Pessimistic Hippie
New member
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2020
- Messages
- 454
- MBTI Type
- ISFP
- Enneagram
- 469
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
Hi.
So, I know with almost 100% certainty that I'm the Seeker archetype (469.) I also know I'm an sx-dom. I'm trying to figure out once and for all if I'm a 9 or 4. I'll answer any questions asked. But first I'd like to say why I'm hinting at 9 at the moment.
I was reading an article on what each Enneagram type typically hates most and I was surprised to find that according to it, 9s hate being controlled the most. Due to Covid, I moved from my home state and left my full time job to be with family. But I've instantly been regretting the decision and hating it to the point of considering moving into a cheap hotel, because I have a very controlling mother. I don't like to live alone if I don't have to, but when I feel like a person has no respect for me and is making up rules for the sake of establishing control over me, I become very volatile and can act rashly in an attempt to get away from them/go back to living freely.
I don't think I'm a 6 because I don't really fear being without guidance or support; I just don't like to be in charge of other people, so I feel safest when I don't have to/when there's someone to do it for me. And I'm questioning if I'm a 4 because I also don't fear not being different, so much as I fear that being "plain" suggests blind compliance to rules that may make no sense. But I relate to the love of feeling melancholy, being withdrawn from the outside world, and being easily hurt when someone expresses harsh criticism towards me.
Really the main reasons I've doubted I was a 9 is because (1) When I'm angry, I have a hard time not showing it. It's not that I ever WANT to get angry or that I don't fear the results of being angry. I would love to never get upset with anyone. I feel like the reason I do, again just has to do with the fear of being taken advantage of. I can't tell if this is in itself Reactiveness, or fear of becoming angry gone totally wrong. And (2) When I'm stressed, it shows on my sleeve. I am regularly nervous and doubtful of myself.
I feel I may strongly relate to the core 9 fear of separation. I spend most of my time isolated but if I'm out in public with people, I'm extremely fixated on trying to blend in and not create any problems. Again, it's only if I sense aggression towards me when I feel I've tried my hardest to be kind, that I start to become uncomfortable and testy.
If anyone does decide to read this and try to respond, it will be more than appreciated. I know I said a lot, merely because it's been such a struggle being confused in this way and I wanted to give as much to go off of as I could. Thank you.
So, I know with almost 100% certainty that I'm the Seeker archetype (469.) I also know I'm an sx-dom. I'm trying to figure out once and for all if I'm a 9 or 4. I'll answer any questions asked. But first I'd like to say why I'm hinting at 9 at the moment.
I was reading an article on what each Enneagram type typically hates most and I was surprised to find that according to it, 9s hate being controlled the most. Due to Covid, I moved from my home state and left my full time job to be with family. But I've instantly been regretting the decision and hating it to the point of considering moving into a cheap hotel, because I have a very controlling mother. I don't like to live alone if I don't have to, but when I feel like a person has no respect for me and is making up rules for the sake of establishing control over me, I become very volatile and can act rashly in an attempt to get away from them/go back to living freely.
I don't think I'm a 6 because I don't really fear being without guidance or support; I just don't like to be in charge of other people, so I feel safest when I don't have to/when there's someone to do it for me. And I'm questioning if I'm a 4 because I also don't fear not being different, so much as I fear that being "plain" suggests blind compliance to rules that may make no sense. But I relate to the love of feeling melancholy, being withdrawn from the outside world, and being easily hurt when someone expresses harsh criticism towards me.
Really the main reasons I've doubted I was a 9 is because (1) When I'm angry, I have a hard time not showing it. It's not that I ever WANT to get angry or that I don't fear the results of being angry. I would love to never get upset with anyone. I feel like the reason I do, again just has to do with the fear of being taken advantage of. I can't tell if this is in itself Reactiveness, or fear of becoming angry gone totally wrong. And (2) When I'm stressed, it shows on my sleeve. I am regularly nervous and doubtful of myself.
I feel I may strongly relate to the core 9 fear of separation. I spend most of my time isolated but if I'm out in public with people, I'm extremely fixated on trying to blend in and not create any problems. Again, it's only if I sense aggression towards me when I feel I've tried my hardest to be kind, that I start to become uncomfortable and testy.
If anyone does decide to read this and try to respond, it will be more than appreciated. I know I said a lot, merely because it's been such a struggle being confused in this way and I wanted to give as much to go off of as I could. Thank you.