable. No longer!

is raw emotional, ethical power. I say, embrace it!

Edited to add: Of course it also means this, as I have argued numerous times in this venue:

=

 

[Kheledon]

Ironically, in all honesty, I have a much deeper platonic relationship with an ENFJ... more in line with the original intent of this thread. In another lifetime, I could see the potential, but our relationship is perfect just the way it is. I am his "second brain" and the mental/emotion connection we share is one of the strongest I have ever experienced with another person. We've put each other through crap but we're still there for each other.

I just wouldn't want to deal with that stuff in a highly intimate way such as a romantic relationship...EVER.

I gotta say, that feels so sad to me. Why wouldn't you want to be more intimate with this person? Please feel free not to respond to that question. It was, ultimately, rhetorical, but, speaking for myself, I want to melt into another human being and be one.

But it took me a very long time to come to this realization. You may not be there yet, or you may be different. Either way, I wish you peace and happiness.

 

[Tilt]

I gotta say, that feels so sad to me. Why wouldn't you want to be more intimate with this person? Please feel free not to respond to that question. It was, ultimately, rhetorical, but, speaking for myself, I want to melt into another human being and be one.

But it took me a very long time to come to this realization. You may not be there yet, or you may be different. Either way, I wish you peace and happiness.

Similar information processing but disparity in a few core values/different stages in life. I am actually grateful to know the individual because it's sometimes like looking into a mirror and he's more of a natural optimist and go-getter.

 

[Kho]

All of my relationships so far have been with INTP's or INFP's.
I myself am an INFP or an INTP (I have trouble figuring out which I am at any given time.)
Usually our MBTI results are almost exactly alike -- down to the percentage points.
This means I've never had a relationship that wasn't an identity relationship.

I can't imagine dating someone that's not as exactly like me as possible.
I am too intense for most other people to put up with once I show my true colours, and I wouldn't really want to put someone through that experience unless they already knew what it was like.
Most other people tend to annoy or exasperate me or throw me into full despair mode, so there's that, too.

A short list follows:

INFP #1. 2008-2012 : Similar identity crises, similar philosophical and political bent, very different family backgrounds, different aesthetics and spirituality, with shared circle of (social) friends. Almost fraternal.
INFP #2. 2012-2013 : Large age difference, identical political views, same career motivations, shared circle of (academic) friends. Almost paternal.
INTP #3. 2014- : Most similar aesthetically and musically. Living situation compatibility extremely high. Very similar family backgrounds. Different politically/philosophically, but not incompatible. Mutually parental(?)

The problem is that I am prone to infatuations and periodic eye-wandering...
I've never cheated on anyone, but I form very strong attachments to platonic friends that can get confusing at times. Here's a list of them:

INTP #1. 2007- : Musically, aesthetically, ontologically, intellectually, socially, and spiritually extremely compatible. Shared group of large friends. Timing is always very bad. Still good friends.
ENFJ #2. 2010-2012 : Intellectually and emotionally compatible. Mostly I was infatuated. We had a shared small group of friends. Long distance did not work out.
ISTJ #3. 2014-2015 : Musically, aesthetically, and emotionally compatible. Intellectually incompatible. Shared small group of friends. Was domineering, controlling, abusive, possessive. I retaliated in like fashion.
ESFJ #4. 2015-2016 : We had some interesting conversations.

To summarise, I have to see something in that person's eyes in order to feel that connection.
I can appreciate how someone looks or sounds aesthetically, but if I'm to want to make them mine, I have to recognise myself in them.
I remember how my attraction would flare up and down regarding the other types, but it would always prove illusory.
Some of my favourite moments are of what I like to call telepathy. We'll have full conversations without saying a word. I need that in my life.
I don't think a non-INXP would be able to quite understand me as precisely as I need them to.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

However, nature has played a little trick on us. It is difficult to notice your Dual partner among all the other types and even easier to pass them by. Usually during first contact extroverts think about their introvert Dual as ordinary and simple, therefore not deserving their personal attention. In return introverts consider their extrovert Dual to be too good for them and therefore unattainable. Both positions usually belong to people who had a lack of Duality interaction during childhood. The magnetic effect of Duality becomes obvious when partners do not see each other for a while. Only after being together for a fair amount of time do the partners start realising how much they need each other. Finally, these relations are most suitable for friendship, marriage and family life. To have a Dual partner is irreplaceable if you have to compete or survive in a socially dangerous environment.

I'll start telling you my experience about duality.

My best friend is an INTP. I always feel he is my twin soul. We only meet twice or three times a year maximum and that is just MEMORABLE and ADORABLE time 100 per cent.

It is as if we left each other the day before every time we meet again !

We sleep in the same bed, we don't sleep together (anyway he is not my sexual type, and our relationship is very much higher, nothing to do under the belt).


We already had fights. At the beginning (we have tried to have an intimate relationship). I am quite attracted by introverts if I feel they are sincere and able to communicate without too much problems.

He has always deserved my attention because he is very clever, sensitive and subtle. He sometimes had some inferiority complex with me and told me so directly.

I understood later why and really appreciate he trusts me...

No intimate relationship was possible. I don't like a man to feel superior or inferior. That isn't fair, that isn't fun.

But anyway, I love that man.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Identical relations can be compared with watching a video of oneself.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Relation of activity : "These relations are the easiest and quickest to start.....These relations are excellent for leisure, but not for day to day activities."

I must say that one totally sucks for me.


Because.... "If partners cannot take a break from each other, it can cause negative stimulation to take the place of positive."

"Instead of solving the problems, Activity partners tend to give advice to each other on how to solve these problems, often affecting each others weak points. "


Big, not to say HUGE BREAKS for such relation is wanted in my humble opinion.