[ISTJ] ISTJ: how do i know if im annoying you?

[NewEra]

Actually I think the best way is to ask the ISTJ to be honest and if you're annoying them.

 

[Mondo]

From my experience, ISTJ's really don't like it if a person seems insincere with them because trust cannot be created.

 

[Cimarron]

From my experience, ISTJ's really don't like it if a person seems insincere with them because trust cannot be created.

Seems obvious. I'm trying to imagine how it would be otherwise.

 

[d@v3]

Generally, if I'm annoyed by someone, I just avoid them because then that way I don't have to pretend to be nice. So basically, if he's not avoiding you like the plague or trying at all costs to get out of a conversation with you then you're probably fine.

You're both introverts, so don't necessarily wait for him to engage you in conversation...if you always wait for him to take the initiative he'll probably think you're the one that's annoyed with him. If you want to have some sort of friendship with him, take a little initiative and just make yourself visible within their daily/weekly routine. Find some common ground to talk about, and just wait...he'll come around and will start to warm up to you a little.

IMO, ISTJs are blunt people...we just have to be comfortable enough around you to let you see it.

+1

I will avoid (I will be "quieter" than usual with) someone if I am annoyed by them. And/or I will straight up tell them bluntly that they are annoying.

Actually I think the best way is to ask the ISTJ to be honest and if you're annoying them.

^This too. If you ask me if you are annoying me, I'm going to tell you the truth. Plan and simple. And if you're not being sincere, in what you say (aside from joking around and such) then you are pretty much wasting my time! I don't like playing games! Just be yourself.

 

[IZthe411]

Yeah I hate expending valuable time and energy on falsehoods.

 

[NewEra]

Yeah I hate expending valuable time and energy on falsehoods.

^This too. If you ask me if you are annoying me, I'm going to tell you the truth. Plan and simple. And if you're not being sincere, in what you say (aside from joking around and such) then you are pretty much wasting my time! I don't like playing games! Just be yourself.

Yup, there you have it. An agreeable response to this thread.

 

[Glass Forest]

Thanks everyone

Damn, introvert-introvert relationships can be hard to read sometimes

 

[Cimarron]

An ISTJ i know has "I don't want to be mean" personality factor, which can manifest itself through him being nice to people even when they are annoying him,...

I wish there was some way i make him brutally blunt over night

I think I have that, too. Though when someone's annoying me, obviously it's difficult to show anything more than forced politeness.

If he's that way, he may not say, "yes, you're being kind of annoying" when you ask him. If you rephrase it by assuming he already thinks you're annoying, you may get more info. As in, you tell him, "I'm sorry if I've been annoying you," as it shows that you are aware of your own annoying behavior, and automatically makes you more virtuous in his eyes. What I'm saying is that even if he had been annoyed by you, with that approach he may soften up already.

If not enough to turn his opinion around, it will probably at least expose it. Meaning, if he hasn't been annoyed by you, he will just say that: "You're not annoying" with a confused look that implies "why would you think that?" Otherwise, he will take it as you admitting that you've been annoying and haven't meant to be, in which case he will probably downplay it with "It's okay" or something similar.

The good part about this approach, though, is that even if he had been annoyed, this kind of thing will really clear some tension from the air afterward.

Well, that was a little specific. I'm going through that based on what I might have said and done if I'd been the possibly-annoyed person. It's also how I've learned to bring up this "being annoying" issue with others.

 

[d@v3]

I think I have that, too. Though when someone's annoying me, obviously it's difficult to show anything more than forced politeness.

haha "Forced Politeness" That's so true!

Anyway, is this a romantic relationship? If so then he probably WON'T tell you bluntly, unless you ASK him to be blunt about it. Until then, the forced politeness runs his mouth.

 

[illume]

If you have to ask the question, then you are obviously NOT annoying the ISTJ. I have NEVER had to ask, as the answer has always been totally obvious. And I knows me a plenty o' ISTJ's. Yes sir.

 

[Glass Forest]

If he's that way, he may not say, "yes, you're being kind of annoying" when you ask him. If you rephrase it by assuming he already thinks you're annoying, you may get more info. As in, you tell him, "I'm sorry if I've been annoying you," as it shows that you are aware of your own annoying behavior, and automatically makes you more virtuous in his eyes. What I'm saying is that even if he had been annoyed by you, with that approach he may soften up already.

If not enough to turn his opinion around, it will probably at least expose it. Meaning, if he hasn't been annoyed by you, he will just say that: "You're not annoying" with a confused look that implies "why would you think that?" Otherwise, he will take it as you admitting that you've been annoying and haven't meant to be, in which case he will probably downplay it with "It's okay" or something similar.

The good part about this approach, though, is that even if he had been annoyed, this kind of thing will really clear some tension from the air afterward.

Well, that was a little specific. I'm going through that based on what I might have said and done if I'd been the possibly-annoyed person. It's also how I've learned to bring up this "being annoying" issue with others.

That advice is spot on from my experience. I actually just did that before reading your post

He told me i wasn't annoying and that i should stop being paranoid

 

[Cimarron]

Haha, oh good. See, you knew what to do. And that sounds like a positive answer.

 

[Slickness]

If I am annoyed, you will usually hear me sigh,so as to let you know without being impolite..like I'm in a hurry. You might also see my eyes close for about 1.5 seconds. The longer they are closed, the more annoyed I am. I also might break eye contact and somewhere else (usually up or down), and widen my eyes and nod as you are talking to me. But I'm not exactly sure if all ISTJs are this way.

 

[Amira]

He told me i wasn't annoying and that i should stop being paranoid

Cool. I was going to add some things but it looks like the topic has been pretty well covered. And I agree with those who said they usually aren't annoyed easily - neither am I, I can only think of a couple people that if I saw them coming I would want to avoid them due to them being annoying. One of them is the most negative person I have EVER met in my whole life and the other is one of the most manipulative people ever... Otherwise, for me personally I might get mildly annoyed if someone is dragging something out way longer than it needs to be and ignoring my "I need to hurry signals." Otherwise I feel confident than I can usually redirect conversations I am not enjoying so being annoyed at people is not something I think about much. Please don't mistake my calm stoneface for annoyance - I'm just in neutral/thinking and probably quite cheerful!