Like some of the others, I am of two minds about this.
No, it is not offensive—or theoretically shouldn’t be—when people suggest another type. I’ve run into people who freak out if an alternate type is suggested—there was one prominent member here that I can recall, and one member I spoke to via PM who was crippled for days because I suggested she might be a 1 (as in, just a suggestion to consider; I had no firm opinion) because she was convinced I was calling her “judgementalâ€. I mean ffs. This is a typology forum, where people should feel free to explore types and bounce ideas off each other.
So I can agree with the OP to a certain extent.
However, there are other things that alter that. This isn’t a perfect world, and experience has shown that the types take on lives of their own in the cultures that form around these forums. In my own case, when I was new to typology, I seriously didn’t know what I was and just wanted honest feedback—I didn’t care.
Then I became jaded.
If I am honest, Typology Central is less bad about this than some other forums I have been on, but there are places out there where type is weaponized and used to pathologize and invalidate others. There are forums where exploring the types is seen as “deceiving others†and treated punitively; where people are accused of misrepresenting themselves to “hide†their true type; where it’s all some sort of foolish status game; where honest seekers are pathologized as “needing validation†for considering certain types (for some reason, usually 4, 5, or 8).
In 2012, I was on Personality Café, and I dealt with that then. In the extreme. Without going into too many details, Type 6 was seen as this “inferior†type (especially when counterphobic) and was often used to invalidate boardies who argued against…well, anything, but especially against being typed as 6. I was in a bad place in my life, and I am ashamed to say, in my moment of weakness, I succumbed to this thinking too. And when I figured out I wasn’t actually a 6, the entire forum tried to DICTATE than I be a 6 (which, unfortunately for them, I am simply not).
So with all due respect to the OP, I feel like often people take on contentious attitudes re: retyping, because they, in fact, perceive others as treating THEM with contention. My experience has shown this is sometimes true—there are people out there who want to win the argument with you, regardless of the truth of the matter.
Meanwhile, there are some types out there with strong senses of self, or truth, or rightness; when they have their type and people start nay-saying it, it feels as though others are attacking that sense of self/truth/rightness. It’s not all about having “issues†and “needing validationâ€. That’s the kind of thinking I ran into on Personality Café, actually, and why I hesitated to change type, and why it’s taken me half a decade to come out about it at all.
I can tell you, I have spent most of my life attacking the foundations of my own ego (“ego†in the enneagram sense). I have never sought validation through type—if anything, finding my true type has led to increased suffering and self-loathing. I am ashamed of it and disgusted by it. And because I have a very strong sense of truth, I am no longer going to let people dictate a goddamn type to me. It’s not a “badgeâ€, it’s my own knowledge and years of work. It feels really fucking idiotic when someone poo-poos my self-typing because they have a list of stereotypes that I don’t conform to (whereas I have years research and journaling and taking classes/having consultations and doing inner work).
Luckily, I don’t like to talk about my core type much. It’s like survivors of the Inquisition or the Khmer Rouge…some things are never spoken of again. Keep your head down. Everything you say can and will be used against you. No one will listen. You’re not good enough. Just don’t talk about it.
It would sure be nice if we COULD talk about it in a non-judgemental, open-minded manner as per the OP’s suggestion; if I could just say what was on my mind without 200 voices telling me how I don’t fit my own type. It would be great if people could treat enneagram as a matter of science without forming cliques and dictating types and forming stereotypes and labelling others. But human nature being what it is, that’s not likely. Hence the status quo.
But I think if someone is willing to sit there and provide reasoning for why you DONT fit a type, serious well thought out reasoning, and then someone gets offended and that sort of thing is then seen as bullying or something- thats not right.
Just a note here. Not that calling it "bullying" isn't taking it to the extreme. It kind of is. But, in the case of enneagram especially, the core of the type is your entire psychological structure—your values, your self-image, your ideals, your entire sense of self. When someone sits there and rationally picks apart why you can’t be that type…actually, from experience, that can be really painful and insulting and even damaging. I would strongly caution against it. Unless you know the person irl, you’ve only got
YOUR interpretation of what the person says and does online. That’s not the same thing as typing the person themselves from feeling their presence and seeing how they interact irl.
Type isn’t something that can be reasoned out based on empirical data. (That’s why it is considered pseudo-science.) It is something you understand intuitively once you grasp the core structure of the types and how they work. And yes, many people could make suggestions based on their understanding of how the types
work...but it seems that very few actually do.