[ISTJ] Understanding Male ISTJ Minds

[Bella]

After reading this, I do not ever want to be with an ISTJ.
Waiting....? For what? Better days?

 

[ArbiterDewey]

Conclusion

Alright, well we talked about exactly what I posted about earlier today and came to the conclusion that we're too different to be able to meet each other's needs comfortably, even though we want to be together. So we called it off. I am, in part, relieved and saddened.

Either way, I feel that this experience is extremely valuable.


Thanks everyone for your suggestions and advice, I really appreciate it all.

 

[Bella]

Ah, pooh....

 

[batumi]

Yeah, we talk almost everyday. I don't get to see him often, though. He is an excellent phone conversationalist though. I don't even like talking on phones much, I like face to face so I can read body languange...but I can talk to him for hours.

That is wonderful news. Hang in there. Keep chipping away at the future.
All of my "gains" have come very slowly with time, but they were very
enjoyable.

 

[batumi]

I don't know if I can give that much of myself that much of the time. It begins to hurt and feel as though I'm changing just to allow her to feel good, while I'm left feeling like hammered dog shit.

Heh, heh, I have felt like that with ENFJs who were not also BDP.

 

[PinkIceTD]

Edit: You know, I say this with such confidence because its what I've decided to do with my ISTJ dilemma... but I'm terrified that I'll never hear from him again *sigh*

Yeah, I thought looong and hard about the 'if you love something, let it go..." thing. But I too feel that even if he does want me he'll be like I guess it wasnt meant to be and I'll never hear from him again. ISTJs...you guys make dating so freaking hard.

 

[PinkIceTD]

Sorry to hear about you girlfriend Arbiter...

 

[PinkIceTD]

Quick question to the ISTJs, in my situation, would you suggest waiting and staying constant in his life would be a good idea. Or backing off like the INTJs suggest and letting him come to me?

 

[Bella]

I don't believe girls should run after boys, EVER!

 

[ArbiterDewey]

I don't believe girls should run after boys, EVER!

I disagree. Pursue him and wait if you want to. If not, don't. I can't speak for the guy, he may have a lot more on his plate than I can imagine.

 

[Recoleta]

I agree with Arbiter Dewey...you should wait. If you leave him now he'll likely think that you were too bummed out/scorned to stick around, and then will cut his losses and tell himself that it wasn't meant to be anyway. In my experience, ISTJ's have very little confidence when it comes to dating...and I think this was said earlier...we are not optimists in this arena. It takes someone special to break down our walls and prove to us that they are worth "the trouble." I think your chances are better if you stay.

Of course I say this with the intention that you don't lose your self-respect. Don't let him and his indecisiveness steamroller over you. There comes a certain point where you do just have to let them go and hope they'll come back if it's meant to be.

 

[PinkIceTD]

I don't believe girls should run after boys, EVER!

I also disagree, to an extent. If I didn't know that he actually liked me I wouldnt pursue him. But I normally like guys that don't appraoch right away so if I want someone I usually gotta go get him. Eventually they take some initiative

 

[PinkIceTD]

Communication

So, I was talking to my friend last night and we were talking about this girl that I'm kinda friends with. He doesn't like her..for whatever reasons. And last night he said so and I asked the inevitable "why?" He replied that she was aggravating and I said what do you mean...he replied because she's trouble and again I asked why, what do you mean...and he's like how many ways do you want me to say it? Anyway, my point is that this type of conversation happens alot with us. I was asking what has she done to you for you to feel this way and he ended up being pretty annoyed with me (surprise)

Often he says that things just are, and I want to know reasons. And usually he can't give me any because I don't know if he doesn't understand what I'm saying or if there truly are no reasons. But I think that is the problem with communicating some of the time with us. He will say something and I'm reading between lines that probably aren't even there. Or I'll say something meaning for him to get the hint and he takes what I say at face value (or pretends to as to avoid deep discussions)

Just an observation

 

[batumi]

In my experience, ISTJ's have very little confidence when it comes to dating...and I think this was said earlier...we are not optimists in this arena. It takes someone special to break down our walls and prove to us that they are worth "the trouble."

Thank you SOOO much for confirming this.
So so much.

 

[batumi]

So, I was talking to my friend last night and we were talking about this girl that I'm kinda friends with. He doesn't like her..for whatever reasons. And last night he said so and I asked the inevitable "why?" He replied that she was aggravating and I said what do you mean...he replied because she's trouble and again I asked why, what do you mean...and he's like how many ways do you want me to say it? Anyway, my point is that this type of conversation happens alot with us. I was asking what has she done to you for you to feel this way and he ended up being pretty annoyed with me (surprise)

Ah yes, we are all into Pygmalian you know.
Or did you know? The best books I have ever read re:MBTI are the Pygmalian series.

 

[helen]

Ah yes, we are all into Pygmalian you know.
Or did you know? The best books I have ever read re:MBTI are the Pygmalian series.

Is that the one where they analzye various works of literature and fictional characters in terms of MBTI? I remember reading another book that referred to such a series. I think it was called Pygmalian something or other. Who wrote it?

 

[PinkIceTD]

Ah yes, we are all into Pygmalian you know.
Or did you know? The best books I have ever read re:MBTI are the Pygmalian series.

not to seem ignorant...but what's pygmalian?

 

[Rachelinpa]

So, I was talking to my friend last night and we were talking about this girl that I'm kinda friends with. He doesn't like her..for whatever reasons. And last night he said so and I asked the inevitable "why?" He replied that she was aggravating and I said what do you mean...he replied because she's trouble and again I asked why, what do you mean...and he's like how many ways do you want me to say it? Anyway, my point is that this type of conversation happens alot with us. I was asking what has she done to you for you to feel this way and he ended up being pretty annoyed with me (surprise)

Often he says that things just are, and I want to know reasons. And usually he can't give me any because I don't know if he doesn't understand what I'm saying or if there truly are no reasons. But I think that is the problem with communicating some of the time with us. He will say something and I'm reading between lines that probably aren't even there. Or I'll say something meaning for him to get the hint and he takes what I say at face value (or pretends to as to avoid deep discussions)

Just an observation

Yeah! That definitely happens to me and the ISTJs, I know. I just don't ask anymore. I think it's cause they do not understand or have the vocabulary for it. Additionally, it would take a lot of energy to come up with an answer. It's annoying for both parties.

 

[PinkIceTD]

Yeah! That definitely happens to me and the ISTJs, I know. I just don't ask anymore. I think it's cause they do not understand or have the vocabulary for it. Additionally, it would take a lot of energy to come up with an answer. It's annoying for both parties.

lol, i was thinking that but i didn't want to say it for fear of sounding condescending.

 

[batumi]

not to seem ignorant...but what's pygmalian?

Pygmalion, and I am open to correction, but was a myth, Greek, I think.
A man was so tired of not finding the perfect woman in life that he sculpted
one and made her his perfect love.
Of course she was perfect but not alive, so it wasn't so great for him after all.
I think in the myth a god or something brought her to life....but the point is that in all relationships we are trying to transform the other person to some degree.

And there are a series of books about this called the Pygmalion Project.
With volumes for each major Keirsey type, Idealist, etc.

Guardians, like our ISTJ men, are often attracted to women they would like to help settle down. And make more like themselves.
According to the theory at least.
So perhaps your Guardian is trying to sort of help you be more stable, in his eyes, by suggesting that a friend is too wild for you or something.