[ENFJ] ENFJ: Talk About Yourself!

[chris1207]

Here are some random questions for you ENFJs:

How do you read people's eyes? What can you tell about people based on how they look at you? Is it a silent way that someone tells you their life story?

A lot. I can tell if someone's an IXTJ by looking into their eyes while they talk. IXTJ's have beady, unexpressive eyes even when they're talking about something that gets them moving their bodies in the passion of the subject.

What do you think about people who are introverted, yet wear vivid colors? Does this baffle you, give you insight, etc?

Well, first off, I's, especially INFJ's, are the worst! In all seriousness though, I'd would be more surprised to find N's wearing something colorful cuz we don't give a crap about senses. In response, to earlier in this topic, I don't bother to look at what I'm wearing when I go out. Functionality over style.

I've had an ENFJ stop after speaking to a group (that I was in) and look at me intently with her head tilted to the side. Another time, she did this and half smiled. Both times I was laughing at a joke she had made (as was the whole group). It was like she was taking a mental note of something...?

I'm surprised that you want to learn more about ENFJ's after she gave you the stink-eye like that. You shoulda torn her a new one. Who knows, maybe she noted that your introverted and was trying to figure out previously how she could make a connection with you and was pleasantly surprised that her humor had an affect on you. After that she had an outlet.

What traits/characteristics do you respect the most?

Dependability. I like to plan everything out in advance and hate when people flake. It's disrespectful I tell ya.

Oh and Ladybug! You totally remind me of this girl, Ashley, I used to know in college, or at least the picture of the person in your avatar does. She was really sweet and we always seemed on the same level when we'd talk about stuff. She was really easy to talk to. Unfortunately, we had some sort of tiff I can't quite remember and never talked after that. I didn't know about the MBTI back then but I would peg her as an INFJ based on what I know now.

Later :hi:

 

[LindseyLadybug]

Well, first off, I's, especially INFJ's, are the worst! In all seriousness though, I'd would be more surprised to find N's wearing something colorful cuz we don't give a crap about senses. In response, to earlier in this topic, I don't bother to look at what I'm wearing when I go out. Functionality over style.

Well, my ESFP mom introduced me to how much fun it is to dress in order to express myself. Of course, this does NOT include uncomfortable clothing. I think if I dress comfortably, modestly, and the clothes happen to be unique/colorful, I have succeeded in sending a nonverbal message about myself to others. I like that aspect of it.

Who knows, maybe she noted that your introverted and was trying to figure out previously how she could make a connection with you and was pleasantly surprised that her humor had an affect on you. After that she had an outlet.

Oh, that makes perfect sense! You're good!

Dependability. I like to plan everything out in advance and hate when people flake. It's disrespectful I tell ya.

Oh yeah, I take it personally when people flake on me for illegitimate reasons. I'm pretty reasonable about it the first couple of times, but then I start thinking they don't care about my time or feelings, etc.

Oh and Ladybug! You totally remind me of this girl, Ashley, I used to know in college, or at least the picture of the person in your avatar does. She was really sweet and we always seemed on the same level when we'd talk about stuff. She was really easy to talk to. Unfortunately, we had some sort of tiff I can't quite remember and never talked after that. I didn't know about the MBTI back then but I would peg her as an INFJ based on what I know now.

Oh weird. I must have a long lost twin out there somewhere. Hehe! A lot of people tell me I look familar...I don't know why.

 

[The Third Rider]

If you don't know a person very well and aren't sure what your opinion is of them yet, what is something they could do/say that would almost instantly make you think positively of or love them? Or if you are still keeping your guard up around someone, what is something they could do/say to automatically cause you to let your guard down?

Well I don't simply love people from one second to another. they must first prove to me that they are trust worthy. I give people a certain level of credability and respect until they prove that they other wise cannot be trusted. I personally look at the "small" things, I always say that it's the little things in life that make the difference. So I look at people's patterns to see who they are (I am sure most of us do), and I make a mental note of things you do, like, dislike, and causes certain reactions to you. That is how I form my opinions over people. So there isn't much that you can tell me that will make think better of you if for some reason I think low of you (which I hardly do over anyone). I remember a lot things about people so if you ever piss me off I will remember to bring up everything that upsets and pisses you off and it wont be pretty. but i hate to do that, I never like to make people feel like shit. Either way, if all else fails, slap-on a smile and crack a joke.

You are indeed a guinea pig...*plots evil things* Muahahahahaha!

As long as there are no needles involved.

 

[chris1207]

Oh and when it comes to music, heck if I can remember the lyrics. They're not really important to me. I find more meaning in the music. I like energetic music that gets me up and moving. I also have a tendency to have high standards for what I listen to. It's rare that I admit new albums (every couple of months) but when I find something I like I listen to it to death. As of 2008 I've taken great interest in mp3 players and headphones. I own three players and two sets of headphones and have been contemplating spending 200 or 300 bucks on new phones. The difference in detail between stock buds and even my 40 dollar pair is nothing short of amazing. I really gained an appreciation for more complex works in genres like jazz and classical!

 

[LindseyLadybug]

Well I don't simply love people from one second to another.

Oh sorry, I should've said "like" not "love"....very helpful info though.

 

[jtanSis1]

bringing back ENFJ topics

 

[Heather]

I just joined Typology recently but I have been reading the MBTI books and the postings on this website. I am an ENFJ or Enneagram 1w2 and I think I have some things I wish my friends knew. I worked with an ENTJ and we looked similar but in the end I was not able to be as combatative and harsh with conflict or meetings with open anger. I was more sensitive to it in the long term to the point where I cannot stand it for long periods of time. I really get uncomfortable with conflict if it is prolonged and messy.

Also I am a great group leader in my friends groups and really really social. It is fun because I can say I understand people and have good social skills. This I know and enjoy helping others be social with me and also enjoying it.

I would say that I have had to struggle with when to put myself first instead of help others. I am directive and always notice and take charge to help others but sometimes I don't know if it is wrong or not to put my needs first. It feels selfish to and against my nature unless I am walked on. They it is real easy.

I am naturally really meaning searching and religious. I cannot be happy unless right morally or it will nag me inwardly. My faith is serious and not to be joked about. I am tolerant an d curious about other people but my life has no purpose if there is not faith. And my search for meaning is completely circular and comes around again and again in time periods. But I am an enneagram 1 so I think other ENFJ's may not have such a strict moral view.

I will date socially and have fun but a real relationship is rare in the sense that I need it to be deep and trust they won't leave in a few months. So it is a weird thing for me because I like dating and get hit on but feel that not many guys at all understand the depth, commitment, and maturity in supporting me. And it is pretty hard to ask for, in fact I ususally never tell them that I just watch to see if I think they can.

I am a great public speaker and mentor and do it naturally. I got voted the Chaplain of an organization in college and it was news to me but it turned out great. I was also class president and it was funny to me but people voted me there and saw what I didn't in my speaking and leadership. One description of my personality says "we lead without appearing to" with our enthusiasm and front-loading of potential and possibility. This is what I think people saw? I was asked to speak as a senior in college on earnestness at a business school event and thought that fit me and was a HUGE compliment. I was also voted a to homecoming court and most trustworthy in high school.

Verbal affection matters. In my current friendships I don't get verbal appreciation and I realize that it matters more than time spent with me. It is so baffling and frustrating that I need it but I had to tell the friend to tell me positive things or else the months of no positive direct statements=questioning whether the relationship is what I think it is.

I think introverts must be annoyed with my need for social interaction. I hate that I talk so much and in circles usually. I have to get advice form a strong T person when upset because my intense feeling blurs any thought I have and gets me STUCK. So appreciate your T people they really balance us feelers. And I hate that I am emotional. UGH! I don't show it when I have strong feelings I try to go somewhere alone because other people cannot handle the strong emotion until I can let it pass.

I most recently dated an ESTP and found him awful. So spontaneous that is annoyed me and indulgent to a fault. Not principled or deep. Brought out the worst in me in the long (5 dates) run. Although he was really fun and matched my extroversion and social prowess which is really hard to find! Bummer!

I also got asked out by an INTP and just couldn't date him. I was attracted very much but the introversion was so mismatched with me. He saw me socially and loved my extroversion and affectionate personality but totally didn't know how to see my feelings or be extroverted in his feelings. They are too important to be with someone who doesn't read them well and respond in kind.

Hope that helps. I want to hear more too from other ENFJ's.

 

[Kalach]

Question for ENFJs: what do you do if other people make decisions you don't like?


(Yeah, it's a loaded question... but I do genuinely want to know. Especially about cases where those decisions are close to you if that's okay.)

 

[chris1207]

I just joined Typology recently but I have been reading the MBTI books and the postings on this website. I am an ENFJ or Enneagram 1w2

Scary! I know a guy who I think is an ISFJ who typed 1w2. Maybe he's an ENFJ! Yeesh! In all reality, he the Toby to my Michael Scott.

I most recently dated an ESTP and found him awful.

Yeah, they are! I work with one and he's always talking about all the women he's DOnE and all sorts of fights he's been in and I'm all like, "Alright, Russel Crowe"

I also got asked out by an INTP and just couldn't date him. I was attracted very much but the introversion was so mismatched with me. He saw me socially and loved my extroversion and affectionate personality but totally didn't know how to see my feelings or be extroverted in his feelings. They are too important to be with someone who doesn't read them well and respond in kind.

You should've give that relationship a try. ENFJ + INTP = Epic romance! You just have to give into it first!

 

[chris1207]

Question for ENFJs: what do you do if other people make decisions you don't like?


(Yeah, it's a loaded question... but I do genuinely want to know. Especially about cases where those decisions are close to you if that's okay.)

I tell them how the decision should've been made and if all else fails I call them a doody-head, NF-style!

 

[dee]

hi pretty new enfj here.

When you feel the need to isolate from others...
first, what do you do?
second, how does it make you feel? (i.e. quilty, sad, reliv

ed...whatever)

For some reason I felt the need to answer this question.

I was just thinking about that today, I am a really good friend, and to my close friends I am extremely dependable. Like if a friend were to tell me, I need your help right now, I would just literally drop everything and help her.

Sometimes though after some major crisis, although I would never leave in the middle, after it is all over, I may detach myself for a while to recoop. When I do this I feel somewhat guilty although usually I know that it is probably good for the both of us, to regain the personal space thing.

Now here's the weird thing;

If it is just someone, even just an aqaintence, if I hear they need something and I can't give it to them for whatever reason, I will feel extremely guilty and avoid that person at all costs. It's very weird. I feel so embarressed not being able to help. So I just avoid them, but I will still think of them.

What causes me to do this I think, is that I feel that I won't be able to give them enough to actually help them, so it's kinda like an all or nothing deal here. Or if I just don't have the physical, emotional, or mental capacity to deal with what they need at the moment.

Also there have been times where I have befriended people that I know have difficulty making friendships, so I would initiate the friendship to make them feel less lonely.
Sometimes though after we've become friends like real mutual friends, to that person I was like their best friend and to me they were just a friend...So it kinda backfires, because after a while I'll feel like they want too much of me, and I don't want that much of them. Which then leads me to detaching somewhat, and unintentionally hurting that person. It's a terrible feeling, and now I'm much more careful about doing that in the first place.

I have done cold turkey detachment too, although this is extremely rare for me.
The x person who was a close friend was just getting too too too much under my skin, so I consiciously cut off ties, just stopped calling etc.
I felt very guilty about it, but I felt I needed to do it for my own sanity...
I think about her from time to time and for years after, I was even terrified I might meet this person by chance in the street (in her hometown).
.

As for the other stuff, I relate a lot to what people have said here. It's actually quite amazing and weird at the same time to know that other people can be so similiar to me..in different ways..

I might add more later on.

Best Wishes, Dee


__________________

 

[Domino]

The inherent drive to save pits itself against almost knee-jerk tendencies to overextend ourselves. I feel perhaps inordinate amounts of guilt when someone can't get what the need from me. It's been a lifelong process of trying to engage people without losing my identity or freedom.

 

[Heather]

Enneagram type

Just curious? What enneagram type did most of you ENFJ's score?

I was a 1w2 social variant. In order I scored type 1,2,3.

This may make for some interesting differences in our ENFJs? What is you guys opinion on the matter?

 

[proteanmix]

Just curious? What enneagram type did most of you ENFJ's score?

I was a 1w2 social variant. In order I scored type 1,2,3.

This may make for some interesting differences in our ENFJs? What is you guys opinion on the matter?

I'm a 1w2 so/sx/sp as well or sometimes 3w2. I think most ENFJs are 2s though.

 

[The Third Rider]

I took it a few months ago and saved it, came out type 3 i just took it and now I am type 6....

 

[Hap]

Question for ENFJs: what do you do if other people make decisions you don't like?


(Yeah, it's a loaded question... but I do genuinely want to know. Especially about cases where those decisions are close to you if that's okay.)

As an ENFJ , I will never accept the desicion i don't like.
If i accept that ,it means in my deep heart, it is what i needed.
I don't know what other ENFJs' thoughts.or maybe it is just me.

 

[Hap]

I tell them how the decision should've been made and if all else fails I call them a doody-head, NF-style!

Totally agree with u ~!

 

[stellar renegade]

I HEART ENFJs!

Can others not see the weight of time and violence/sadness in peoples' eyes? It's like old houses - they radiate the energy of the people who'd been there, building up over time.

I see glimpses of it as I'm speeding along but rarely stop long enough to really take note. Either I'm unconcerned or not practiced enough in it. I think it's a little of both.

 

[The Grand Chameleon]

What really pulls you toward someone? What kinds of things affect your soul? What kinds of behavior/personalities bug you?

Just as you are effortlessly attracted to the ENFJ, we are attracted to every stranger that might cross our path. Every human being, regardless of type, is able to offer some new piece of information that is useful when applied the right way. When I meet a new person, I immediately begin to assess body language, facial expressions, his/her tone of voice, choice of words, content of words, manner of dress, etc...anything (and essentially everything) that is capable of providing me with an original definition for that person. This for me, is the appeal to any person, really. I want to know more and grow indefinitely as a human being. People are the perfect source

I have learned two things:
1) All people desire to have themselves known, whether or not that desire manifests itself in the physical world.
2) All people like honesty.

And I believe it is our honest portrayal of wanting to know you is what attracts other people to us.

Apathetic individuals are the most common type to keep me at bay. Especially when that indifference clashes with that which I am attempting to construct or repair. There is just something about, "not caring" that I find counter-evolutionary to the human condition. I understand "apathetic individuals" is a highly generic term and can be construed in a variety of ways, but I think we all have an intuitive sense of what that group can universally be pictured like.

Damn, it's good to be back on TypeC.

 

[Poki]

One thing I noticed with an ENFJ is the desire to learn about others is what helps there drive to help others. They take in all this information and hand it out to others. To take it to function level its like everything gets filed in Ni. Ni is a repository of information of all sorts of problems and solutions. Ti is kept to a minimum so this storage can attempt to fill to the top. This then feeds into Fe and out to others.

I have seen time and time again. My ENFJ wife dole out information she recieved from one person to another. ENFJs are like the coordinators of information, unfiltered, minimally processed in huge quantities.

What better way to help people then to learn from everyone and pass everything around. If they had to experience it all themselves they would be me, lol.