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what's a "real man"

Lord Lavender

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Those "real men wear pink" shirts crack me up. Real men whatever the hell color they want. Imagine all the men who wear pink to "prove" they are a real man.

Hey did you know that white and red mixed makes pink so if you see a man in a pink shirt hes so badass that he has been somewhere where blood was involved so they are the toughest of all.
 

Poki

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Hey did you know that white and red mixed makes pink so if you see a man in a pink shirt hes so badass that he has been somewhere where blood was involved so they are the toughest of all.

Dude, thats deep as shit
 

Qlip

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It's a marketing trademark to encourage the purchase of axe body spray.
 

Justmeonhere

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I tend to see the stereotypes of a "real man" as the opposite of the truth of it. John Wayne is the epitome of the falseness of the "real man". He externally defines the stereotypical cultural ideal, but in his cowardice and weakness he beat all three of his wives. Be the opposite of John Wayne and be a real man. True strength is living with integrity, being willing to take what you dish out, and living with honesty and authenticity.

And I can only say THIS, I absolutely agree.

The overall society use this term in a very different way. Generally being a men signifies a tough individual, a macho man who can strive for anything. I always used the terms "true man" for describe what labyrinthine says in the last sentence of his post. I agree with Coriolis too when he says that a real man is someone who is comfortamble with himself. The same two thing defines a "true womam". In reality I've never loved these labels. There aren't true men or true women in the word. They're reductive labels for me.
 

Korvinagor

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you hear the phrase "a real man" thrown around, by both women and men at times

as in "I want a real man" or "be a man" said in a manner that indicates such

what is "a real man"?

is this an attainable standard?

does this perception make it more difficult to be a man?

does it cause problems?

curious, because as a woman, I'm not quite aware as to how this would effect men... I can assume, but we all know what that does :thinking:

When people say they 'want a real man', to my mind, they're essentially saying they'd like a desirable partner. The thing is, this goalpost varies depending on the person. While there are certainly qualities that many people hold in esteem, many things are purely subjective in nature. Yes, this may correlate to things such as an athletic body, and proper table manners, but as society changes, so do the goalposts become uprooted and are planted elsewhere.

What I'm saying is that guys should consider what qualities that are found generally desirable and emulate them, but they should also remember to keep their own defining traits alongside them. There's no need to follow every nebulous 'ideal' that the world says a man should be - evaluation is important. It's important to find a person who likes more than just the things you do to appear appealing to said person after all: the essence of you should be valued just as much, if not more.
 

miss fortune

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I asked the man his definition and I liked it a lot (and it says quite a bit about certain things he does :) ) "a real man doesn't care about what 'a real man' is or does... he just knows that he's a man and that's that"

I do think that the general portrayal in culture and media of a real man as a sort of brick wall... stolid, indulging in only traditionally masculine activities and successful... it discounts any man who has emotions or has other tastes or might fail at times. I'm not sure what the impact is of that, which is why I made this thread... I'm interested in how people have internalized the ideals presented to them and what the differences between men and women are in the acceptance or rejection of societal expectations (I'll probably start the distaff counterpart of this thread at some point)... or if there even are any differences in the internalization process :thinking:

thank you to everyone who has or still might answer this thread... the answers were educational (and I LIKE educational!)
 

Doctor Cringelord

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"Gets it". Doesn't tell people he "gets it."

Truly getting it is like the tao, you can't put name or form to it.
 

bedeviled1

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There are desirable gender specific attributes I suppose to both sexes. Many are probably opposite for men and women and many the same. I think from the start man and woman had the attributes to make a perfect whole. So then the next question would be what makes a "real woman"?
 

Coriolis

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There are desirable gender specific attributes I suppose to both sexes. Many are probably opposite for men and women and many the same. I think from the start man and woman had the attributes to make a perfect whole. So then the next question would be what makes a "real woman"?
Look for the positive (i.e. not negative, critical, cynical) responses in this thread, replace "man" with "woman", and you will be off to a good start.
 

bedeviled1

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I guess being a "real man" in prehistoric times would be more desirable to a woman than the present. Strength, toughness, ability to hunt...would probably be more important than being sensitive, loving...these traits are still desirable, no doubt, to some women but overall the term is more negative in these modern times.
 

SurrealisticSlumbers

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I guess being a "real man" in prehistoric times would be more desirable to a woman than the present. Strength, toughness, ability to hunt...would probably be more important than being sensitive, loving...these traits are still desirable, no doubt, to some women but overall the term is more negative in these modern times.

Being "sensitive and loving" is nice, sure. But what I'm more concerned about are subtle, yet meaningful and consistent actions, as well as silent strength, vs. cutesy sayings and empty promises. It's very true...actions speak louder than words. Guys who aren't flaky, have proper boundaries, self-confidence (not the clingy, possessive type) and emotional maturity will always be attractive to most women out there. Physically, it can't be denied that there are certain typically masculine traits, such as a man's height/build, and ability to do "manly" things like repair stuff, which are preferred by most women. I know, this is pretty superficial, but I doubt other women would disagree with me here. I happen to like it when a man silently settles the bill and shoos my hand away when I try to give him money to pay the server. I like it when a man puts his arm around the smallest part of my waist when walking down the street or opens the door for me. Guys who take this way too far and are hyper-masculine (you know the whole macho routine) I find to be annoying and insecure.

Men who adopt the worst traits of women, such as being whiny, pessimistic, self-absorbed and unable to take responsibility are simply put, not "real men" in my book. Some grown men (and women!) act like little kids who won't own their life or actions. I'm not saying men like that can't improve themselves - of course we can all improve in some areas - but these guys have lost their way and maybe didn't have good role models for healthy masculinity growing up.

I think both men and women would be helped if they took stock and were honest with themselves. I'd say that if you are wondering why more guys or girls aren't attracted to you, honestly assess where you might have inadvertently scared people off with negativity, all-or-nothing thinking and passive-aggressiveness. I guess this has to do with being what is referred to as a high conflict individual. These are the following traits of a high conflict personality:

1. Rigid and Uncompromising, Repeating Failed Strategies
2. Difficulty Accepting and Healing Loss
3. Negative Emotions Dominate their Thinking
4. Inability to Reflect on their Own Behavior
5. Difficulty Empathizing With Others
6. Preoccupied with Blaming Others
7. Avoids Any Responsibility For the Problem or the Solution

I'd say most people are guilty of one of the above at some point in life. The important thing is to want to change.
 

bedeviled1

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Being "sensitive and loving" is nice, sure. But what I'm more concerned about are subtle, yet meaningful and consistent actions, as well as silent strength, vs. cutesy sayings and empty promises. It's very true...actions speak louder than words. Guys who aren't flaky, have proper boundaries, self-confidence (not the clingy, possessive type) and emotional maturity will always be attractive to most women out there. Physically, it can't be denied that there are certain typically masculine traits, such as a man's height/build, and ability to do "manly" things like repair stuff, which are preferred by most women. I know, this is pretty superficial, but I doubt other women would disagree with me here. I happen to like it when a man silently settles the bill and shoos my hand away when I try to give him money to pay the server. I like it when a man puts his arm around the smallest part of my waist when walking down the street or opens the door for me. Guys who take this way too far and are hyper-masculine (you know the whole macho routine) I find to be annoying and insecure.

Men who adopt the worst traits of women, such as being whiny, pessimistic, self-absorbed and unable to take responsibility are simply put, not "real men" in my book. Some grown men (and women!) act like little kids who won't own their life or actions. I'm not saying men like that can't improve themselves - of course we can all improve in some areas - but these guys have lost their way and maybe didn't have good role models for healthy masculinity growing up.

I think both men and women would be helped if they took stock and were honest with themselves. I'd say that if you are wondering why more guys or girls aren't attracted to you, honestly assess where you might have inadvertently scared people off with negativity, all-or-nothing thinking and passive-aggressiveness. I guess this has to do with being what is referred to as a high conflict individual. These are the following traits of a high conflict personality:

1. Rigid and Uncompromising, Repeating Failed Strategies
2. Difficulty Accepting and Healing Loss
3. Negative Emotions Dominate their Thinking
4. Inability to Reflect on their Own Behavior
5. Difficulty Empathizing With Others
6. Preoccupied with Blaming Others
7. Avoids Any Responsibility For the Problem or the Solution

I'd say most people are guilty of one of the above at some point in life. The important thing is to want to change.

There is, no doubt, a primal part of our brain that has to be controlled by what we know is best for us but it still wants what it wants. To eat , to take what we want , to reproduce. ..This part of us likes what it sees and wants it. Perhaps this would be what is termed a "real" man or woman. Qualities that would appeal to the animal, even though we know it's no good for us.
...and why is it so hard to SEE ourselves? !
 

Mole

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A living adult human being who identifies as being of male gender.

Just as, "One is not born a woman, one becomes one", according to Simone de Beauvoir, so equally one is not born a man, one becomes one.

And nothing becomes a man like courage. Many have physical courage, and a few have moral courage.
 

yeghor

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Dec 21, 2013
Messages
4,278
you hear the phrase "a real man" thrown around, by both women and men at times

as in "I want a real man" or "be a man" said in a manner that indicates such

what is "a real man"?

is this an attainable standard?

does this perception make it more difficult to be a man?

does it cause problems?

curious, because as a woman, I'm not quite aware as to how this would effect men... I can assume, but we all know what that does :thinking:

Something between Heman and the Old Spice guy.
 
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