[INFP] Why do people Hate the idea of being INFP?

[Scott N Denver]

Meh, probably because INFPs tend to kinda smell like beef jerky.

Ahemmmm! Some of us are vegetarian!

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Actually I should make this a poll for when the peeps start returning, once I get some answers. (if I remember )
When I first found out I was an INFP, I was excited and thought it was coolest type out, then I found out that nobody else thought that way.
What's so terrible/shaming about being INFP?
This may be the idealist in me talking, or maybe my vanity, but what is so terrible about dreamy compassionate people who keep to themselves, unless they feel compelled to do good works?

Actually I think you'll find it's almost exclusively the male INFPs who dislike (or profess to disliking) being INFP. Figuring out why that should be so isn't too hard.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I think there can probably be a lot of reasons, but for me two main categories come to mind. One is that other types are basically "cooler" I guess, and the other lies in that most of best strengths generally have little outlet or generally accepted societal value.

"Cool" is very subjective, but like for me I remember being a teenager in high school and an INTJ friend was gung-ho about joining the Marines and being tough and such. Its generally easier for an outside person, and by extrapolation "society in general" to see the value of such a decision, and what it involves. "Yes, service to your country, make something of yourself, be all you can be, tough as nails, etc." When I said something like "I want to be a martial arts master" or "I want to be a buddhist monk", well *some* people thought that was extremely interesting, some people thought it was very odd, but there really isn't too much about those that one can point to and say "society generally recognizes this value as being contributed by such a decision." ALso, I remember my friend showing me a pic of a young marine doing guard duty in Haiti carrying his gun, and the marine guard just seemed so competent and in the moment and dangerous and tough and competent that I couldn't do anything but be impressed. While I'm personally impressed by the qualities that I see when I look at pictures of buddhist monks, indian swamis, etc, other than maybe "they look so peaceful!" I don't think most people can really point to values they see that are admirable/desired. Put differently Rambo is "cool" and awesome and people wanna be like him, most people don't aspire to sitting in a garden reading religious philosophy! And lest anyone think I'm stereotyping and being mean, rest assured that *this* INFP has spent much time outdoors gardens or otherwise] reading philosophy!

The second major category in my mind is the general lack of "societal place/value" for our strongest skills. Sure being a great friend is a great thing, but how are you going to "sell" that, or "socially package/express" that, or use it to contribute to some companies bottom line??? Your personal life might be really great, and many people may really like and respect you, but professionally and "in societies eyes" I think its much harder to find outlets or expressions for that. For example, our computer programmer INFP's get paid to [I assume] do computer programming, not to motivationally inspire their coworkers. Personally, I get paid to run research machines, not to "express my feelings." I'm sure that non-T non-NT non-TJ workplaces are more "personable" and "interactive", but these general factors still apply there too I'm sure. Make no bones about it, business is a TJ [arguably ESTJ] environment, and virtually every job out there is, in some way shape or form, "business."

 

[ayoitsStepho]

Ahemmmm! Some of us are vegetarian!

Oh I'm sorry, veggie jerky! Which doesn't smell much better in all honesty.

 

[stalemate]

I still haven't quite figured out why people want to be INFJs

I don't understand why people want to be any particular type. It seems ridiculous to desire to be a certain one. WTF?

 

[William K]

To further expand Scott's point about coolness and societal value of skills, how do you define a person who is a "successful" INFP? Who are the role models and did they succeed because of their INFPness or because they conformed to the norm despite their INFPness?

One issue especially with the e4 INFPs is that we tend to want to live life according to our own terms, and doing that is much easier in the latter stages of life when we already have some stability in terms of a career and family. So it's sort of a chicken and egg problem. You can't be free to be INFP unless you have built a life by suppressing those INFP tendencies. Before I get jumped on, I'm not saying that INFPs have it harder than any other types. Just different challenges that society as a whole tend to misunderstand.

Also, what seems like whining and self-hating in a forum like this can actually be an INFP's way of just expressing himself/herself given the anonymity of the Internet.

 

[KDude]

I don't understand why people want to be any particular type. It seems ridiculous to desire to be a certain one. WTF?

I can understand a little envy of specific people. "Grass is greener", etc.. Maybe some are projecting that on to entire types. Which is an error, but that's probably just their experience of a type. Personally, I've met miserable people of all shapes and sizes.....and I'm sure, types as well.

 

[stalemate]

Maybe some are projecting that on to entire types. Which is an error, but that's probably just their experience of a type.

Or their bias and projection is making them believe they have had experiences with people of a certain type when, in reality, they are typing people based on these experiences.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I think that Johnny Depp has done much for the general image of INFP's, not to say that most people know he is one or what an INFP is, but lets face it, there's only one Johnny Depp and he's pretty individual, however Donald Trump is easy to look at and go "Power! Money! Success! and he gets to say 'your fired!!!' ha ha ha I want to tell people "your fired"! And have money and power and success!!! And hot women and sports cars! Business world here I come!!!" What identifiable relatable traits to INFP's have that young children look at and want to replicate? Are INFP's overrepresented amongst astronauts, lawyers, doctors etc? Athletes or actors/actresses? People with lots of money? Navy SEALS or Marine scout snipers? How many INFP role models are really out there in the public eye and well known anyways??? [Johnny Depp, Jackie O, Princess Diana, maybe Mother Teresa?, yeah 4 is all I can really come up but maybe others can expand the list]. How many kids grow up wanting to be Rambo? A lot right? How many kids grow up wanting to be "happy healthy 'in touch with themselves' adults"? Of the latter group, how many will maintain that as the realities of work home and family change their lives?

I think its sort of like people that want to grow up to be "spiritual healers", yeah sure there are some of them out there, but not very darn many, you don't here about them very much, and its not particularly publicly well known. But Rambo, well Rambo [Navy SEALS, race car drivers, fireman, etc] are well known, and lots more people aspire to growing up and doing something like that.

 

[KDude]

Well, in Socionics, the first Astronaut (Cosmonaut) is apparently INFp

That's beside the point though.. You seem to want to judge coolness by some standards that aren't your own (at least, you're doing it for the sake of argument). The trick is mentally tell all of those messages being sent to you to "Fuck off". Define your own cool. Avoid being subject to other constructs of what you are or are not supposed to be (as much as possible at least).

 

[skylights]

well, if the questions is why do some people not want to be INFPs, then i think that might in part be from (a) not understanding what it feels like to have an INFP's sense of prorities, and (b) hearing some INFPs speak negatively about being INFP.

though if we're talking why don't others like INFPs, honestly, it sometimes could be that some INFPs make being INFP into a Really Big Deal, which is kind of annoying. the only time i've ever really felt any animosity towards INFPs was in that one thread... like "INFP vs the world" or something. i felt like a few people were trying to argue that INFPs are more profound than all the other types. which, don't get me wrong, i know you guys are special, but so is everyone else too.

also the very strong moral sense can be a little hard to deal with sometimes. dealing with an angry stubborn INFP is like having a cute disapproving bunny one minute and a disgruntled rhino the next.

Hipster INFJs are like the opposite of mature. They are some of the most self-congratulatory pretentious douchebags on the planet. They're like the emo version of the INTJ who thinks he's always right and the rest of the world consists of mere plebeians.

If INFJ is the measuring stick for "maturity" then Fi in any form, unless it's mimicking Fe, will always be perceived as "immature." How gauche.

lmao. trueee

To further expand Scott's point about coolness and societal value of skills, how do you define a person who is a "successful" INFP? Who are the role models and did they succeed because of their INFPness or because they conformed to the norm despite their INFPness?

i would think a successful INFP is a happy INFP

princess diana is a successful INFP, i think. her success in terms of fame and status was largely a stroke of luck, but her success as a human being was very much because of her INFPness.

 

[stalemate]

The trick is mentally tell all of those messages being sent to you to "Fuck off". Define your own cool. Avoid being subject to other constructs of what you are or are not supposed to be (as much as possible at least).

 

[Kriash]

I would have liked whatever type I ended up being. When I first took the test, I tested as an INFJ, and I was super happy. I didn't even know what that meant at the time. A year or so later I took the test and got INFP, and that's what i've tested as since. I like my type. I think people who don't like their type, are people who don't like who they are as a person. I guess not all people who don't like their type would fall under that, but I bet a lot of them would.

 

[Santosha]

You can't be free to be INFP unless you have built a life by suppressing those INFP tendencies

I love this nugget of understanding. Spot the fuck on William.

 

[Rebe]

also the very strong moral sense can be a little hard to deal with sometimes. dealing with an angry stubborn INFP is like having a cute disapproving bunny one minute and a disgruntled rhino the next.

We can't be a cute bunny all the time. I like the sharp contrast; it keeps people on their toes. I am pretty sure that's one of the best things about us though, really laid-back and silly one minute but rigorous and firm the next. I am sure my "moral senses" can be annoying, but it's a huge part of us. We usually explode for a bit and get over it, move on to something else and become silly again.

 

[stalemate]

Spot the fuck on

Is this like Where's Waldo?

 

[KDude]

I love this nugget of understanding. Spot the fuck on William.

I guess that's one way of going about it. I'd rather indulge in not suppressing.. Suppression is the equivalent of telling me I can only be Fi if I give in to Te ( i.e. reneging on introversion for the sake of someone else's extroverted demand). I'm not interested in giving others power so "I can be more like myself". Maybe it makes sense for some people, but it doesn't to me.

 

[Eluded_One]

the only time i've ever really felt any animosity towards INFPs was in that one thread... like "INFP vs the world" or something. i felt like a few people were trying to argue that INFPs are more profound than all the other types. which, don't get me wrong, i know you guys are special, but so is everyone else too.

I wholeheartedly agree. After attending a few INFP-only meetups and being in a room with typically 4+ INFPs, I have experienced first hand some negative stereotypes that have arisen from certain INFP individuals. One of the INFP's declared that *we* are only 3% of the population (I knew exactly where this was going), I then asked him if that is so, where is the tangent proof that we are of this rare percentage, and how should information be extrapolated to divide what is unique and what is common? Despite your type, we are all special in our very own way. Not one life in the populace of billions can be replicated to share the same experience.

His response was something in the lines of "we are special in our own special uniqueness, and that qualifies as something different from the rest of society". I had to end the discussion there, it was going no where. I figured if you are one to project your insecurities, it would be to do something special, rather than alone say it.

 

[William K]

i would think a successful INFP is a happy INFP

Does a content INFP who is sometimes happy and sometimes not so happy count?

 

[CrystalViolet]

Actually I think you'll find it's almost exclusively the male INFPs who dislike (or profess to disliking) being INFP. Figuring out why that should be so isn't too hard.

I've only met two male INFP in my life. Both of them were scary smart. One was married and doing a Phd in chemistry. He was extremely thoughful, and worth listening to when he spoke. Very respected, but a little absurd. He was cool. He would have been a good role model.

The other one was so sensitive, he couldn't function in day to day society. He was very lovely and sweet but honestly, his parents needed to push him out the door, and encourage him to do some thing with his life. He was 29 at the time. He did write though. He had a very philisophical out look on life.

Having known such extreme examples of INFP males, I still don't know what to make of Y'all.
But I've said in other threads, I perhaps get away with a lot more squidegy stuff than an INFP male would. I can guess that being sensitive would do you no favours in the male world, but if my examples are anything to go by, when you guys speak up, it worth listening too. You make people think, even if it's just for a moment. I'd love a smidgen of that respect.
And, honestly, I don't why girls wouldn't want to go out with INFP guy? Every girl should want one! (if the married guy was any thing to go by, he just seemed very caring and intimate with his wife. It was very subtle, but nice.)