Another INFJ's sleepless night brought to this...
I've been trying to understand my enneagram type lately. I've started compiling one questionnaire from this forum but I've realized I needed to ponder it well, so I am not ready to send it yet.
I've taken some tests and often scored 4. The profile seemed to fit (although I relate to some aspects of other profiles, too) but I couldn't quite grasp the meaning of the basic fear description, "That they have no identity or personal significance". Of course I understand the meaning of it but I couldn't see it completely related to my experience.
Then I had this thought... I've always been very unsure what I wanted to do in life, until I understood I wanted to try and be a professional translator and dialogue adaptor. That took a loooot of courage and I got the chance (I earned it by showing I was good but still something inside my head cannot believe it) to have a mentor that showed me how some things work in the field. But once he said: "You have to be careful because if you do a bad job and the dubbing director calls the dubbing studio to complain about it, you could just ruin your career like that".
Since then, I am even more insecure than I was before. I keep telling myself: "Don't call that prospective new client. You are not ready. You need to practice more or you will ruin your chances". That, each time. And I was thinking why I do it, and why I actually listen to this internal dialogue... Can it be that, having decided to try to do this as a profession, I've established my identity and worth as doing that and failing at it would just mess it all up?
It may sound silly to you but I had never thought of it that way. I've always just thought: "You are such an insecure, why are your insecurities sooo deep rooted?" because I never seem to be able to eradicate them.
So yeah I would really appreciate a feedback on that. Then I will probably add some more info.
I've been trying to understand my enneagram type lately. I've started compiling one questionnaire from this forum but I've realized I needed to ponder it well, so I am not ready to send it yet.
I've taken some tests and often scored 4. The profile seemed to fit (although I relate to some aspects of other profiles, too) but I couldn't quite grasp the meaning of the basic fear description, "That they have no identity or personal significance". Of course I understand the meaning of it but I couldn't see it completely related to my experience.
Then I had this thought... I've always been very unsure what I wanted to do in life, until I understood I wanted to try and be a professional translator and dialogue adaptor. That took a loooot of courage and I got the chance (I earned it by showing I was good but still something inside my head cannot believe it) to have a mentor that showed me how some things work in the field. But once he said: "You have to be careful because if you do a bad job and the dubbing director calls the dubbing studio to complain about it, you could just ruin your career like that".
Since then, I am even more insecure than I was before. I keep telling myself: "Don't call that prospective new client. You are not ready. You need to practice more or you will ruin your chances". That, each time. And I was thinking why I do it, and why I actually listen to this internal dialogue... Can it be that, having decided to try to do this as a profession, I've established my identity and worth as doing that and failing at it would just mess it all up?
It may sound silly to you but I had never thought of it that way. I've always just thought: "You are such an insecure, why are your insecurities sooo deep rooted?" because I never seem to be able to eradicate them.
So yeah I would really appreciate a feedback on that. Then I will probably add some more info.
