I feel all bar one of the negative aspects of E9 are things I can work on, and either replace with positive/productive traits, or minimise the impact through active awareness, the most frequent downfall with E9 is how unaware we can be, just naming the bad stuff provides the main tool required to make changes.
The one thing I have not been able to find a way around is my relationship with Holy Love.
So besides that, or rather, because of that, the hardest part for me relates to my leading instinct, knowing what is healthy and would fulfil my needs, and conversely what is detrimental to me, yet still taking that latter path because the former feels unattainable.
To be a Social Dom 9 means seeking a feeling of belonging in groups, to merge with them in some way and feel like you matter there, being an Extrovert on top of that means it isn't even draining for me, I love people, they're shiny! and yet I can never find and maintain that feeling of belonging, my inner voice 'reminds' me that I'm not valuable, no one would miss me if I weren't there, maybe they'd even prefer I wasn't, any slight is magnified as proof of that line of thinking. Even positive signs of acceptance can be turned around into something hurtful; the people who enjoy me do so because of how I influence them to feel, or can help them deal with problems, take care of their needs, not because of who I am. So I keep any group that comes into my life at arms length, if I don't allow myself to need them, I won't feel how much I don't belong so hard. This means my So needs are never satisfied.
the fact that wild horses could not drag an admission of weakness or any possible vulnerability from me in real life and it's pretty fucking hard to do even here where I can't see you guys?
...
and inability to express negative emotions other than occasional anger in the presence of others and if you've ever seen me tear up I swear to god I'll rip out your tongue if you even mention it to ME, let alone to anyone else, so back out of the room slowly and erase your mind
I have control issues it appears
My w8 is mighty *flexes wing* I can relate to that, even if they're not my core issues.