[sx] sx relationships?

[Pessimistic Hippie]

It's from a video, in a series from a class about the instincts I signed up for. Sorry, no link to text as far as I know of. I wish there were. Instincts Education

But basically he says sp is about self care, practicality/resources, and home life (which could be stuff like pleasing environment or organization, safety, privacy, having a base of operations). So relationships can come in because some types will share their resources (the OP [MENTION=35920]Earl Grey[/MENTION] has actually talked about this himself). Hudson said something like "For people strong in sp, a relationship is building a home together, making a nest."

And I just as well elaborate on sx since I already did for the other two... Sx is about attraction, exploration, merging, energy, activation. "For animals, it's just about mating. For humans, it's also about many things beyond that but of course is also about mating. It's not romance. It is not one-on-one and it is not intimacy. One-on one is not an instinct. It can happen in any of the 3. In a great relationship, there are all 3. Sx is not about wanting to relate to one person at a time."

Thank you, a lot of new info to think about lol. I know you had suggested I might be so-second before and I'm trying to see if I can understand it better if it comes down to how I behave in my relationships, since that's where a lot of my attention seems to be directed. Much appreciated

 

[Earl Grey]

not sure if you care to hear more answers 3 years later but i think the instincts are fascinating.

I do! This is all informative, thank you!

I think my answers probably make me sound bad and it's not something I'm proud of. But I wanted to answer as candidly as possible.

Don't worry about it sounding 'bad'- we're all here to learn and it helps show many ways sx can manifest. Thank you for the honest answers.

Well, I'm usually really jealous of sp-doms lmao. Because it seems like they take care of themselves for their own well being and aren't as likely to fall into a depression if all of that pent up energy (that I at least feel) isn't being catered to enough externally. As for so-doms, I'm not sure how they see things really. I just know there's no emphasis on group dynamics for me involved.

It depends. Unhealthy and immature sp will be unhealthy and immature, and so will soc. The flip side of taking care of themselves is that the particularly reticent and self-prioritising (even when not at others' cost) can be seen as selfish and heartless by others because they're not emotional and giving enough. Some people really like a public show of giving and sacrifice, even at their own cost.

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EDIT: Has it really been three years? No- two!

As the OP, thanks to everyone who responded. In the span of these years I've picked up on things little by little with time. I do think I have a better understanding of sx, how it works, and what it prioritises compared to 2 years ago. The contributions and sharing information here really helped. Thanks guys!


(And if you and other folks want to post any more, feel free to. They're always very educational.)

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

How do you experience relationships in general if you are SX?
I have a tendency to idolize relationships but in a way that includes a lot of acceptance and tolerance for the reality of the person - the stink, hassle, and bad moods of life. For me the sacred and profane are one. I used to get friendship crushes on people I wanted to have as friends, but was too non-social to ever connect with. My romantic crushes last for years. My first crush was in second grade and lasted for a few years even though I had only met him for a couple of weeks at a school I was visiting. When I'm in a relationship I do everything I know to make it work and leave no stone unturned before I leave. I always admire my partner a great deal and feel more attachment than they do.

What differs, and in what way do they differ from other instincts?
I think I would risk more and let it cost more when there is potential meaning and real connection. It's not as pragmatic or interchangeable as some. It's not, "He seems like a good fit, potential partner, but he lives too far away. Oh well. Let's see who's next on the list".

How would you describe it?
I value connections that feel singular in all the world, possibly all of time. I don't like pragmatic fondness, 'good enough', 'this one or maybe that one' sort of love. It is the kind of love that is terrifying because the loss of it would hurt more than what can fit in a conscious mind at once.

What makes it SX? How do you value them? What do you seek in and from these individuals?
I want to be seen - to be comprehended for who I actually am and not their inner construct of me. Once seen, I want to be loved, fervently.

My experience is that being ego-defended prohibits all of this. You cannot highly value protecting your ego at all costs and ever even want what I describe here - at least in terms of giving this to someone.

 

[Luminous]

How do you experience relationships in general if you are SX?
I have a tendency to idolize relationships but in a way that includes a lot of acceptance and tolerance for the reality of the person - the stink, hassle, and bad moods of life. For me the sacred and profane are one. I used to get friendship crushes on people I wanted to have as friends, but was too non-social to ever connect with. My romantic crushes last for years. My first crush was in second grade and lasted for a few years even though I had only met him for a couple of weeks at a school I was visiting. When I'm in a relationship I do everything I know to make it work and leave no stone unturned before I leave. I always admire my partner a great deal and feel more attachment than they do.

What differs, and in what way do they differ from other instincts?
I think I would risk more and let it cost more when there is potential meaning and real connection. It's not as pragmatic or interchangeable as some. It's not, "He seems like a good fit, potential partner, but he lives too far away. Oh well. Let's see who's next on the list".

How would you describe it?
I value connections that feel singular in all the world, possibly all of time. I don't like pragmatic fondness, 'good enough', 'this one or maybe that one' sort of love. It is the kind of love that is terrifying because the loss of it would hurt more than what can fit in a conscious mind at once.

What makes it SX? How do you value them? What do you seek in and from these individuals?
I want to be seen - to be comprehended for who I actually am and not their inner construct of me. Once seen, I want to be loved, fervently.

My experience is that being ego-defended prohibits all of this. You cannot highly value protecting your ego at all costs and ever even want what I describe here - at least in terms of giving this to someone.

Completely this. Beautifully put.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

The main thing I would have to say about this, the question in the OP, is that relationships validate me. I don't mean relationships in general. I mean romantic/sexual relationships. Understand that as someone whose entire self worth is based on my appeal to others, being in a relationship is a really good way for me to see that reflected back to me.

That said I think there's a human need for relationships. I don't want to come in talking about how only sxs can love you adequately, or how much more DEEPLY I feel love than other stackings. For me, it's really just what I said about validation.