yeah, don't spend all your time learning about quantum mechanics etc, try getting entralled as a hobby into something a bit more "poppy" like psychology, most people enjoy a bit of psycholoanalysis so its good to talk with others (If you must use your brain).
I agree. But what I dislike is the fact that I seem to need some sort of intellectual something or other to analyze, in order to make interesting conversation. The only time I'm really able to wow people through the art of conversation, is when I'm talking about one of my nerdy interests or something I researched. Then when it goes to some other topic not in my interests, I'm utterly lost for words. I think it gives people the impression I only care about my select interests, and I can ignore/leave everything else... and that is actually sort of how it is, though it's not really a conscious decision.
Oftentimes I think I'd prefer a greater variety of interests, or a slightly less self-serving or self-intentioned perspective. People are usually appreciative of my insights, but sometimes I feel annoyed that I'm somewhat confined to that niche. Granted it's a sort of self-confinement. I could expand my competencies, but I'm self conscious/vain enough that I hate trying to grapple with something that I feel is outside my element.
There's plenty of things to learn about, hell you could analyse music to death and be popular at the same time. What about brewing beer... see, its science and sociability in one go.
Yes, you're right. I still don't understand it, though. It isn't always, but sometimes I can be so insufferably boring, I even frustrate myself to great lengths. And this isn't because other people are around. I'd frustrate myself if I were alone, as well.
And, depending on what sort of perspective is entertained, the conversation on nearly any topic can vary from open/inviting to less open/uninviting. I have a tendency of viewing a topic through my own personal lenses, and turning the conversation stupidly esoteric and tangential and personal. My Ni will be busy making associations and such, but oftentimes they're entirely personal, and bringing these things into conversation only serves to alienate everyone because I stupidly decide to steer the conversation into some awkward area.
Hmm.. If you build those walls too high then they might really come crashing down one day. Try imagining yourself as a piece of flotsam on the waves... up and down... when your down, you be going up next. Everything passes you buy.
I agree, and that's sort of the problem. Some part of me is nearly always unwilling to let people in, even though intellectually I know it's counter productive. In part, I associate this with type, though I think the larger share is just my individual issues. Most forms of intimacy seem "wrong", and I have an extreme tendency to dismiss or ignore otherwise interesting people on flimsy bases, so as to maintain my sense of safety. Sometimes I get the very distinct feeling I'm overlooking opportunities because I can be too idealistic or discerning. And I think a large motivating factor is purely my fear of intimacy. The idea of taking down my walls freaks me out, even when I know it would be more helpful if it didn't scare me so much. So often this leads me to feel like I'm wrestling with my own nature.
Its not so hard to be sociable, but it does take time to become more outgoing. Many outgoing people are popular because they have flexibile standards.
You're right, but I'm also prone to hyper-analysis in social situations. I'll make one small social misstep, and blow it out of proportion, and it completely decimates my sense of social competency and it eats me up for the rest of the night. Or sometimes I'm feeling irritable/tired, and don't have the energy to deal with people, and they think I'm snuffing them. And it's not just that. I have a hard time keeping in contact with friends, and my natural tendency is to be alone. So when I do hang out with my friends, it's often always on my own terms. This makes me feel sort of guilty, because I'm not just using them, and I do actually value them... I just find it very hard to maintain consistent contact with
anyone. But part of me finds this very annoying, and wishes it wasn't a problem in the first place.
Social things can just be too complicated, and they often make me feel inferior/incompetent, and then I feel like fleeing to a deserted island somewhere to drown in my feelings of self-loathing for not being absolutely perfect in something. Being sociable isn't hard. I'm actually pretty sociable, for how much of an introvert I am. Sometimes it goes well, and sometimes it doesn't. But when it doesn't go well, and I respect the person I'm speaking to, I seriously take my mistakes to heart... it's pretty lame.
Whats there to be inferior about? The only thing that may be inferior is that you don't fit the traditional stereotype of the social outgoing person who doesn't think much. The most constructive thing you can do is to improve any weaknesses you have. Most things in life are a function of self confidence, always be prepared to fail, if you aren't failing say 20% of the time then you aren't pushing the boundary hard enough.
Yeah, you're right. But it seems to be deeply patterned into me. I can just relate it to a lot of things about myself, when I look back. It wasn't really something I just discovered. It's always sort of been like this. I know I've always been extremely over-sensitive to social things, and so I've always been quite aware of how I differ from others. I feel like it's been emphasized by others quite often, when I was younger, and since I was more sensitive, I was always all too aware of their judgments of me. As a kid, you just sort of accept that they have to be right, and I am a weirdo, since you don't know any better.. After a while, you realize the implied meaning behind "you're weird!" isn't exactly positive. I more or less got used to this, as a kid. And I more or less stopped expecting to be understood/appreciated by others. And after a while I realized that most of the problems I stumbled with, "normal" people would do with ease, and rather than being the odd one out and earning ridicule all the time for my unconventional competencies, I'd rather just blend in. At least, that's sort of along the lines of what I thought as a kid.
I don't care that much now, because I'm older and I realize most people are ill informed or ignorant. I'm definitely proud of my individual merits. But for as many areas I am competent in, there are two or three "normal" areas of life I am painfully underdeveloped or infantile in.
I'm not saying I think the alternative ("normalcy") is better. Society, or my peers can just have a way of making me feel very inferior, sometimes. And it's something I've grown used to, since I've never really fit in anywhere.
And there are some other things that can annoy me. For one, my very serious outlook can hinder my ability to have fun or joke around with people. And then people start thinking I'm "the man" and are going to narc them out or something, when really it's the complete opposite. "Normal" people usually don't have these problems. I can just be ridiculously preoccupied with this whole lame "competency" thing. Frankly, some of my problems (or associated INTJ problems) strike me as very ridiculous and devoid of reason/logic. Like a part of me doesn't even understand why it
should be a problem, which sort of makes it harder to fix.
The inferiority complex thing was also somewhat of a side-point, not so related to my type. I was always somewhat of a gender-outcast/queer kid, I'm very familiar with the idea of being an anomaly. Though, granted, the majority of such thinking is self-imposed. But I actually sort of think the whole self-imposed problem can be a serious problem area for INTJ's in general. At least it is for me.