[INFP] how do i not get offended?

[misfortuneteller]

I'm really struggling here. I'm in my early 20's, and i'm well aware of my other functions but I can't help but get butthurt really easily unless i was asking for a reaction then i just laugh it off.

 

[indra]

Do like the alpha do

I don't believe philosophy is used to shape action or reform our selves - not in any true sense. They are derived to confirm the will that already resides within us...

IE embrace the butthurt

 

[OrangeAppled]

Dont get angry at blind people because they cannot see
Sure, its condescending, but anger turns to pity which makes it less personal in a way.

Id need to hear an example, though.

Most of my sensitivity is feeling like people hate me when they may not or are judging me negatively when they supposedly are not or find me insignificant when they do not. Its rooted in insecurity, but I still maintain that people do make negative assumptions about me because Im hard to read. I dont tend to get offended if people disagree with me or do stuff I dont agree with. I dont have moral outrages over much.

One solution to this is to be easier to read, but when sensitive, the instinct is to withdraw, not to put yourself out there more. Another solution is to question the premise - a person's judgement IS questionable, so dont just accept it as a truth about yourself. If you dissect it, often it can just be dismissed as their perspective.

On another messageboard, INFPs discussed how young INFPs may not question the premise enough when others criticize them or make accusations. This stems from a tendency to see multiple viewpoints and validate different feelings, but it can result in invalidating your own viewpoint and feelings, and often that is the source of the sensitivity (feeling that the outer world and its impersonal systems invalidate your view/feelings). So you can reject the invalidation of your own feelings by not automatically validating others. You can also recognize that the invalidation is coming from yourself, which is why others see you as being too sensitive and not them as being too critical.

I never struggled with this, but it did make me angry when an invalidation had consensus behind it, because Id feel others were "blind". I got past that when I turned the anger to pity. Yeah, its kind of arrogant, but it allows me to validate them (understand where their judgement comes from and that its a valid line of reasoning that happens to have a flawed premise) without invalidating myself.

 

[wu lan]

context please

if there is no concrete example, then we do not know what gone wrong is or what the problem is
every problem has its something that gone wrong
that's for me

- - - Updated - - -

context please

if there is no concrete example, then we do not know what gone wrong is or what the problem is
every problem has its something that gone wrong
that's for me

 

[boomslang]

Nothing wrong with being a softie.

 

[SirMathias007]

I have this same problem. My supervisor stepped in the the position of head manager at work, so I got a new supervisor. She is really nice and all, but she is the type that sees criticism as a good thing. She criticizes me a lot. I usually take it personally and its really messing with me. She has noticed this and tells me to stop taking it so hard, she still likes me and sees me as a great worker, but there are things I need to work on. She does it because she likes me. (I hear that a lot) Problem is that even though I know that I still get a bit hurt when she does it, makes me feel like I'm a terrible worker and that she doesn't like me any more...ect. I wish I knew how to get over it.

 

[Frosty]

Dont get angry at blind people because they cannot see
Sure, its condescending, but anger turns to pity which makes it less personal in a way.

Id need to hear an example, though.

Most of my sensitivity is feeling like people hate me when they may not or are judging me negatively when they supposedly are not or find me insignificant when they do not. Its rooted in insecurity, but I still maintain that people do make negative assumptions about me because Im hard to read. I dont tend to get offended if people disagree with me or do stuff I dont agree with. I dont have moral outrages over much.

One solution to this is to be easier to read, but when sensitive, the instinct is to withdraw, not to put yourself out there more. Another solution is to question the premise - a person's judgement IS questionable, so dont just accept it as a truth about yourself. If you dissect it, often it can just be dismissed as their perspective.

On another messageboard, INFPs discussed how young INFPs may not question the premise enough when others criticize them or make accusations. This stems from a tendency to see multiple viewpoints and validate different feelings, but it can result in invalidating your own viewpoint and feelings, and often that is the source of the sensitivity (feeling that the outer world and its impersonal systems invalidate your view/feelings). So you can reject the invalidation of your own feelings by not automatically validating others. You can also recognize that the invalidation is coming from yourself, which is why others see you as being too sensitive and not them as being too critical.

I never struggled with this, but it did make me angry when an invalidation had consensus behind it, because Id feel others were "blind". I got past that when I turned the anger to pity. Yeah, its kind of arrogant, but it allows me to validate them (understand where their judgement comes from and that its a valid line of reasoning that happens to have a flawed premise) without invalidating myself.

Huh maybe I'm an INFP... I feel alot of the time people are just tolerating me. Hmm

Anyways, to the OP, just think of everyone out there you havent yet met. You havent met everyone yet, and you never know what tomorrow may bring. When someone offends you, dont take it personally, just accept it into yourself. Either gain from it insight into your own character, or let it teach you a new way people can be rude and think about what could possibly be the reason they feel the need to be that way. Just soak it into you, pretend you are a plant. Their criticisms are your water, plants flourish with water, they dont shrivel up and die. And if you do react negatively to something, stop yourself before, during, or after (anytime), and ask yourself if its worth it. But as I said first try to grow, and if you sincerely try and you start to break down, then detatch.

Sorry if this post makes no sense, im exhausted.

 

[PerfectlyConfused]

Lol, I have to laugh.

All I can say is, you should of seen me in the INFP forum for the first time the other day.... It really did not go well...

I won't go nito the whole thing, but as someone who stands up for self and the rights of others, I told (in essence) those who were being selfish and putting down the INFP type with a multitude of negatives in the title for everyone to see...

There's a difference between expressing emotion, and inflicted as many people as you can with it by using the titles you did.
Do they not know other INFPs are just as sensitive? Are they stupid? (NOTE: Everyone is stupid in emotion, including me asking if they were stupid)
It is bullshit and I won't tolerate it!!
I thought INFPs were supposed to be aware of others, more than any other type?
etc
etc

Basically my point is, similar my response on "how do you express anger" post on here.
People need to start speaking up, and not holding stuff in, afraid of being kicked out of the group, or seen badly in this overly politically corrected BS World!!!

I do NOT lack sympathy or empathy nor compassion.
But most people do lack the ability to speak up.

So I say to you, stand up for yourself, do something like, making a post saying
"INFPs, please be more aware and considerate of other INFPs, because you're not the only one who is sensitive you selfish feeler". (maybe not that aggressive) "Here are some suggestions and guidelines I have prepared for the community which i'd like you all to read, so we can discuss this"


What is the usual response someone would get from a question like this? Or any question really.
Typically a response that doesn't change a thing just makes whomever feel temporarily better.
(I understand temporarily relief and bonding via sharing problems, don't be judgemental because i'm a guy )
I would not accepted that on an ongoing basis though, I also can't see it happening and not say something about it.

I have no problems with Fs, my GF is an INFJ, i've developed my F and have begun integrating it.
I actually used to be a cold ENTJ but life happened, and I grew cause that's my thing.



Just a suggestion.

 

[RandomINTP]

I'm really struggling here. I'm in my early 20's, and i'm well aware of my other functions but I can't help but get butthurt really easily unless i was asking for a reaction then i just laugh it off.

Just simply don't get offended.

 

[Jaguar]

Sensitivity can be viewed as a weakness or a strength. Your choice.

 

[Yama]

Just simply don't get offended.

That's about as helpful as telling someone who's angry to calm down or telling a sad person to be happier--would if they could, but it's not that easy. They can't help feeling the emotions that they feel.

I would suggest having a short discussion with whoever's offended you and explaining to them why it's offended you. If you don't want to because "that's conflict and I don't do that" (kinda like me), I just talk to my closest friends whenever something upsets me. They console me, I feel better, and then I move on. If you find it too hard to not be butthurt, having the people you care about most telling you that your butthurtedness (is that the term to use here?) is a valid feeling, it helps you to move on faster. In my experience, anyway.

 

[Avocado]

I'm really struggling here. I'm in my early 20's, and i'm well aware of my other functions but I can't help but get butthurt really easily unless i was asking for a reaction then i just laugh it off.

I take everything to heart, but try to view criticism in terms of how I can improve.

 

[RandomINTP]

That's about as helpful as telling someone who's angry to calm down or telling a sad person to be happier--would if they could, but it's not that easy. They can't help feeling the emotions that they feel.

I would suggest having a short discussion with whoever's offended you and explaining to them why it's offended you. If you don't want to because "that's conflict and I don't do that" (kinda like me), I just talk to my closest friends whenever something upsets me. They console me, I feel better, and then I move on. If you find it too hard to not be butthurt, having the people you care about most telling you that your butthurtedness (is that the term to use here?) is a valid feeling, it helps you to move on faster. In my experience, anyway.

Yes, it does work.
"Keep calm and carry on".
It's that simple.
I don't understand how you can fail at something that easy.

But if that should fail, just rage out of fury and beat the crap out of whoever is offending you.
If Ti fails, use Fe.

 

[Cygnus]

This thread is a good example of people being honest about themselves despite their type.


Many NFPs on the internet steer clear of ever mentioning times they show anger, even if they often do IRL, because they believe their type to be a "peacemaker;" INFJs deny their impulses and the "darker side of themselves" they often have.

It's good you acknowledge it...honestly, it's hard to be any type with all the "your type must be perfect" mentality floating around. Raises the standards too high.

 

[Yama]

Yes, it does work.
"Keep calm and carry on".
It's that simple.
I don't understand how you can fail at something that easy.

But if that should fail, just rage out of fury and beat the crap out of whoever is offending you.
If Ti fails, use Fe.

Technically, my Ti will always fail when pitted against my Fe. Inferior vs. dominant functions and all that. But, beating the crap out of people is probably not the way to go lol!

Anyway, my point was just that it's harder for F-types to just "get over it" and move on because we can't just shake off and ignore how we feel; I'm not an NF, but after seeing the posts in this thread I assume it's similar for them. If an F tries to ignore these feelings and "carry on" it could potentially bottle up and explode later. So, in these butthurt situations I would recommend that OP come to terms with their feelings out in the open by sharing them rather than ignoring them and potentially having that backfire later.

 

[Jet Stream]

burn some trees dawg the herb will allow u to glide a thousand feet or more above the bs u refer to

 

[misfortuneteller]

Lol, I have to laugh.

I'm glad someone finds this amusing.

I have no problems with Fs, my GF is an INFJ

INFJ's aren't like INFP's. We are Fi doms and we get offended the easiest.

I actually used to be a cold ENTJ but life happened

you can't change type.

Just a suggestion.

which i happily ignored.

 

[misfortuneteller]

Sensitivity can be viewed as a weakness or a strength. Your choice.

on what planet is it a strength?

 

[misfortuneteller]

That's about as helpful as telling someone who's angry to calm down or telling a sad person to be happier--would if they could, but it's not that easy.

he's a troll.

 

[Jaguar]

on what planet is it a strength?

This one, kiddo. The point is to rechannel what you perceive as a negative into something else.