Aww thanks vince!
I don't necessarily wish to be an ESFP any more but here and there, sometimes I wish my Fi weren't so great, and my idealism would just allow me to live a "regular" life and go to work, be productive, then come home and be ok with that. I turn options away because it isn't meaningful enough to me, or I don't see it fitting into the bigger picture of my life story. It can certainly be conflicting at times. Do I go the practical route and continue with this feeling of not being genuine and true to myself?
I'm not actually struggling with anything at the moment if I'm giving the impression of that, but it is something I do think about. Basically, this ties back into the thread of ENFP struggles, and a few posts people made, including myself, of the struggles ENFPs can have with being themselves, while living in the society that we do.
To be fair, I am "idealistic" in a sense, but only in a different way. In a more productive way I guess, in which I can implement my plans/systems into the world around me and have them work the way I want them to, and get the exact results in which I need. A lot of people don't come to me for emotional support, because I am a lot more business-minded than the majority of people on my course, and a lot more focused on finishing projects/coursework etc. than many of them are.
I can see the bigger picture too, in a sense, but not in the way that an ENFP would, but I do understand how hard it is sometimes to fit into an enviroment where you "stand out" more than the majority of people there, because of how you function. I can find myself conflicting with productivity, indulgence and even trying to let it all out. I'm not the best at being emotionally understanding, but I am good at helping you get things done.
You are a good, honest guy, and people will appreciate you for who you are, even if you maybe don't see it at first. I know you might think you're an anomaly sometimes, but believe me, you're not. Everyone is a misfit in a way. Even the most "average joes" with "regular jobs" who "seem happy". They all have some sort of quirky side that no-one understands. Even my ESTJ Dad seems nuts at times, and he considers himself "normal".
It's honestly good that you are staying true to who you are, and are learning to know where your strengths and weaknesses lie in a way. It's okay to turn things down because don't suit how you function. Do you think I say yes to everything? (I actually have to sacrifice a lot of things for my assignments and have to say no to my groups sometimes, because they don't fit in with my schedule and interfere with my productivity).
And some idealism is genuinely good. It would be lovely if I could escape sometimes, into an ideal world and just chill for a while. I really mean it. It would be nice to have an ideal ethical system to help me make better informed choices, and get more in touch with who I really am, deep inside, so I can prove that I am not a robot [emoji14]