senza tema
nunc rosa cras fex
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2014
- Messages
- 2,432
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 471
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
Don't look at me, I'm hideous
Just kidding, please look at me.
Just kidding, please look at me.
1) Context:
a) What is your age range and general location (Country so that cultural values can be taken into account)? Do you have any impairments that may affect the way that you answer this questionnaire? Any religious or political beliefs (or anything else along those lines) that also might have an effect?
Hey. Just another snowflake millennial here. I live most of the time in the US with occasional trips back to India, where I grew up, and to France, where my research is based.
I have been diagnosed with depression and panic disorder.
I’m a left-wing Christian. I was raised nominally Hindu but grew up not believing in much of anything until a couple of years ago when I felt called to Christ at a difficult time in my life.
b) Which types are you currently considering? Why are you considering them and why haven’t you decided on one?
I’m not really considering any type right now. I’ve been in a post-typology phase for a while but I’m wondering if there’s a way for me to still talk about it and feel like I’m learning something and having fun.
2) What do you deem as your purpose in life?
I don’t know if I have one. I’ve always been a bit of a drifter and this quality has intensified rather than diminished over the years as I gain years and shed relationships. I wonder if this sense of aimlessness is part of the reason I converted … to feel like I mattered and that I was made and put in this world for a reason, that God loves me and that if nothing else, I testify to His glory by being alive and part of creation. It’s a comforting thought to some degree but it doesn’t feel like enough. I think it’s important to live a moral life and this is something I have been trying more self-consciously to do, but I’m not sure if that’s the PURPOSE of life.
3) Of the seven deadly sins, which one(s) do you relate to the most and the least and why?
I identify most with envy and least with avarice. I simmer in a state of chronic envy, always comparing my own deficiencies and inadequacies with the plenty of others. My envy is most pronounced with regard to talent—particularly creative talent, self-expression, beauty, and love. I cannot look at another person without comparing what they have with what I don’t and my happiness at the joy and success of others is rarely completely unadulterated.
Sloth, gluttony and lust all vie for second place. I’m lazy, morose and prone to inertia. I’m also somewhat susceptible to physical excesses, be it food, drink or sex, which sate boredom and numb inner emptiness.
I don’t typically get very angry so I wouldn’t say wrath is a chronic problem. It’s very hard for me to control my anger once it does really get going but this has happened only a handful of times in my life. On a day-to-day basis, I’d describe my anger as more a sense of irritation or frustration or simmering resentment rather than explosive hatred of anything in particular. I’m aware of its existence and it informs my value judgments but I wouldn’t say I’m a wrathful person.
I don’t think I’m particularly prideful. I value modesty and humility and try to cultivate them. My self-deprecating humor might come across as false modesty though, I suppose.
Avarice doesn’t resonate with me at all. Acquisition for the sake of acquisition and not for use and enjoyment and sharing seems ludicrous to me. I think it’s incredibly easy to be addicted to money and also that greed and worship of wealth are perhaps the worst form of idolatry in the world right now.
4) Analyzing your relationships with others, briefly describe:
a) The type of people you are drawn to
I have two main criteria. First, are they interesting? I HATE being bored and I rely largely on relational stimulation to stay entertained. Everyone I’m really close to has some sort of edge in that regard.
Second, do we share ethical common ground? If we don’t and I can’t respect someone, then that is obviously a dealbreaker. This isn’t to say I only get on with people who share my views but we need at least to agree on the importance of some of the same values.
b) The type of people who are drawn to you
I’m too repulsive to answer this question. :|
c) The type of people you are repulsed by
People who are cruel and take pleasure in their ability to inflict pain, bigots, and overly materialistic people/people who are snobs about money. I also find people who act like they’re too cool to give a shit about anything really obnoxious.
5)What are the traits in others that you admire but you cannot emulate yourself? Elaborate.
Motivation, sociability, the ability to shrug off rejection, given that I’m sluggish, inordinately shy and mortally afraid of rejection.
6) Describe your relationship with the following:
a) Anger
I think I answered this in the sins section? I rarely get spitting mad but constant, low-key annoyance and frustration are pretty commonplace for me.
b) Shame
Shame is one of the chief guiding principles in my life. There is nothing about myself that I am truly, unreservedly happy with, be it my hopes and dreams, my talents, my manners, morals, or appearance. There is nothing about me that I wouldn’t change or at least tweak if I could do it easily. That said, I’m not really driven to change, even though I don’t often truly like who or what I am.
c) Fear
I grew up very sheltered so honestly, I didn’t know to be fearful as a child. Life adolescence onward has taken care of that, I suppose but I still don’t think of myself as a fearful person. I’m reserved, maybe even closed off, but that’s not because I’m afraid or don’t trust people. I do have a panic disorder and a lot of social anxiety … I guess those count as manifestations of fear. I’m currently most afraid of my body betraying me and my health failing … and of dying alone in a state of forgotten decrepitude. I’m afraid to make an effort because I’m afraid I’ll suck. So yeah. Those are the main fears.
d) Love/passion
Love and passion make life worth living. I thirst after both. I don’t know what more to say about them that wouldn’t be facile or mawkish.
e) Conflict
I don’t typically like to argue but I have to admit conflict is kind of energizing. So if you rub a fight in my face, I’m not going to walk away from it. At the same time, I don’t like getting so angry that I start sputtering and losing the high ground, moral or otherwise, in a conflict so I try to pick and choose. I do have a bad habit of picking fights in romantic relationships when I’m bored since a good fight clears the air and reignites excitement.
7) What are some of the themes that have played a prominent role in your life (i.e., A struggle you’ve been unable to conquer, etc.)?
My chronic sense of dissatisfaction with myself and a great deal of futile pining after imaginary silver bullet solutions, most of which take the form of some sort of redemptive love. Lord, this is embarrassing to write out.
8) Answer only one of the following:
a) [College aged and above] What is your area of work/study? Why did you choose this and would you change it? If so, what would be your ideal?
I’m in grad school for history. I majored in history in college because it was fun and I was good at it. I kept doing it for much the same reason. The blend of investigation and storytelling was pretty much irresistible for me. I toyed with a lot of majors but nothing ever gripped me like history did.
I wouldn’t change what I’ve done but I might be singing a different tune if I don’t get a job once I graduate. But honestly, I’m not a future-oriented person and can’t think more than a week ahead at a time so I’m ignoring that for now. :/
9) When meeting a new person, what do you tend to focus on?
Whether or not they have that spark which will make talking to them enjoyable rather than awkward.
10) How do you feel about humanity as a whole? What do you feel are some of the biggest problems the human race faces and why?
I’m pro-humanity but we’re honestly a bunch of selfish assholes who don’t look out enough for each other and callously take our resources for granted so ….
11) What are some of your hobbies and interests?
This question always makes me anxious for some reason. I think it’s because I know what I like but writing it down for others to see reduces vibrant, colorful internal experiences to a drab laundry list … the experiential quality that gives those things life vanishes entirely. That and I’m not really good at keywords, I guess. In the interest of giving a real answer though, I like to read (mainly but not invariably fiction), cook, walk around outdoors or ride my bike, take pretty pictures, and volunteer at church. I also like languages and I’m good at them.
13) How do you usually “hang out†with your friend(s)? When answering, think about what activities you tend to choose, whether you hang out with one person at once or many, whether or not you initiate the interaction.
I like one-on-one hangouts best though groups of 4-6 are also fun. With the latter, we usually do some kind of group activity—board games, visiting museums, cooking together, etc. If I’m with church friends, conversations are usually structured around bible study or conversations about faith. One-on-one is a lot of intense personal conversations for the most part. I tend to fall into a sort of therapist role by default because I listen more than I talk … but occasionally we have mutual gut spilling sessions and those are my favorite.
14) What is more important, actions or words? Why?
Both are important. I agree with the maxim that talk is cheap … but I think good verbal communication is also incredibly important. So no. I’m not going to let this false dichotomy trap me. :<
15) Oh dear, you’ve been cursed by a witch! It’s ok though, you get a choice on which curse you will receive. Will you choose….
a) To never be able to experience the sensation of taste
b) To be immortal
c) To lose your memories
d) To be poor for the rest of your life
e) Or to never experience passion
Elaborate on why!
Man, these choices suck. Let’s take loss of passion, loss of taste, and immortality off the table completely. Poverty? Depends on how poor. Affluence doesn’t motivate me but grinding poverty makes life really difficult. I’ll ditch the memories and take the clean slate and trust that the people I love will stick with me anyway.
16) What do you hope to avoid being? If it helps, describe a person who embodies what you avoid/you as a villain, etc.
Bland, boring, tepid, unloved, forgotten, weak, greedy, callous
17) How do you relate to obsession? Do you tend to "merge" with others or your interests? How do you feel about the idea of doing this?
I’m honestly never happy unless I have something or someone to obsess over. Yes, I merge with others and my interests but I never experience this as losing myself but rather finding and being more of myself. It’s the best kind of high.
18) Organized or messy? Plans and blueprints or impulse and surprises? What are you preferences and tendencies?
I’m very messy and disorganized if left to my own devices. I don’t like to plan and I don’t like to think ahead because considering the future any more than a day or two at a time makes me feel very anxious. I attend to pressing concerns as they come up rather than scheduling them.
I do like to plan when other people are involved because I don’t want to spoil their fun with my lack of organization.
19) How do you subjectively view comfort and how do you create comfort in your life and surroundings?
Comfort is nice and I’m grateful for physical comforts like good food and a pleasant living space and money to pay my bills. But considering comfort too much feels self-indulgent to me. Minor example: summers where I live are hot and muggy but really bad only 2-3 weeks. I’ve had the option to get a window unit AC for my apartment for the last three years and just not done it because I always figure it’s better just to suck it up and it would be wimpy not to. It’s not like I can’t afford it but I do value fortitude more and would like to cultivate it more than I would comfort. The “treat yourself†attitude kinda makes me uncomfortable … I don’t like the idea of rewarding myself with physical comfort because I’ve been “good†… if you want something you should just admit you want it and go after it rather than trying to rationalize it ….
a) What is your age range and general location (Country so that cultural values can be taken into account)? Do you have any impairments that may affect the way that you answer this questionnaire? Any religious or political beliefs (or anything else along those lines) that also might have an effect?
Hey. Just another snowflake millennial here. I live most of the time in the US with occasional trips back to India, where I grew up, and to France, where my research is based.
I have been diagnosed with depression and panic disorder.
I’m a left-wing Christian. I was raised nominally Hindu but grew up not believing in much of anything until a couple of years ago when I felt called to Christ at a difficult time in my life.
b) Which types are you currently considering? Why are you considering them and why haven’t you decided on one?
I’m not really considering any type right now. I’ve been in a post-typology phase for a while but I’m wondering if there’s a way for me to still talk about it and feel like I’m learning something and having fun.
2) What do you deem as your purpose in life?
I don’t know if I have one. I’ve always been a bit of a drifter and this quality has intensified rather than diminished over the years as I gain years and shed relationships. I wonder if this sense of aimlessness is part of the reason I converted … to feel like I mattered and that I was made and put in this world for a reason, that God loves me and that if nothing else, I testify to His glory by being alive and part of creation. It’s a comforting thought to some degree but it doesn’t feel like enough. I think it’s important to live a moral life and this is something I have been trying more self-consciously to do, but I’m not sure if that’s the PURPOSE of life.
3) Of the seven deadly sins, which one(s) do you relate to the most and the least and why?
I identify most with envy and least with avarice. I simmer in a state of chronic envy, always comparing my own deficiencies and inadequacies with the plenty of others. My envy is most pronounced with regard to talent—particularly creative talent, self-expression, beauty, and love. I cannot look at another person without comparing what they have with what I don’t and my happiness at the joy and success of others is rarely completely unadulterated.
Sloth, gluttony and lust all vie for second place. I’m lazy, morose and prone to inertia. I’m also somewhat susceptible to physical excesses, be it food, drink or sex, which sate boredom and numb inner emptiness.
I don’t typically get very angry so I wouldn’t say wrath is a chronic problem. It’s very hard for me to control my anger once it does really get going but this has happened only a handful of times in my life. On a day-to-day basis, I’d describe my anger as more a sense of irritation or frustration or simmering resentment rather than explosive hatred of anything in particular. I’m aware of its existence and it informs my value judgments but I wouldn’t say I’m a wrathful person.
I don’t think I’m particularly prideful. I value modesty and humility and try to cultivate them. My self-deprecating humor might come across as false modesty though, I suppose.
Avarice doesn’t resonate with me at all. Acquisition for the sake of acquisition and not for use and enjoyment and sharing seems ludicrous to me. I think it’s incredibly easy to be addicted to money and also that greed and worship of wealth are perhaps the worst form of idolatry in the world right now.
4) Analyzing your relationships with others, briefly describe:
a) The type of people you are drawn to
I have two main criteria. First, are they interesting? I HATE being bored and I rely largely on relational stimulation to stay entertained. Everyone I’m really close to has some sort of edge in that regard.
Second, do we share ethical common ground? If we don’t and I can’t respect someone, then that is obviously a dealbreaker. This isn’t to say I only get on with people who share my views but we need at least to agree on the importance of some of the same values.
b) The type of people who are drawn to you
I’m too repulsive to answer this question. :|
c) The type of people you are repulsed by
People who are cruel and take pleasure in their ability to inflict pain, bigots, and overly materialistic people/people who are snobs about money. I also find people who act like they’re too cool to give a shit about anything really obnoxious.
5)What are the traits in others that you admire but you cannot emulate yourself? Elaborate.
Motivation, sociability, the ability to shrug off rejection, given that I’m sluggish, inordinately shy and mortally afraid of rejection.
6) Describe your relationship with the following:
a) Anger
I think I answered this in the sins section? I rarely get spitting mad but constant, low-key annoyance and frustration are pretty commonplace for me.
b) Shame
Shame is one of the chief guiding principles in my life. There is nothing about myself that I am truly, unreservedly happy with, be it my hopes and dreams, my talents, my manners, morals, or appearance. There is nothing about me that I wouldn’t change or at least tweak if I could do it easily. That said, I’m not really driven to change, even though I don’t often truly like who or what I am.
c) Fear
I grew up very sheltered so honestly, I didn’t know to be fearful as a child. Life adolescence onward has taken care of that, I suppose but I still don’t think of myself as a fearful person. I’m reserved, maybe even closed off, but that’s not because I’m afraid or don’t trust people. I do have a panic disorder and a lot of social anxiety … I guess those count as manifestations of fear. I’m currently most afraid of my body betraying me and my health failing … and of dying alone in a state of forgotten decrepitude. I’m afraid to make an effort because I’m afraid I’ll suck. So yeah. Those are the main fears.
d) Love/passion
Love and passion make life worth living. I thirst after both. I don’t know what more to say about them that wouldn’t be facile or mawkish.
e) Conflict
I don’t typically like to argue but I have to admit conflict is kind of energizing. So if you rub a fight in my face, I’m not going to walk away from it. At the same time, I don’t like getting so angry that I start sputtering and losing the high ground, moral or otherwise, in a conflict so I try to pick and choose. I do have a bad habit of picking fights in romantic relationships when I’m bored since a good fight clears the air and reignites excitement.
7) What are some of the themes that have played a prominent role in your life (i.e., A struggle you’ve been unable to conquer, etc.)?
My chronic sense of dissatisfaction with myself and a great deal of futile pining after imaginary silver bullet solutions, most of which take the form of some sort of redemptive love. Lord, this is embarrassing to write out.
8) Answer only one of the following:
a) [College aged and above] What is your area of work/study? Why did you choose this and would you change it? If so, what would be your ideal?
I’m in grad school for history. I majored in history in college because it was fun and I was good at it. I kept doing it for much the same reason. The blend of investigation and storytelling was pretty much irresistible for me. I toyed with a lot of majors but nothing ever gripped me like history did.
I wouldn’t change what I’ve done but I might be singing a different tune if I don’t get a job once I graduate. But honestly, I’m not a future-oriented person and can’t think more than a week ahead at a time so I’m ignoring that for now. :/
9) When meeting a new person, what do you tend to focus on?
Whether or not they have that spark which will make talking to them enjoyable rather than awkward.
10) How do you feel about humanity as a whole? What do you feel are some of the biggest problems the human race faces and why?
I’m pro-humanity but we’re honestly a bunch of selfish assholes who don’t look out enough for each other and callously take our resources for granted so ….
11) What are some of your hobbies and interests?
This question always makes me anxious for some reason. I think it’s because I know what I like but writing it down for others to see reduces vibrant, colorful internal experiences to a drab laundry list … the experiential quality that gives those things life vanishes entirely. That and I’m not really good at keywords, I guess. In the interest of giving a real answer though, I like to read (mainly but not invariably fiction), cook, walk around outdoors or ride my bike, take pretty pictures, and volunteer at church. I also like languages and I’m good at them.
13) How do you usually “hang out†with your friend(s)? When answering, think about what activities you tend to choose, whether you hang out with one person at once or many, whether or not you initiate the interaction.
I like one-on-one hangouts best though groups of 4-6 are also fun. With the latter, we usually do some kind of group activity—board games, visiting museums, cooking together, etc. If I’m with church friends, conversations are usually structured around bible study or conversations about faith. One-on-one is a lot of intense personal conversations for the most part. I tend to fall into a sort of therapist role by default because I listen more than I talk … but occasionally we have mutual gut spilling sessions and those are my favorite.
14) What is more important, actions or words? Why?
Both are important. I agree with the maxim that talk is cheap … but I think good verbal communication is also incredibly important. So no. I’m not going to let this false dichotomy trap me. :<
15) Oh dear, you’ve been cursed by a witch! It’s ok though, you get a choice on which curse you will receive. Will you choose….
a) To never be able to experience the sensation of taste
b) To be immortal
c) To lose your memories
d) To be poor for the rest of your life
e) Or to never experience passion
Elaborate on why!
Man, these choices suck. Let’s take loss of passion, loss of taste, and immortality off the table completely. Poverty? Depends on how poor. Affluence doesn’t motivate me but grinding poverty makes life really difficult. I’ll ditch the memories and take the clean slate and trust that the people I love will stick with me anyway.
16) What do you hope to avoid being? If it helps, describe a person who embodies what you avoid/you as a villain, etc.
Bland, boring, tepid, unloved, forgotten, weak, greedy, callous
17) How do you relate to obsession? Do you tend to "merge" with others or your interests? How do you feel about the idea of doing this?
I’m honestly never happy unless I have something or someone to obsess over. Yes, I merge with others and my interests but I never experience this as losing myself but rather finding and being more of myself. It’s the best kind of high.
18) Organized or messy? Plans and blueprints or impulse and surprises? What are you preferences and tendencies?
I’m very messy and disorganized if left to my own devices. I don’t like to plan and I don’t like to think ahead because considering the future any more than a day or two at a time makes me feel very anxious. I attend to pressing concerns as they come up rather than scheduling them.
I do like to plan when other people are involved because I don’t want to spoil their fun with my lack of organization.
19) How do you subjectively view comfort and how do you create comfort in your life and surroundings?
Comfort is nice and I’m grateful for physical comforts like good food and a pleasant living space and money to pay my bills. But considering comfort too much feels self-indulgent to me. Minor example: summers where I live are hot and muggy but really bad only 2-3 weeks. I’ve had the option to get a window unit AC for my apartment for the last three years and just not done it because I always figure it’s better just to suck it up and it would be wimpy not to. It’s not like I can’t afford it but I do value fortitude more and would like to cultivate it more than I would comfort. The “treat yourself†attitude kinda makes me uncomfortable … I don’t like the idea of rewarding myself with physical comfort because I’ve been “good†… if you want something you should just admit you want it and go after it rather than trying to rationalize it ….
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