[Fi] Fi way of bonding

[wolfy]

Nicely put, take out "slowly" and that fits my style too actually.

Not that taking things slow is bad, I'm just a 125 MPH sitting still kind of person.

I'm an easy going guy. Slow isn't the first word that springs to mind in describing you, love high energy people, fun to be around. Easy to get that back and forth thing going.

True. I don't like being drilled on that either. It's nice if you are in a conversation that allows you to drop that kind of info when you feel the need to do so. Maybe "sincerity" is what this about, and not "deepness?"

Nice. The engaged part is key. The level of depth appropriate for the topic will just happen if both parties are engaged and sincere, right?

Sincere. That is a nice point. It is hard for me to understand what is meant by getting to know the real you, or who you are. Stuff like that. Interesting to talk about.

 

[Chloe]

Ask me a deep question and I will tell you if it is annoying or not.

Well, I certainly cant just ask directly some deep question without talking to you first, for a while, ... that would be really too much.

But depending on how our conversation goes... I'd probably try to get you to talk what your real issues/views/passions are.

what would satisfy me in such situations is to hear what is your general view on life, why are you here... you know, it doesnt have to be sharing secrets, you dont need to tell me all about your family history, you can keep all that to yourself... but to get to reach level i like i'd have to hear your opinion about life...

edit: and it has to be ABOUT YOU, that is it, you know, we can talk about passion for music, interest in mbti or anything.. but only when I hear YOUR passion then I feel like I know you.

 

[Salomé]

Do you also have thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you cant wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon? And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part? it doesnt only have to be verbally, it can be mutual understanding without stating everything loud.

Yes.

Which types respond the best to this ?

ENFP

I think TPs can often respond bad to this? Like... simply dont understand the need for this?

No.

I mean, less understand than Fi's...

Couldn't say.

I have INTP friend who I can get very deep with when we talk, in a way that I can feel him feeling me feeling him but he's atypical TP bc he's enneagram 4 or because of something else.

sx? Not that atypical. INTP/ENFP can have a strong attraction and almost effortless understanding.

But with other TPs it often felt like... heh simply... mismatch.

Yeah, well, type isn't everything.

 

[Chloe]

this explains it well...

I remember this wonderful little boy, but he was conning everyone. I kept looking straight at him, “in the soul,” and finally he put his hands up over his eyes and said, “You’ve got to quit looking at me like that. I can look at people like that, but you can’t look at me like that.” And I completely understood him and I said, “I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” That’s what people don’t want to hear—I see you, I value you, I care what you’ll become, and I wish to be a part of that if you need me.

 

[Hopelandic]

this explains it well...

I remember this wonderful little boy, but he was conning everyone. I kept looking straight at him, “in the soul,” and finally he put his hands up over his eyes and said, “You’ve got to quit looking at me like that. I can look at people like that, but you can’t look at me like that.” And I completely understood him and I said, “I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” That’s what people don’t want to hear—I see you, I value you, I care what you’ll become, and I wish to be a part of that if you need me.

Wow, not an enfp.. but that is powerful.

This is similar to 'bad guys' I come across. They want me to play the game, and I wont. I will say, "let's be frank". Let's be frank about WHO you are as a person. They come across as an asshole, but I know they are not. How someone acts is not my concern. How someone is, inside is my concern. Reminds me of how I can love a character like House (because inside I think he is a good person... ) and hate another character who is superficially generous on the outside, but I think is a douche on the inside.

“I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” That's still ringing in my ears... it's why it breaks my heart to see people judging theirselves so negatively; and then when I give them my opinion I what I value in them, they blatantly refute it. Don't they see what I see?

 

[Chloe]

Wow, not an enfp.. but that is powerful.

This is similar to 'bad guys' I come across. They want me to play the game, and I wont. I will say, "let's be frank". Let's be frank about WHO you are as a person. They come across as an asshole, but I know they are not. How someone acts is not my concern. How someone is, inside is my concern. Reminds me of how I can love a character like House (because inside I think he is a good person... ) and hate another character who is superficially generous on the outside, but I think is a douche on the inside.

though i dont know how much people would love house if they had to be next to him every day, it's easy to tolerate him on the screen. imagine having such boss.

house is like unhappy kid, you know he's mean because he's unhappy but he pisses you still, and you love him

“I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” That's still ringing in my ears... it's why it breaks my heart to see people judging theirselves so negatively; and then when I give them my opinion, they blatantly refute it. Don't they see what I see?

"I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” - that's what the whole this thread is about, when I say somebody this and then they change subject. :steam::steam::steam: Like "its not important", or "its boring subject"

 

[Hopelandic]

though i dont know how much people would love house if they had to be next to him every day, it's easy to tolerate him on the screen. imagine having such boss.

house is like unhappy kid, you know he's mean because he's unhappy but he pisses you still, and you love him

House

I grew up in a house with many different personalities in it. Very opposed personalities, can I just stress that here, with everyone having :steam: issues

I learned what it means for me as an individual to love someone through this experience I guess. I look at my sister, and we do not get along 90% of the time; but I can still say I genuinely love her, her tendencies, bullying etc and all. I cannot see a life without her. When she is hurting, it tears me to shreds.
If I could not see past her behaviour, I don't know whether I could love her in the way I do. Likewise, I do not show my love for her through my behaviour.

This relates to Dr House and bonding, because I think Fi makes all things personable. It skips over what it does not value, and shines a light to what it does. It desires to know the subjective truths of individual people, because that is the only way to really value something.
Fi bonds by getting to the core. It may involve merging in the mind.. it may involve learning what it deems important about people.. it involves embracing vulnerability to elicit emotional honesty...

As a sp/sx... I think I am attracted to intensity, but quiet intensity. I sense energy, and I reach out to those I think have a pure, raw, white energy. I want to quietly share my energy with them; through activity, or sharing of values (or sexy time <- preferable).

 

[Coriolis]

Before you say that Fi doesent make decisions based on logic, it does most the time(if not always), but you just dont know it

No, I wouldnt say it. I agree Fi is also logical, just you NTs sometimes dont see it.

At least some of us NTs not only see it, we use it. In analyzing exactly how it works for me, however, I run into the reality that Fi, Te, Ni, etc. don't operate in a vacuum, rather they work together. This makes my use of INTJ tertiary Fi different from its use by other types with other functional order and preference, but I do use it, and can appreciate (or enforce?) its logic.

 

[Salomé]

"I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” - that's what the whole this thread is about, when I say somebody this and then they change subject. :steam::steam::steam: Like "its not important", or "its boring subject"

Wow. How could it be boring? Everyone wants to be "seen". Some people are just afraid of it, is all.

 

[Lady_X]

+1 haha!

 

[Lady_X]

House

I grew up in a house with many different personalities in it. Very opposed personalities, can I just stress that here, with everyone having :steam: issues

I learned what it means for me as an individual to love someone through this experience I guess. I look at my sister, and we do not get along 90% of the time; but I can still say I genuinely love her, her tendencies, bullying etc and all. I cannot see a life without her. When she is hurting, it tears me to shreds.
If I could not see past her behaviour, I don't know whether I could love her in the way I do. Likewise, I do not show my love for her through my behaviour.

This relates to Dr House and bonding, because I think Fi makes all things personable. It skips over what it does not value, and shines a light to what it does. It desires to know the subjective truths of individual people, because that is the only way to really value something.
Fi bonds by getting to the core. It may involve merging in the mind.. it may involve learning what it deems important about people.. it involves embracing vulnerability to elicit emotional honesty...

As a sp/sx... I think I am attracted to intensity, but quiet intensity. I sense energy, and I reach out to those I think have a pure, raw, white energy. I want to quietly share my energy with them; through activity, or sharing of values (or sexy time <- preferable) .

i love that so much i want to eat it....really well said...totally know what you mean. it's true...everything unimportant gets filtered out...i don't care if you did this thoughtless thing...or made this bad decision here i want to know when it counts...truly counts and no ones watching what would you do....i wanna know what affects you down to your core...why do you cry...what does love feel like to you...what are you afraid of and when do you show your strength...i'm rambling but yeah the real stuff that's what i want to know.

 

[KLessard]

Do you also have a thing for bonding that when you talk to someone you can't wait to "cut straight to the juicy part" and get deep very soon? And feel that your conversation really only has meaning if you eventually get to that part? .

I'm Fe and I need that too.

 

[Lady_X]

yeah...infjs are that way too...not a fi thing i guess.