[ENFJ] Female ENFJS: Describe your ideal guy

[Domino]

I'm just cursed then

No, honey, no, no one's saying your doing something wrong. It's more the archetypal we speak of, not the subgenres.

I'm not a "playah" either and freak out in crowds. I don't like being stared at. I sweat in a most unbecoming manner when confronted with public speaking.

The way my life experiences have battered and shaped me, I frequently feel like a flinty intense black-eyed outsider even amongst my own type. Do I see that as a failure? Sometimes. And I shouldn't.

 

[jtanSis1]

maybe just having low self-esteem is unusual for the type, because when I'm in a really good mood(rarely), I seem to just burst with talent and abilities that people always say I have the potential for, but keep doubting myself in the oddest ways. I have trouble even looking people in the eye most of the time. It's sweet of you to say such nice things, and you being so honest makes you so cute like your present avatar.

 

[Domino]

We're very prone to being undermined, JT. I see, even in someone as socially forward as Taco, this level of insecurity, doubt, or uncertainty underneath. We both do it. It's strange to have it juxtaposed to our general air of confidence, though I have to admit, that kind of confidence in me is inherent, not learned, so I have little control over making it stay put when I'm confronted with something I don't know how to handle.

When I was a baby, I learned to walk 2 months ahead of my twin sister. She enjoyed being toted around and fraternizing (dang ENFPs). But I kept trying to walk. Mom said I was rather obsessed with it, like I absolutely HAD to know how. I'm sure I got the frustrating idea from watching the adults and wanting really badly what they had. "I'll do it myself" was said a lot apparently.

But do I feel that way most of the time? I don't think so. Then again, I've had to forcibly maintain my sense of self from erosion, and it still doesn't always work.

 

[Valuable_Money]

/gasp, no posts that simple say... "Edward"!?

You mean an overcontroling stalker?

 

[Afkan]

maybe just having low self-esteem is unusual for the type, because when I'm in a really good mood(rarely), I seem to just burst with talent and abilities that people always say I have the potential for, but keep doubting myself in the oddest ways. I have trouble even looking people in the eye most of the time. It's sweet of you to say such nice things, and you being so honest makes you so cute like your present avatar.

I don't mean to intrude on you guys' adorable mini-convo...but I just have to say, regarding this issue, I personally am never as confident in my abilities as I come across to others.

I overdo that confidence, bc it seems to help others. Deep down I am very insecure and self-doubting.

I only have the ability to fake confidence in myself. I actually have way more confidence in others' abilities than my own.

And people tend to expect that confidence...need it, too. So I deliver.

But it often feels like a facade.

 

[Domino]

It's like being a bank robber - everyone thinks you have the cajones to come in guns drawn, demanding the cash and getting away with it, but the months of planning and plotting and circling the obstacles don't show or they'd reveal layers of weakness/vulnerable spots.

I think this is why ENFJs are the most closed off of the NFs. We think we have more to lose if the heist doesn't go off as planned.

 

[Afkan]

It's like being a bank robber - everyone thinks you have the cajones to come in guns drawn, demanding the cash and getting away with it, but the months of planning and plotting and circling the obstacles don't show or they'd reveal layers of weakness/vulnerable spots.

I think this is why ENFJs are the most closed off of the NFs. We think we have more to lose if the heist doesn't go off as planned.

Exactly!

 

[jtanSis1]

I just found out why I'm so inward most of the time. I did my astrology chart, and it seems I have a split personality splitting my inner and personal aspects of myself right in half. It means that while my inner and outer parts of myself are whole and not scattered, I have to choose which side I want to be. Which is why I've been so internal all the time, dealing with all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities in my daily life. Now when I choose to use my external self, I don't have to worry about being found out, because I've lived that side for so long, I'm not afraid of it. OK, for you guys, imagine it this way: always being your vulnerable self your whole life, and just now finding your confident, outgoing side, but now without the fear of being found out.

 

[jtanSis1]

How this relates is that I'm not cursed, neither are any of you, but all your compliments were really appreciated.

 

[Nizy]

 

[Domino]

Give us your wallet!

 

[Afkan]

I just found out why I'm so inward most of the time. I did my astrology chart, and it seems I have a split personality splitting my inner and personal aspects of myself right in half. It means that while my inner and outer parts of myself are whole and not scattered, I have to choose which side I want to be. Which is why I've been so internal all the time, dealing with all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities in my daily life. Now when I choose to use my external self, I don't have to worry about being found out, because I've lived that side for so long, I'm not afraid of it. OK, for you guys, imagine it this way: always being your vulnerable self your whole life, and just now finding your confident, outgoing side, but now without the fear of being found out.

How this relates is that I'm not cursed, neither are any of you, but all your compliments were really appreciated.

Do you identify with XNFJ?

 

[OrangeAppled]

Either I'm living under a rock or women are only saying this stuff in their fantasies, otherwise I'd be beating them off with a stick. As for being a courtesan, the right kind of love is better than any artificial attachment. If courtesan style of love is what a woman is looking for, then it would help if they would ignore all other types and look for more depth. A diamond is in the rough, not among other gems.

That's cuz you're picky picky, admit it.

My ENFJ guy friends flirt like mad with many women at a time...then they complain they cannot find a gf. It's because they don't focus on one woman and are too picky.

 

[jtanSis1]

Do you identify with XNFJ?

I used to identify with INFP, being so timid, but after meeting one, i quickly changed my mind.

 

[jtanSis1]

That's cuz you're picky picky, admit it.

My ENFJ guy friends flirt like mad with many women at a time...then they complain they cannot find a gf. It's because they don't focus on one woman and are too picky.

I tried once to see how flirty I could be, and was almost scared how easy it was.