"Left Behind" reboot

[The Ü™]

I'm not a Christian and I've never read Left Behind books, seen past Left Behind movies, or played any lame-ass Left Behind video games.

But I really feel that a spiritual force is calling me to see this reboot.

Could it be the production company that I've never heard of?

Could it be that it's directed by Vic Armstrong, a bad-ass stunt coordinator for the Indiana Jones pictures?

Could it be the enormous $15 million budget that's unheard of by Christian movie standards?

Or could it be something more...spiritual?




Could God be real?

 

[Totenkindly]

I feel ill.
The book (of which I could only stomach about ten pages of) was made for Kirk Cameron.
It is finished.

...

In other news, after reading scathing reviews about this shoddy joke of a Christian movie called "Mom's Night Out" and how lame it was even while trying to be savvy and outrageous for its audience, I went on FaceBook and saw that one of my Christian female friends had seen it, and she was raving about how funny and insightful it was.

Please shoot me now.

 

[EJCC]

Oh man, I already sense late-night cult classic potential. Please God let it be bad enough to be funny.

 

[Anew Leaf]

Oh man, I already sense late-night cult classic potential. Please God let it be bad enough to be funny.

I feel the same way.

Bad movies that are so bad that they simply remain that way (I'm looking at you, "Other Woman") just break my heart.

 

[EJCC]

I feel the same way.

Bad movies that are so bad that they simply remain that way (I'm looking at you, "Other Woman") just break my heart.

Agreed.

Thank goodness for Syfy original movies! Amirite?

 

[Totenkindly]

Agreed.

Thank goodness for Syfy original movies! Amirite?

Are those actually funny-bad or just bad?

 

[EJCC]

Are those actually funny-bad or just bad?

Oh my god. Life-changingly hilarious bad. Or at least, Sharknado is -- haven't seen more than 5 mins of the others. But I've heard they're funny too?

 

[The Ü™]

Behold, I am coming soon...to steal the Declaration of Independence.

And Sharknado was a concept that only a creative genius could come up with.

 

[Totenkindly]

Well, it's here.
And it's a DOOOOOZY.

https://www.yahoo.com/movies/disaster-movie-we-round-up-the-most-scathing-left-99061040397.html

Reviews for Left Behind are in, and the critics are far from rapturous. Based on the Christian bestseller about the end of the world (previously adapted as a straight-to-DVD film starring Kirk Cameron), the new movie stars Nicolas Cage as adulterous pilot Rayford Steele and Cassi Thomson as his atheist teenage daughter Chloe. When the End Times begin, half the population vanishes as the film’s protagonists watch in horror — a phrase that would also seem to describe the experience of several film writers. Here are the most scathing highlights about Left Behind, which is shaping up to be one of the worst-reviewed movies of the year...

From the AV Club...

God only knows how they made a worse version of Left Behind

D-

“...One need not be a Godless heathen to find fault in Left Behind’s message-delivery system: It’s a fire-and-brimstone sermon wrapped in the tissue of a bad disaster thriller — a criticism that’s dogged the book series since its earliest installments. But this adaptation is so broad, cartoonish, and ineptly made that harping on its theological methods seems like overkill; even diehard devotees of the franchise may crack up when, say, Rayford finally figures out what’s going on by flipping through the personal calendar of one of the departed — and then breaking down into sobs when he finds the words BIBLE STUDY scrawled ominously on an open page...”

... oh. And....

Rotten Tomatoes
3%
Average Rating: 2.3/10
Reviews Counted: 36
Fresh: 1 | Rotten: 35

Oh, and a line from the JoBlo review... wow... it's like a setup:

...There's no doubt in my mind that LEFT BEHIND will top many critics' lists as the worst movie of 2014, and what's really scary is that it ends with the promise (threat?) of a sequel, complete with a bible verse to make us heathens run home and crack open our new testament. I will say this – LEFT BEHIND gives a whole new meaning to the term “holy shit...”

And Sharknado was a concept that only a creative genius could come up with.

I agree that "Sharknado'ed Behind" might have been a more interesting premise for this movie.

The reviews are more like "Snarknado."

 

[EJCC]

Oh man, I already sense late-night cult classic potential. Please God let it be bad enough to be funny.

Looks like it isn't. Ah well.

 

[Qlip]

...
I agree that "Sharknado'ed Behind" might have been a more interesting premise for this movie.
...

I have a feeling that this is already being made for straight to DVD, you know the movies at the video store behind the beaded curtains.

 

[Beorn]

I thought when I became a Presbyterian I escaped this crap forever.
Even here I'm subjected to this crap.

[I was going to put an angry Kirk Cameron face here, but apparently he only has a happy face and a blank stare face. What an actor.]

 

[Totenkindly]

I have a feeling that this is already being made for straight to DVD, you know the movies at the video store behind the beaded curtains.

Oh baby....I can't wait to get my behind sharknado'ed.

 

[Totenkindly]

I thought when I became a Presbyterian I escaped this crap forever.
Even here I'm subjected to this crap.

Oh, [MENTION=5789]Beorn[/MENTION], Beorn, Beorn...

you know you can run but you can't hide [from the long arm of pretrib dispensationalism]...

 

[Bush]

A reboot? I didn't realize there was a series of movies before this one.

I wonder which one is going to be more bullshit garbage.

 

[Totenkindly]

I've actually heard a lot of ranking on the recent version as the worst, although its budget was larger.

But really... when you're arguing about which dungheap smells worse? I'd rather be sniffing the flowers.