Why are Americans so FAKE?

[ChocolateMoose123]

Or being more selective about whom you approach. A sure way never to gain my trust is to expect me to play stupid social games and jump through those sorts of hoops. No thanks.

I'm with you on being selective about who you approach.

I don't think people play stupid social games. Or make people jump through hoops. Never met someone who did that.

More that, some people expect those things as a first step to build upon. If they don't have that, they don't know how to gauge an approach of that person. They don't know if their effort toward something deeper (friendship) are welcome or not.

It isn't punitive or manipulative. It can seem that way because it is an equivalent of dipping ones toe in the pool to test temperature. It is shallow but it has purpose.

Now, no one has to entertain anything they don't want but if they wonder why they cannot connect or wish to connect with people more, then understanding this is only beneficial.

 

[miss fortune]

sorry, but I really AM pretty pleasant with strangers... I'm a midwesterner and that's kind of what tends to be done around here

and you know what? those little bits of pleasantry to others have led to a lot of interesting conversations over the years where you get to learn about other people and what they've done or what they're going to do... sometimes you've got to appreciate life stories instead of book stories because most of our history as a species has been passed along orally. And sometimes you'll learn things that you would have never picked up a book about in the first place.

so I don't really care if you think it's fake, I'll continue to smile at strangers just to see their faces light up and I'll continue to hold the door for people or give up my seat on public transportation or any of the other little niceties that I've been raised around because I like to see happy people and, much to my chagrin, I happen to like most people

 

[EcK]

I only speak two languages but understand some degree of other languages especially of the Indo-European branch since the have the same logical syntax and structure. I've always had a knack for picking up on linguistics though I never mastered any language outside of the language I was raised with and English. I understand spoken Polish much better than written Polish since its kind of hard to read. For example Polish use letters and sounds other Slavic languages lack.

Are you of Polish descent, female and hot ?
Asking for purely scientific purposes

jokes aside, Polish does have a knack at coming up with impossible-to-spell S-type sounds. I never write in Polish so it's not really my strong suit. I wouldn't trust myself around a letter without some serious spell checking.

 

[Xann]

I see the emotional sentiment, and the way the emotions and trust are distributed throughout the greater social sphere and i'm saying that it is half balked and malfunctioning. I may be one weird ESTP though... that is constantly zoning out from social situations and going into his trusted haven of thought... I also occasionaly misplace objects and can't find them later such as wallet, keys, phone. If this sounds like ESTP then I'll take the title.

Sounds like ADD inattentive subtype...

 

[ZNP-TBA]

Are you of Polish descent, female and hot ?
Asking for purely scientific purposes

jokes aside, Polish does have a knack at coming up with impossible-to-spell S-type sounds. I never write in Polish so it's not really my strong suit. I wouldn't trust myself around a letter without some serious spell checking.

Smokin' hot but I don't think you'd like what I'm packing down there.

I think centuries of German influence into Polish has morphed the language to be a bit over-complicated in terms of spelling.

 

[Virtual ghost]

During my brief time in Russia years ago, one thing that struck me is that people - including college students and other young people - appreciated the value of real conversation. Conversation with depth, beyond the pleasantries. Several of our get-togethers involved simply walking around the city for hours, discussing everything under the sun, and especially the different perspectives Americans and Russians had on the same topics. Most Americans I knew, especially young people, would have had no patience for that. The Russians also had an understanding and appreciation for great literature far beyond that of the average American.

Bottom line: I can see what you are saying, and have noticed similar trends myself.

If I can comment.

Since I am comming from Eastern European country I will dare to say this is mostly the consequence of our education systems. USA from what I see is mostly about educating for specific jobs, while here education is trying to give one deeper sense of understanding the reality. We have the term "basic culture" that is made of quite a number of facts and models and everyone should know those. Also as the education is much more socialized the smarter people get direct state sponsorship in education so that they can become hardcore experts in a topic or few of them. What allows many people to much more easily develop their intellect than in USA. Where you often can't educate yourself without side job that takes plenty of time or help of private businesses that will want something in return.


I know people who went to USA to visit relatives and similar to that and they say that because of this education methodology American TV quizes are very very easy. Earning a 100 000 $ or more should be a piece of cake for a real intellectual from these parts.

 

[Bush]

It's worth mentioning that small talk isn't necessarily fake. One doesn't have to make small talk with the intention to get all deep into a conversation.

"How are you?" can be an honest question. "Good, good" can be an honest response (people do sometimes feel good). Some off-hand comment to a cashier can be genuine. "What do you do for a living?" doesn't necessarily have to be followed up by mentally checking out when the person starts to give you an answer.

I don't need to pry into how the person's day has been good for my question to be an honest one.

 

[anticlimatic]

Bless your heart, OP.

 

[EcK]

I think centuries of German influence invasion into Polish has morphed the language to be a bit over-complicated in terms of spelling.

fixed

 

[Jaguar]

Move to Russia.

 

[Mole]

It's worth mentioning that small talk isn't necessarily fake. One doesn't have to make small talk with the intention to get all deep into a conversation.

"How are you?" can be an honest question. "Good, good" can be an honest response (people do sometimes feel good). Some off-hand comment to a cashier can be genuine. "What do you do for a living?" doesn't necessarily have to be followed up by mentally checking out when the person starts to give you an answer.

I don't need to pry into how the person's day has been good for my question to be an honest one.

Strangely enough, the purpose of small talk is to gauge the immediate, momentary, emotional state of the other.

Of course there are some who are out of touch with their own immediate, momentary emotional state, and are phobic towards the emotional state of the other.

And those who are out of touch with their immediate, momentary emotional state are emotionally handicapped. Naturally they are embarrassed and seek to hide their emotional handicap behind intellectualisation.

And those who are emotionally in contact with themselves and others tend to come from prosperous countries that practise the helping mode of child rearing where children are helped to achieve their life goals; and those who are emotionally repressed tend to come from poorer countries with the authoritarian mode of child rearing.

And those with an authoritarian child rearing, rather than being emotionally in touch, seek to control their emotions and the emotions of others through intellectualisation.

This intellectual control is a form of ressentiment, which is a deep-seated frustration and hostility accompanied by a sense of being powerless to express their emotions directly.

And as a reaction formation, the authoritarians feel superior to the creative and empathic.

 

[OptoGypsy]

[MENTION=4347]Virtual ghost[/MENTION], and [MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION], perfectly stated my opinion. My hatred is towards the schooling system of creating sheep that need to mingle with one another instead of a creating a system that allows for independence, and creativity. Choosing who you want to talk to is where it's at as Bill Hicks once joked, someone asked me "It takes twice as much energy not to smile" I responded with "it takes twice as much energy to tell me that then to leave me alone", something like that. It's a personal preference.

 

[prplchknz]

He was seen as a monster because he did not defend himself or offer any reasoning for the murder he committed. He was a blank slate and he got no mercy from others for it. In the end, his death was empty to him as well and he gained no insight from it all. Absurdism.




Don't get too caught up in the existential bullshit and please don't read Catcher In The Rye, until you've gotten a handle on basic social niceties. You might find your Bible and your religion in one and that has a history of not working out.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes when someone asks you how you are, you say 'doing great' and you move along even if you aren't. Not everyone has to or wants to go deeper. The US isn't Russia. So, there are different norms.

If you want to have deeper connection with people, you will have to be patient and build trust with others. This means going through some tedious motions.

Adapt.

nice kitty

 

[prplchknz]

It's worth mentioning that small talk isn't necessarily fake. One doesn't have to make small talk with the intention to get all deep into a conversation.

"How are you?" can be an honest question. "Good, good" can be an honest response (people do sometimes feel good). Some off-hand comment to a cashier can be genuine. "What do you do for a living?" doesn't necessarily have to be followed up by mentally checking out when the person starts to give you an answer.

I don't need to pry into how the person's day has been good for my question to be an honest one.

If i ask how you are outside of reflex like someone asks me how i am my reflex is good, how are you?. but other than that I actually do want to know how you are other wise i would not fucking ask. And it took a lot of frustration from me answering honestly to finally learn that most people don't care. But i have and now it's not that i like that fact but more of i tolerate.

 

[Hawthorne]

I don't understand why it has to be one or the other. Does engaging in superficial, low energy niceties subtract from the "deep conversation" mana pool? Is the Charisma skill inversely tied to Intelligence? Hatred sounds like a high cost spell. Puts me in mind of a sustained cast. That's like 10-25% of the mana bar out of commission right there.

Or wait, is it a hex? Someone casts "Smalltalk" and now you're beguilded! You lose control over your character for the next 5 turns!

Or maybe we've all been beguilded from the start. By Society-with-a-captial-S (though I could've sworn its favorite spell was Grease). Wizards are the ones who speak Latin, right? Or is that Warlocks? Aren't Warlocks just Wizards who study the Dark Arts though?

Nevermind me. Just musing.

 

[Coriolis]

I don't understand why it has to be one or the other. Does engaging in superficial, low energy niceties subtract from the "deep conversation" mana pool? Is the Charisma skill inversely tied to Intelligence? Hatred sounds like a high cost spell. Puts me in mind of a sustained cast. That's like 10-25% of the mana bar out of commission right there.

Or wait, is it a hex? Someone casts "Smalltalk" and now you're beguilded! You lose control over your character for the next 5 turns!

Someone casts "smalltalk" and you lose your train of thought; you are distracted. You have to stop or slow your pace and pay attention to them for at least long enough to satisfy their social itch so you can move on. It is like having to pick up a glove that you dropped, or worse, a piece of litter.

It may not take alot of energy to reciprocate a superficial "nicety" in the moment. Its greater cost comes in what it disrupts. I don't mind the interruption when someone actually needs something, but just to reply to "how are you?" No thanks. For this reason, I usually reply with unconventional answers.

 

[Hawthorne]

Someone casts "smalltalk" and you lose your train of thought; you are distracted. You have to stop or slow your pace and pay attention to them for at least long enough to satisfy their social itch so you can move on. It is like having to pick up a glove that you dropped, or worse, a piece of litter.

It may not take alot of energy to reciprocate a superficial "nicety" in the moment. Its greater cost comes in what it disrupts. I don't mind the interruption when someone actually needs something, but just to reply to "how are you?" No thanks. For this reason, I usually reply with unconventional answers.

So if I'm understanding you correctly, the insincerity and intellectual inferiority of shallow conversation doesn't overwhelm you with self-righteous disgust? Rather, it causes mild annoyance due to the understandably frustrating but largely inconsequential disruption of your flow? A disruption you handle with relative ease and a dash of Coriolis-brand wit and flair and move on from?

That sounds reasonable. I bet you even use an appropriately sized paintbrush too.

 

[Coriolis]

So if I'm understanding you correctly, the insincerity and intellectual inferiority of shallow conversation doesn't overwhelm you with self-righteous disgust? Rather, it causes mild annoyance due to the understandably frustrating but largely inconsequential disruption of your flow? A disruption you handle with relative ease and a dash of Coriolis-brand wit and flair and move on from?

That sounds reasonable. I bet you even use an appropriately sized paintbrush too.

My college choir director once described a visit to her mother while she was still in grad school. She had brought an orchestral score with her to study, which she would have to conduct after break. She was sitting at the dining room table poring over the score, hearing all the parts in her head and imagining how she would want to cue them and shape the performance. Then her mother came along and asked, "What do you think about chicken for dinner?" Poof.

This is what it is often like.

Just because I am not engaged in an obvious conversation with someone walking beside me, and don't have a phone pressed to my ear, doesn't mean my mind is idle and my attention is yours to demand.

 

[Also]

Sure, but I acknowledge people's existence by saying "good morning". I don't ask "how are you" unless I really want to know, and I consider it unrealistic to expect anything approaching a meaningful answer from people I don't already know well.

And some acknowledge the existence of others by saying completely different things. Depends on the situation.

 

[Amargith]

Smokin' hot but I don't think you'd like what I'm packing down there.

I think centuries of German influence into Polish has morphed the language to be a bit over-complicated in terms of spelling.

Actually, if memory serves, it is due to the fact that the Catholic Church got to Poland first. Russians, who have a similar sounding language, got influenced by the Greek Orthodox church, which offered them the written word. They taught them their alphabet, basically and adapted it to the Russian language which has a lot of shhh sounds that sound a lot alike to a non-slavic speaker. This allowed them to develop the cyrillic alphabet, ideally suited to those sounds. And of course get converted in the process

Due to the competition between the two churches, Rome reached out to Poland and offered them their alphabet and written word, basically. But, considering the cyrillic alphabet has like 33 letters and the latin one only has 26 (?), and polish, like russian, has a lot of those incomprehensible shhh sounds, they were forced to use a crazy combo of those letters to actually give them written form - leading to the daunting written language they have today