Is this sexism of some kind ?

[Virtual ghost]

This forum had it's share of similar topics so I want to join the club. However I have something more unconventional on mind.


The things is that I don't hate women and I don't do any of the standard sexistic stuff. However I do think that being a woman basically sucks almost by default. The reason for this is that I see what life is doing to women simply because they are women. When you are a woman: you are much much more likely to be assulted or sexually assulted on some way, you are more likely to be cheated, you will probably do the same job for less money (at least globally that is the case), you have to struggle with your hormones and periods, I remember back in college when they openly said to the girls that they are wasting their time here because no one will be hiring women, childbirth is a messy and complicated thing, women have disadvantage in the terms of urinating, they are much more likely to be the single parent, many religions "hate" them in a certain sense, women are much more likely to burry their loved ones or live with someone who came home from a war and with PTSD, there are more social rules regarding women than men ..... etc.


The thing is that I see "being a woman" as something that is bad experiance almost by default. Especially since most women that I have encountered and regardless of the age seem to be broken on the inside, but they are trying to hide this.


Is it ok to say that being a woman is not a pretty experience almost by default ?

 

[Coriolis]

This forum had it's share of similar topics so I want to join the club. However I have something more unconventional on mind.


The things is that I don't hate women and I don't do any of the standard sexistic stuff. However I do think that being a woman basically sucks almost by default. The reason for this is that I see what life is doing to women simply because they are women. When you are a woman: you are much much more likely to be assulted or sexually assulted on some way, you are more likely to be cheated, you will probably do the same job for less money (at least globally that is the case), you have to struggle with your hormones and periods, I remember back in college when they openly said to the girls that they are wasting their time here because no one will be hiring women, childbirth is a messy and complicated thing, women have disadvantage in the terms of urinating, they are much more likely to be the single parent, many religions "hate" them in a certain sense, women are much more likely to burry their loved ones or live with someone who came home from a war and with PTSD, there are more social rules regarding women than men ..... etc.


The thing is that I see "being a woman" as something that is bad experiance almost by default. Especially since most women that I have encountered and regardless of the age seem to be broken on the inside, but they are trying to hide this.


Is it ok to say that being a woman is not a pretty experience almost by default ?

It is OK to say in that you are entitled to your opinion. It is not OK as an objective statement of fact.

You have made a number of observations, some of which contain more truth than others, and none of which are universal. The experience of being a woman varies considerably with culture, health, location, and other factors, just like the experience of being a man.

 

[ceecee]

This forum had it's share of similar topics so I want to join the club. However I have something more unconventional on mind.


The things is that I don't hate women and I don't do any of the standard sexistic stuff. However I do think that being a woman basically sucks almost by default. The reason for this is that I see what life is doing to women simply because they are women. When you are a woman: you are much much more likely to be assulted or sexually assulted on some way, you are more likely to be cheated, you will probably do the same job for less money (at least globally that is the case), you have to struggle with your hormones and periods, I remember back in college when they openly said to the girls that they are wasting their time here because no one will be hiring women, childbirth is a messy and complicated thing, women have disadvantage in the terms of urinating, they are much more likely to be the single parent, many religions "hate" them in a certain sense, women are much more likely to burry their loved ones or live with someone who came home from a war and with PTSD, there are more social rules regarding women than men ..... etc.


The thing is that I see "being a woman" as something that is bad experiance almost by default. Especially since most women that I have encountered and regardless of the age seem to be broken on the inside, but they are trying to hide this.


Is it ok to say that being a woman is not a pretty experience almost by default ?

I agree that it's fine to have this opinion but it's not a fact for all women. I'm sorry that the women you have met seem to be broken for the most part but I wouldn't agree that women, by default, have this mark on them simply because of their sex. Men aren't helping matters for the ones who are but I'm not placing blame solely on them - women need to take charge of their own life. I do realize this isn't currently possible everywhere but the more they push, the more change will happen. If you're not participating in the standard sexist stuff, start being a voice to make a difference in the lives of women.

I also appreciate you not being a complete jag off when it comes to women, which seems to be the fashionable thing around here lately.

 

[S16M4]

I read that humans are gynocentric by default.

I don't think it's sexist, because at the core you still care about the well-being of women.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I agree that it's fine to have this opinion but it's not a fact for all women.

I know this as a intuitive fact but my life experiences are telling me another story.


For example:

My mother is depressed on some way and has ADHD of some kind.
I know girls that became succesful and even famous but they see therapists because of what is going on.
I know people that have sisters that ended in a mental institution at some point in their life.
My grandmother was so paranoid that she locked the doors behind her around the house, she always had a pack of keys around.
My other grandmother was violent and abusive at time.
I had a female teacher that was giving random F grades simply because a student reminds her of the student with which she had sex with ... and they caught her.
My aunt seems to be alcoholic.
I met many co-workers of my mother ... none of them are completely round up personas.
I had many female teachers that were emotionally/verbaly abusive to the point that I was thinking about beating the crap out of them.
The story of my grand grandmother that was left with unfinieshed house, 4 children and goat was pretty sad.
I knew a girl that called me on the phone and she just cried about something ... in the end I just ended all relations.
I was on a date with a girl that turn out to be unstabile and she used to be an addict.
Back in high school one girl was after me, but I didn't want her since she was generally messed up and running away from home.
I know a household that is women only but they are completely cut-throat to each other.
I have a neighbour that is obviously depressed and miserable due to fact that her income sucks and because her husband left her.
I knew a girl that just couldn't comit to a relationship after 3 months. She was just too afraid to do it because of many internal reasons.
I knew a girl that had schizophrenia and brags that she will gather all personality disorders in her life.
I knew a girl that is uncomfortable with dressing in anyway other than "obviously sluty".
I had a teacher that used to run when she had to walk during the night, since she was afraid of the dark.
I knew a girl that was covered with tattoos and running from her anxiety all the time.
There are plenty of women that are afraid of their own imperfections to the point that this is becoming a serious problem.
I knew a girl that is agressive or very private because of her skin desease.
I know many women that are generally neurotic and paranoid.


Etc etc, the list is long.


The problem is that I intuitively presume that a woman is messed up, at least until proven otherwise. Since the ones I was in contact with are problematic and unhealthy on some way. I am not sure when it was the last time I met a woman that was completely stabile or satisfied.

 

[Mole]

I know this as a intuitive fact but my life experiences are telling me another story.
For example:
My mother is depressed on some way and has ADHD of some kind.
I know girls that became succesful and even famous but they see therapists because of what is going on.
I know people that have sisters that ended in a mental institution at some point in their life.
My grandmother was so paranoid that she locked the doors behind her around the house, she always had a pack of keys around.
My other grandmother was violent and abusive at time.
I had a female teacher that was giving random F grades simply because a student reminds her of the student with which she had sex with ... and they caught her.
My aunt seems to be alcoholic.
I met many co-workers of my mother ... none of them are completely round up personas.
I had many female teachers that were emotionally/verbaly abusive to the point that I was thinking about beating the crap out of them.
The story of my grand grandmother that was left with unfinieshed house, 4 children and goat was pretty sad.
I knew a girl that called me on the phone and she just cried about something ... in the end I just ended all relations.
I was on a date with a girl that turn out to be unstabile and she used to be an addict.
Back in high school one girl was after me, but I didn't want her since she was generally messed up and running away from home.
I know a household that is women only but they are completely cut-throat to each other.
I have a neighbour that is obviously depressed and miserable due to fact that her income sucks and because her husband left her.
I knew a girl that just couldn't comit to a relationship after 3 months. She was just too afraid to do it because of many internal reasons.
I knew a girl that had schizophrenia and brags that she will gather all personality disorders in her life.
I knew a girl that is uncomfortable with dressing in anyway other than "obviously sluty".
I had a teacher that used to run when she had to walk during the night, since she was afraid of the dark.
I knew a girl that was covered with tattoos and running from her anxiety all the time.
There are plenty of women that are afraid of their own imperfections to the point that this is becoming a serious problem.
I knew a girl that is agressive or very private because of her skin desease.
I know many women that are generally neurotic and paranoid.
Etc etc, the list is long.

The problem is that I intuitively presume that a woman is messed up, at least until proven otherwise. Since the ones I was in contact with are problematic and unhealthy on some way. I am not sure when it was the last time I met a woman that was completely stabile or satisfied.

This seems to express a distaste for women. We internalise women as our anima. So it seems to me you have a distaste for your anima.

I am not sure what this means except that I have overwhelmingly positive feelings towards my anima, and so positive feelings and expectations towards women.

And having a happy relationship with my anima, I have happy relations with women, every day.

And considering that women suffer misogyny on a regular basis, it would seem your distaste adds insult to injury. But of course you have damaged yourself first.

So perhaps if you turned your attention inwards rather than outwards towards women, would give women a break, and attend to your own pain and suffering.

 

[Pionart]

This seems to express a distaste for women. We internalise women as our anima. So it seems to me you have a distaste for your anima.

I am not sure what this means except that I have overwhelmingly positive feelings towards my anima, and so positive feelings and expectations towards women.

And having a happy relationship with my anima, I have happy relations with women, every day.

And considering that women suffer misogyny on a regular basis, it would seem your distaste adds insult to injury. But of course you have damaged yourself first.

So perhaps if you turned your attention inwards rather than outwards towards women, would give women a break, and attend to your own pain and suffering.

I think one thing worth mentioning is that misandry exists, as well.

And as far as discrimination goes, I think women are not all that bad off.

I like to think I have a positive relationship with my anima.

I hope I do, at least. If not, I can improve.

I still wish to know where I have an advantage due to being a male.

I will let it slide as I wish for equality in such matters.

I feel that I am being difficult, at least for a portion of the audience.

I never said life was easy.

I only said I wish to make it better.

 

[Mole]

I think one thing worth mentioning is that misandry exists, as well.

And as far as discrimination goes, I think women are not all that bad off.

I like to think I have a positive relationship with my anima.

I hope I do, at least. If not, I can improve.

I still wish to know where I have an advantage due to being a male.

I will let it slide as I wish for equality in such matters.

I feel that I am being difficult, at least for a portion of the audience.

I never said life was easy.

I only said I wish to make it better.

It seems to me you dislike women and dislike yourself. Why is that?

And it poses as an innocent, even rational dislike, but in fact the backdrop is misogyny.

Misogyny is impossible for you to admit because it is not politically correct.

So you express your misogyny indirectly posing as an innocent rational dislike, and which you invite us to join.

 

[Pionart]

It seems to me you dislike women and dislike yourself. Why is that?

And it poses as an innocent, even rational dislike, but in fact the backdrop is misogyny.

Misogyny is impossible for you to admit because it is not politically correct.

So you express your misogyny indirectly posing as an innocent rational dislike, and which you invite us to join.

If I dislike women and myself, then I probably dislike men too, right? So I dislike everything?

If it is impossible for me to admit, then if I try to counter it, most likely I am only countering my own appearance of misogyny, not the thing itself.

The most "profitable" choice seems to be to overcome the dislike of myself, for if I dislike myself, I dislike all that is similar to myself, and what then of the dissimilar?

And so how then can I like myself?

 

[Thalassa]

I know this as a intuitive fact but my life experiences are telling me another story.


For example:

My mother is depressed on some way and has ADHD of some kind.
I know girls that became succesful and even famous but they see therapists because of what is going on.
I know people that have sisters that ended in a mental institution at some point in their life.
My grandmother was so paranoid that she locked the doors behind her around the house, she always had a pack of keys around.
My other grandmother was violent and abusive at time.
I had a female teacher that was giving random F grades simply because a student reminds her of the student with which she had sex with ... and they caught her.
My aunt seems to be alcoholic.
I met many co-workers of my mother ... none of them are completely round up personas.
I had many female teachers that were emotionally/verbaly abusive to the point that I was thinking about beating the crap out of them.
The story of my grand grandmother that was left with unfinieshed house, 4 children and goat was pretty sad.
I knew a girl that called me on the phone and she just cried about something ... in the end I just ended all relations.
I was on a date with a girl that turn out to be unstabile and she used to be an addict.
Back in high school one girl was after me, but I didn't want her since she was generally messed up and running away from home.
I know a household that is women only but they are completely cut-throat to each other.
I have a neighbour that is obviously depressed and miserable due to fact that her income sucks and because her husband left her.
I knew a girl that just couldn't comit to a relationship after 3 months. She was just too afraid to do it because of many internal reasons.
I knew a girl that had schizophrenia and brags that she will gather all personality disorders in her life.
I knew a girl that is uncomfortable with dressing in anyway other than "obviously sluty".
I had a teacher that used to run when she had to walk during the night, since she was afraid of the dark.
I knew a girl that was covered with tattoos and running from her anxiety all the time.
There are plenty of women that are afraid of their own imperfections to the point that this is becoming a serious problem.
I knew a girl that is agressive or very private because of her skin desease.
I know many women that are generally neurotic and paranoid.


Etc etc, the list is long.


The problem is that I intuitively presume that a woman is messed up, at least until proven otherwise. Since the ones I was in contact with are problematic and unhealthy on some way. I am not sure when it was the last time I met a woman that was completely stabile or satisfied.

I agree that some of the things you've said are global generalities, but it varies by woman and by culture.

Since you are not being sexist, I'm not being bigoted when I say my experience of Eastern European or Slavic culture is REALLY sexist. I had an amazing professor from the former USSR who told me a lot of things about men in his culture he found appalling, that I should watch out for anyone not intellectual. I have a really awesome educated male friend who I met in LA who currently lives in Russia. ..but both of those things being said, I am acquainted with a couple who are older who originally lived in the Ukraine, their ideas about gender border on shocking, and the wife is completely neurotic because the husband is an overbearing brute who thinks he's a good guy.

The South is kind of like that too.

 

[Mole]

If I dislike women and myself, then I probably dislike men too, right? So I dislike everything?

If it is impossible for me to admit, then if I try to counter it, most likely I am only countering my own appearance of misogyny, not the thing itself.

The most "profitable" choice seems to be to overcome the dislike of myself, for if I dislike myself, I dislike all that is similar to myself, and what then of the dissimilar?

And so how then can I like myself?

It's not a game. We cannot work out the most profitable choice. What we can do is start to listen to our own feelings, and as we become more comfortable in our own skins, start to listen to the feelings of others.

 

[Pionart]

There is a theory - that I pay attention to something because I dislike it.

So if I pay attention to women, it is because I dislike them.

And if I ignore myself, it is because I like myself but dislike being attended to by that which I like, or dislike.

If this is the case, I pay attention to a thing to improve it, but to improve means to draw it closer to what I see as my own ideal self.

And so I am wrapped up in my view of my own self, and I dislike that which departs from my ideal self.

I dislike my own self, for not living up to this ideal.

I dislike those who fall further, for bringing me further if I fall to them.

So I like those closer to my own ideal self than am I.

Yet, I dislike them too for I am jealous.

And it seems I fail to live up to my own shortcomings, for I wish not to see myself in a negative light.

And so, I am unable to improve, to a degree worth obtaining.

Yet, there is a thing, a way of seeing things, appropriate yet damaging to the ego.

And it is because of my ego, that I turn away all too often from this.

I wish to know how to overcome this, yet it is the ego that says "I wish".

And so, of my own accord, I seem to lack the power to overcome my shortcomings.

To try seems counter-productive, and to cease seems counter-intuitive.

So I keep on doing as I do, as though I were all yet could not live in such a way.

It is the existence of the Other, all established, that said Self gains existence, for God is the never-thing of change accrued.

It is all times said, that what one wishes could never come true yet wish it may for world obey as self extension yet such a view is narcissism of for all that says to thee that to become me is to betray the self yet never such a thing should be felt for it is the supreme law and thus the double bind one finds one self in shall never be solved for such is the nature of existence, and so we come again to the ever-beckoning question of why and what and how we navigate this terrain and only through experience of consequence could we ever gain wisdom over such a situation yet it seems as though it were futile to ever hope for anything greater than that which could be pulled into the moment of the present and forever given to thine own world as sacrifice yet only made in moment's sight and never for the future's light and so I say to myself at this time that if one seeks to know from others what though knows of thy own mind then what thou seekst shall never find itself until they answers to thine self.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I agree that some of the things you've said are global generalities, but it varies by woman and by culture.

Since you are not being sexist, I'm not being bigoted when I say my experience of Eastern European or Slavic culture is REALLY sexist. I had an amazing professor from the former USSR who told me a lot of things about men in his culture he found appalling, that I should watch out for anyone not intellectual. I have a really awesome educated male friend who I met in LA who currently lives in Russia. ..but both of those things being said, I am acquainted with a couple who are older who originally lived in the Ukraine, their ideas about gender border on shocking, and the wife is completely neurotic because the husband is an overbearing brute who thinks he's a good guy.

The South is kind of like that too.

I can't say I am surpired, I am from the territory where it is perhaps best to forget completely the last 100 years. I know that my experiences are not the ultimate truth but this has created a serious "border" between me and women. In general I don't get along with random, emotional or neurotic people and local women tend to be some or all of that. The truth is that most women here don't have it too easy but because of all that I said in the thread I have a problem relating to them or trusting them ... while they may find me to be too "INTJish". I mean this is recognized social problem here, since I belong to what is often called "lost generation" since the whole generation was systematically abused during growing up. Actually I have socially retreated exactly in order to avoid as much shit as possible. However women that tend to be more socially sensitive took much stronger hit.


The thing is that I am simply trying to recognize my own bias on the issue.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I can't say I am surpired, I am from the territory where it is perhaps best to forget completely the last 100 years. I know that my experiences are not the ultimate truth but this has created a serious "border" between me and women. In general I don't get along with random, emotional or neurotic people and local women tend to be some or all of that. The truth is that most women here don't have it too easy but because of all that I said in the thread I have a problem relating to them or trusting them ... while they may find me to be too "INTJish". I mean this is recognized social problem here, since I belong to what is often called "lost generation" since the whole generation was systematically abused during growing up. Actually I have socially retreated exactly in order to avoid as much shit as possible. However women that tend to be more socially sensitive took much stronger hit.


The thing is that I am simply trying to recognize my own bias on the issue.

So, maybe there is a halfway point. The fact that you are INTJish, can present a calm facade that does attract a more openly emotional person. So, I can see this. Opposites attract, sort of thing.

However, the calm facade is a facade. You are hiding your anxiety and emotions, I would say. If you weren't or you had dealt with your own issues, the actions of others who openly express these same feelings you hide? Well, you would be able to discern healthy levels of what you see. You also wouldn't be repulsed by it either.

That is not to say compatibility will be forth coming. That is another issue and I am separating that for the sake of your initial proposition.

Basically, you're reaction is based, IME, off the fact these women are manifesting something that is uncomfortable for you. Why?

Your past experiences with women are heavily coloring how you interact with them now. But it's not all one sided.

Anyone who has "issues" with the opposite gender needs to do some serious introspection as to why they can't relate to half the population. That ISNT normal. Anyway...


I gather you may not be an objective judge on what is healthy neuroticism/emotionality and what isn't, so it all becomes unhealthy to you and therefore you stay clear....would you say this is correct?

If not, how do you recognize emotional displays as healthy or unhealthy? I'm curious where your line is drawn?

What is an example of this neuroticism that is too much for you?

The devil is in the details.

 

[prplchknz]

I know this as a intuitive fact but my life experiences are telling me another story.


For example:

My mother is depressed on some way and has ADHD of some kind.
I know girls that became succesful and even famous but they see therapists because of what is going on.
I know people that have sisters that ended in a mental institution at some point in their life.
My grandmother was so paranoid that she locked the doors behind her around the house, she always had a pack of keys around.
My other grandmother was violent and abusive at time.
I had a female teacher that was giving random F grades simply because a student reminds her of the student with which she had sex with ... and they caught her.
My aunt seems to be alcoholic.
I met many co-workers of my mother ... none of them are completely round up personas.
I had many female teachers that were emotionally/verbaly abusive to the point that I was thinking about beating the crap out of them.
The story of my grand grandmother that was left with unfinieshed house, 4 children and goat was pretty sad.
I knew a girl that called me on the phone and she just cried about something ... in the end I just ended all relations.
I was on a date with a girl that turn out to be unstabile and she used to be an addict.
Back in high school one girl was after me, but I didn't want her since she was generally messed up and running away from home.
I know a household that is women only but they are completely cut-throat to each other.
I have a neighbour that is obviously depressed and miserable due to fact that her income sucks and because her husband left her.
I knew a girl that just couldn't comit to a relationship after 3 months. She was just too afraid to do it because of many internal reasons.
I knew a girl that had schizophrenia and brags that she will gather all personality disorders in her life.
I knew a girl that is uncomfortable with dressing in anyway other than "obviously sluty".
I had a teacher that used to run when she had to walk during the night, since she was afraid of the dark.
I knew a girl that was covered with tattoos and running from her anxiety all the time.
There are plenty of women that are afraid of their own imperfections to the point that this is becoming a serious problem.
I knew a girl that is agressive or very private because of her skin desease.
I know many women that are generally neurotic and paranoid.


Etc etc, the list is long.


The problem is that I intuitively presume that a woman is messed up, at least until proven otherwise. Since the ones I was in contact with are problematic and unhealthy on some way. I am not sure when it was the last time I met a woman that was completely stabile or satisfied.

you could probably find men that also fit everyone of these descriptions

although i am suspcious of the one who claims she has schizophrenia because i'm diagnosed schizoafective which is that plus a mood disorder. and it is not a personality disorder nor is related to one. but a man could and probably has done the same thing.

my point is these problems they have are not because they're women but rather becaus they're human

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

my point is these problems they have are not because they're women but rather becaus they're human

Exactly...such a small but really important point. I don't think the OP is ready for it. If he was, the thread wouldn't have been made.

I see a lot of men and women want to scapegoat to the other gender, problems that they themselves have had to deal with because of trauma inflicted on them, abuse, and so they extrapolate to the "whole". Then they avoid healing which re-creates the same sick patterns of attraction.

These kinds of interpersonal issues are not political. They aren't about men and women as a whole, it is about human beings. Start from there and build out. Once you start with the "women are" and "men are" you've already lost the point.

 

[Virtual ghost]

So, maybe there is a halfway point. The fact that you are INTJish, can present a calm facade that does attract a more openly emotional person. So, I can see this. Opposites attract, sort of thing.

However, the calm facade is a facade. You are hiding your anxiety and emotions, I would say. If you weren't or you had dealt with your own issues, the actions of others who openly express these same feelings you hide? Well, you would be able to discern healthy levels of what you see. You also wouldn't be repulsed by it either.

Basically, you're reaction is based, IME, off the fact these women are manifesting something that is uncomfortable for you because it still controls you. You haven't gotten through your own issues.

Your past experiences with women are heavily coloring how you interact with them now. But it's not all one sided.

Anyone who has "issues" with the opposite gender needs to do some serious introspection as to why they can't relate to half the population. That ISNT normal. Anyway...


I gather you may not be an objective judge on what is healthy neuroticism/emotionality and what isn't, so it all becomes unhealthy to you and therefore you stay clear....would you say this is correct?

If not, how do you recognize emotional displays as healthy or unhealthy? I'm curious where your line is drawn?

For me this is all very simple actually. I don't want to be dragged into the their games, neediness and drama, because every time I tried I got this. Relationship should have this to some degree but if it is too much this is a deal braker. On the other hand I look at other people, my parents argue just for fun all the time or they argue becuse my mother spent too much on credit card. I have a weekend evening with friends but GF of a friend decideds to make a scene in front of everbody to the degree that the guy is blushing for the rest of the night. Plus there are countless examples of such behaviours.

Therefore I am hesitant in pursuit of women because I have a serious doubt that I need one. People oftne look very good looking girls that are pretty common here, while I do my own thing in my head and I ignore them. I trully have becomed genuinely apathic about the whole issue and that probably isn't good.


Also the growing/thinking thing for me completely another set of issues. I got degrees, I learned, I traved, repaired stuff, lived ... but in the end this is a black and white problem, you pursuit women or you don't. The problem is that I just need a sign that the other person will not once again drag me into drama or call me all kind of thing just because they are a mess in their head. Read the thread, I really did have constant business with unhealthy women.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

For me this is all very simple actually. I don't want to be dragged into the their games, neediness and drama, because every time I tried I got this. Relationship should have this to some degree but if it is too much this is a deal braker. On the other hand I look at other people, my parents argue just for fun all the time or they argue becuse my mother spent too much on credit card. I have a weekend evening with friends but GF of a friend decideds to make a scene in front of everbody to the degree that the guy is blushing for the rest of the night. Plus there are countless examples of such behaviours.

Therefore I am hesitant in pursuit of women because I have a serious doubt that I need one. People oftne look very good looking girls that are pretty common here, while I do my own thing in my head and I ignore them. I trully have becomed genuinely apathic about the whole issue and that probably isn't good.


Also the growing/thinking thing for me completely another set of issues. I got degrees, I learned, I traved, repaired stuff, lived ... but in the end this is a black and white problem, you pursuit women or you don't. The problem is that I just need a sign that the other person will not once again drag me into drama or call me all kind of thing just because they are a mess in their head. Read the thread, I really did have constant business with unhealthy women.

I did read the thread. Did you read my reply? I stated that you had unhealthy people in your life that happened to be women and that could be (IMO, very likely) coloring your views of women to the point that your view is now unhealthy.

I don't think it is a black and white problem. Why do you think it's only about pursuing women or not pursuing women?

You're skipping over the meat and bones of what makes a relationship. Why?

Because you may have to do some emotional work?

I cant help but see you have listed the women you speak of. Can I ask you to do something here? For the sake of perspective and you said you want to be aware of your own bias. Ok.

You listed all issues with women in your life. Can you list the men in your life and the issues and weaknesses they have?

 

[Virtual ghost]

Exactly...such a small but really important point. I don't think the OP is ready for it. If he was, the thread wouldn't have been made.

I see a lot of men and women want to scapegoat to the other gender, problems that they themselves have had to deal with because of trauma inflicted on them, abuse, and so they extrapolate to the "whole". Then they avoid healing which re-creates the same sick patterns of attraction.

These kinds of interpersonal issues are not political. They aren't about men and women as a whole, it is about human beings. Start from there and build out. Once you start with the "women are" and "men are" you've already lost the point.

Not really, I can see how it is possible to find men that fit that profile as well. However the issue is that I didn't and with men in general I have much better or reasonble relations (this aspect doesn't concern me in the thread since it isn't an issue). While with women I simply had a bad luck ... so I am simply asking "Did I have a bad luck and and I was dealing with women that are not really stabile ?" I should deblock the idea that all women will mess up your education just because they felt like it, thay they will not call you all kinds of names for the lolz, that they will not call everyone at their birthday except you ... etc.



I understand that women in my country are often unhappy or dramatic, also I know why this is the case and what caused this. However that often isn't enough that I desire to have something with them. The problem is that I have probably become too comfortable with detachment.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I did read the thread. Did you read my reply? I stated that you had unhealthy people in your life that happened to be women and that could be (IMO, very likely) coloring your views of women to the point that your view is now unhealthy.

I don't think it is a black and white problem. Why do you think it's only about pursuing women or not pursuing women?
You're skipping over the meat and bones of what makes a relationship. Why?

Because you may have to do some emotional work?

I cant help but see you have listed the women you speak of. Can I ask you to do something here? For the sake of perspective and you said you want to be aware of your own bias. Ok.

You listed all issues with women in your life. Can you list the men in your life and the issues and weaknesses they have?

It is a black or white since this is about acting. Will I take "the gamble" once again or will I skip all of this it. Therefore the details are basically irrelevant.


The truth is all of my close friends were men: we played to togather as kids, we built lego castles, we ventured into the wilderness togather, we played video or board games for hours, we had drinks on the saturday night, we traveled ....

On the other hand women always gave me grief: that I am robot, they accused me of all kind of things, they ignored me, they played games, they delibrately sabotaged me ...


The truth is that because of my technical and scientific interests I grew up mosly cut off from women and often there was 0 of them in my class. However trully great deal of experiances that I had with them were bad or they were at least neutral, the good ones were very rare. I just never felt really desired from the women, even my mother basically left me to rise myself because of "we are all individuals anyway".