I read the description in the link – sure sounds like an INFJ 1w2 to me, although 2w1 is possible. Maybe she just handles stress better? How does she react when she feels her house/environment is in disorder despite all her efforts?
I think she does handle stress better; she seems to let stress out very consistently and deal with it as it comes, unless the stress has to do with people that she's around. Generally at the end of a stressful day, she'll come home and vent to me, and maybe make/buy comfort food.
She does get very worried, though -- worry is more of a problem for her than stress is. Worry may build up, but it doesn't make you explode. And her kind of worry (i.e. ridiculous Ni worry, 75% of the time) can't be assuaged, because it's irrational, so that's the only thing I can think of that she has to repress and let build up.
I guess I would advise reading the core motivations/desires/needs for each, and not looking at her behavior so much as the reasons behind the behavior. This is what I did with my husband that helped me figure out he was a counterphobic 6 rather than an 8.
That's the problem. I think it depends! Here are some examples of major life decisions on her part:
a) She got a job at a university across the country, she and my dad and I (at age two) took a moving van all the way from the east coast to the Rockies. She had been promised a tenure-track position, but they didn't give it to her when she got there. She complained to the (pretty damn psycho) department chair, who immediately decided that she was "uncontrollable" and that if anyone in the department allied with her, they might get fired. Needless to say, until the department chair retired, the environment among department faculty was almost Orwellian. But she didn't keep fighting back, and she didn't cut off her nose to spite her face (as I might have done in her position) -- but instead remained a department doormat for over ten years, because she's been afraid to do the necessary negotiating. She'll make excuses to herself, like "It won't make a difference, there's no point", even though she's never tried, and therefore would never know if it made a difference. She obviously has the INFJ martyr complex about it, but that hasn't led to a 1-style Justice Must Be Done Because This Has Gone On Long Enough attitude.
So, this major life factor seems very 2.
b) Part of why she has the job that she does -- i.e. teaching the organ -- is that she loves the instrument, but it's dying. Churches are losing their organs and gaining praise bands by the day, which is something that she is constantly raging against, and she feels like the one person whose shoulders the entire fate of the King of Instruments rests upon.
This obviously seems very 1!
So, that's my concern, I guess. She makes more 2-ish decisions than I do on a larger scale (since mine usually have more to do with how I interact with friends) -- but that could be because she's an INFJ.
Edit: I think I'm biased on this topic, for a few reasons. Firstly, I can't get over how different we are in terms of motivation and how we handle stress and what act as catalysts in our lives. Secondly, my work study boss at my university is an INFJ 2w1 who reminds me a lot of my mom, in that I would never describe them as touchy-feely or nurturing, but they both enjoy the role of sensible mentor. They also handle stress similarly -- and they both tend to get too much on their plate because people give them a ton of work to do and neither of them can say no.
(To be fair, it's possible that my boss mistyped herself and is actually 1w2, as well.)
We started dating our last year of college and got married that summer, so I didn’t see a whole lot of it before we were married. After we were married it kicked in and was like that for years. Honestly, he attributes it to an experience with God, and the fact that I started setting boundaries and getting a backbone while at the same time asserting that I loved him and was fully committed to the relationship. I think as a 6 that worked because he had both security and loyalty in that I obviously wasn’t leaving, yet I was asserting my own authority not to be treated that way. As a 9 I just kind of swept it under the rug, zoned out, and just tried to adapt around it for years, thinking if I just tried a little harder it would magically make him happy, even though people outside of the relationship were kinda like
But eventually I started integrating and moving up in health, and he started seeking Jesus and got involved with great mentors at church, and he got healthier too. He’s still in the process of working on it, as am I, but we are very happy.
That's great!
I'm so glad that ended up working out.
I hate it when I do that.
