on being a failure

[scantilyclad]

I really never thought when i was 5 years old that i would be such a failure at 22. I had such big plans for myself. I always wanted to become something that i could be proud of, and that my family could be proud of, but instead my life is going no where and i'm really becoming something that i fear.

I just want to be good at something other than fantasizing about things that will never happen. I feel so stupid for crying, but i can only take so much rejection before i drown in puddles of my own tears.

I might as well stop trying to be something better. I guess i'm just one of those people who are destined to work in fast food and make $6.00 an hour for a lifetime. I feel i should be apologizing to Brady in his future life, for being a mother who couldn't support him and give him everything that i never had.

 

[heart]

I feel like this much of the time. I feel like if the person I was at 18 saw me now, she'd be really disgusted at how things have turned out.

But after I bottom out, I always come back feeling better and I suspect you will too. You are still very young. You still have much of your 20's and all of your 30's ahead of you. The game is not over.

Think of how lucky Brady is to have you as a mother. You are fun, creative and loving, accepting, able to flex with change, giving to a fault.

PS. I don't know enough about your skills or the economy in TX to give any practical advice. I would say if you need more job training, it will be easier as Brady gets older and that it is probably normal to feel overwhelmed at times during your child's first year.

 

[disregard]

I have this same feeling, but for other things about myself. I always think, how did I become THIS? How every day slips by, and becomes an amalgamation of something you'd have never envisioned or wanted. What I have learned is that you have the free will to alter your focus, and I do that in my circumstance. It takes the pressure off, and also, it helps to realise that what you are comparing your present reality to something no one has.. you are comparing it to a dream.. an illusion.. an unrealistic ideal. ] You are not stuck in this moment. You cannot foresee the wonderful possibilities that the future has in store for you. All you can control, like I said, is what you choose to focus on.

To better days.~

 

[heart]

[.

 

[Geoff]

It helps to be an NP sometimes.. it's ok to just drift along and wait to see what turns up and/or inspires you. The failures become opportunities that way.

 

[ygolo]

I believe we all have our purpose in life, and the trials we face are preperation for what is to come later.

I often feel like a failure too. I try to remind myself that a failure is an event to learn from, not a characterization of a person.

A person cannot be a failure, only a work in progress--always a work in progress.

I hope you are feeling better.