21%
You have a choice!
- Joined
- May 15, 2009
- Messages
- 3,224
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
We kinda secretly love it, ya know...i know i know...but it is entirely in your head you know and no one else sees it.

We kinda secretly love it, ya know...i know i know...but it is entirely in your head you know and no one else sees it.
This is an interesting post. I used to feel that the Enneagram addresses 'deeper' issues somehow (but then I've been told by other posters that this is not true for everyone and that the Enneagram seems a hit-or-miss). One thing I've noticed is that I am much less influenced by my Enneagram type as I grow older. I don't know if that means anything.I'm thinking right now that I prefer the enneagram system over MBTI. WHile the idea of cognitive functions is intellectually appealing, I'm skeptical as to whether or not they follow that neat stack.
I think MBTI/function theory might be useful for personal development, but perhaps less relevant for social interaction. I think with others, the enneagram type is more useful for me. It also sees easier to determine without a test.
Take dating... the MBTI types all seem so varied, even within a type, that it becomes silly to say "i'm looking for this type or that type." But with the enneagram thing, I'm looking for a 5 or a 7, and that seems to be easier to identify. MBTI doesn't actually seem to determine if we have compatible interests or not.
Most INTPs seem to be 5s, but there are also INFP and INfJ 5s. When I actually go on dating sites, and look at the test results of people who have done these MBTI-esque tests, I find myself surprised that "INTP shoo-ins"" show up as INFPs or INFJs. I think it's possible that what I think of as "INTP" is actually 5. I have this image in my head of INFxs as 1's, 2's, or 4's but judging from how people identify themselves here, it doesn't always line up that way.
It seems to make ore sense, though, to think of others in terms of the ennegram system... the focus is on specific wants or needs, which seems easier to determine than whether someone is a thinker or a feeler.
This thread is turning into the E4 "Your life doesn't suck as much as mine does" competition, lmao.
[MENTION=15392]AffirmitiveAnxiety[/MENTION]
What specifically about me isn't congruent with you? Just curious.
This thread is turning into the E4 "Your life doesn't suck as much as mine does" competition, lmao.
[MENTION=15392]AffirmitiveAnxiety[/MENTION]
What specifically about me isn't congruent with your understanding of astrology? Just curious.
What's interesting, is I'm not seeing that at all, I'm just seeing information being shared. Have you had some past traumatic experiences with 4s before?
no. I saw two people complain about having the worst combo, both were E4's. Two points form a line, a line projects into the future. I was making a prediction as to the direction of this thread, that's all.
When I saw the title of the thread I figured you were probably a 4. The idea that another type would be better is a construct of the ego. The purpose of understanding the Enneagram is to learn how to transcend the trap of the ego, and for a 4 specifically it's to let go of the idea that you're inherently flawed and superior/inferior because of it.
The antidote to the 4 trap, as taught to me by Dr. Wyatt Woodsmall is the acceptance that everything is exactly as it should be.
What I personally found very helpful was to first become conscious of how envious I was and once I'd done that to work through it by repeating the phrase in my head 'everything is exactly as it should be.' Any 4 should find that phrase very therapeutic.
Once you start to work through it you'll stop feeling like it's any better to be another type and realize that it's only better to accept yourself and to evolve.
This is really important for 4s to learn. I find little mantras very useful because you're essentially changing your thinking patterns. I try and practice "negative thought replacement". My motto for some times was "be nice to myself" so that I'd correct any self-denigrating thoughts with nothing any worse I'd say to a friend I cared for. First, I allow myself to be flawed or "damaged" just like every other human. I think we block 1 integration when we think it means "perfection".
Now that I've become more conscious of envy, I'm working on the "everyone has it easier" attitude - which I don't experience as others not having problems or being superior, but being more likable, lovable & significant to others because they are "normal".
Letting go of "what is wrong with me that everyone has right?" is important; that thinking is the problem. Learning to feel gratitude is important too, and that includes extending it towards yourself. Focus on what you possess internally over what you lack & act on it. The 5 wing can really make you not ACT enough either.
To the OP - would you tell a friend you cared for that they have the worst personality? No, you are their friend & you'd likely focus on building them up when they are down. Treat yourself more like a friend.
This is really important for 4s to learn. I find little mantras very useful because you're essentially changing your thinking patterns. I try and practice "negative thought replacement". My motto for some times was "be nice to myself" so that I'd correct any self-denigrating thoughts with nothing any worse I'd say to a friend I cared for. First, I allow myself to be flawed or "damaged" just like every other human. I think we block 1 integration when we think it means "perfection".
Now that I've become more conscious of envy, I'm working on the "everyone has it easier" attitude - which I don't experience as others not having problems or being superior, but being more likable, lovable & significant to others because they are "normal".
Letting go of "what is wrong with me that everyone has right?" is important; that thinking is the problem. Learning to feel gratitude is important too, and that includes extending it towards yourself. Focus on what you possess internally over what you lack & act on it. The 5 wing can really make you not ACT enough either.
To the OP - would you tell a friend you cared for that they have the worst personality? No, you are their friend & you'd likely focus on building them up when they are down. Treat yourself more like a friend.
no. I saw two people complain about having the worst combo, both were E4's. Two points form a line, a line projects into the future. I was making a prediction as to the direction of this thread, that's all.
I relate to that problem alot too as an ENFP 6.
awesome oa this is the same advice i give my infp 4w5 bf
because to me it's so obvious that this is the issue and we are total opposites in that way. we both have fears, concerns or doubts...but i have that positive encouraging mother/friend voice in my head that tells me loving and supportive things and it's as though he has an abusive, belligerent mean as fuck stepfather in his...telling him he's not good enough or he's going to mess it up etc.
that is the whole toxic thing there.
i think just reminding yourself that every single person has something they feel inadequate about (even if it's so buried that they're unaware of it)
but everyone has fears...everyone has strengths and weakness
just be kind to yourself and lift yourself up
that doesn't mean just accept things that you'd like to improve...absolutely work on the stuff you'd like to improve on but don't falsely believe that you're all screwed up because you weren't born just being naturally good at it...cuz you know what? those people who are...are not naturally good at the things that you are either.
Yeah, I think a difference is e6s have more negative thoughts containing worry, doubt, and insecurity about their abilities or standing with others.
As an e4, it's more like a sense of shame, being cursed (not doubt, but KNOWING you are hopelessly flawed & sort of giving up to it), and feeling unlovable/unlikable & misunderstood in regards to your strengths. I don't really worry or fear a lot - it's more like I lament bitterly.
In Naranjo's Character & Neurosis, he mentions something about e4s internalizing the "bad parent". This may or may not be from a literal rejection of a parent, but they have a rejecting parent voice in their head. Interesting how as a 7 you have a "good parent" voice. I can't remember if anything was said in regard to 7s there (I lost my book! Or my cleaning lady thought it was satanic & threw it out, which I have no proof of).
But in regards to Stansmith's post, e6s may have something like a "paranoid parent" voice, like they internalized a parent's message that the world is scary, unsure place.
But yes, relating to others also helps you feel less alienated. As long as it's not invalidating, it's reassuring to see how all people struggle with such things internally.
ESTP SLE-Ti E8 Sx/So Capricorn Year of the Earth Dragon.
I'm pretty much in love with myself. Sucks to be you bro.
![]()
no. I saw two people complain about having the worst combo, both were E4's. Two points form a line, a line projects into the future. I was making a prediction as to the direction of this thread, that's all.
I relate to that at my worst, but yeah really, my image-related complexes are more 3-ish in nature than 4. My identity comes from being cultured, and having minimal flaws, rather than from being a tortured soul. I would love to seem like someone with emotional depth and insight, but its not the primarily place from which I derive my identity.
Overall, 4s own their unloveable-ness and want to find someone who still loves them regardless, while NF 6s want to figure out why they're unloveable, fix it, and become part of the group.
So why 6 & not 3 for your core type? 3s can worry also. They're the competent triad (1,3,5), not the positive triad. There's some obvious worry which can go with that.
I agree with the idea of "fixability" being in 6s.... This is likely why they're generally less morose - more sense of hope I guess, or an idea they can have control if they work hard enough. So they keep active in trying to troubleshoot, whether it's in mental theorizing or outer activity. They fear laziness, perhaps because problems may not get handled, and resist 9 integration because of it.
4s sort of lay down & die because the problem seems intrinsic, as if only the destruction of yourself could root it out - hence the emotional masochism.
i wanna play!
okay so...imagine for a min being a 7! and being all yay fun adventure whoohoo but then having that annoying lil six voice going...ohhh...better not...cuz what if this or that or omg this!!! back and forth all day long!
they're super conflicting!! dontcha feel bad for me q?
awwww i wanna puppy!! pics please?