The second major category in my mind is the general lack of "societal place/value" for our strongest skills. Sure being a great friend is a great thing, but how are you going to "sell" that, or "socially package/express" that, or use it to contribute to some companies bottom line??? Your personal life might be really great, and many people may really like and respect you, but professionally and "in societies eyes" I think its much harder to find outlets or expressions for that. For example, our computer programmer INFP's get paid to [I assume] do computer programming, not to motivationally inspire their coworkers. Personally, I get paid to run research machines, not to "express my feelings." I'm sure that non-T non-NT non-TJ workplaces are more "personable" and "interactive", but these general factors still apply there too I'm sure. Make no bones about it, business is a TJ [arguably ESTJ] environment, and virtually every job out there is, in some way shape or form, "business."
Yes, the business world does not seem made for INFPs. Even if we can succeed in it (and I think that's very possible), we're often not happy in it.
This reminds me of some conversations I had w/my mom. When I was younger I always wanted to be some kind of visual artist, but I was always looking to see how I could translate that into a paying job (graphic design? architecture?). I'd note that art is not valued because it doesn't contribute to any need. Well, my ISFJ mom would say that it contributes something very important, very much needed in the world (enriching the human experience, highlighting truth, etc), but I meant the
bottom line, pragmatic needs that generate income. People value many INFP associated strengths, but they don't assign monetary value to it. Frankly, I don't think you can. I think in some way, people do recognize that it corrupts the value to view it in monetary terms. I mean, they just see you as a sell-out if they have to pay you for something that should be "above" a service transaction.
But, I don't want to hear that when I need to pay my rent & eat
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To further expand Scott's point about coolness and societal value of skills, how do you define a person who is a "successful" INFP? Who are the role models and did they succeed because of their INFPness or because they conformed to the norm despite their INFPness?
When it comes to famous INFPs, I tend to identify success in terms of artistic success. The problem is, this does not necessarily mean personal success, or happiness. Often these people were/are a disaster on a personal level. I think Van Gogh was INFP. His art is a success now, but even if his art was a success when he was alive, would he have reached personal success? I just don't think his mindset was stable enough. He was fundamentally unhappy with life, and no amount of artistic success would've changed that; it went beyond his art. So identifying successful INFPs in terms of happiness is a lot harder. They're probably less conspicuous.
And don't even get me started on how celebrities are not role models....If you're looking for happy, stable people, then you should not look to most famous people, IMO.
One issue especially with the e4 INFPs is that we tend to want to live life according to our own terms, and doing that is much easier in the latter stages of life when we already have some stability in terms of a career and family. So it's sort of a chicken and egg problem. You can't be free to be INFP unless you have built a life by suppressing those INFP tendencies. Before I get jumped on, I'm not saying that INFPs have it harder than any other types. Just different challenges that society as a whole tend to misunderstand.
Maybe I'm being idealistic (what are the odds of that?), but I'd like to see it as not so much compromising oneself, but expanding what your ideals mean in reality. I think a stable, productive INFP sees many ways to reach a core ideal, and so they are less restricted, making so-called "compromises" a non-threat to their identity. Instead, these "compromises" just become different avenues than you previously thought you could take to reach your ideals. The ideals are less narrow, less rigid, more adaptable, which makes them easier to fulfill in reality.
Also, what seems like whining and self-hating in a forum like this can actually be an INFP's way of just expressing himself/herself given the anonymity of the Internet.
It's hard to get across to others why INFPs vent a lot online....90% of the time we're listening to other people vent in person. I'm a listener, a "healer", not a whiner.
Yeah, but we make taking a shit and being cranky look beautiful and poetic too.
I know this is humorous, but relating this idea to William's above, I think this is a conflict some INFPs may experience (especially e4s): Does being "successful" mean being a successful artist (not even literally an artist) or being happy?
Is it better to live poetically, but be miserable, than to be happy, but not live very poetically? Of course, a person can do both, but it's harder to find examples of these INFPs, because IRL we don't come across each other that much. Looking at famous people doesn't help; they seem to usually be the former kind.
