I'm thrilled to see this thread. My mom and my son are both ESFJ's and I have struggles!
Here is one:
How do I get them to not worry about trivial shit that most likely wont even begin to matter? How can I get them to look a the big picture and not be so consumed with the details that it ruins everything? Seriously, they both do it all the time!
They get worked up over things that probably won't ever happen. It's like they get worried and instantly go from happy to pessimist. Then it's almost impossible to get them to look at the big picture.
MY ESFJ husband does this too. He gets suuuper crabby about trivial little things that go wrong. Like the other day when I got home, I could tell he was in a bad mood, so I asked him what was wrong (which I sometimes think is a bad idea, because it seems like talking about it just makes him get fired up again). Well, so he tells me something like the following: he drove down to get his car washed and the car was was closed, somebody was driving slow in front of him, and he bought a coffee but the barista didn't do a good job making it and it didn't taste great. (Those probably aren't the real events from that day - to me sometimes the things that make him mad seem sooo trivial that I can't even remember them later - but I know he has gotten disproportionately pissed off because of all of the above at one time or another).
Now... okay, those things are all mildly annoying, yes. I get that. And the fact that they all happened on one day would compound the annoyingness, definitely. But for me, I'd just be like, "Well, it won't hurt my car to be dirty for a few more days, the slow person in front of my probably really only added 5 minutes to my driving time, and yeah I wasted $3 on bad coffee, but some people can't even afford to buy FOOD, much less fancy coffee, so I guess I can't complain too much." And I would think to myself, "Okay, I am feeling annoyed right now, but in a month or even a week, will I even remember this anymore? No, I won't. It completely does not matter in the long run, so no sense in getting upset about it." In other words, I would put things in PERSPECTIVE. I used to try to talk my husband down by saying things like, "I know this is annoying, but look at the big picture: does it really matter? Is it really worth getting angry over? And what does getting angry accomplish, besides making YOU feel worse? The slow driver, for example, doesn't feel bad or realize that they shouldn't go 20 in a 30MPH zone. Your anger only punishes you (and sometimes me!)." Well, that didn't work so well. If I sense that he's in a receptive enough mood, or maybe after he's calmed down, I still try and tell him things like that to get him to think about it, but now usually when he gets upset about the little things, I just try to say vague but sympathetic things like, "Yeah, that sucks," and "I'm sorry, Love," even though it's touch for me to say things like that because it feels insincere to me when I really couldn't care less that he couldn't get his car washed.
So, after that long-winded story... ESFJs, especially males... am I doing the right thing? Is there something I could do differently? If I come home and feel that he's in a bad mood (because of course I can tell, even when he tries to hide it), should I just pretend I don't notice, or is it better if I ask about it, even if reliving it makes revs up his anger again?
(To be fair - he's gotten a lot better about this over the past few years. And he used to misdirect his anger at me a lot, but he hardly ever does that anymore. These are the two aspects of his personality that are the hardest for me to deal with, and he knows that, so he's really trying to work on it. And in turn, I'm working on not taking things personally and trying not to be oversensitive.
.)
I am pretty sure I was trying to run a departmental meeting the other day and I'm just an assistant. 
Meditation is helping me ground myself though so hopefully a positive outlook is forecast for the future.
