1. A preference for thought over action
Yes. I'd much rather ponder, analyze, observe, learn by watching/learn by reading than to *complete a task*.
2. Hoarding time and space
Yes. My home is my haven. And my space at work is a haven. My personal space, in general, is valuable to me. I have sometimes felt that there is a 2 or 3 foot invisible bubble around me. If I don't know you well, I like you to stay just on the outside of that bubble. And, in return, I will always be respectful of your space as well. I will stand at the door of your office and speak to you until I am invited in. I will not just walk in because *I have something to talk about*. Maybe you don't want me in there right now. I'm always aware of this possibility and I like others to be aware of it as well (again, mainly people who I'm fairly unfamiliar with).
3. Withdrawing and remaining invisible; purposefully not participating
Yes. I've never fully understood this part of myself. It's the iconoclastic nature. Always wanting to do things a different way, a creative way, an original way. As for withdrawing and remaining invisible, it's mainly if I've recently had a lot of interaction. At the end of a work day, at the end of the work week (especially this) or even a short burst of interaction that was intense. Like I had a 1-hour meeting the other day where I had to meet 4 new people - personal questions, rapid-fire dialogue, keep the conversation going, make eye contact, be engaging, etc. After that hour, I needed about 2 hours alone in my office to recover. I withdrew and made myself invisible. If anyone had come in to my office during those 2 hours, I would have been pleasant, but also wanting the interaction to be very short and to-the-point. Tell me what you need, I'll make it happen, and then I want you to leave again. Nice and pleasant, but "get to the point, please". In terms of purposefully not participating - yeah, it's kind of wierd sometimes. A basketball game with colleagues or something like that - I'm usually up for fun stuff like that. But, if it's some formality thing that is kind of being pushed upon me, I like to not show up - it's a way of saying, "I'm my own person. I'm a team player, but if pushed hard enough, I will exert my individualism. I won't conform just because you say I have to conform. And if you don't believe me, just watch." Examples might be "you HAVE to come to this party!" "No I don't." "Yes, yes you do!" When it comes time for the party to start, I'm in a different city and I'm not answering when you call. And if you show up at my door, aint nobody home. If it wasn't clear to you that I was serious about not going to the party, it will be by the end of the night. If I tell you no, respect what I'm telling you. Don't push me.
Stuff at work too. Like, "You should go to lunch at 12pm cuz that's what time everyone else goes." "Yeah, well, I like to go to lunch when I'm hungry. That's what lunch is for. I think I'll go at 1:37 today. Come knock on my office door at 1:45 and listen to the crickets. That's all you'll hear cuz I'll be at lunch." LOL. Sounds horrible, but I really, really hate "rules" being enforced upon me. Sometimes they are necessary and I've been in the military - I know how to bow down, give in, and conform. But, if you're just projecting your own need for structure on to me, it's not going to happen. What's crazy about all this is that if nobody pushes me or tries to make me conform, I will usually be a great team player without thinking twice about it. It's only when people try to push and coerce and force. That's when it gets kind of ugly.
A few random tidbits/stories about 5s from the conference: 5s want to avoid depending on anyone else, and want to master things themselves. They often will avoid asking for help if at all possible. One 5 told a story about testing to make sure he could flip his kayak upright after being upside down. He warned his girlfriend to give him some time to see if he could get it. He flailed around for a good while, barely being able to get up far enough to snatch a breath before going back under the water. Eventually his girlfriend dove in and helped him right himself. His immediate response was to snarl "I TOLD you not to help!!!"
Yes. I live my life extremely independently. I'm so used to trying things out on my own, testing things out on my own, learning and exploring on my own, moving furniture on my own, carrying all the groceries in on my own, everything on my own. In the very rare instance that something really goes wrong, then obviously I need the help of another person (broken down on the side of the road, etc. - even then, I'm just going to start trying to get out of the situation on my own, but I'll welcome help). So, when someone says something to me like, "Oh, what would you have done if I wasn't here to save you?" It really irks me because I know full well that I'd be fine if they weren't there. Like always, I would have improvised and found a solution. And I really dislike asking for people's help because then I feel indebted to them. I've had other INxP's tell me the same thing. I'd much rather do it on my own and then I don't feel like there is an "expectation" on my shoulders to return some sort of favor to you. If I see you in need of help, I'll definitely be there! Not a problem at all - I'll help out willingly. But, when there's the "you owe me one" type of thing - it sucks cuz you never know when they're going to want you to jump. They might come over at 7am on a Saturday morning and be like, "dude, i'm moving today and I need another body. Remember that time you dropped your keys on the ground and I picked them up for you?" HUH?
5s fear being drained, so avoid ongoing commitments when possible. When they do commit, they commit deeply. Type 5s are afraid to appear incompetent, so tend to specialize in specific areas of interest where they can attain mastery.
Yes and yes. I like to keep my schedule as "open" as possible. When it's open, I know I can do whatever I feel like doing "at that moment". When something is scheduled, then I know I'll be thinking about all the other things I'd like to be doing - but I'm stuck doing the scheduled thing instead. Like if it's 10am and a co-worker says, "a few of us should go out tonight". That's not appealing to me cuz I know I have stuff to do tonight and I usually like to go home and relax after work anyways. But, if it's 5pm, and we're walking out the door and walking to our cars, I might say, "I feel like a really good dinner tonight. Wanna go?" It's what sounds fun RIGHT NOW! 7 hours ago it might not have sounded fun. But, it does now! And if they don't want to go, no big deal. Back to plan A - go home and relax. But, if they do, then it'll be fun.
And about committing deeply, yeah, it goes for relationships or for anything. It's fairly rare for me to hang out with a group, so when I do go with them, I really look forward to it. I'm really, really making myself available and going to put my all into the occasion. I'm going to gear up for it and put all my introvert energry into it.
And about "mastering things" - absolutely true. I really want to be the best at whatever I set out to do. I don't want to be mediocre. Any job or career or relationship (or anything) in which I am only capable of being "kind of good" or "so so" or "good enough", I end up not liking and even resenting. I want to put my all into it and become very, very competent - even excellent - at it. If I can't be excellent at it, then I don't really want to invest my time and energy into it long-term. It would really, really suck to me to be in a career for 10 or 15 years and to know that there is still someone better than me or more competent than me. If, after 10 years, I am not one of the best in my field, I would feel that I somehow fell short or didn't measure up. In a relationship - if I was 5 years into it and I heard her say to her girlfriend or her family, "Well, we're doing OK. We're still working on A, B, and C and he doesn't really do that well in areas X, Y, and Z" - that would really sting to hear something like that. I would feel like I was failing in the relationship. I would feel like, "Here we are 5 years into it, and I'm still not making her happy. She still has gripes and complaints. Hard as I've tried, I'm obviously not very competent in this relationship."
It's the basic philosophy of - Do everything to the best of your ability - become good and become competent - if you're not going to put your "all" into it, why even bother in the first place?
Fives tend to exist in their heads, at a remove, and get a lot of mileage out of a little direct interaction or experience. One type 5 told a story about hanging out with a friend one day; they had a great time and she had enjoyed herself. The next day, her friend called her to hang out more, and the 5 felt put out. Everything had been fine, why mess it up with more interaction now? The type 5 was still getting enjoyment from the previous interaction and would be fine with processing that for a while.
Yes. One outing with friends or even one good, hearty conversation with a colleague and I'm good for days. I just don't require a whole lot of interaction.
The posts in this thread really resonate!