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Am I really an ENTP 783 so/sp, or an INTJ, or a 613 ISTJ? OR something else completely different?


Dec 13, 2013
Instinctual Variant
I write how I talk and think lol, by the way I am a 27 year old Ukrainian male that has been diagnosed with bipolar.
here is my latest book
The Problem of Pain: An Essay on Theodicy
Introduction: As I stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back into me and I am full of remorse. I am an amateur apologist and even worse off theologian yet I feel a need to write an essay on the most difficult of theological issues, that of pain. In pain is the resurrection, the resurrection of a dead author by his creation, in the library between reality and the mythical, that of the overseeing, omnipotent eye of random chance. In random chance is the holistic whole of Hegelian dogma and Kantian imperatives. This is not a man creating himself into a voodoo doll, pretending to overdose himself with mountains of heroin in the room, only to self-discover that he is not the antichrist while his comrade takes the battery out of the hospital monitor. Making someone glitch into the equation of E= MC^2 * S=Q(1/T2-1/T1). In the hypothesis of the law of thermodynamics, being turned into the consciousness of probability comes the rail tracking of the abused mind by trying to reverse discord, that of disorder, into order, the animate, into the inanimate of rocks and the reversal of a VCR tape as if it is to be found in the pornographic images covering up the senior prom, not only is it possible for libertarian free will but one must decide what is truly possible to reconcile in this world without going into pseudo-science or the verse of the magical, the magicians conjuring as they make wine into water. We are sentient beings, and I believe to understand the problem of pain we must discover that we are sentient beings in the greater biological organism that is the corporative state of nature. The sphere that is everywhere and the circumference of nowhere as in the words of pascal will not show up, as time itself is not circular but transparent, a figure of speech, a random conglomeration of events as if it was a collogue on Pinterest. The tiger devours me, yet I am the tiger, the raging river drowns me, yet I am the river, time flows through me, yet I am time, I am the stillness of a leaf in a puddle, as the child splits the earth worm only to discover gene splicing. Know thyself.
1. Who is GOD?
2. What is Human?
3. The Problem of Sin
4. On Redemption
5. Eternal Life

1. Who is GOD?
As any Christian layperson will tell you, God is all knowing, all seeing, and all powerful, the figure of predisposition in the fog, the archetype of the self-conscious, the figure we need to empty out our I to as he fills us with his I through the Holy Ghost, the feeling of goosebumps we feel when we traverse from earthly Hell, to purgatory, and then into HEAVEN, as the teenager traverses Limbo, the mental state of confusion, we can know that GOD is spirit and is never confused, traversing our landscape like the wind and speaking everything into existence through the word, through logos, our most significant thought patterns should focus on nature which will properly open up our optical lens to the majesty of God, yet the problem of evil arises. He is a loving triangle of the Holy Ghost, Jesus and the Father, he is three in one and one in three without divulging in the unsettling effects of the Bermuda, yet he is in himself infinite and yet the problem of evil arises, from the genocides and slavery to the Bible to the deaths of children in the modern times, being tortured by their loved ones or having cancer, where is God in all of this?
Sadly I don’t have the answer, the determinism of the brain in the syndicate of acting on the machinery algorithms of the neurons cannot possibly answer this question, as there is more to it than our nature or nurture can properly answer, the reality of the situation is that most of the pain imposed on human beings is done through human hands, the will of fate will have the stoic bow a knee and God is the vitality of the all being the alpha and the omega, it takes humility to discover that God gave his only son to take in the sin of the world so our sins can be forgiven, to the point of us disliking sin so much that we can’t help but dislike the unforgiveness of the philistine, the drenching of Christs blood in the day of tribulation, the basin is not going to save us what will save us is a renewal of the heart, the heart can only be renewed through the understanding that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that wickedness will not be reconciled with holiness, that there is no need to escape because we have hope, our hope is in Jesus Christ. We are bondservants, our souls belong to Satan and yet Jesus Christ has us covered, we don’t need to tarnish or seer our conscience through collecting deeds and wills in order to satisfy the devil but simply accept Christ as our Lord and savior, we do not need to feed in the blood sacrifice of legion by tarnishing ourselves anymore, but give up our I to the eternal, as the finite gives up to the infinite yet it is a part of it. God is looking at us to make a change, to make a difference in our surroundings and step up, to grow up and challenge the evil of the world by taking on the flag not of surrender but of justice, not of simply category imperatives and making the woman bleed because she thinks she is a doll, but in the psychological evaluation of the healthy mind being renewed by God, God gave us his word so we can do the right thing, and the genocides and slavery where not that of the modern day context or even that of vengeance but of retributions, what else is there to do in the day of children being sacrificed, or the depravity of earthly sociological Hell. America slavery was nothing like that of Israel, America slavery was that of torture and humiliation to the point that the only merriment found was in the African American singing songs and dancing or that of fighting back like Frederick Douglas did or the movie Django Unchained. Israelites where bondservants, just like in modern day America, people that where in debt to their creditors. This has been a trait of ancient civilization, that of the forking paths of the different classes in time immemorial, lets also not kid ourselves in the thought that the founding fathers based their freedom of religion and the state and their writings on their religious beliefs as they based them on the native Americans who were wise and learned to reconcile all tribes while the original immigrants where criminals sent to America that learned from the Native Americans only to be revolutionized and evolve to the state of freedom that we have today, not that of the bishops praying and hoping in divinity but the love of nature, with that being said we know God because he first knew us and we have a relationship with him because he wanted a relationship with us. God is with us.

2. What is human?
I have always been fascinated with humans, their nature, their whims, their passions, weaknesses and strengths, from a man leaving Christian ministry to try to make himself the spirit of death by blowing out his temple, to the young adult not being able to commit suicide no matter how bad the situation at home is. We are traversed into nothingness yet we are everything, nothingness itself is an ontological something otherwise it will have no claim to be an area of destination, a noun as much as it is a verb. God breathe life into us, we are sentient objects, in need of relationship, friendship and love, yet loss, heartbreak, death is all good for us, we live through it but we don’t need to fear it as it reconciles us to the stratosphere of the eternal. In pain is the tragedy comedic, the ability to experience life as it is now. As Hamlet said “to be or not to be”. Yet it leaves psychological scars, such as a woman putting her child in the oven for disobedience, as if she was the witch from Hansel and Gretel, the statistical factual anomalies hunt the mind, yet most parents don’t give up their child to the rapist or murderer for a lesson in reformation but do it through positive behavioral methods such as positive conditioning or giving them the freedom to learn and discover for themselves, without the need to grow up into the absurdism of Camus, where Sisyphus is rolling up a rock for all of their life span only to discover the absurdity in it as the jester switches shoes the opposite direction and turns his pants front to back in order to devoid the monster of its senses. To that of the nausea’s tic feeling someone experiences in existential angst as they realize that most people put on a face to fit their circumstance instead of being their true self. We must realize that the I is the biggest hurdle any human can experience in the face of tragedy, as I originally said in this essay, I stared at the abyss, and the abyss stared back at me leading me to feel remorse, there will be retribution to the unrepentant soul here on earth and in immortality, the soul will tarnish and be destroyed as the Christ said “do not fear the one that can destroy the body but the one that can destroy the soul”, everything works out in the end for the believer as there is love in the heart to face any obstacle, hope for a better tomorrow and faith that today will handle itself. The delusional nature of mankind is to be feared yet there is friendship within each one of us and within us as we are reconciled with God.
I will list here some descriptions of archetypes that face the face of evil and pain, here, from my many years of watching people.
1. Bondage: being bound or subjected to external power or control; physically restricting others.
2. Justice: administrating of deserving punishment or reward; a systematic mind that believes in punishing those who deserve it.
3. Brutality: Reckless administrating of pain or abuse of power
4. Delusion: Willfully propagating or believing false truths, lies, deception.
5. Depravity: Moral corruption or wickedness
6. Curiosity: An obsession with something, or how it is achieved
7. Celibacy: The practice from refraining from premarital or all sexual intercourse
8. Dependence: inability to operate without the help of another, inability to escape from such a relationship.
9. Misery: A state of great unhappiness and emotional distress. Sorrow and pity.
10. Masochism: desire to be abused by others, delight in being tormented
11. Languor: inertia, always tired
12. Glutton: People that seek an excess in physical goods such as food, or alcohol.
13. Clairvoyance: That guy or that girl, rapidly gaining self-discipline and success.
14. Aesthetician: The need to be aesthetically appealing.
Now you may be able to see many of this description or a single one that comes to mind in describing you, for me personally it is celibacy, justice, bondage and delusion, whatever yours is God’s blood can redeem you and change you renew you from the inside out to a healthier whole person one of love and joy. The question rests now what we must be saved from and that is what the next part will go into that of the problem of sin. We go through a process of purification from that of impulse, hatred, reality, softening, fusion, and finally reconciliation with nature, one another, ourselves and with God.

3. What is Sin or the problem of Sin:
Sin may be defined in two different ways either that of transgression against God or that of missing the mark. It comes from the story of Adam and Eve, when the first humans decided to eat from the tree of good and evil rendering them from free spirit discoverers discovering that water goes downstream, and that reptiles lay eggs, to sentient beings, beings that are now capable of reflecting and seeing into the seascape of the abyss, not only into discovery and hard work but that of being capable of being evil. Rather this epic story is seen in the literal contextual lens or mythology, if the latter we can say that the notion of evil or sin came with the mitochondria eve, and sin with the priests of a tribe of prehuman ancestors and latter on in the whim to please the discovered gods from fire or to give them rain. I take the literal view of creationism, but as can be discovered sin comes from the notion of good and evil, an animal lives by its laws, by the law of nature, and even if a lion can speak to us in human language we would not be able to understand him as Wittgenstein said, there is a language barrier between us and other forms of beings in nature, an experience difference and a mechanistic difference, creating a divide, and with us as the head but we are still a part of the greater organism that is nature. We are the beneficiaries and the management team and we should not spoil it with carbon dioxide emissions and coal burning or poaching but nevertheless we must be able to commute and get around, but not in the sacrifice of others. Sin comes from pride and the curiosity of the God complex which the snake had and so does our inner snake, the part of the brain that lives on impulse or calculated malice, we must not be deceived by it but allow ourselves to be emptied out like a vessel and be filled by living water, or be shaped by the potter whom is God. Sin brings in the death wish, the spirit of death, in the sail boat that is life within the greater vortex of time, is nothing and everything, we have nothing to lose by turning to God and everything to gain, yet it can also be seen as nothingness will engulf and unsettle the mind leading us to become a tabular rosa, the reflection of the worldly, without a sense of identity, negative combability. Sin leads to death and therefore the cost of sin is the death penalty, it is a suffocating fog of cluelessness and unlove, a place where love cannot exist, since God is love, we need God for us to love, and the redeeming qualities of his sacrifice on the cross for all of mankind, though our nature is able of liking one another or even doing favors it is a scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, with altruism mixed into the soup of life, but we need unconditional love and sacrifice, even to that of the cross which can only come through faith, the lions are coming, martyrdom of the saints in the gaze of the Madonna. Without it we are kind at our best, maybe even charitable but lost, confused, and corrupt, always willing for the bad and doing the good, we have inherent wickedness within us, the sin gene if you must that leaves us with blame and bad faith, hypocrisy if we don’t go through the process of purification or as some call its sanctification. To become more like the image of Christ, through a gradual, grueling process but the yolk that we are meant to carry is made easy through Christ and due to his sacrifice and love for us.
We begin living by impulse, thinking that we are doing the best we can do and the right thing, through our inherent moral compass, God has written his law in every heart, the law of nature, when we fail, we become full of hatred for ourselves, and others. We wake up from our solipsism of subjectivity into objective reality and begin to notice the true stance we have the nature of El Shaddai and the earth around us. We then begin accepting forgiveness and realizing the faults with our previous rationalizations of putting the creator in equal footing to ourselves and see the face of our sin for what it truly is and begin to soften up. We fuse with nature, our loved ones and ourselves doing what is best for the better good instead of rebelling against nature and we learn the truth of ourselves as we melt, our ego breaks as if it is drowning and in comes the new being, the Christ like being, the born-again Christian that will spend the rest of his life being sanctified. This is the gradual process of conversion, and we must come to terms with it and must self-realize and become more beneficial to the community by doing our best to be a contributive part in eliminating pain and bringing others to repentance, as Jesus Christ said you knew I was in prison yet did not visit me, knew I was hungry, did not clothe me, was hungry did not feed me, was in the hospital yet did not go to see me, this was paraphrased in my own words, the point is what we do for each other is and the least of us is what we do for Christ and will all contribute to our identity in the kingdom of God.
There is the problem of Children suffering and what we do with that, to tarnish a young soul, it would be better to be dead then do so, as Jesus Christ said it would be better to have a boulder tied around your ankle and thrown into the sea them mislead a young person, also that the kingdom of God will be for those with child like faith like the child, a curiosity that can’t be quenched, so doing anything to the maternal connection of a mother and child, or to a child’s well-being in the Ivan Karamazov sense of human suffering is punishable with death or the promise of Hell. With that being said all of our accumulative experiences if brought to the hands of a loving elder can create fortitude and strong resolve in those that have had an impoverished childhood or life, there is hope in you yet. On the topic of cancer in a young human being, it may possibly be reconciled with the answer of God saving the young soul, and letting their lives speak for itself if not raised in the Christian household or receiving the revelation of true faith.

4. On Redemption
My childhood notion of the world was that of a separate metaphysical subject from earth, I conceived it as a voodoo doll that needed its eyes plucked out through the biological concept of the bottleneck effect. The Khan Academy defines the bottleneck effect as “the bottleneck effect is an extreme example genetic drift that happens when the size of a population is severely reduced for an example a natural disaster.” I had taken the black pill by the age of eight, and by twelve used the alias soft dick to use soft porn to create hard-core proofs, that were anti-establishment, to fight against the symbol of rape, for the benefit of rape victims and the modern-day incarnation of Joan of Arcs’. This was done after reading Fallen Leaves by Vasyli Rozanov at a near by church library, that philosopher is known for writing in prose and trying to prove and propagate the idea to get closer to our spiritual side we need the idea of sex, in it. I was a book of contradictions. A walking paradox, an ever-evolving spiral towards the road of liberation, with the aesthetic of parody. I both feared and was fascinated with the concept of the voodoo doll and being able to swap segments of your spirit and soul with a life form, for example a homunculus to escape the pains of eternal damnation, and therefore becoming trying to become one since child hood, the idea of transfiguration, of the marionette becoming a real boy since childhood. This was all coated with gnostic turpitude.
The key phrase in all of this is the road to liberation or in other words that of freedom. I would feel guilty for desiring a bottleneck effect in the limelight of modern events if it wasn’t for Jesus Christ in my life and the notion of purpose in all of the pain and suffering, which is up to each individual to reach the conclusion too, my conclusion is that of the events of COVID19, the antifa riots and the Ukraine war, opening up our eyes as to how we are using our resources and the events brining us all together. Still the world remains ‘Satan’s domain, even though it can be argued as Leonid Andreyev did in his Satan’s diary that man can one up Satan in deception, in this particular example that of using an airhead to trick Satan into thinking she is the Madonna, a loose woman that knows all the right things to say, and Satan giving up his fortune to the idea of being married to her and for her benefactor to be able to blow up the world of uranium, Satan is not a king without a head. So, if Satan’s domain is the world and God’s is the church with God having created the universe, what is the point, what is the point of not simply pinching hallucinatory demons away or trying to control them rather it is our fear of them or to use them to our benefit, in the poshlust that is the simplicity of religion. What is the point of knowing about sin, and falling into the shadow of death, how do we go about life without feeling guilty, if we have inflicted pain on another, or how do we reconcile with pain, in a dark space of our mind, the eternal sphere which circumference is nowhere, the idea of God since ancient civilization becomes a labyrinth, a complex maze in consciousness? There is redemption knowing that no matter our history, our baggage’s, the skeletons in our closet, or that of emotional wounds we can know that Christs blood covers all and there is no reason to be ashamed that we will be redeemed on earth even though as the Bible points out here on earth through the poetry books and books of wisdom we will always be in eternal conflict with good and evil, there is an everlasting joy in the heart of the believer, rather in ignorance or malice, we may be redeemed if we repent, and we may find joy, to be reconciled with earth and man, and become a shining example of the goodness of man. If apostle Paul can be transformed from a dead pharisee that persecuted and tortured Christians into an evangelist for the Christian faith, that shook the foundations of belief itself through an encounter with Christ it can be assumed that so can we even if the encounter was just with the sun’s rays and temporary blindness, the soft gentle voice shook him inside out to becoming one of the great Christians of history. We too can say that we are bondservants that are redeemed through Christ. We won’t be redeemed here, as a childhood story goes that I wrote as a child concerning Nakita, whose street name is the Dancing Devil, a woman that pretended to be wasted drunk only to carve swastikas on those that tried to have their way with her, which come from Buddhistic emblem of peace onto man for attempting to rape her or actually being raped, to warn other women about these corrupt men even if they come off as nice guys, they have the corruption of sin in them and only when they take full responsibility for their actions and sin can they be awakened. There is no redemption to be found but only a noir semblance of making your own path, your own destiny, to the walk of death, only Jesus Christ can redeem us and redeem others.

5. Eternal life
This segment will be broken down into three parts, Hell, Planet Earth, and Heaven. Eternal life is not a duration of time but living in the present with God forever lasting in timelessness or without God, without love. The idea of having to burn in Hell and knowing that I can be purified and go to Heaven, to be redeemed from my sinful self leaves me in goosebumps, I feel cold thinking about Hell, and then with the encounter of salvation goosebumps go down my spine, the art of transfiguration. In example the time Jesus turned white as light to speak to Moses and Elijah and the disciples witnessing it, or King Nebuchadnezzar witnessing a fourth man like that of the son of man in the fiery furnace.
1. Hell: I personally dislike the fact that allot of churches indoctrinate kids into believing in God through the concept of Hell, a Hell that puts fear into the child’s mind, a fear that is not only unsettling but crippling but infectious, a parasite or a virus of the mind that can leave the young person crippled for the rest of their life, living in anxiety, and believing in God only due to fear instead of genuine faith this is what is coined as bad faith. I personally don’t know how Hell is going to be, but it can be said that it won’t be like the depictions of old, it will be a retributive place where the soul will be destroyed, a place without love and holiness as it will voided from God. It will be a place of darkness, a place for those that brought cruelty, asinine pain unto others for their own pleasure, a place that is forever in the present, and ghostly, ghastly and eternal, a place that can help the hearts of the inflicted and their families, even if they don’t want to be reconciled with the pain or forgive can know that there will be divine, sovereign justice at the end, a hope that comes from God, a hope that the sum of all equations doesn’t lead to hopelessness, or that of religious poising, that of the cult leader speaking to his group from the grave but of a truth in sanctification and hope. In a hopeless situation, the two perpendicular lines meet in the infinite revealing the truth of the temporal human life and giving the answers that our hearts sought after her in this existence on planet earth. A light amidst the fog.
2. Planet Earth: We must toil the land, hard work not only kills time but brings us closer to God, in the idea of life on earth we must realize that we must safely guard it, protect it and not ruin it but the eschatological sum will come from human hands. There is the question of people dying from nature, and bugs leading to illness, but both the bug and the person are living under the law of nature and the laws of nature are what direct us and control life, with the Bible giving us guidance through out life, and the ability to know God and his love for us and his creation. A great book on the dichotomy of good and evil in mankind’s relationship with nature and will against it, the friction of conflict, is the Black Spider by Jeremias Gothelf.
3. Heaven: Heaven should never be seen as paradise for the lucky, as if it was trip to the Bahamas for those that won the golden ticket, or a place where there is only worshipping of God as God looks down upon the millions of people soaking it all in, “yes, worship me, I did create you after all didn’t I and I loved all of you except for the LGBT”, God isn’t an unwanted party guest, that walks and pouts around waiting for someone to praise him, it is for our own benefit to live in thanksgiving as it warms the heart, and leaves the mind in peace, we must come to realize that Heaven is a place of love, and holiness and that worshipping includes so much more than simply singing hymns and playing the harp with angels it is a place to be reconciled with ourselves and others as we are finally redeemed, and in the ultimate Joy, the greatest blessing of all that of being reconciled with the one who pained with us and basked in our blessings, the love of God.
With all this being said it can be argued that we lose consciousness after death and reverberate to a life like the one we had before we came to earth, that the animation of the heart stops, and all is back into the abyss, yet the spirit is discovered in the blood, the life form of man kind soaks the ground and we say as Cain did “am I my brother’s benefactor?” I believe in eternal life, with the same conviction that I believe infinity exists between one and two.
The problem of pain comes into place when we are not connected with God or think that the agenda of God is to bring in pain to ourselves, to another or nature, if it is not biblical than it is delusion, deception, that of the brain playing tricks on us as we wonder on the will of our life, we must come to understand that the will of our life is to be reconciled with God, ourselves and others. Pain comes from being in rebellion with humanity, and earth leaving us to be separate from God, or better said the truth. Know thyself.

The rest of it is in the word document


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