. Don't get why people expect me to just accept things that don't make sense to me as true??? I accept people. But my views are my own. I guess I feel shame sometimes around this, which I guess comes from being a female who is hard-headed (but NOT hard-hearted, mind you!). But I hate it when people see the argumentativeness but fail to see the compassion...which is femininity! I'm not a good home-keeper (or a traditional girly-girl) for example, but I'm sure I can be a good mother/wife (feminine energy) regardless, just because I'm a good person. It is frustrating to know this about myself but to somehow fail to convince people unless they spend years knowing me up close. I feel like I have to chose between honesty and love sometimes...well, I'm ranting a little, but you get the idea.
[MENTION=3521]Eric B[/MENTION], this is from another thread, but as it is off-topic there, I thought I'd answer you over here where the subject is more appropriate:
I'm sad because I deeply, deeply identify with being a compassionate, empathic person. It honestly feels like a dagger to my heart to think of myself as not an empath. I know my rational side very well, but I also know my compassion and it is deep. And in my experience, I do put people first a lot of the times and I have even learnt to keep my views to myself to maintain harmony precisely because people and my need to know that I'm not hurting them or ruining the harmony between us, that's just very important to me.
(It is true that learning to shut up about my views came through hard experience of losses as I used to be incredibly argumentative until a few years ago and still occasionally fall into it before yanking myself back out again, so yes, I do get it that my current adaptability when it comes to the views of others may just be late development rather than preference.) Yet it is true that I have always been empathic about people's suffering and hurt feelings from childhood, I would even put myself in harm's way to protect someone. I really I'm not exaggerating.
It's their views I had short patience for when they were clearly wrong, because I never used to make the connection between challenging people's views = hurting people...that sounded ridiculous to me. I loved the people, it's the views I didn't accept. Yet I did feel people's pain deeply. Not psychically, but rather by being affected by the knowledge of their suffering and in fact have had to detach in many ways to keep my heart at peace (like switching off the news, not thinking about hard things I cannot fix, switching jobs where I couldnt help people who were desperately asking for help). It is nearly impossible for me to say no to someone pleading for help if I can help. I think it's very hard for me to be hard-hearted to other people. I can be stubborn and "hard-hearted" about things they say, sure, and will do so regardless of the person's "authority", but the people themselves? No. I'm weirdly known (around those who have known me for years) as both argumentative and generous (also, as very fair)
The accusation that I "love arguing"...is to me, ridiculous! I just point out what isn't true and when people answer unsatisfactorily and I point out why those answers don't answer the issue, then I supposedly "love to argue"
You can be a compassionate, empathetic person and still be a T. Especially a female ETP, with tertiary Fe![MENTION=3521]Eric B[/MENTION], this is from another thread, but as it is off-topic there, I thought I'd answer you over here where the subject is more appropriate:
I'm sad because I deeply, deeply identify with being a compassionate, empathic person. It honestly feels like a dagger to my heart to think of myself as not an empath. I know my rational side very well, but I also know my compassion and it is deep. And in my experience, I do put people first a lot of the times and I have even learnt to keep my views to myself to maintain harmony precisely because people and my need to know that I'm not hurting them or ruining the harmony between us, that's just very important to me.
(It is true that learning to shut up about my views came through hard experience of losses as I used to be incredibly argumentative until a few years ago and still occasionally fall into it before yanking myself back out again, so yes, I do get it that my current adaptability when it comes to the views of others may just be late development rather than preference.) Yet it is true that I have always been empathic about people's suffering and hurt feelings from childhood, I would even put myself in harm's way to protect someone. I really I'm not exaggerating.
It's their views I had little patience for when they were clearly wrong, because I never used to make the connection that rejecting/challenging people's views = hurting people...that sounded ridiculous to me. I loved the people, it's the views I didn't accept. Yet I did feel people's pain deeply. Not psychically, but rather by being affected by the knowledge of their suffering and in fact have had to detach in many ways to keep my heart at peace (like switching off the news, not thinking about hard things I cannot fix, switching jobs where I couldnt help people who were desperately asking for help). It is nearly impossible for me to say no to someone pleading for help if I can help. I think it's very hard for me to be hard-hearted to other people. I can be stubborn and "hard-hearted" about things they say, sure, and will do so regardless of the person's "authority", but the people themselves? No. I'm weirdly known (around those who have known me for years) as both argumentative and generous (also, as very fair)
The accusation that I "love arguing"...is to me, ridiculous! I just point out what isn't true and when people answer unsatisfactorily and I point out why those answers don't answer the issue, then I supposedly "love to argue"
The functions have been described as "world views", so the dominant is the one the ego tends to see everything though. With dominant Ne, the ego's world view is searching the environment for new patterns (inferences). Dominant Fe, it's establishing in the environment, personal harmony. We have to both perceive and judge, so then of the other rationality of function, one will be what the ego uses to provide attitudinal balance, and this becomes the auxiliary. Both together are "preferred", but the dominant is really what the ego is about.
I've achieved my current ability to be 'humble' about things I think I'm right about over many, many years. The Ti-Fe battle is a dirty one. Now, who do I talk to about changing my username? Hello, people. Just wanted to let anyone who might still be reading this know that I'm finally settled on ENTP. I was very religious in my twenties and I think this led me to develop and identify with my Fe greatly. Not just for the development of moral values but because I was trying to be what was conventionally female in my society and hated being seen as argumentative unlike ladies are supposed to be when I never was trying to be so, not consciously.
