Your Ideal Partner

[Numbly Aware]

Disclaimer: My intent comes from experience of divorced couples.

I believe, for the best relationship, one must speak the same language. Like in socionics: Aggressor, Victim, Parent, Childlike.
I can see why the victim has attraction for the aggressor, but at times it can feel like a dance or practice for a show; all the right moves, but n common? we suffer.
The next best option for the victim is another victim... Maybe an awkward waltz, but we speak the same language. (applied to aggressor, and childlike/parent)
However, the frequency of the mbti type matching an enneagram type affects the relationship. For example, an ENFJ 3w4 may not be compatible with an aggressor or victim because neither carry the compatible enneagram type. As for an ENFP in the childlike group, carries the compatible type. So the ENFJ and the ENFP live happily ever after. (still, I advocate same group/ or perfect waltz partner.)

I'm trying to find the compatibility and attraction between the enneagram types.. Through process of elimination.
(Sometimes dating yourself isn't the best option, needs may not be met and you'll probably tire yourself out.)
Example, finding 9's romantic partner...
"9" has connection to 3 and 6, because of this connection, it will be like dating a part of "yourself" that eventually drives you mad; or as if their attitude was to purposely piss you off.
So maybe for 9 we should cancel out 3/6, not the wings 3/6 but the direct type 3/6. (though there may have been attraction )
Now, the hornevian groups... They are put into three categories: Assertive (8,3,7), Withdrawn (9,4,5), Compliant (1,2,6).
9 is a withdrawn type and cancels out other withdrawn types, 4/5 (there will be a feeling of "I'm not needed", though they make great "family")
Last but not least, the harmonic groups... They are put into three categories: Positive (7,9,2), Competency (1,3,5), Emotional Realness (8,4,6).
9 is a positive type and cancels out other positive types, 7/2 (there will be a feeling of "something's missing", though I am interested)
That leaves 9 with 1 and 8... where I bring in the wings, which is difficult. 9 can either date a 1w or 8w.

1 8/9
2 3/5
3 2/4
4 7/3
5 2/6
6 7/5
7 4/6
8 1/9
9 1/8​

Extra: (I do know a married couple male 1w2 and female 8w7. But, also a 9w8 dissed 1w2... Maybe it's the instinctual variants? (It was said the best for Sp was another Sp.) Question, can an enneagram type date it's inverted version? (3w4 with 4w3) I know a 5w6 dissed a 6w5 because they shared similar needs. I'm still trying to figure out the chemistry between enneagram types and how their wings affect the relationship. I sure do know I have a thing for 8w9/9w1... )

If you have any experience with enneagram wing relationships, please do share? or know of other relationships... or why you dis/liked certain enneagrams within dif "Groups"?
Thanks for reading. Please rate if you found chemistry in my analogy.

 

[Mole]

My father told me the most dangerous people in the world are idealists.

I think this is because idealists are in flight from reality. Every moon has its dark side but idealists only look at the bright side. And the dark side comes back to bite them.

Ideals cover a multitude of sins, even today Catholic idealists can't come to terms with their institution which practices child sex abuse and covers it up. And this is true of most institutions, we idealise them to cover up their ugly underbelly.

And of course we idealise our parents. We can't bear to even feel how they have hurt us. And we are ultra sensitive to any insult of our parents, no matter how well based. We rush to our parents defence waving our ideals. We can't even bear to think of our parents having sex, we idealise their sexuality out of existence.

And we ourselves want to have an ideal partner, when in reality we are attracted to those who are damaged like us, a folie à deux.

 

[Numbly Aware]

I defy your father.
Okay, 1. I'm not attracted to other "victims" like me. As selfish as any human being is I want the healthiest mate in the world (even if I have empathy with a mere worthless self-pitying individual, I am first a mother, metaphorically, and will not sacrifice my needs nor my future children's needs for a stupid selfish feeling of "relating").
3. Dark side comes back to bite them? WHat? Why has no one ever told me this before? as if I didn't already know. But did you know faith changes things? If you believe a child is "bad" from a young age, they will want to fulfill your desire. If you believe a person to be good, even when they had prove you wrong, time and time again, you look them in the eyes saying "I don't accept", it'll impact their life. Because it shows their identity of evil and factual knowledge to be powerless in the face of your love. Meaning you do not accept their "bad" as who they are. Like a dictator, they're in a courtroom waiting for your "guilty/ not guilty" as their sentence. Few have been able to become their own dictator. However, if we accept people with their "bad" saying "it's good, it's okay, you were born that way," this is indirectly crushing their heart; does more worse than good. Some psychopaths will admit this, they desire to be "punished", whether let the world see or not, they have the need to feel justice (this is their way of making wrong things done to them corrected). Don't get me wrong, I do not believe in "tough love", that was just an example, (there are some people in this world who only inflict pain authoritatively as if snaring at others or condemning them is the right thing to do). And there are whose who cannot deal with "wrong" done to them (sexual abused), so inflict this on others because NO "wrong" can be done to them and try to justify it.
(That's why NF maybe "ideal" or "futuristic" but we know the real world, we're just not afraid to make change for the better.)

4. Sir, have failed to impress me What is your mbti, enneagram, and intsinctual stack?

Yes, I know bitch-like but that's my stamp... I'm sure my ESTJ & ENTP raisin' had nothing to do with it. Two most bitch-like types in mbti

 

[Mole]

I defy your father.
Okay, 1. I'm not attracted to other "victims" like me. As selfish as any human being is I want the healthiest mate in the world (even if I have empathy with a mere worthless self-pitying individual, I am first a mother, metaphorically, and will not sacrifice my needs nor my future children's needs for a stupid selfish feeling of "relating").
3. Dark side comes back to bite them? WHat? Why has no one ever told me this before? as if I didn't already know. But did you know faith changes things? If you believe a child is "bad" from a young age, they will want to fulfill your desire. If you believe a person to be good, even when they had prove you wrong, time and time again, you look them in the eyes saying "I don't accept", it'll impact their life. Because it shows their identity of evil and factual knowledge to be powerless in the face of your love. Meaning you do not accept their "bad" as who they are. Like a dictator, they're in a courtroom waiting for your "guilty/ not guilty" as their sentence. Few have been able to become their own dictator. However, if we accept people with their "bad" saying "it's good, it's okay, you were born that way," this is indirectly crushing their heart; does more worse than good. Some psychopaths will admit this, they desire to be "punished", whether let the world see or not, they have the need to feel justice (this is their way of making wrong things done to them corrected). Don't get me wrong, I do not believe in "tough love", that was just an example, (there are some people in this world who only inflict pain authoritatively as if snaring at others or condemning them is the right thing to do). And there are whose who cannot deal with "wrong" done to them (sexual abused), so inflict this on others because NO "wrong" can be done to them and try to justify it.
(That's why NF maybe "ideal" or "futuristic" but we know the real world, we're just not afraid to make change for the better.)

4. Sir, have failed to impress me What is your mbti, enneagram, and intsinctual stack?

Yes, I know bitch-like but that's my stamp... I'm sure my ESTJ & ENTP raisin' had nothing to do with it. Two most bitch-like types in mbti

I am deflated knowing I have failed to impress you. But the truth is I no more want to know my star sign than to know my mbti, enneagram, or instinctual stack. On the other hand, I am impressed by your defiance of my father.

 

[Numbly Aware]

I am deflated knowing I have failed to impress you. But the truth is I no more want to know my star sign than to know my mbti, enneagram, or instinctual stack. On the other hand, I am impressed by your defiance of my father.

Since you are deflated, shouldn't you plead for my cause? It'll make you feel better...about yourself. My guess INTJ, try it... prove me wrong.

 

[Mole]

Since you are deflated, shouldn't you plead for my cause? It'll make you feel better...about yourself. My guess INTJ, try it... prove me wrong.

Actually I am a shy and sensitive INFP, I have little use for the J, so you can rest easy, but look, this is a secret, I have a reputation to uphold, so don't for God's sake tell anyone.

The thing is, I probably feel too good about myself, so I rely upon you to deflate me every now and then. It's true, I am a little like Toad in Wind in the Willows (see below) who can get a little carried away with himself.

Of course I would be delighted to make your cause my cause, I shall mount my stead, Rocinante, and be your knight.

 

[Numbly Aware]

Actually I am a shy and sensitive INFP, I have little use for the J, so you can rest easy, but look, this is a secret, I have a reputation to uphold, so don't for God's sake tell anyone.

The thing is, I probably feel too good about myself, so I rely upon you to deflate me every now and then. It's true, I am a little like Toad in Wind in the Willows (see below) who can get a little carried away with himself.

Of course I would be delighted to make your cause my cause, I shall mount my stead, Rocinante, and be your knight.

I do admit, it was a little cute for you trying to impress me.
But, that right there is the sweetest thing I've ever did read.
What about your instinctual variants? And enneagram type? With wings please
And why do I feel like the moment I read ur imput, felt like ENFJ/INTJ???

 

[Mole]

I do admit, it was a little cute for you trying to impress me.
But, that right there is the sweetest thing I've ever did read.
What about your instinctual variants? And enneagram type? With wings please
And why do I feel like the moment I read ur imput, felt like ENFJ/INTJ???

I guess I go straight to my inner life without the intermediaries of types. My ambition is to share my inner life like a singularity with no event horizon, for I see the event horizon as type to the inner life.

 

[Numbly Aware]

I guess I go straight to my inner life without the intermediaries of types. My ambition is to share my inner life like a singularity with no event horizon, for I see the event horizon as type to the inner life.

ENGLISH PLEASE!!!

 

[Mole]

ENGLISH PLEASE!!!

Well, a mystic seeks to experience God naked without anything between the mystic and God. And I seek to experience my psyche naked without anything between me and my psyche.

 

[Mole]

They all do.

Most of us have psychological defences to protect us from our damaged psyches.

So psychological defences are sure sign that it is psychologically dangerous to experience the damaged psyche directly.

A good example is Sylva Plath, the poet, who succeeded in experiencing her damaged psyche directly, and as result killed herself with her children in the next room.

 

[Numbly Aware]

Most of us have psychological defences to protect us from our damaged psyches.

So psychological defences are sure sign that it is psychologically dangerous to experience the damaged psyche directly.

A good example is Sylva Plath, the poet, who succeeded in experiencing her damaged psyche directly, and as result killed herself with her children in the next room.

I'm sorry, but my brain cannot contain your intellect
Aka, I don't understand shit.

See this is why I advocate same "group", I'm in the "victim" group and usually catch on to other victims... and I find ENTJs really attractive, maybe I'm an NT, I do appreciate straight fowardness.
I grew up with an INFP... we never did understand we each other but are very close. (Always misunderstood each other)

 

[ZNP-TBA]

Disclaimer: My intent comes from experience of divorced couples.

You're divorced?

I believe, for the best relationship, one must speak the same language.

你能聽懂我說話嗎？

I'm trying to find the compatibility and attraction between the enneagram types.. Through process of elimination.

How about instinctual variants?

If you have any experience with enneagram wing relationships, please do share? or know of other relationships... or why you dis/liked certain enneagrams within dif "Groups"?
Thanks for reading. Please rate if you found chemistry in my analogy.

I'm new to enneagram so I didn't consider it in my relationships. Theoretically for me, a 7w8 sx, I think a 6 or 9 would be ideal and a 1 and 4 would probably be least ideal.

 

[ceecee]

I'm new to enneagram so I didn't consider it in my relationships. Theoretically for me, a 7w8 sx, I think a 6 or 9 would be ideal and a 1 and 4 would probably be least ideal.

I think it's a better compatibility indicator than MBTI. I don't look at socionics - it gets far too much of a visceral reaction from me to be an effective tool to analyze anything. I'm an sp/sx and my ENFJ is probably a sx/so, I think this matters a great deal.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

I think it's a better compatibility indicator than MBTI. I don't look at socionics - it gets far too much of a visceral reaction from me to be an effective tool to analyze anything. I'm an sp/sx and my ENFJ is probably a sx/so, I think this matters a great deal.

I can agree with this. The woman I'm currently interested in is INFJ 6w? sp/sx while I'm sx/so.

 

[five sounds]

da fuq is going on in here???

 

[Numbly Aware]

da fuq is going on in here???

I'm guessing you came here to find your "ideal" partner... :bookish:

 

[Forever]

Ñoño are you my ideal partner?

 

[Numbly Aware]

You're divorced?

Eh, no, but have participated with divorced couples...DAMMIT LIFE. Everyone apparently wants to get divorced?

你能聽懂我說話嗎？

Bro, I'm still in my intermediate levels...

But, hey, I'll try.
If language was purely based on pronunciation, then what about mute people? They still have a romantic partner. Why?
It's has to do with speaking the same "mind/heart" language that some of us understand. (I say some, because I don't recognize any other than my "own", to be language.)
Each of us have our own "love" language, and we're better off finding our "culture" for awesomeness. (If push u cold straight into the water, NOW LEARN TO SWIM! means I love u)

Extra: (As many languages I've learned, I still do not understand the "human" language. So I just sit back, relax, and watch.)

How about instinctual variants?

I believe it was said,
Self-Preservation would be best with another Self-Preservation (SP). Maybe alternative endings (Sp/So with Sp/Sx)? Sx can be with So or Sx (never SP, hell no), likewise alternative endings.
(though same endings could workout? dunno.) I don't really pay attention, since I like specific typing. But, Sx usually speak my language

I'm new to enneagram so I didn't consider it in my relationships. Theoretically for me, a 7w8 sx, I think a 6 or 9 would be ideal and a 1 and 4 would probably be least ideal.

A 4 would be least ideal? Okay, whatever you say.......... even a 4w3? as for 6, hmm, My INFP 6w5 sis is in love with 5 so, maybe trying 6w7? (In my opinion, the crazy 6w7 and sweet 6w5 are both adorable. )

If you have any more questions I'll be happy to answer them.

 

[Numbly Aware]

Ñoño are you my ideal partner?

Of course! I'm everyone's ideal partner! :hi:
But the question is are they my ideal partner? Not in a million yrs
Sincerely, Your Cocky INFJ~
But I swear 9w1 teasing is the best!
No, actually, Te teasing is the bomb! for real, kills me every time..