[INTJ] What makes INTJ's feel loved/appreciated?

[MonkeyGrass]

Stolen from the SP thread...

Not the same as how to seduce! (I thought I'd clarify, since there's already a thread like that) You guys are so hard to read sometimes, it's tough to know when you're feeling good in a relationship. I'm genuinely curious and all ears. opcorn:

 

[The Decline]

Yeah, seriously, we're all ears.

 

[poppy]

1)Doing my bidding genuinely considering my advice and opinions.
2) Respecting my need for space
3) Challenging me in a supportive way (sounds like a contradiction, yes)
4) Making me mac n' cheese.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Unmarked bills.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

Could you give a hypothetical example of #3? I kind of have a vague idea what this might look like, but have a tough time imagining how one might do that without sounding patronizingly sweet...especially an "f" like me.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

Unmarked bills.

But, supposing I'm poor...

Mac n Cheese is definitely a viable substitute.

 

[Edgar]

But, supposing I'm poor...

In that case, gas, grass, or ass.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

I'm nodding...suspicions confirmed...gifts of favorite self- indulgence items are a hit.

 

[The Decline]

4) Making me mac n' cheese.

Done! Well that was easy...

 

[poppy]

Could you give a hypothetical example of #3? I kind of have a vague idea what this might look like, but have a tough time imagining how one might do that without sounding patronizingly sweet...especially an "f" like me.

These may apply more specifically to me than to other INTJs.

Ex 1: Badgering me into going to the city to do something interesting that I wouldn't normally do, but within a certain safe zone of "you only have to try this once and I have it all planned out. See? I made an itinerary and planned it based on the most efficient way to get from event A to event B!".

Ex 2: Engaging me in debate but not trampling all over my ego or doing a victory dance when I'm in the wrong.

 

[Quinlan]

Fluffly red pillows shaped like hearts with white frills around the edge and "I WUV U!" embroidered across the front in big letters, for the most impact get it delivered to their place of work so they can show it off.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

I see...so in #1, it's like giving the oppotunity to do something that would make me happy, but within a predictable framework? Got it.

#2-good point...engage, but don't slay. **scribbling notes**

 

[MonkeyGrass]

Fluffly red pillows shaped like hearts with white frills around the edge and "I WUV U!" embroidered across the front in big letters, for the most impact get it delivered to their place of work so they can show it off.

I'll remember that the next time I want to be shoved into next year emotionally, lol. AKA: how to get an INTJ to change all their locks and get a new cell phone.

 

[poppy]

Fluffly red pillows shaped like hearts with white frills around the edge and "I WUV U!" embroidered across the front in big letters, for the most impact get it delivered to their place of work so they can show it off.

INTJs: hopeless romantics. Hee hee.

I see...so in #1, it's like giving the oppotunity to do something that would make me happy, but within a predictable framework? Got it.

#2-good point...engage, but don't slay. **scribbling notes**

Sounds like you've got it down

 

[MonkeyGrass]

I assume psychoanalyzing is out of the question? How taboo is that, really? On a scale from 1-"go to hell"?

 

[poppy]

I assume psychoanalyzing is out of the question? How taboo is that, really? On a scale from 1-"go to hell"?

For me that usual triggers my clam up/run away/flip the bird response (not necessarily in that order).

Occasionally I will be impressed by someone's perceptive abilities.

 

[Usehername]

This might be the INFJ side of me coming out, but:

I feel loved when people listen carefully enough to hear the small and quiet things that I share that are important to me, and then act on that knowledge later.

I usually will never say loudly and clearly that something is valuable to me, but rather share--once--and probably as a seemingly off-topic single sentence in the middle of a casual conversation or a conversation that revolved around another topic--that x is something that is important. And if they knew me, they'd know I'm not one to wave flags around areas where I am emotional, so they should know to listen for small and quiet mentions like that. I also feel loved when they hear that and either refocus the conversation (assuming the current one wasn't all that important anyway) or brought it up at a more appropriate time later, because it's something that's important to me.

 

[Usehername]

I assume psychoanalyzing is out of the question? How taboo is that, really? On a scale from 1-"go to hell"?

I'd be excited if someone wanted to psychoanalyze me, presuming they didn't do it when I was in a vulnerable state but rather a "hey, I'm bored, let's compare our versions of your reality."

 

[poppy]

This might be the INFJ side of me coming out, but:

I feel loved when people listen carefully enough to hear the small and quiet things that I share that are important to me, and then act on that knowledge later.

Yes, this is awesome in a very subtle way. Catching onto our vaguely mentioned passions=

 

[MonkeyGrass]

That's good to know! It's a bad habit of mine, and i do it a lot when I'm bored...and tend to say a lot of things like that out loud to trusted INTJs because I value their opinions. I need to work on not doing it. ::bag over head::


I appreciate, btw, you guys taking the time to fill me in. :O)