[INTP] INTP's and relationships

[King sns]

Ouch, that's even worse X_X.

As far as clingyness goes and all the stuff you've mentioned, I've learned to consciously avoid going there as much as possible. Avoiding infatuation is the key. Nowadays I prefer things to be nice and balanced without the extreme high of infatuation that come tumbling down later on and really breed unhealthy relationships. And that's when you start coming across women who actually like that sort of behavior and are put off if you don't express it, so at the end of the day the INTP still loses .

Haha.. Poor INTP..

Well, I also like that. I like the honesty and the excitement and just the overall sweetness and all the attention, and the loyalty...

Just not the whineyness so much and the looking too far into things.

Like: This is a conversation via text message from last night..

Me: Work is so boring and lame today
Him: start a code black. At least you have office space to look forward too. (inside joke about calling codes at my job, also we planned on seeing office space last night)Me: Yep. I have a pizza to make too (Well I thought I was making things more fun for us..)
Him: I like how you're more excited about food than hanging out. (Agh! I can never win! )

This seems really common for INTP's.


I don't know.. Spose I gotta take the good with the bad.

 

[FemMecha]

I noticed once you start to become more emotionally involved, they are like emotional train wrecks all of a sudden. And i'm always thrown into the position of being the steady, reasonable one.

Clingy, whiney, untrusting at times. Extremely affectionate. Almost feminine. I don't get it. I usually think at that point maybe I mistyped them.

Those sound unfamiliar as INTP traits based on my own experiences. Some qualities associated with INTPs are the childlike, pure emotion which has been mentioned which could account for that possibly in your friends? There is also a tendency to get lost in thought and a lesser need for the external world in regards to both senses and emotions. There is also a penchant for problem solving. Any sort of conflict or problem is taken into an analytical place in an attempt to fix it and get it out of the way. If faced with problems that defy solving, I think escapism into the mind of some sort is a likely approach rather than clinging more strongly to anything external.

There is a tendency to default type guys as Ts and women as Fs. In the end all the categories end up with some striking incoherency when applied to reality. I wouldn't want to guess at a type based on the information.

 

[cafe]

Haha.. Poor INTP..

Well, I also like that. I like the honesty and the excitement and just the overall sweetness and all the attention, and the loyalty...

Just not the whineyness so much and the looking too far into things.

Like: This is a conversation via text message from last night..

Me: Work is so boring and lame today
Him: start a code black. At least you have office space to look forward too. (inside joke about calling codes at my job, also we planned on seeing office space last night)Me: Yep. I have a pizza to make too (Well I thought I was making things more fun for us..)
Him: I like how you're more excited about food than hanging out. (Agh! I can never win! )


I don't know.. Spose I gotta take the good with the bad.

Okay, that is making my spidey senses whack out. You didn't say anything wrong at all and he, consciously or unconsciously, went looking for something to feel bad about and to use as a lever to pry reassurance from you via guilt. Very manipulative, which is not a good sign, I suspect it's especially bad in a type that generally values autonomy.

My gut says - RUN.

 

[King sns]

Those sound unfamiliar as INTP traits based on my own experiences. Some qualities associated with INTPs are the childlike, pure emotion which has been mentioned which could account for that possibly in your friends? There is also a tendency to get lost in thought and a lesser need for the external world in regards to both senses and emotions. There is also a penchant for problem solving. Any sort of conflict or problem is taken into an analytical place in an attempt to fix it and get it out of the way. If faced with problems that defy solving, I think escapism into the mind of some sort is a likely approach rather than clinging more strongly to anything external.

There is a tendency to default type guys as Ts and women as Fs. In the end all the categories end up with some striking incoherency when applied to reality. I wouldn't want to guess at a type based on the information.

Normally I land on T for other reasons in the end. Though it always throws me for a loop and gives me an F vibe for a while. Sometimes I think its something about me in particular that brings this out in people, like i'm doing something different, but i'm not sure what.

 

[King sns]

Okay, that is making my spidey senses whack out. You didn't say anything wrong at all and he, consciously or unconsciously, went looking for something to feel bad about and to use as a lever to pry reassurance from you via guilt. Very manipulative, which is not a good sign, I suspect it's especially bad in a type that generally values autonomy.

My gut says - RUN.

yea, that was TOTALLY manipulative. I actually called him on it when I saw him. He got a little embarrassed and then said. "Sorry... fishing for compliments.. " then we laughed about it.

 

[Grungemouse]

It seems like he's been taught that using guilt trips is the only/main way to achieve affirmation. Can't say I never used manipulation; in another relationship, if I felt unloved I would incite jealousy in the partner by feigning interest in other people, in a casual manner. I wasn't above sulking, either. Sheesh. I could be petty.

I say break the cycle by ending it, or "just don't look, just don't look!"; ignoring it. Once he learns that it no longer gives him his reward, he should calm down. Or dump you. Alternatively, find out what "love language" he speaks (Quality time, words of affirmation, etc). If he genuinely feels insecure and unloved, miscommunication could be the cause. I'd imagine it would be a fairly common problem with SFP/NTP relationships.

 

[Kambro]

Ouch I am a INT but borderline J/P so the description of INTP is dangerously close to home. Sounds very familiar. To be honest admired myself for being very straight and to the point ito my feelings. But insecurity issue, although I I didn't register it does sound familiar. Ouch need to watch it

Thanks for insight.

 

[Unique]

Haha.. Poor INTP..

Well, I also like that. I like the honesty and the excitement and just the overall sweetness and all the attention, and the loyalty...

Just not the whineyness so much and the looking too far into things.

Like: This is a conversation via text message from last night..

Me: Work is so boring and lame today
Him: start a code black. At least you have office space to look forward too. (inside joke about calling codes at my job, also we planned on seeing office space last night)Me: Yep. I have a pizza to make too (Well I thought I was making things more fun for us..)
Him: I like how you're more excited about food than hanging out. (Agh! I can never win! )

This seems really common for INTP's.


I don't know.. Spose I gotta take the good with the bad.

Wow, really? From an INTP.... and common?

Interesting, I mean he is definitely reading something into it that isn't there but IDK something smells of NF here

Once an INTP lets you in they do show their cute emotions but they are still few and far between

Oh and because some douche might say it, yes I have been an love and yes my emotions and Fe were still rarely shown, I obviously show Ne to those I love the most

ESFPs tend to like this cause to them its like "wow how did you come up with that? " and sometimes "okay! lets do it" which is funny to the INTP because they never expected their idea to come into action in a fun way

But yeah I just can't picture any NT exposing themselves in that way and being that manipulative with emotions especially in INTPs with their inferior Fe it wouldn't be developed enough to achieve such emotionally clever manipulation

 

[Risen]

But yeah I just can't picture any NT exposing themselves in that way and being that manipulative with emotions especially in INTPs with their inferior Fe it wouldn't be developed enough to achieve such emotionally clever manipulation

I disagree. It sounds like emotional immaturity played out through the use of the inferior Fe. Every INTP has a unique personality and some are better with using Fe than others. Certainly being able to use it on a manipulative level (paired with Ti to determine how it should be done to get a certain result) is not out of reach for an INTP. Manipulative insecurity and immaturity. And I disagree about only showing Ne to special people. I regularly use Ne as a means of being more extroverted with anyone.

 

[Unique]

I disagree. It sounds like emotional immaturity played out through the use of the inferior Fe. Every INTP has a unique personality and some are better with using Fe than others. Certainly being able to use it on a manipulative level (paired with Ti to determine how it should be done to get a certain result) is not out of reach for an INTP. Manipulative insecurity and immaturity. And I disagree about only showing Ne to special people. I regularly use Ne as a means of being more extroverted with anyone.

When did I say I only use Ne with "special people" ?

Also I'm well aware of what Fe in an INTP is capable of but I'm looking at the scenario at hand am not seeing a cunning manipulative INTP but rather more of an INFP with insecurities, I doubt this guy is manipulative on purpose just going off the information at hand

 

[Shimmy]

Normally I land on T for other reasons in the end. Though it always throws me for a loop and gives me an F vibe for a while. Sometimes I think its something about me in particular that brings this out in people, like i'm doing something different, but i'm not sure what.

I think ESFPs spontaneity and warmth brings it up in us.

yea, that was TOTALLY manipulative. I actually called him on it when I saw him. He got a little embarrassed and then said. "Sorry... fishing for compliments.. " then we laughed about it.

I'm speaking for myself here. I think INTPs can be very manipulative if we're in emotional conflict. We don't really want to however. I think it's a sign that things are not the way we want them to be and think of ways to achieve something.

 

[King sns]

When did I say I only use Ne with "special people" ?

Also I'm well aware of what Fe in an INTP is capable of but I'm looking at the scenario at hand am not seeing a cunning manipulative INTP but rather more of an INFP with insecurities, I doubt this guy is manipulative on purpose just going off the information at hand

well, its like I said, I ruled out INFP for the overall personality. Normally he's cool, looks at all angles of things, critical, thoughtful, and objective more than warm and subjective. And the INTP description just fits him better. It was this thing that turned him into a feely mcfeelerpants monster. I think that what Jennifer was saying in the beginning of the thread makes a lot of sense to what's going through his head, based on everything that he's told me. I think changing the T to an F changes the entire personality- INFP's and INTP's are very different people. INFP just doesn't fit in the overall scheme of things.

 

[King sns]

I disagree. It sounds like emotional immaturity played out through the use of the inferior Fe. Every INTP has a unique personality and some are better with using Fe than others. Certainly being able to use it on a manipulative level (paired with Ti to determine how it should be done to get a certain result) is not out of reach for an INTP. Manipulative insecurity and immaturity. And I disagree about only showing Ne to special people. I regularly use Ne as a means of being more extroverted with anyone.

Yea, that seems accurate. Especially since his form of manipulation seems a bit silly to someone who understands more about feelings and people and stuff. Its like, he's using the Fe, using it with insecurity, and not using it very well, and probably not even realize he's doing it.

 

[neptunesnet]

For example, you might just make assumptions about your bf because he is your bf, and you think your commitment is obvious -- in relationships people just assume the other person loves them, or thinks they're important to them, etc -- but INTPs by nature avoid assumptions, so sometimes they look for data to prove things to themselves that other people assume naturally. hence, they can seem more paranoid and demanding of unnecessary information in order to trust, if they start to have doubts.

Maybe it's an INxP thing.
I'm exactly the way you've described.

This is right on the money. Underdeveloped feeling can be almost embarrassingly sweet, especially when it shows up in a person who usually doesn't self express that way.

This resonates with how I am when in love. Yes, I tend to analyse and over-analyse the relationship. And sometimes I don't feel so loving. But at the end of the day, I ask myself what do I want out of the relationship, how can I be better, where it's heading. I outline my commitments, my plans and worries of potential pitfall of the relationship and communicate them with my SO. And then I commit and give my all to the relationship. This is where the famous INTP loyalty comes in.

I suspect that INTPs who are fickle in relationships are the immature types.

+1

The only INTP I know is very loyal and responsible (he grew up in a house fun of Js). He appears cold and aloof at first, but once you talk to him and show him that you care he's the sweetest thing. Awkward especially in relationships but very sweet. He's a good friend of mine, and I'm so glad I know him.
Yeah, the ones you're running into, shortnsweet, are probably immature.

 

[Blank]

I don't feel as though I connect with the INTP the OP is talking about.

Then again, I'm still stuck on the pizza thing.

As in, I want some.

 

[King sns]

I don't feel as though I connect with the INTP the OP is talking about.

Then again, I'm still stuck on the pizza thing.

As in, I want some.

At least someone does

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Ugh God. Ok, I read the first three pages and I can feel my ire creeping up, so before I read all of it and type a really horrid response about INTPs in general, let me say that if you read threads on this forum about INTPs and their behaviour in relationships, you'll find that you aren't the first who has had this problem. The problem seems nearly the same for everyone trying to handle a relationship with them:

- Other person senses that the INTP cares for them, but the INTP won't admit it or commit to it

- Other person tries to place boundaries, extract themselves from the relationship, only to have the INTP pull them back in by 'subtle nuances that they care'

- Other person gets caught in an endless loop with the INTP, often lasting for years, where the phsychological 'games' that the INTP plays are making them borderline insane. No clarity is found, only a deadlock of Other Person declaring that they will wait because they just know that the INTP loves them but can't show it. They give X Million number of reasons WHY they know this, without ever having heard it from the INTP.

- When pressed for closure, the INTP has a meltdown, Other Person feels that they were 'too pushy' and the process starts all over again.

THIS is what it means for most people who fall for an INTP.

Do yourself a favor and make up your own mind. There are only two options:

1. YOU decide that the two of you will NEVER be anything more than friends, no matter what, and proceed accordingly. Stop reading into the 'subtle nuances' things that the INTP never vocalizes or you will torture yourself forever.

2. Cut him from your life completely. In my own experiences, that is often difficult after having been 'such close friends' for so long. They have a way of becoming entangled in your every day life without it really being 'significant'. I wasn't strong enough to do it, though I tried a few times.

So nearly Ten years after I met mine, I know that he is just a friend, and always will be just a friend. I now decide on the boundaries and don't react to his 'kindnesses' as anything more than concern from say, a big brother. Things have been a lot better since I made this move.

Nah, I've found the opposite to be true. INTP relationships: Long, bitter and helpless hopeless.

^^^ Fixed

 

[King sns]

Ugh God. Ok, I read the first three pages and I can feel my ire creeping up, so before I read all of it and type a really horrid response about INTPs in general, let me say that if you read threads on this forum about INTPs and their behaviour in relationships, you'll find that you aren't the first who has had this problem. The problem seems nearly the same for everyone trying to handle a relationship with them:

- Other person senses that the INTP cares for them, but the INTP won't admit it or commit to it

- Other person tries to place boundaries, extract themselves from the relationship, only to have the INTP pull them back in by 'subtle nuances that they care'

- Other person gets caught in an endless loop with the INTP, often lasting for years, where the phsychological 'games' that the INTP plays are making them borderline insane. No clarity is found, only a deadlock of Other Person declaring that they will wait because they just know that the INTP loves them but can't show it. They give X Million number of reasons WHY they know this, without ever having heard it from the INTP.

- When pressed for closure, the INTP has a meltdown, Other Person feels that they were 'too pushy' and the process starts all over again.

THIS is what it means for most people who fall for an INTP.

Do yourself a favor and make up your own mind. There are only two options:

1. YOU decide that the two of you will NEVER be anything more than friends, no matter what, and proceed accordingly. Stop reading into the 'subtle nuances' things that the INTP never vocalizes or you will torture yourself forever.

2. Cut him from your life completely. In my own experiences, that is often difficult after having been 'such close friends' for so long. They have a way of becoming entangled in your every day life without it really being 'significant'. I wasn't strong enough to do it, though I tried a few times.

So nearly Ten years after I met mine, I know that he is just a friend, and always will be just a friend. I now decide on the boundaries and don't react to his 'kindnesses' as anything more than concern from say, a big brother. Things have been a lot better since I made this move.



^^^ Fixed

Love it! Thank you.

 

[Unique]

well, its like I said, I ruled out INFP for the overall personality. Normally he's cool, looks at all angles of things, critical, thoughtful, and objective more than warm and subjective. And the INTP description just fits him better. It was this thing that turned him into a feely mcfeelerpants monster. I think that what Jennifer was saying in the beginning of the thread makes a lot of sense to what's going through his head, based on everything that he's told me. I think changing the T to an F changes the entire personality- INFP's and INTP's are very different people. INFP just doesn't fit in the overall scheme of things.

Fair enough then, just a hunch

IDK about just ignoring the subtle things INTPs do btw often thats all we can do to show that we like someone cause we too introverted

When someone asks me blunt about how I feel about them... I like that, thats how me an my last gf got together (though atmosphere is key here, 1 on 1, online etc)

 

[Spartacuss]

I don't feel as though I connect with the INTP the OP is talking about.

ditto.
infps can be critical, thoughtful + objective. Look around the board! I know one just like the one described: analytical and cool about other stuff and feeley monster about his relationships.
intjs are known to crazy with the Fi.